The Wounded Healer
by Anotherscribe
Summary: SEQUEL TO STEEL MEETS IRON Gamma radiation is not the worst thing the Tesseract can do to someone. As the Tesseract drives Raven to madness she has to figure out what she wants in life, and who she wants. Will the Tesseract destroy Raven from the inside, or will she finally get her happy ending? *Mental health & Love triangle warnings* PLEASE REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1**_

Raven dreamed of wolves. She dreamed of wolves running through a forrest, the earth under their paws, the wind in their fur, the fresh blood in their mouth after a kill, felt the howls in her throat. She was a wolf in her dreams, she had a pack, four majestic wolves each distinct and different in sight and smell. Their was a gray she-wolf, a giant black wolf that was her alpha and two beta wolves that were her equals. Many of her dreams centered around these two wolves, one with a warm coat befitting a summer day only sought her out during the day when it was bright and hot. The other, who blended into shadows and smelt of ice and a winter wind he found her at night, he could only be seen if you tracked him first. The dreams didn't feel odd, unnatural but they felt like dreams. Vivid dreams but they hardly disturbed her yet she told no one of them, knowing in her heart that they were in fact not normal dreams.

She also dreamt of the battle between Odin and Fenrir. She saw Odin in his prime fight Fenrir, man versus wolf, the two great armies that had fought for days. These were the days when Thor was a babe, long before his time and Loki's. Raven saw Odin slay Fenrir and his wolves flee to the land that she herself had seen. She saw the story of the wolves that chased the sun and the moon, his sons, she saw the tale repeatedly in her dreams that she knew them better than her own history. Her human history, the common truths of Earth.

She never told anyone.

Her dad had been so scared that she could have been effected by the Tesseract. She could remember the apprehension in his eyes when they tested her for gamma radiation, he had held her hand and kissed her head constantly after every prick of a needle. Everyone had been on edge awaiting her results, even Loki who visited her in secret when everyone was asleep. He had said he was sorry for exposing her to it, how he had no idea about gamma radiation, how if she was infected he would find her a remedy. The passion in his eyes when he made this vow fueled her decision not to mention these harmless dreams to anyone, not even Loki. They all worried so much.

Sometimes Raven couldn't sleep. She wasn't tired, nor did her face seem to show signs of sleep deprivation, her mind remained sharp as did her senses. Which was the problem. She felt no urgency to sleep, no desperate fatigue but she wanted to, she needed to sleep. Her mind was running no where in particular but god did it run at night, she tried not to get up and pace out of sheer annoyance. If she did that, the person next to her would catch on to her problem and she didn't need an intervention. She inhaled normally and a hand reached for her and pulled her close, she relaxed and let it happen, the cold chill through her top, the warmth of intimacy. She needed that, even if her bedmate was acting on pure instinct. She rolled to face him, he was sound asleep, the picture of peace, calm as the sea.

She smiled at the sight. The serious face slack, the intensity gone, nothing but a man whom she loved laid beside her. She studied his face, angular face, neat lips, proportioned brows, that single age line that never left him conscious or no. That long silky black that for once was not a straight hood on his head, but fell in various directions all over his face and the pillow. He pulled her close still and she was on his chest now, smooth and cool with a thumping heart. She never realized he had a smell, a distinct smell until these sleepless nights happened. With hours to kill she had nothing else to mull over, so she acquired these trivial things to pass the time. Like his personal scent.

He was air. He smelt of the breeze, unfiltered and bound to nothing. He was always on the go and rarely walked anywhere, explaining why he smelled like the air and at times earth. His eyes were the storm and the stars but his body was grounded. She secretly wrote poetry about him the nights he didn't come, he would have laughed but she was such a hopeless romantic when she was in love. And she loved him, more than he would understand. Sometimes she wondered if he loved her the way she loved him. He loved her mind, which was grand, but she loved his soul, which was a heavier love.

Her life had taken an odd turn at some point. She had grown and lived happily with her family. Tony and Pepper got married, had a son, her baby brother named Van Anthony Howard Stark. Thor married Jane and they have a daughter, Astrid. Even Natasha and Clint finally got married and they had a daughter Tatiana. Steve settled down with a woman named Kate and they had a son, Bucky. Her life had been normal, weddings, birthdays, friends, parties, boyfriends, college. Sure there were incidents and she had to watch via television as her family each took turns saving the world, visiting them afterward in hospitals sometimes. But it was normal.

She had friends now, proper friends. There was Rachel, who had began dying her brown hair golden blonde since she was fourteen, they had been been best friends since she started her new school. Rachel was the product of two workaholics and ever since their friendship had been cemented by a single mutual love of drawing and colors, they were inseparable. Many times Rachel would come over to her house and sleep over or stay for dinner, she also spent plenty of summers with her in New York at Stark Tower and her with Rachel at her parents holiday home in Los Angles. There was Athena who while wasn't a child of wealth they met when Rachel was dating one of the bad boys from a public school. Athena was an extremely likeable girl, with big Bambi brown eyes and long cascading wavy black hair. She spent a lot of time with Raven having a cop for a dad who often left her home alone, Raven's dad liked her too until she started dating a boy that followed her everywhere, Derek. Derek was a lacrosse player with these puppy dog eyes that made you crush on him in a heartbeat. He became a friend too, her dad didn't like him solely for the reason that he and Athena were dating, something about them always made him cringe, like he knew that they were having sex. He wanted her to have friends her own age but after skipping two grades she was only capable of having friends only a year older than herself, and that's only because Rachel refused to lose her as a friend.

She still went to therapy, and was always seen as an abuse survivor. Everyone had been so nervous about how she would react with all the good things that happened in her life. Every therapist she had kept cross-referencing the notes from all previous psychological evaluations. Not a bad thing but all her previous evaluations were either half-assed or morbid, she had been mute, a suspected sociopath, went through depression and insomnia. Her therapist believed that with her constant misfortune as a child that any happiness would be tainted through her perception. Her therapist knew of each wedding and birth she was present for, they always asked, how you do feel about that? Isn't it nice that you'll have a new cousin to play with? Are you happy for so-and-so? About this and that? And Raven was, she had been happy having Pepper as a step-mom, she helped her buy a dress, she had been the flower girl but they all kept hounding her about it. Is it okay? How are you feeling? Then when Van came along it was worse, she went through the same questioning but instead of bitterness Van's existence made her... melancholic.

Van made her think of her mother, a lot. Did she hold me like that? Did she look at me like that? Did Harris love me that much once? Had life been that wonderful once? Raven didn't want to feel that way but she did, she felt like a forced puzzle piece, amongst all the baby things and the excitement of Van's arrival. She felt like someone had shoved her into the picture, she had to love Van or something terrible was going to happen, the picture would be ruined and worthless. She did love Van, he had taken a shine to her and they bonded naturally over time but sometimes Raven found herself spying on her family. She would hang on corners watching the three interact, mother, father and baby. Anger did not burn in her chest, nor was jealousy or resentment, she felt alone and misplaced. Which was worse.

The joy of having another kid in their huge, strange little family had taken some of the spotlight off of her, leaving many "warning signs" unseen. With each new arrival and glorious union Raven and her therapy sessions seemed to be part of the scenery, like a piece of furniture, an odd piece in the room that was neither hidden nor center of attention. Her grief and internal struggles to be normal had been tucked neatly aside for happiness and the joy of innocent unmarred children. Each knowing by hear-say that Raven had a different mom, and the fact that her baby pictures looked cheaper than the other pictures in the Stark family albums. Again, she held no bitterness from that, Raven knew nothing but her skewed point of view shaped by her intelligence and personal tragedy, it was the skin on her bones and the blood that pumped in her heart.

Sure she wasn't perfect, she skipped school, picked her friends to her liking and took advantage of being partially intangible. Her dad found out about some of things she did, he grounded her on numerous occasions and she had sat through dozens of heart-to-hearts that slowly sounded like skipping records to her. She still had Loki through this, he remained being the one person that always saw her for what she was, never seeing it as a hinderance. And she always saw him with a simple eye despite being so complex, he was Loki of Asgard, wounded and misunderstood but not evil. Although she trusted him, Raven never told him about her dreams and he never asked about them.

Raven wondered if this was the price for being exposed to the Tesseract, insomnia and a restless mind. Not a bad deal considering, but she hated thinking that she was doomed to cursed with a troubled mind. She didn't want to worry her family if it was just her own mind troubling her, her therapist did say her childhood traumas might cause anxieties as an adult. Maybe that's why she couldn't sleep.

Maybe that's why she was sleeping with the God of Mischief.

Like she said, her life had hopped off the rails one day and never seemed the same. She had been eighteen, in college at Julliard, had her own dorm since she had been sixteen when she was accepted. She was used to Loki's visits, ever since she was seven he had been visiting her without her parents knowledge, most of the time. It was normal. They played chess or cards, she would tell everything he missed while he was dodging detection, she'd give him presents in case he missed the big christmas party which all the Avengers attended at Stark Tower. They were infrequent but consistent, so when he appeared that night, she thought nothing of it. She was playing a song on a guitar, one the many instruments she could play, when he appeared. Nothing was different, he looked the same, decked out in black and green, hair long and wild, same old Loki.

He liked her music, the slow ones anyways, many times he would listen to her play and relax. He would sit down and physically unwind with hardly any movement, his eyes would close and he sat still. That night he had sat beside her, they chatted as always exchanging stories, she was playing a romantic tune, something out of Spain when she had paused, to brush a strand of hair out his face. It was nothing but he had given her a look, she had never done that before, it was like a light came on and she saw what an outsider would see. A handsome man sitting beside a young girl- no, young woman, nothing but their clothes made the scene odd but it was no longer as innocent as she believed. Time had frozen and everything had fallen on their laps in a heap. All these little things that had made their relationship so special was unwinding making nasty, complicated knots. He had took her hand, she hadn't brought it down.

There was a spark and he felt it.

He had always been her Loki, even when he had faced Asgardian justice, he was always her Loki. He never bonded with Astrid, Van, Tatiana nor Bucky like he bonded with her. They all feared him or spoked respectfully toward him, they had heard stories of him and took them to heart more than they should have. None saw past the intense aura, no one could part the air of superiority in his eyes and see him, none of them tried to seem him as Raven saw him. Astrid was too much like Thor to hold his attention for long, and Jane hated when he played jokes on her daughter. Tatiana, well, her parents still held a small grudge to Loki and kept their child at arms length from him. Van, he more treated him like that family acquaintance you had to nice to, he never wanted to be bros with him. Bucky, was easily swayed as well as distracted and Loki had no patience to pander to him.

Raven and Loki had only grown closer over the years, and not just behind closed doors. Everyone knew that Raven was the only child of theirs that Loki tolerated and spoke to as an equal, she was never afraid of him and he never tried to scare her. They never seemed to not enjoy each other's company. Loki taught her how to ride a horse, and she bought him a coat, he helped her with pranks and told her about his universe, she taught him about Midgard. They gave and took. She never saw him as an uncle, he was her friend and she introduced him as her friend.

It was the beginning of the end, when it caught up to her.

Her hand was no longer tiny, being dwarfed by his. They were equal.

He had excused himself hastily when he had released her hand, he had left and she found herself holding her hand. It had been so cold that it singed her flesh, she went back to guitar as not to dwell on it. She focused on her guitar letting the activity warm her skin and guide Loki to the back of her mind until her returned. The next time he came around he addressed it. In his usual fashion when he was intent on finding out something. Straight to the point with no quaint sensitivity.

"You lust for me."

It wasn't as bad as it sounded. Raven had called him handsome many times, alone and in front her friends, she even said he had swag in front her dad who had nearly choked on the whiskey he had been sipping. It was undeniable he was... pleasing to the eyes. Still she had to think before she replied.

"Well you do look sharp in leather."

Not the best comeback but it topped blushing in silence any day.

"Raven," he had spoken in that serious tone. "Have I been over staying my welcome?"

He had been so gracious about it. So polite without dragging anything awkward out of her, he gave her an out but of course she didn't take it. She was inquisitive now with haughty youth, did he like her? Did she catch the God of Mischief's eye? Any girl would be flattered, and out of shallowness she wanted to know. Especially since he was the one bringing it up to tactlessly.

"I'm just being..." She had paused trying to be dignified about it. "About finding you...attractive?" She had laughed to ease her own fluttered chest. He had been freezing her with that gaze.

"I see," again that ominous tone. "You find this form pleasing?" He was steady like a savvy surgeon. "Is that all?"

Another out and she didn't take it.

"Yes!" She said loudly. "I'm just..." She had dug a hole and he wouldn't let her back down. She knew him that well. "We're okay right? I mean, there's," she had gestured stupidly betwixt them, "no confusion right?"

He wasn't saying noting outright, it was a sign, and she too wanted a direct answer.

"Is there?"

"Loki," she had pointed angrily at him, "if you answer me in another deflective question, I swear to god!"

He had laughed and the tension was dispelling for a moment. But only for that brief moment before it had escalated. He was the God of Mischief, all swag and cheek, and it was the point of no return, the next words out his mouth would change the atmosphere between them forever. He looked so proud and confident with his eyes, while his face held a pokerface.

"Do you desire me Raven?" He was so sassy although he was restraining himself. "Tell me or I shall end this now-"

"Woah! Woah! You can't just expect me to spit this out on the spot! There are factors to consider here!"

Why had she even considered the impossible road? Why? Maybe because it appeared so easy, he knew her better than anyone, he was a friend that accepted her demons and never danced around them, he was a friend. He was fun and cool, free and wild, he never tried to change or control her.

"Like what?" He had sat down on her bed perfectly amused.

"The Avengers will skin you, one. Two, you knew me since I was seven. Three, you're Loki. Four, I'm Raven Stark!"

His smile had fell and he had became truly sincere. "You think that I have been biding my time until you have become of age?"

"That's what people will think," she defended. "And stranger things happen."

"I have not," he lowly spat, indignant. "I was fond of you as a child because of your complexity and intelligence. I did use you as a pawn once, but those feelings have changed. As for your Avengers, I care not what they think of me. Nor the realms." He rose and they were nose to nose. "So I ask you Raven," he had purred her name and she ignited, "do you desire me?"

Raven refused to let him have the upper hand, not for this. "Do you?" He was slightly taken back. "Do you desire me? Tell me," she near ordered.

This was hardly her first time, she was not afraid of his answer. Nor, arrogantly enough, was she afraid of this, he had been her Loki and something that been budding since she first told him with no shame he was handsome, could bloom or stay a bud. An innocent bud.

"Only if you allow me," he had told her. He hadn't touched her, they had been inches apart but he might as well had kissed her with those words, held her close whispering them in her ear.

It was like spring on a cold night. She grabbed his face and kissed him, full on the mouth. His breath was so cool, like sucking on life itself, she ran her fingers through his hair rubbing his scalp. He had moaned against her lips pulling her body close to his. She was nibbling on his lips, running her tongue between them, she heard their lips smacking and it wasn't helping. His hands were roaming and she rolled into them and he was grateful rewarding her entrance into his mouth. He had tasted like mountain air and she lapped in it.

He had gripped her breasts and she had gasped, he had moved to her neck planting tender airy kisses along the stretch. She had made this sound that made him stop, she took the moment to gather her wits. She raised her eyes and she knew he was waiting. Being eighteen and horny, especially after that kiss and those hands she shoved him onto her bed.

Permission granted.

She had joined him with a much tender kiss and straddled him. With a slight of his hand they were nude and it didn't turn out as serious or much as a power struggle as she had thought it would be. He let her stay on top and teased her for it at first, which lightened the mood. She couldn't stop kissing him at first, then he had flipped her on her back and she laughed treating it like a game. They laughed and shared wicked grins throughout the entire romp. He been gentle although it was not her first time, she could still see his expression when she had moaned for him to go harder. And harder. And harder. Eagerness and glee were understatements.

He had been chatty too. Right there. Oh Raven. Stay with me. Like that? Right there? Where? You wonderful girl. She expected no less but it didn't feel as conflicted as she expected it to, it felt right. The atmosphere was oddly... pure.

She had cried his name and the smug look he had had on his face made her laugh with a huff. Like a friendly wager had been won. Raven would later write a song about that damn smile. She had fallen asleep straight afterward and all unanswered questions were unimportant.

And they remained that way.

Now she had graduated college, she had been in two exchange programs and was an official composer/performer. She had an apartment a good few miles from home, in New York, near her work which consisted with artists and orchestras. Occasionally she travelled and Loki was never far behind, he didn't smother nor was it all sex. It took them a month or two, but they had a system, which fooled those who needed fooling.

She was playing a dangerous game. If her dad found out she was sleeping with Loki, it was hard to say who would be shot first. Tony never liked her friendship with Loki, it was no secret whenever he made an appearance, she would flock to him and hold his hand prattling endlessly. She asked about him when he was gone a long time and they all knew that she thought about him, but sleeping with him? That, they wouldn't see coming. It was hard to say who would be most disappointed.

But she loved him.

Not as a boyfriend or lover, or whatever, as a person. She loved him as a person, the darkness in him as well as those rare good intentions. As she said before he was her Loki and would always be her Loki, even if he never quite understood how. It was alright, if this didn't last, it would be alright.

"You should sleep more," he murmured beside her.

It was eight and she decide to get up, it was a decent hour to rise, and she did have work to go to for ten-ish. She smiled at him ruffling his hair.

"I have work Loki," they went through this a lot. Mostly just to tease each other.

Loki stayed in bed as she pulled herself out of it, he observed her as she walked around her apartment, that not quite befitted a Stark but she was so proud of it, because it was hers. She was wearing nothing but a single undergarment and a huge T-shirt, her hair was tousled from sleep nearly resembling his, it was slightly long unlike the outgrowing crop he had first bedded her with. She sat at her desk and, as her father, she worked peacefully arranging her things for the day.

Raven had always been a beauty, even as a child with her long hair and big brown doe eyes she received compliments. Which she never took quite seriously, even as an adolescent when strays complimented her she rarely believed them. Loki figured she lacked her father's vanity and more valued people's opinion of her mind, she knew her appearance was adequate. He luckily had been witness to when a boy had insulted her appearance. My eyes are wide apart and my nose is straight and small, she had told him, my face isn't fat or disproportionate. I've no curvy woman, but I'm shapely enough. I don't need to fit into a pair of skinny jeans and nor can I. So fuck you and fuck you're idea or beauty because I'd become obese if I start attracting guys like you. Poor boy had left with his tail between his legs.

It was safe to say he was shamed. And she was right, she was hardly what Midgard deemed as a paramount of beauty but she was adequate. She was beauty to him, even in those bizarre spectacles, she called John Lennon glasses, which were not a popular design but she wore them well. Honestly, they added a quirkiness to her, and he enjoyed the way she would brag to women how despite her "distasteful eyewear" she still had a "hot piece of ass" on her arm. She loved to take him out, as long as there were no cameras, and he didn't mind the outings they got up to plenty mischief when they were bored.

She rose from her desk and after a cup of coffee, leaving one on the night table for him, she went to the shower. Loki watched her disrobe, she had not only grown into a womanly shape, but she had tattoos. He didn't like them. He never saw the purpose in decorating her skin with permanent ink, it was primitive and pointless. She would scoff at the disapproving twist of his mouth and ignore him, it's my body and can ink it up if I want and besides they look good on me. Down her back were a pair of greatly detailed wings, he had been away when she got them, he would have talked her out of it if he had been. He just came to her dorm and saw her icing her back, this was a few weeks before their first... coupling, perhaps it was when he first saw her as a woman. After expressing his opinion over it he had soothed her back with his bare hands emitting a cold sensation across her entire back.

It was the first time he saw her, not as the child he so fondly befriended.

She had sighed and murmured his name in thanks. It had taken the wool from his eyes and her form became a temptation. The way she said his name, he wanted to hear it again, he moved his hand and she had hissed skin sensitive. Easy, she had whispered, and he would have taken her right there but he had more respect for her than to seduce her like a whore of court or a naïve maiden. He would never give her, or offer her anything she did not want. So when that thought touched him, screamed at him, the desire, the way her eyes saw him as more than a playmate. He made the offer as a balm, he wanted her to be sure, he would have left her if she refused him. If she did not want him in her bed. But she did and he had been surprise how effortless it was, like they were meant to be lovers.

She hadn't been shy of him seeing her with the lights on, she sat above him and stared him down. She was completely exposed, her surgery scar was before him and he had ran his finger long the incision and by the Nine the way she breathed. Raven had been prepared for him and had pleaded for force, he didn't expect that, he had wanted to be tender treat her as a maiden but she wanted him with abandon.

And he gave it to her.

Not many lovers fought him in bed but she did. He had never pictured her as a wild lover, he had believed he would have had to guide her to wanting magic in bed. He thought he would have seduced her but she had seduced him. There was time for tenderness and a time for mischief.

"What is it?" She asked standing there nude about to get in the shower.

"I'd thought I'd join you."

She laughed richly going inside. Perhaps he was insatiable, or perhaps he just wanted her. The previous women he bedded, the majority were strictly there for his bed, few got to sample his mind. Raven had his mind long before his body, perhaps he liked it that way, she knew him and still took him and kept taking him. She knew he had nearly slaughtered her family and still she wanted him, he had been cast out and imprisoned, she still wanted him. He had wanted to rule her world and still he bedded him. He kissed her neck and immediately she muttered,

"I can hear your mind gears turning." She turned around to face him, her back to the wall. "Spill."

"Merely admiring I assure you," he kissed her and she held his neck.

"What? With my primitive tattoos?" She mocked. "Are they growing on you finally?" She rested her forehead on his nose bridge. "Loki?"

"Yes?"

"I know that I have a work but this has been bugging me." He listened intently. "Let me know now if I cross a line but, why don't you rock your Jotun skin?"

"What?" He pulled away. "You wish to be intimate with my Jotun form?"

She held up her hands. "Not now. It was just a thought, and I didn't want to ask until you did but it's been over a year, and to hell with it, I'm asking. So?"

Things like this also made her different. People feared the Frost Giants, as well as their form, as Asgardian woman would have been terrified at the thought. Horrified that that were her lover's true form, the idea that that was under his skin would have frightened them off, the idea of bedding him in that form? Unfathomable. Yet here, a Midgardian woman-child, asked for this form and not because of some perverse pleasure, which was not objectionable but for the intimacy of it. She had seen his form before, so it was more a question of his comfort zone. If he wanted to share it with her.

"You can say no," she continued. "I mean, I don't like you grabbing my neck or pushing my head down. I'd totally get it, if you don't want to. I just wanted to put it out there."

Without another word she reached for a bottle of soap, one of the many bottles in the shower and was about to lather her skin when he stopped her. She turned to face him and saw he was in his Jotun form, she ran her eyes scandalously over him, taking in all those fine markings and the coolness of his skin.

"You are so teleporting me to work mister," she warned, "and you will pick me up too."

He said nothing, not a sound but he kissed her and sweet Jesus he was cold. Really cold, like winter in summer cold with a fan on cold. She trembled and gasped instantly at the chill, he ran his hands along her body and the way she threw her head back when he touched her crotch. He had chuckled and slipped a finger inside, she mewled, he was so cold, so cold. She wouldn't last long at this rate and god she wanted this to last, to make it about him and not about her. With whatever strength she pulled away pushing him against the parallel wall, and a tender kiss that trailed downward she sank to her knees and took him into her mouth. God even that was cold.

He groaned and kept his hands fisted on the wall. She bobbed her head working with her hand what she couldn't hold. She knew what he liked and swirled her tongue on the tip watching him as he moaned wantonly, she purposely ran her nails down the inside of his thighs just to torment him. He hissed staring down with those red eyes that were making it very hard to stay on her knees, with a grin she licked his cock breathing her hot breath on it. She kissed his inner thighs as her hand worked him, he moaned her name and she left returning to his cock humming erotically when it touched the back of her throat. He moaned her name again, that was twice, he was close and she wasn't easing up in fact she was going faster and faster.

He didn't moan her name for a third time for he pulled her off the floor holding her against the wall ramming his cock into her. She cried at the shock panting from sheer intensity. Loki filled her to the brink and it wasn't help her stamina a bit, she arched off the wall begging incoherently unsure if he should move or give her a moment.

"Stay with me," he growled. He held her face, the cold was spreading like a fever and he knew it. "Sing for me, little bird," he thrusted and she sang. As he thrusted he grunted in her ear, "You must be rewarded for kneeling sweet one." Damn him and that silver tongue.

"Don't go easy," she madly grovelled. "Don't you dare go easy on me Loki. I want it. I want it all. I want all of you." She was close, so close. "Every inch."

She didn't see the look in his eyes, missing the passionate adoration at her request, how he had slowed for half a second before giving her exactly what she wanted. He watched as his lover called his name recklessly, how she arched to his touch, to meet as many of his thrusts as she could, the flush that crept across her flesh like a second skin. Near the end she reached for him digging her nails into his back, her cries were vibrating against him and when she came he gazed upon her as she ascended in her high and descended. All mine, he thought. Fly for me little bird.

"I love you," she breathed hanging onto him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

The perks of her job, the traveling. She had been called for a project/internship in Paris. Needless to say she was elated, she had gone to France with her family before, to Ireland and England for a semester. It was the fact that she was being called to Paris, by an orchestra director, to work, to possibly live was a big deal. She had called her dad the minute she got home.

"Raven? Hey, what's the occasion?"

"Dad!" She hollered. "Guess what?"

"Jeez! Volume kid!" He complained.

"I'm going to Paris!" She announced. "They called me in for an internship! It's this huge snazzy company that not only sets you up with orchestras, you can get a recommendation for a studio, or a theatre!" She rolled onto her back on her couch. "You do realize that I'm on my way right? A recommendation from this place will make or break my career? God, I'm shaking."

Tony laughed on the other line, Raven could hear Dum-E whirring in the background along with other machines. "Thanks great Princess! We should celebrate," he decided jovially, "call in everybody! Have a big old fashion barbeque."

"Oh Dad!" She puffed. "You just want and excuse to throw a party!"

"What? You should celebrate! You earned this." He tutted. "You know what? You have no say," she laughed at his tone. "You are getting a party and everyone will be there, no buts."

She kept laughing. "Everyone?" She wondered feigning childish curiosity.

"That's Thor's problem," he pointed out. "Not mine."

"Hah, hah hah."

"I'm really proud of you princess."

"Thanks Daddy," she smiled at his voice. "I can't believe it." She felt a chill at her heel, she turned over and saw Loki there running his finger along her ankle. "Uhh, Dad? I gotta go, I'll talk to you late bye!" She hung up before he could keep her a second longer. "Did you hear?" She singsonged.

"Oh yes," He came behind the couch looming over her. "I believe a congratulations are in order."

"How about lasagna?" She readily suggested. "We can watch the Godfather trilogy."

"Isn't this supposed to be about you?"

"You're here aren't you?" She swatted his hand before grabbing it. "That's all I need. Besides," she sat up sitting on her calves as she faced him. "Someone needs a reward for putting up with their very testy girlfriend, who refused all his advances for two months," she cooed.

Loki's lip curled, "Hmm, I do recall some rather unsavory treatment."

"Hurt pride?" She offered.

"I wouldn't go that far," he deadpanned.

While Raven was aiming for that position/internship she refused to be distracted, and Loki was The Distraction. She had denied any undoing touches and outright told him to "scat, you're putting me off." He was more confused than insulted that his girlfriend had shooed him. He didn't like the music she was composing, after a few hours of lingering inconspicuously around the apartment he couldn't take her much either. Raven had been temperamental and downright irritable. She had to be at her best, no A – or solid A work, she was aiming for A+, the brass ring. Her work was always on key, top notch but she was capable of much more, much more but with a loving boyfriend, wild sex and decent pay she had no motivation to accomplish anything ahead of time.

Then the position was announced and all bets were off.

It was the first thing she had to have. The first thing she wanted to beat someone for, claw their eyes out and break their hands for it. The place couldn't be better, Paris, city of love and art. The company, influential and prestigious. Screw the fact she was Tony Stark's daughter, she deserved to earn that spot based on her skill and dedication, not her father's wallet and moniker. That's why she didn't say anything to her family until it had been decided who had been accepted. Of course Loki knew but he never fluffed her ego like anyone else did, he asked what it was, why it was important and left her where she stood. No help, no ra-ra-ra-ing, no pressure. Just what she needed. Sure he brought her a cup of tea or coffee when he was permitted entrance but he did exactly what she needed him to do, nothing.

There was another reason she wanted to go to France, her mother. Her mother had been french, she grew up in that country and a part of her believed, truly believed, by living there even for a short time she would find a piece of her family. Not actual members, but her inner mademoiselle, the touch of France that was in her blood.

It was no secret that Tony had never truly loved Vivian. Raven found that out through the small observations of Pepper and Tony's relationship, among other obvious signs. He was never the one to tell her about her mother, it was always Marshall Helms or her Uncle Shane, he never knew anything about her mother. Before her last year of high school it had been bothering her, eating at her like disease, what were they? Were they in love? Did he let her go? Did she leave him? Why didn't he know? Why would they going to leave her with Marshall if Irene hadn't opened her mouth? Raven had to know, did Tony Stark love her mother? At all? If ever?

It just happened. It had been on her mind, like something she had forgotten, then her father had given her this opening. She had gone for gold and it blew like an atom bomb.

As she grew her mother was no longer a person but a thing, as the Avengers began to have kids of their own her mother had become a thing. Something dark and unnerving, the ugly stain only a few saw but didn't mention it to others. She also noted that her mother was never in the family photos, as were none of her pictures from her first seven years of life. It was like they were unimportant, that all the blood and tears were not befit of the Stark Family Album, like they were a tarnishing fungi that would spread and destroy all the new things around them. It was insulting and wounding. There were good times among the horrible tragedy that made her who she was, her first outings, her birthday pictures, picnics and her mother.

Her mother was in those memories. She deserved to be with the new ones as much as everyone else did. She brought her into this world, she was the first person to love her unconditionally.

Another thing that made it unbearably was the fact she was experiencing repressed memories. She didn't want to tell Loki, but she knew it was the Tesseract, it was the only explanation. She was not only remembering bad things, but good things, little things that no one not even genius should remember. Like her first steps, in pure clarity. She could see the wooden floor, smell beer, hearing the news on TV, see her mother, hear her calling to her. You can do it, come on Magpie come to Mama. She heard his voice, Harris' voice, that's right sunshine off to mum, go on, go on. Even as her girl she had forgotten his voice, she had erased him from her mind, blocked him out but just like that he was back. Worse part was, they came back when she slept, and Loki had to wake her up, just once, but once was enough. He had seen her the way she never wanted anyone to see her. Afraid, weak.

She suspected it was also the reason she wasn't sleeping much either.

Raven didn't tell Loki, and fought to suppress whatever was digging in her mind. He was the reason she had come into contact with the Tesseract, he had put it in her hand, given her the opportunity to use it. He would blame himself and if anyone else found out, they all would blame him. She wouldn't let him be subjected to that, she couldn't bear anyone mistreating Loki unjustly, knowing that everything he did was because of Odin. She had seen Odin a handful of times, but she knew when there was tension between two people, she knew when someone was stabbing someone mentally. Irene once feared her because of her intelligence and how she fled to Marshall and Uncle Shane as her protectors having no problem whispering her crimes to them. She feared her vengeful nature. Loki was never tense until Odin was in his radius, or Frigga, and they all shared secret look between the three of them that Raven always saw. They were the family that buried the blood and piss but couldn't get rid of the smell.

She recognized restrained affection.

Frigga loved Loki more than Odin loved Loki, but a boy needed a father's love as much as a mother's. She was always pleasant, but Odin was cold. He was cold in sense he wasn't affectionate, not even in his eyes, but in his voice you could hear the favor for Thor, the hum of pride. With Loki there was a formality, a hold, in address and in manner. Irene never held her like her mother did, she found her intelligence something unnatural, she couldn't understand how Raven saw things like her and explained them with great articulation. She was ready to throw her into a children's asylum if she had gotten worse with coping with her mother's death. Tried to at one point.

When her mother died, Raven's mind had been ruined. With her memories she saw everything. She saw how it really happened and how the world had treated her afterward. She had been screaming, without pause, the nurses had to tie her to the bed once it had all came back to her. They sedated her once thinking it calm her down, but it was a temporary balm, and they had to take her to the psychiatric ward. The adults psychiatric ward, where a man had kept shouting, shut the cunt up, shut the cunt up, shut the cunt up or I'll kill her. I'll kill her like they killed her mum!

Her mother had been resurrected because of the Tesseract, she was a living memory and she wanted to know, fueled by good and bad memories, the question she had always wanted to know.

"_Princess?" Tony called to Raven. "Come here."_

_Raven approached Tony cautiously at his bar where he poured himself a scotch. "Yeah Dad?" She took a seat opening her bottle of Coke with her eyes fixed on the quantity of his glass. _

"_Athena's father and me had a talk the other day."_

_Athena, one of her best friends, who was sixteen to her fifteen was in love with Derek, a sweet lacrosse player from a public school near her and Rachel's (her number one best friend) private one. They had all met at a concert, and had become tight over night. Many times when Raven cut school out of sheer boredom and unwillingness to do anything that she didn't like, she would go by the public school and hang out with the normal kids. Athena and Derek had fallen in love at first sight, and like many teenagers who felt the pangs of a first love moved very quickly. Much to the disdain of their parents. _

_Tony had no idea about Athena and Derek's love affair, he knew that they were stupidly in love. He had no problem with boyfriends, she had a boyfriend that came over sometimes, they all had Wii nights and movie nights, went out to concerts together. He just didn't like things escalating, Tony never liked to see anything that could escalate._

"_About what?" She sipped her Coke._

"_About the boy you brought over here last week, Athena's boyfriend."_

"_Derek," supplied Raven, "his name is Derek."_

_He took a swing at his scotch, "Yeah, that one." He stared at his daughter, "Raven, Athena's father told me something very interesting, he mentioned that he would appreciate it if you didn't, and by you he means me, let Derek come over if Athena's here." He refilled the glass that had yet to be finished. "He mentioned that Athena and Derek are not supposed to be seeing each other," he took another drink, "he said something but the two meeting up to have..." His voice fell momentarily, "...sex, and you guys, and by this I mean you and Rachel, covering for them."_

_Raven kept her pokerface, "I see. Is that all he said?"_

_Tony pushed his glass aside, set off by her apathy to the warning, "Princess, no bullshit please, did those two have sex in my house?"_

"_Of course not," she scoffed, "I made them swear, honest. The worse they did is probably make-out on the couch or on the guest bathroom sink." She raised a quizzical brow to her father who looked half-relieved, yet still mildly pissed. "What? Did you really think me and Rachel were... making love nests?" She winced._

"_Raven," Tony interrupted in an authoritative tone which he had perfected over the years, "you know those two aren't supposed to be seeing each other. I will not have you undermining someone's authority."_

"_But," she protested, "her parents are only being like that because they found them with condoms. That's-"_

"_Their business," he pointed out, "not yours. And if I hear that you're making smokescreen, you'll be answering to me. Understood?"_

"_But Dad, it's so-"_

"_It's none of your business," he ended for her. "If Athena's parents don't want her and Derek together because they can't keep their clothes on, that's their business, not yours."_

_Raven's face knotted in confusion, "You're against pre-martial sex? Really?"_

_Tony groaned rubbing his temples, "Raven if you're-"_

"_What?" She screwed her Coke tightly shut. "I just find it a shock that you, of all people are against pre-martial -"_

"_Raven," he warned, "thin ice, thin ice."_

"_What?" She shouted getting annoyed. "It's no secret you used to be a-"_

"_Raven Stark! If you don't drop this right now." He pointed to her with intent and usually she would have stopped there but something about the turn of the conversation made her brittle and unable to keep her mouth shut. It wasn't the kindest opening but it was an opening._

"_What? You think it's wrong? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me right now if Athena got pregnant if it would be the end of the world?" She demanded. "Would it be a mistake?"_

_The air had been snatched out the door and Tony wished, for once that he had kept his mouth shut. He knew that this wasn't about Athena and Derek anymore, it had switched, and he couldn't switch it back._

_Tony face became conflicted for a second and he reached for his glass and drained it. Once it was empty he muttered, "Raven that's not what I meant, and you know it. I don't-"_

"_No, no, no, no, no!" She waved her hands furiously rising from her seat. "You can't pick and choose! Tell me right now would it be a mistake?"_

"_Raven, you were not-"_

"_Not what? We're not talking about me," she corrected with an unfriendly smirk, "this is about pre-martial sex and the possible pregnancy that can happen." She held her hand out for him to proceed, "So let's have it, is it wrong? The concoction of a mistake?"_

_There was that word again, mistake. It burned at his scalded her tongue, the scrambled word that Raven never could unscramble to describe herself to her therapist. Mistake, _I feel like a mistake sometimes. Something that could have been avoided.

_Tony ran his hands through his hair, "Sex should be when you're an adult. There," he threw up his hands, "happy?" _

_He might as well say it, it was what he thought. But if had know what was going to happen next, he wouldn't have said a word._

"_No. Why should they wait? If their in love, why wait? Life's short!" Her chest had felt so tight like someone was sitting on it. _

_Her words were well set plays in a desperate plea, and they both knew it, but a dangerous hand had been drawn and neither could walk away scotch free. And Raven refused to let him get away so easy, not after what he just said, and how he said it._

"_Raven, this isn't about-"_

"_Answer me! If they're in love why wait?"_

"_This isn't about Derek and Athena anymore," he remarked suddenly feeling much older than himself and very worn._

"_Oh yes it is! You're the one making it into a big thing!" She accused with such false nonchalant. "So? Answer me."_

"_You know my answer," he said pouring another glass. A tall glass of something viler than scotch._

"_I want to hear it," she stated callously. "I want to hear you say it, to my face."_

"_Raven-"_

"_Tell me."_

"_Raven you know-"_

"_Tell me."_

"_This isn't about-"_

"_Tell me."_

"_Why are you being like-"_

"_Tell me."_

"_Raven please-"_

"_Tell me!" She bellowed. "Tell me, to my face. To my face, what doesn't apply to me because I'm something special. The one goddamn exception," she spat bitterly. "Tell me!"_

_With a heavy sigh Tony held his head, "Raven... Why are bringing this up now? Why?" He asked her genuinely perplexed at her display. "Why?" He could see the undone in her eyes, the building hurt that had crumbled revealing a vulgar mould that had spurred from its foundation. _

_With glassy onyx eyes Raven glared with an all too familiar disdain and insult. "You have no right to say that," her voice was low, "you have no right to even imply that to my face."_

_Tony felt a twinge at his parental pride at her words, "Imply what?" He was at his wits end. "Raven, this was not about you, this about some two horny teenagers who can't-"_

"_Don't you dare!" She cried. "Don't you dare say that to me!" Her face distorted to an ugly mixture of rage and indescribable pain. "At least they are doing out of some shred of love! Love, you here me? Love! Which is more than I can say for you and my mother!"_

_Tony snapped, "Don't you bring her into this!"_

_Raven's eyes narrowed to slits, "Then tell me, did you love her?" Her voice a near lethal hiss._

"_What?" The brakes came screaming. "What did you say?" There was the crash._

"_Did you love my mother?" She repeated slowly. "And don't you dare lie to me," she warned in a delirious undertone. "I'm warning you, if you lie to me to make me feel better, I won't forgive you." Her eyes had been diverted at this moment and she missed the blank expression on her father's face. "Tell me, did you love her? At all? Come on. Tell me, make me feel like shit for blowing my top. Tell me."_

_Tony felt the rug pull from under him. He had no idea what to say, how to say it, if he could say it. Could he even say it? He suddenly was mute, brain dead, he couldn't even reach for a glass or a bottle. He turned his head to look at Raven who was staring at him, her eyes were wide, deranged with justified hurt to the question that he never thought she would ask. Maybe she had never asked it out of respect of Pepper, or maybe she always thought with her childish mind that they had been fond of each other, that they were like summer lovers. In love so briefly, in love but not right for each other. _

_Now she knew the other, more realistic alternative. The one, no kid ever wanted to believe. And it hurt worse because Vivian had died, inadvertently because of him._

_Raven's head hung and Tony felt like shit, lower than shit. He had finally out done his father, he had hurt his daughter worse than his father had hurt him. And like any good ol' Stark he regained enough life to grab his glass and a bottle. But before his poison and cure could fall into the glass Raven's hand and shot out with animal like ferocity grabbed his bottle, of prized mixed brandy and flung it at the wall. The bottle had exploded on the window-wall, the copper liquid oozed and dripped, shards scattered across the room. The worst part was the sound, it was an echo of his childhood but it had became amplified, the glass against glass, the smell of liquor, the dead silence._

He hadn't loved her mother, not once, and her mother had loved him for nothing. What she didn't tell anyone was the fact that Vivian had loved Tony, she had the same look in her eyes as Pepper did on her wedding day and her voice was fond whenever she spoke of him. It occurred to Raven that perhaps her mother had kept her, as a fetus, because she wanted a piece of the man she loved. It sounded romantic but what other explanation could there be? She never told him about her, or stipulated that he would get her if she died and Marshall said that she wasn't really premature (considering the dates that surrounded Tony) just underdeveloped. She had passed her off as premature, on purpose. Why? Either she was pro-life or she loved Tony Stark.

And no one could tell her which.

Now that spurred bitterness.

Her best friend, Rachel, once asked her if she had hooked up with Loki because of the argument, (never mind she and Loki happened years later). If she was being spiteful that no one could give her straight answers about her mother, and wanted to even the score by fucking the one guy her father hated. It was plausible, so she wasn't mad that she had said, but she slept with Loki that night because she wanted to and stuck with him because she wanted to be with him. Still Rachel never liked Loki that much, sure she was nice to him and loved it when he spiced up a party but as her boyfriend she wasn't that hype about him. She wondered if it was a bad boy fixation or if they were so similar that it felt right to be together.

Again, Rachel was her best friend, and she was the only one who could call her on these things. That and because no one else dared to say anything about her sometimes extreme decisions. Raven was glad that someone had the balls to say what Rachel always said, that someone didn't care how smart she was, she could make mistakes.

Rachel thought that Loki was intense, she knew that he was an Asgardian and not an Avenger. She never thought that he had seduced her, but suggested in her usual aloof manner if Raven had played her cards to get her way. She didn't bullshit when it came to Raven and her vices. I've always pictured you with someone more, gentler, she always said, not a wuss but a little sunshine to scare away your clouds. Loki's a shit storm and you're a mega earthquake, I'm sorry but I get skittish whenever I think of you two fighting. 'Cause both of you would level the world in a grudge match, not kidding.

She and Loki had fought before, small squabbles over her tattoos and big ones like asking him going to Asgard for Astrid's first ball or her birthday, or Thor's. She had called him an egoistical ass of a man and he called her a naïve child preoccupied in everyone's happiness but her own, which was worse than how it sounded. They would sulk for days, and when he came around he always searched for something of his left out for him. It was the sign that all was forgiven, or that she was ready to talk. It would be like a cup of jasmine tea, a cup of chocolate with a dollop of cream or a scoop of mini marshmallows. For him he would simply appear and kiss her hand or cheek. They had a bad habit of never saying outright, I'm sorry or you were right or I was wrong.

"You're quite proud of yourself," Loki muttered as Raven hummed against his chest.

"So?" She drummed a tune on his ribs. "It's not like you're not going to come along."

"We could have gone to Paris on our own inclination if you so desired."

"Oh don't spoil it," she chastised. "This a big deal for my career, and" she poked his nose, "you my adorable foodie will love Paris."

"Adorable?"

"Fine. My sexy, irresistible foodie." He made an approving noise and Raven nuzzled his chest. "But you're still adorable to me," she chirped softly.

"Perhaps I should broaden your perception?"

"Oh, go right ahead," she challenged, "not a problem."

He smiled at her with a single beckon she raised her head and he gave her a kiss. "If you are this agreeable after your assignments, I think I shall greatly enjoy Paris."

"I live to please," she said haughtily against his lips.

They may have been close but Loki did not share everything from the darker sides of his past with Raven. With good reason. So when Raven was sleeping beside Loki, her first decent night sleep in a while, something happened. It came like a blink, a shudder, before her like a dream. She saw a distant constellation, and she saw Loki all decked out in his gear with a staff in his hand, and someone was with him, a man in a cloak.

"_You were cast out! Defeated!"_

"_I was a king! The rightful king of Asgard! Betrayed."_

There was another vision, Loki was in a glass cell and Natasha was outside with her game face on, mentally standing off. He looked nothing like the Loki she knew and loved, he looked lethal.

"_I won't touch Barton," he growled viciously, "not before I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear. And when he wakes up just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams I'll spilt his skull! This is my bargain you mewling quim!" _

_Natasha had turned away shaking, "You're a monster."_

"_Oh no," his curt laugh rumbled in his throat. "You brought the monster."_

Thor was now in the cage and Loki was outside. Raven saw as Phil was aiming a gun at Loki, but the Loki before him vanished and the one that came behind Coulson stabbed him in the chest.

"_No!" Bellowed Thor._

Her sweet Uncle Phil who never tattled on her when she wandered around at S.H.I.E.L.D. and let her visit Bruce and Tony when they worked. He sank to the ground leaving a streak of blood on the wall as he fell. Loki hardly looked concerned or bothered as blood spread across Phil's shirt and turned his attention to Thor whom was heart broken.

Another vision came, Loki was in a suit dressed to kill and was dragging a man to a huge marble statue. He flung the man on top it and pulled out a grisly machine that opened with a mechanical pop. With no feeling he jammed it into his eye and he screamed. The sound it made reminded her of a blender, the switching of blades rapidly against food, but this was a man's eye. She saw what it was doing and how it was doing it. Loki's smile thinning spread into a mischievous grin as the people fled the scene, he was beaming in their terror and panic.

God, the blood.

Raven woke up with a cry drenched in cold sweat. Immediately Loki was roused and reached to hold her. "Raven? What is it?" His voice was kind and compassionate but she just lurched.

"I'm going to be sick." She ran to the bathroom and vomited into the bathroom.

What was that? She had just saw something of Loki's, something he never once mentioned to her, something before he met her. She shouldn't have seen that, there was no way that she should have been able to do that. Was her condition getting more sensitive? Or was she getting more stronger? No, God no, not this, not this. She wanted to be normal. This wasn't her, she didn't want to be into the hero/mutant batch, it wasn't her. And she was getting the job she wanted, she was moving up. She had the man she- Jesus, her man. That was the Loki her family knew, the man they would see if she ever confessed loving him. But she loved him. Loki was not Loki without his bad side and that was his bad side. His darkest corner.

She couldn't breathe.

"Breathe Raven," he was beside her holding her with those hands. "Breathe."

How? She wanted to scream, how? She vowed that she would never love someone that could hurt her, that could hurt someone, like how her mother loved Harris. She swore that she never put anyone through what Harris had done to her but, Loki wasn't like that. He couldn't be.

He gave her a glass of water, still she dry heaved after she finished her glass. To ease her pain Loki held her with one hand and with a hand on her temple he willed her troubled mind to sleep. This had happened only once before and it hardly made it any easier. He knew Raven was plagued by her childhood trauma but he never expected it to be this much of a trial, that she had to suffer this pain. Physically as well as mentally. He tucked her in and watched over her. He had heard that Stark had discontinued her counseling when she was an adolescence, Loki had assumed that she was free of these terrors but it appeared the sessions had been discontinued because she never would be free of them. They were too deeply engraved into her mind.

How he wanted to take her pain away but he knew it was not that simple. Among those scars were the memories of her mother, tampering with the bad meant ruining the good. And Raven cherished every memory she had of her mother that her own mind, she would lower her intellect if she could have more memories of her mother. He couldn't find anger after those words, he had seen the home movies, Vivian Rocher truly loved her daughter and treated her preciously. He wouldn't destroy the memory of such a person so dear to Raven.

But he wanted to do something.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Loki once told her, "Raven, you are no more indecisive than any other Midgardian. The only thing that sets you apart from the rest of this realm is you intelligence and your grief. Nothing more."

"It's the key to your survival," he said. "With intelligence you cannot be fooled, nor be taken for a fool. You can play the fool, but they all will see the intelligence in your eyes. Knowledge scares this realm so much," he mused. "And your grief makes you wiser with frightens them more."

She had laughed. "You should be my therapist."

He had grinned wickedly, "I don't think that I am a man of sound judgement."

From then on she lived by this quote that she had heard somewhere. It probably was some internet meme but she didn't want to taint the magic of it, didn't want to cheapen it for the words had touched her. The saddest people smile the brightest. The loneliest are the kindest, and the most damaged are the wisest, because they do not want others to suffer as they do. Maybe someday she tattoo it on her arm, if she got the nerve.

The night when her father had disappointed her, when she realized how her parents really felt about each other, she had ran. Raven had been in California that time of year, she was fifteen and the nights were full of activity. She was hellbent on destruction and she was intent of finding it or making it. She was fifteen armed with armed with vengeance and hurt, itching to imprint injury on her father's heart as he had hurt her. Using herself as the channel.

Raven was seeing it again. Her hair was long and her skirt was short, and she anxious to do something stupid. She saw her old boyfriend, her first boyfriend, he had not been her first kiss but he had been her first everything else. He was a basketball player, his dad was a big shot CEO of some not so media relevant company, and he thought she was stellar, he thought her name was awesome and cool, he thought she was destined to write the next epic song. At fifteen that had been enough. He didn't think she weird and jumped at a chance to let his hair down at her command.

He was a smoker and introduced her to it, so that night she paid him for a pack and they lived like cowboys. Rachel, Athena and Derek were on their way to a party, a party she couldn't go to because she was fifteen and she was dead set on attending it now. Cowboy had yet to go, he always came late and with a single dial of her phone he came for her. Her wild man of the west on his steel steed. Raven saw him now, again in her dream, Cowboy, that was what they all called him. Cowboy. He had been from Texas and showed it with the slight drawl he was so proud of, and his love for Levi jeans. He had sandy brown hair and hazel eyes like a sunset, she remembered now, he was older than her fifteen-going-on-sixteen, which had made her dad shifty about him. He was sixteen nearly seventeen.

Cowboy would skip school with her, and he thought her how to roll cigarettes and smoke through her nose and blow perfect smoke rings and clouds. He called her Rave Girl, and took her to a rave once which inspired the nickname's permanency. Raven loved him once, she held all memories of him with fondness even now with Loki, she held a spark of fondness for that boy, Cowboy.

Rachel had been glad to see her, but as always she knew something had fueled her to fly this way, a strange bitter breeze. Knowing a heavy hand had painted her face for a war. She had been there when Raven applied the simple makeup to her face, opened her top and stuffed her bra to make cleveage and raised her skirt hem. Rachel had cheered with her freshly dyed hair around her like an aura, but Raven could see the wariness in her eyes. Raven had moved to the beat her hips moving left and right, under the light her dark cascading hair gleamed with golden red undertones and her eyes smokey inviting. Guys were watching her and Rachel tried not fret over the drooling eyes, even though the owners appeared eighteen and older. As Rachel danced with the nameless boy she failed to see Raven drifting further and further out of her sight with Cowboy with drinks in their hands, until she vanished and by time the song was done Raven was long gone.

The music was pounding, a medley of pop and indie which made her willingness to dance effortless. The more she danced the less she thought, she stopped waiting for the call from home and let the night roll on. She had never been to a house party, or any wild party before. Drinks were everywhere and none lacked alcohol, kids smoked whatever was being offered or rolled, lips met and faces mashed in every corner. Raven surrendered to the vibe and found herself peaceful. Cowboy had offered her a cigarette, a B&H, stronger than her usual choice which gave her fingers a slight burn and a strong taste of nicotine on her tongue. She never smoked anything strong like B&H, for obvious reasons, she did believe in being stupid within reason but damn it tasted good.

She had written a song about that night and performed it for her Julliard audition. She tried not to rip off anyone, adding some other things in there a cutting out whatever generic ring it had to it, and made what it was, a night of kids being wild and free because they could. They had liked it a lot, fresh and insightful, they had said.

"You really needed that huh?" Cowboy remarked.

"You have no idea," she exhaled.

He had ran his eyes along the contours of her body, she was prettier now than when she was dancing. She had these dark eyes that sparkled under the streetlight, gorgeous face, full red lips and long wavy brown hair. She was not-anorexic-skinny and had rocking curves, add the cigarette in her mouth, she was pure sex. He took a step closer and god the way she watched him just made her hotter. He leaned in and she still watched him, he slowly closed the gap.

Grateful silence was all she felt when he kissed her, nothing but silence. He held onto her and pulled her close, she wrapped her arms around his neck and his lips moved against hers and there was a spark. In a blink her back was on a wall and the kiss was getting deeper. He held her face darting his tongue in her mouth, he taste like beer and nicotine which made it even better, and she nipped at his bottom lip making him groan.

"You taste good," she mumbled in a haze.

Cowboy had painfully sighed before resuming the kiss, he grabbed her hips grinding them against his panting on her lips. He had always wanted to do this to her but he had been patient now it was paying off and he was going to make it good. He made a trail of feathery kisses on her neck sending jolts through her and she reached for his hair. It was soft like a baby's.

Hardly Shakespeare but the simplicity of her statement turned on a light and somehow they ended up in a bedroom. It was hardly romantic, no fancy dinner, no declaration of love, no vow and she was contented. He had tasted like beer and cigarettes, and he had been clumsy and gentle. They had laughed and struggled with buttons, zippers and pulling the clothes off each other. He had pawed eagerly at her and she had pawed back, it was brief and wonderful, they had gotten dressed and rejoined the world. The real kick out of it was that she hadn't used a condom, it was hardly anything to be proud of now but back then it made it special. It's my first time, he had told her, I want to feel you. And she let him, and the world didn't crumble.

It was weird how fast the tension vanished after sex, the gravity of what she did was as important as the wind, they were dancing the night away stumbling every now and again into one another. Again all previous events were forgotten and all that mattered was right now, and Cowboy was right now. And he was cute, sweet and contagiously drunk. He held on to her as they danced and she held on to him, it felt right. Even when they stumbled into a corner, laughing and panting, it had felt right. When they spontaneously began kissing it had felt right. With his hands wandering, it felt right.

She let herself open up and she felt love, and unlike her silly suspicions she didn't hurt. Not even after they said goodbye before she moved to New York she didn't hurt, the song had ended at the perfect time and there was no hate. They ended during her last summer, before she had been sent to Ireland to Marshall before going to Julliard, Tony had caught on to her newfound sexual activeness and tried to put a plug in it. Too bad he had no idea that Marshall was prevention over abstinence, he had held when she cried over the lost of her Cowboy who too had graduated that year. Quinton, was his name, his real name. He had kissed her goodbye. She endured her heartbreak in Ireland, America would never see her tears she had been a rebel running toward the sun and howling at the moon. She was living on bitterness and resentment, which produced secret memories that she shared with only a handful of close friends. She even saw him once, Cowboy, after all that time, when she went out of state to perform, he had a saucy chick on his arm and they shared a smile. No hard feelings.

It made the memory of him even more sweet.

Her dad had seemed to check out that summer and focused on Van. Sure he had grounded after she came home from the party, the next afternoon but it hardly dampened her mood. Even though she was painfully hungover, had woken up in a yard with Cowboy tangled with her and they had spent the morning sobering up.

She had tasted life, and she had plenty of time to get more of it. She had been grounded the weeks before finals, once exams were over (plus a week later for good measure) she was free and god did she run when her shackles dropped. It was the Summer of Creativity and Cowboy, she wrote and composed every other day, she lived for love and on the childish love she had. It was the only thing that helped her survive the last summer, the spark of love her parents never had between them.

Raven, twenty-one, woke up with a cup of coffee on her night table.

"You made me coffee," she muttered.

Loki appeared beside her, "I've seen you make it plenty of times. It wasn't difficult."

"Thanks," she sat up and took a sip. "Loki I'm-"

"There is no need to explain," he silenced her. "It was simply a nightmare."

It wasn't a nightmare. She had not only seen his memories, the memories of his darkest time, but she had recollected her last summer before college. She had seen everything, even the clothes she had on and her friends did. Like Cowboy's dingy red undies. That she had not remembered until her dream. It wasn't normal, even for her.

"But I-"

"Raven," he cut her off again, "I understand."

But did he? Did he really?

"Do you?" She asked.

"Your life has been hard," he started. "It's not-"

"Don't you dare pity me!" She snapped.

Never pity me. Not you, anyone can pity me but not you, anyone but you Loki. She couldn't bare Loki thinking she too was a lost cause, not him. He understood her more than anyone. If he doubted her sanity who's to say she wasn't actually an unworthy cause? Some charity case? I am not weak. I am not weak. I am strong. I am strong and I survive everything.

He stroked her hair, "I am not pitying you." He sat beside her, "I understand that your pain, and that it is not a pain that is easily put aside."

Everyone said that, I understand, I understand. But they didn't, no one would understand her pain. No one could know how its like losing two parents, over yourself, having two people that were in love kill each other. Out the anger, of wounded passion. Love had been stolen from her as a child and she kept trying to find it again. The love that she had lost, cheap, dented but one of a kind. No one would understand her pain. She rubbed her head and put down her cup, she went to get up but her head instantly swooned.

"Raven," Loki was there to catch her. "Perhaps you should lie down for a while."

"I need to-" She reached to push away his hand and at the contact of skin her world flooded.

_She was on a cliff, in the dead of night and before her was Loki and Thor. Oh no, not again. _

"_I thought you dead," Thor was holding Loki by his neck, firm but considerate. He was anguished. _

"_Did he mourn?" Loki didn't share Thor's sentiment._

"_We all did. Our father-"_

"_Your father," Loki corrected. "He told you my true parentage did he not?" He broke the weak hold and as walking away holding his back. Thor's disposition was annoying him._

"_We were raised together!" Thor shouted. "We played together, we fought together! Do you remember none of that?"_

_Loki turned and he said rancorously, "I remember a shadow, living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss, I who was and should be king!"_

"_So you take the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights?" Thor was so puzzled and perplexed. "No. The earth is under my protection Loki."_

_Loki laughed scathingly. "And you are doing a marvelous job with that! The humans slaughter themselves in droves while you sit back and idly threat. I mean to rule them," he reasoned. "And why should I not?"_

"_You think yourself above them?" Thor was so crestfallen._

"_Why yes."_

"_Then you miss the truth of ruling brother. A throne would suit you ill." He wasn't rubbing it in his face but sadly telling him the truth. _

_His pride pricked Loki shoved past Thor, "I have seen worlds you have never know about!" He declared. "I have grown Odinson," he spat harshly, "in my exile! I have seen the true power of the Tesseract, and when I wield it-"_

"_Who showed you this power?" Thor demanded. "Who controls the would-be king?"_

"_I am a king!" Loki indignantly insisted._

"_Not here!" He grabbed Loki and shook him. "You give up the Tesseract! You give us this poisonous dream! You come home," he beseech._

_Again that cruel laugh, "I don't have it."_

Raven opened her eyes to Loki above her looking much more compassionate than he did in her vision. He was holding her face and calling her name with all the love in world in his voice. He was nothing like the man he was, but she knew that was a lie. He always said that he was no hero, and that he was in no hurry to make peace with anyone. She let her head sink back into her pillow, what was happening to her? Why was it, whatever it was, ruining her relationship with Loki?

"Raven, little one, are you alright?"

She moaned blinking away the light in her face. "God, my head."

Loki ran his knuckles on her cheek. "Please rest Raven."

She nodded and turned on her side letting her mind slip into a dream, and as her mind eased away he came from behind and held her. His hands wrapping at her chest, right by her heart, and on a prayer she cupped his hands hoping to see nothing more of his pain and rage. To have the man she thought she knew, and only let him tell her what mattered when the time was right. Stop forcing this onto me, stop it now, please. It refused her.

"_Ensure that my brother doesn't return. Destroy everything."_

"_The humans think us immortal, shall we test that?"_

"_There is only the war!"_

"_Sentiment."_

"_Father is dead."_

"_You can slay Odin where he lies."_

"_That was a bit of fun really, to ruin my brother's big day."_

"_You will all kneel before me!"_

"_Kneel!"_

"_I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose."_

"_A mindless beast makes play he's still a man."_

"_It's burns you to have come so close. To have power, unlimited power, only to be reminded what real power is."_

"_You took me for a purpose what was it? Tell me!"_

"_It all makes sense now! Why you favored Thor all these years, because no matter how much you claim to love me, you would never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"_

"_You can't stop it."_

"_We're done here."_

"_Send the rest."_

"_I bring glad tidings."_

"_Freedom is life's greatest lie. And once you accept that, you will know peace."_

"_You have heart."_

"_I mean to rule this world. Not burrow in it."_

"_How can you stop me if your friends are busy fighting you?"_

"_Now fight me."_

"_Are you ever not going to fall for that?"_

"_Oh, it was! Well maybe I'll pay her a visit!"_

"_You and all your strength! What good does it do you now, huh?"_

"_Stalling me won't change anything."_

"_It affects everyone differently."_

Raven had become distant and her moods melancholic, she wasn't herself. Ever since that nightmare she had slipped away from him, her mind was always else where and she kept herself from him. Even when he wasn't there she seemed to be burrowing within herself trying to escape the world around her. She wasn't sleeping well either, many nights, he noticed when he wasn't there mostly that she wouldn't sleep. That she would stay up working on various things, channelling whatever anxiety she had into her tasks.

Loki did not know this Raven, he knew she was a troubled child but he never had to deal with the behavior in question personally. The way she was obsessively working around a problem, how she wouldn't sleep, how her temper flared, how cold she could be, he never dealt with it. His presence did nothing to help her moods, if anything, he seemed to put her more on edge. Perhaps this was why Stark left her to her own devices when she grew aggressive and confrontational or withdrew herself. He never visibly lingered when she was in this state of mind, but he saw how distressed she was and he worried for her. He never pictured this as part of her coping with her "issues," he saw it as her being testy about subjects or fierce when prodded about something, and some sadness. Not this.

Her nightmares were frequent which made her reluctant to sleep. She would wake perspiring or gasping, and she hid any signs of sleep deprivation with creams and ointments. She also drank coffee and energy drinks in great abundance, to keep herself energized. Loki's magic soothed her sometimes but her mood rarely cheered, he couldn't bare it and came around a day to question her on it.

She was surprised to see him and forced a smile that didn't meet her eyes. "Hey Loki." There was no brightness in her voice, no joy. Nothing of the girl he met not so long ago.

"Thought I'd come by," he stated.

"Alright," she nodded. She went to fetch something but she paused and turned to him. "Actually, I," she took a deep breath. "I was kind of hoping you would stop by."

"You were?" He knew that she wasn't desperate for his company. He raised his guard as she tried to keep his searching gaze.

"Yeah," she folded her arms fingers squirming in the folds. "We need to talk don't we?" He said nothing but watched her how she was restless trying not to fidget. Trying not to change course. Seeing he was waiting she continued, "Right. Loki, I think... I think, that we need to stop."

"Stop?" He echoed. "Stop? Stop what?" He had not seen this coming and his tone showed it.

"This," she pointed to them. "Us. We need to stop."

"Need?" He snapped. "We need to stop?" His face cracked in heated bafflement. "Tell me Raven, what has spurred this?"

"We just need to." She rubbed her face before returning to her previous position.

Loki eyes narrowed with great conspiracy. "Why?" His grabbed her arms. "Tell me and look into my eyes."

"I can't anymore," her voice was defeated. Her eyes weren't false. "I just can't anymore."

It wasn't a lie but she wasn't giving him everything. He sensed it.

"You're lying to me," he seethed in a serpent-like sneer.

She shook her head. "I just can't anymore Loki." She inhaled shakily. "It's too hard. I can't anymore."

"What has been hard on you?" He said caustically. "What has been hard on you? I do recall you sending me away."

She writhed against his grip but he didn't let go. "Let me go. I said let me go!"

"Not until you've answered me."

"Fine!" She shouted in his face. "Fine! You want to hear everything, fine! I can't do this anymore! I can't anymore!" She fought his hold as she bellowed. "What's happening here? Tell me! We just run around for a few years until you get bored of me? You leave when I get too old?" She reached for a glass and threw it past his head.

Loki released her, "What? Is that what you think-"

"That's all that can happen here!" She cried with tears in her eyes. "I want a life! I want a normal life! That means I'm going to get old and die!"

"Raven-" His voice softly called. "Stop lying to me."

"No! No, I'm not! It's the truth and you know it! You don't age! I will! I'm not going to live like that! Being something that's just going to be tossed aside later!"

"Is that what you think I would do to you?" He accused all compromise gone.

"Compared to what? Making me immortal?" She scoffed. "You think I want that? Well, I don't! I don't to watch everyone I love die around me! And don't you dare say that people die everyday or I swear to god."

"Would eternity with me be so unpleasant?" His tone bit like arsenic.

"I have needs," she argued, "I want to do things! I have hopes and dreams! I don't want to be immortal! I like being human! I wouldn't mind getting old and dying some wrinkly old granny."

His face held no rage but festering hurt at her words. "Am I a bore to you?" He approached her slowly, stalking like a predator. "Had your fun and now that a challenge arises you discard me?" He cornered her against the fridge. "Is that it?"

"Don't twist my words," she warned.

"Or what?" That sinister tone made her bristle. "What can you possibly do to me?"

"Don't you dare bully me."

"It'll hardly be a challenge, now would it?"

Hearing the discreet jab, Raven slapped him. Her hand exploded in pain but she hid it for the sake of her pride. "Get out."

"Gladly."

He was gone. Raven caved in sinking to the floor bringing her knees to her chest and crying on them. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for her broken heart and loss of the one thing she never wanted to give up.

But she had to let go.

* * *

**Thank you to all of you who have stuck with me despite the sudden overall of this story. I appreciate all feedback and will appease to all you lovelies who have ****graciously accepted this revamped plot.**

** I know some of you loved the previous one but I just couldn't dump all that shit on Raven so early in the story. Besides this will pay off I swear. If not bring the torches and forks, I'll let you kill me. lol**

**P.S. HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

The farewell party took her mind of things. Raven had plenty of time to pull herself together by then but of course Rachel saw through her when she came by her apartment that day.

"What happened?"

Rachel was her best friend in the whole world, they had met when they were kids and were tight ever since. Rachel was the product of two workaholics and appreciated someone that wasn't naïve about how terrible parents could be, that, and she too was an artist. Well, she was into fashion but you had to learn to draw to draw dresses. She had spent many nights at both of the Stark homes so her attendance at the farewell party was mandatory, she even redyed her dark roots in their usual blonde color for the occasion. She had waltzed into Raven's apartment all decked out like the fashionista she was born to be, she took one look at Raven's dark blue dress and her curled hair and knew something had happened.

"What are you talking about?" Raven replied after Rachel's demand of an explanation.

"That is not a going away dress," she tutted. "You do realize that this is your party right?"

Raven groaned staring at this dress, "What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with you? And," she sniffed the air, "were you smoking just now? You never smoke before you visit your dad, you know he hates smoking."

"I needed one."

Rachel held up an ashtray. "Three, and they're still warm. Anything you want to tell me?"

"It can wait." She went for a black sash and tied an droopy bow behind her. "I swear."

"Three cigarettes," Rachel argued setting the glass tray down. "It won't and neither will I."

Rachel would crash the whole party if something was bothering Raven. She was there when she and her dad had had that big fight, she had tried to talk her out of running amuck but it had been fruitless. This time she was ready to beat it out of her before it grew to a tumor. She sat on the couch in a fluff waiting patiently. Raven held her head, she was losing patience fast and knew better than to fight Rachel of all people.

"Me and Loki broke up."

"Pardon moi?" She squawked. "You and Loki spilt? When?"

"Before your finals," she deadpanned putting in earrings. "He's taken off understandably and I can't really ask around about him, now can I?"

Rachel touched her arm, "What happened?"

Raven stared at her blank expression, "I kicked him to the curb. He didn't take it very well."

"He didn't rough you-"

"Nah. But I would have felt better about it if he did," she admitted dejectedly. "I hurt him."

Rachel held her head, "But you loved him." The purpose of the spilt had yet to announced. "You love loved him."

It was true. Rachel had been a first row spectator of the Loki and Raven ship since day one. She knew how bad Raven loved the demigod and how much he cared for her. You saw it in the way he looked at her and how they were so in sync with each other, she could read his body language and vice versa. They seemed a good match too, never mind how weird it was, he was a whale of a time and so was Raven. He could keep up with her intellect too which was a major plus for Raven, for any guy she liked or dated, he had to keep up with her.

Loki was an intense dude but Raven was hardcore. Women would faun over him but Raven seemed immune to his sexiness unless he was trying to sex her up. She could keep up with him too. Rachel may have not liked her friend with a eons-old demigod but the facts did prove her little peeve wrong, and he did make Raven happy. Even if it stank of super creepy pedophilia, by their age difference and how long Raven had known him for.

Why had they broken up again?

Raven cracked a dying smile, "And that's why I did it."

Her first instinct was to hound her for details but seeing her listless face and the time, she opted to wait. It had to be juicy, Raven and Loki were bros since they were in grade school, whatever broke them up had to big, but it had to wait.

At that Rachel turned Raven chair to her and reached for the blush she had on the table. "You need more blush, you look like shit." She dabbed the brush on her cheeks. "We are going to talk about this later, alright?" Raven nodded and let Rachel finish her makeup. "You really loved him didn't you?"

"Yeah." She exhaled heavily. "I never believed in feeling a broken heart but I do now."

Rachel gave her a comforting squeeze. "You will tell me everything and you'll be okay I promise."

Raven doubted but she tried to have hope in it. She had survived worse after all.

Being at Stark Tower eased some of the pain of the breakup. Everyone was so happy to see her, before anyone could greet her properly a pair of hands latched onto her legs. She looked down to see little, ten-year-old Tatiana Barton super light strawberry blonde curls bouncing as she crashed into her. Toppled next by eleven-year-old Astrid Thordottir all leg and a long mop of dark blonde hair shaping a pair of the biggest bluest eyes you saw. The two girls hopped around her, squeezing her to death and made way for little nine-year-old Bucky Rogers that was a mini version of his dad, who was still young enough to hug girls and not care. Four-year-old Jamal Banner sat on his father's hip, with thick curls, light olive skin and big brown eyes that could melt a Frost Giant, shy like his dad. Then there was Van who, at twelve, didn't hug, being too cool for that let his sister hug him fussing slightly at the kiss she planted on his head. He was the perfect mixture of Tony and Pepper, red brown hair and bright brown eyes with a snarky attitude you could smell on him.

"Can I get a turn?" She heard her father request loudly. "She is my daughter you know."

Once the sea of kids parted Raven ran into her dad's arms and they hugged tightly. Greetings were exchanged but Raven focused on all the smiling faces that came to see her, all the people that loved her. You'll be fine, you can take a breakup, you can survive. Tony with some salt in his pepper kissed her temple proudly hugging her shoulder ushering her to the other adults that passed her around like a party flavor. Pepper kissed her congratulating her on the position, as did Jane dressed like a goddess, Thor gave her a bear hug and Steve saved her before he broke something. His wife, the smolder haired Kate, a Shield agent, hugged her excitedly and while Natasha and Barton's handshakes and hugs were firm and brief she knew that they were happy for her. Of course Bruce came, his wife Usha, a Indian woman who managed to make a place for herself in his heart, with their son Jamal who called her "Ray Ray". Raven gave Usha a hug, she and Bruce had been dating on and off for a few years, and were formally wedded when she was seventeen. The few moments they got to hang out she treated her with as much warmth as she did everyone else. Bruce was going to give her a gentle hug but Raven, trying to be herself, gave him a bear hug that made him laugh in his usually breathy tone.

"Your father tells us that you have come across a great success," Thor said in his usual boisterous manner.

Knowing that everything made Thor jovial she gladly explained, "Yeah, I'm getting a job in Paris." He nodded and she knew he had no idea what Paris was like. "It's a country that's know to be very art orientated. It's very ideal and prestigious for my job."

He clapped her back, "Wondrous! But you must promise to visit," he took her by the neck, "Astrid misses you a lot."

"Perhaps for a ball?" Astrid popped out from behind them. "Tatiana has permission to come, won't you come too?"

"I'll try munchkin," she promised hugging the girl that smiling brightly. "Maybe you can visit me in Paris? You'd love it."

Her eyes widened at the prospect, as a princess of court she didn't do much traveling besides in between Asgard and a few places in America but she never had seen outside of it. Raven thought it would healthy for Astrid to see more of Midgard and know how big and diverse it was.

"Can I Father? Can I?"

"Ask your mother first." And with that she ran off.

"Paris?" Jane was beaming for her. "That sounds exciting."

"I know! I'll officially be away from home."

Jane gave her a hug and Raven noted the woman's permanent look of youth that would never leave her. She still had a look of maturity but it was cased in an alluring glow that would never go away, she and Thor were bound for life. Could have been you but you spat on it.

"It's like everyone's baby is leaving. I can remember you being a flower girl for the wedding," she reminisced.

"Yeah with Odin gawking at me. Has he made any new facial expressions yet?"

"Oh," Jane waved her hand giggling lightly, "you get used to it."

"Tatiana's going to miss you," Clint remarked as they nibbled at the spread the caters brought in.

"I'm gonna miss you guys." She bummed his arm leaning on him. "I hear that Tatiana wants a baby sister."

"You heard nothing," he insisted in good nature.

"Is the big bad assassin afraid of a baby?" She teased. "Tsk, tsk."

"Hah hah hah hah," he ruffled her hair. "You're still a little squirt."

"What's this?" Natasha folded her arms harmlessly. "Some things never change."

"Why should they?" Raven departed giving her Auntie Nat a kiss on the cheek but Natasha stopped her.

"Remember the self defense I taught you," she reminded her. "And I'm securing you a gun license for Europe."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Of course Auntie Nat."

Steve and Kate came to her always as a pair. A brunette and a blonde that were photogenically made for the other and emotionally as well.

"Heard the good news," Steve shook her hand. "You're moving up."

"You have to let us know when you're performing," Kate reminded her. "Bucky loves to hear you play."

"Will do."

Steve came beside her and hugged her shoulder, he was always her favorite uncle. "Your dad's gonna miss you so don't forget to call him."

He was so concerned about everyone, such a mother hen. When Raven was little she remembered the first time when she had to sleep over at someone's house, when Tony had a mission and Pepper was on a business trip. They all sent her to Steve, he and Kate hadn't been hitched yet and neither were they living together, so it was just the two of them. He was always the optimistic one of her whole family, and whenever he was around she never wanted to mope about. How could you with him and that gentleman's charm?

"Sure, sure, mother hen."

He shook his head patting hers. "Can't believe you're twenty-one already. Just yesterday we were watching the Summer under the Stars marathon for the first time."

"Soon Bucky will be going to college too." She warned jubilantly.

"Oh God, don't remind me," he exclaimed with a smile. "No more Sunday dinners huh?"

During her first semester at college, Raven used to get very home sick but too proud to call home she made a commute to Brooklyn to Uncle Steve's apartment for Sunday dinner. The tradition continued for a while before the college workload got to her and she made friends, but it had been their thing for a time. A decent meal, family to laugh with, a touch of home away from home. In Paris she would completely alone, no nearby open home a commute or two away.

And no Loki.

"I can't believe it!" Pepper couldn't stop kissing her.

"Mums," she protested.

Mums was her name for Pepper, she called her Pepper too but Mums was an epic second choice for Mom. She never quite saw Pepper as a mother, she was Pepper, she was like a mom but she wasn't her mom. Pepper never expected her to call her mom, and that's why Raven loved her so much. She never wanted to take her mother's place, she made her own place.

"Sorry," she held up her hands. "All grown up." Pepper began to get misty-eyed.

"Oh Pepper, don't cry," she pleaded.

"I'm not crying. I'm just happy for you."

Pepper hugged Raven tightly, she remembered the first time she had seen the girl, a wraith of a thing with big knowing eyes that had glared through her brain. She had been nothing like Tony then, well she hardly showed any of those qualities at that time, she was a musical enigma with a thick irish brogue, so sad and untrusting. Pepper had bought her sheets and arranged her a space in the many spare rooms in Stark Tower, she had no idea what to expect when they all meet in the living room. She had been nervous that Tony would have never been able to cope, he had never been good with kids that didn't pander to his ego. Pepper had worried that Raven and Tony never would have understood each other, that she would have treated him with the blunt cruelty that children had. Resented him for not being there. She had been so afraid for the little girl, that had became a target, for kidnappings, for bribes, a way to attack Shield, at the sign of the papers.

Sure there had been problems. Raven had been through trauma and abuse, and every single therapist had said that her occasional depression and violent outbursts would be a permanent aspect of her personality. Tony had been so heartbroken that he took them to Barcelona for spring break that year. He had felt such unjustifiable guilt that Raven would forever be plagued by her childhood, he spoiled her at times because it bothered him so much. But Raven was not a child to be spoiled, she was so easily pleased that excess annoyed her. Of course she did hold a shade of bitterness because of her condition, she knew that her tragedy could have been averted, so effortlessly that it was insulting. She had questioned Tony about it and the fight had been brutal, she had questioned him about Vivian, the question that never had been asked and Tony had been blindsided.

Raven had throw a bottle of whiskey at the wall when Tony had been unable to answer her, Pepper had the misfortune of seeing the bottle in shards and the whiskey ooze down the wall. That fight had been the worst fight, Raven had ran off and disappeared for the rest of the evening as well as the entire morning of the next day, she had some home hungover and smelling like nicotine, it had just broken Tony's heart knowing she had gone on a bender because of him. Again he had tried to make amends by letting her go to Julliard and apply for the exchange programs, but most of her last weekends before finals had been spent like a monk in their Malibu home, without her iPod, laptop and phone. She had studied and drawn with a random painting here and there, still her disposition had hardly been remorseful.

Very much like a Stark.

She had done so much traveling in those four years, so many tutors wanted to teach her and Tony had to do so many background checks before he agreed to anything. She had done a semester in Ireland, of course she spent all holidays with Marshall Helms and his little wife Emily, it was better than no one. Skype had been their lifeline, they chatted for hours on her smart phone and it had the lack of music in the house easier. Tony didn't admit it but he had been sad when she didn't miss them as much as they missed her, solitude had never been a bad thing for Raven, she had such an active mind to occupy herself. And of course, she was a Stark, and they all had a contagious charisma. Even Van, was popular in his class and was never alone. Tony always hosted the get-togethers the kids had, he had been relieved that they both had close friends that didn't just see their wealth.

He was glad that both his children had better days than him.

In some things at least.

Van and Raven's closeness was the thing Pepper appreciated the most. With Loki and Thor in her mind, and the joy of a child he could fully raise that would be normal with innocence, favoritism had been a foreshadowing nightmare. But Raven loved Van, she had helped with diapers and feedings, bathes and clothe changing, she played with him and read him stories when Pepper was tired. Van loved his sister, with with the loom of adolescence he still hovered a bit by her pestering her and she would pester right back, they kept childish secrets from them. The fact they had two different mothers was hardly a wall between them, they shared a dad and that was good enough.

Pepper did consider Raven her daughter, and she knew that Raven considered her a mother even though she never called her "Mom."

"Hey Princess," Tony came from behind her and kissed Raven's cheek. "You and me need to have a drink." He hooked arms with her, "Our first drink together," his voiced swelled with gusto.

"Shouldn't you be saving this for Van?" Her intent was honest.

"Is this sexism I hear?" Tony tilted his ear dramatically. "Call the Times. Be right back," he told the peaceable Pepper.

"I'll send Steve over if you two get out of hand," she lightheartedly warned.

"Not Nanny," whined Raven. "He'll send me to bed with no supper!"

Tony poured his daughter and himself a glass of his gentlest whiskey, Irish whiskey ironically. They sat at the bar and clanked glasses before taking a first sip simultaneously. She had grown so much. It felt like yesterday when he had first met her and in a blink she was going to college and now she going to Paris. He shared a smile with her when she put down her glass, she had done good for herself without him and he was so proud of her.

"So, how do you feel? About Paris?"

"Can't wait," she took another sip. "You gonna miss me?" Her eyes sparkled with play.

"Nope."

"Liar." Raven grinned in her glass. "This is nice."

"It's Irish," he watched her laugh, committing it to memory.

"Of course it had to be."

Tony leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I'm really proud of you Princess."

Raven still bearing a smirk teased, "Are you gonna cry too?" And in response he took her drink and pinched her cheek. "Hey! I'll call Uncle Steve," she warned, "he always believes me over you!"

"Not if I shut you up first." He stole another kiss.

A single voice cracked through the lull of her farewell tour. If she hadn't been on guard she would have dropped her glass.

"Seems, I have come just in time."

Loki sporting his usual smile dressed to digress in his Asgardian ensemble offered his hand for hers, which for the sake of continuity she gave him to plant a kiss on her knuckle. She smiled too, and the room hummed on seeing nothing wrong.

"Thor informed me of your good fortune," he continued. "Congratulations."

How many times had they done this dance? Pretending not to be so deeply intwined, being polite yet chummy with one another. Waiting until they were alone before they stole eager kisses and caresses, breathing hard in corners, teasing each other. It was over now but Raven knew that it would take more than a single fight to ward him off. Not him. He knew her methods. She never let her charade fall even as she and Loki ended up alone once more, on the balcony, away from all the unsuspecting eyes. Save his, he knew that she had enough guilt in her to level this city. The resilient New York that had to endure his wrath once.

"I see your mood hasn't improved," he remarked sombre. "We have a discussion to finish Raven."

She sighed staring out to the sky. "I should have known you'd come back." He said nothing but she felt his eyes on her, the impatience of her dragging him in circles. "When I was little I asked Marshall why my mother loved Harris," his name curled her stomach. "Why she loved such a horrible person. He told me that she loved him because the good things mattered more than the bad things. And look what happened to her."

"Are you having doubts about me Raven?" His voice was flat and that's when he was most upset, he he was calm and shrugging it off.

She wanted to cry so bad her face burned. "I love you more than anything in the world. But you consume me, and I can't live like that." Loki turned his head, his face was steadfast and blank but his eyes were deciphering her words. "I love you so much and that's my problem Loki. I'm drowning, and nothing you do can save me. I have to save myself." She wiped her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"I forget how young you are, sometimes," his hand slithered over hers and the call of him hurt so much. Knowing that if she answered that call he would hardly think lowly of her. But she would. "You're hiding something from me," he whispered velvety in her ear.

He's created an illusion around us, she hated how cruel he could be sometimes.

"Then you're going to have to forgive for that," she responded trying to lean away from him. The sound of children and laughter anchored her. "I need to be alone Loki. You hear me?" She pulled her arm but his hand held her firm, "I need this. I need this to end. Or are you going to deny me that?"

He released her hand, "I have never denied you anything?"

"Then don't start now," she went to touch his hand but stopped herself. The gravity of her action reflected in Loki's eyes. "Let me go," she muttered softly. "I need you to let me go. Can you do that for me?" She refused to beg him with her eyes, he deserved more than that.

"I will." Raven exhaled loudly. "But, on one condition," he raised a finger. "Close your eyes little one." Without question she did and he kissed her.

He was punishing her, Raven knew that much. He was pouring all his amorousness through his lips forcing it down her throat to infest in her chest. No one will love you like I do, it translated. Let this kiss ruin all men for you, I hope you ache for me to your core. Feel my hands? My tongue? My breath? These will never grace your body ever again, this is your punishment for breaking my heart you bitch. I'm doing this because I love you but I hate this, hate this ending. I would have made you a queen. I would have taken the world for you. The Nine Realms and beyond. I would have bound myself to you until I die. I love you. Feel my pain.

Loki broke away and Raven grabbed the balcony railing afraid that she would have blown away. They stared at each other. Blue, so blue it could have been green and brown so dark and endless it was an abyss. Raven saw the disappointment in his eyes, the gutted out tenderness and the shade of the man she saw in her visions. She held back her thoughts in fear he might read them in her eyes and hate her more than he was beginning to. Wordlessly he left and Raven stayed out on the balcony waiting for the evidence of her sentence to seep away.

Paris, the city of love and here she was alone in her apartment. Normally she would have hit the town, go to a bar have drinks, skip down the boulevard, go out for dinner, see the city lights at night. Raven's apartment that was work provided was in the heart of the culture districts, a quick cab ride from work and at the core of inspiration. It was modest in size but well furnished, she had her own bathroom, kitchen, bedroom and a living room, including a tiny balcony that overlooked the neighborhood. She had just finished unpacking when she heard the distant choir of laughter, she should be happy she was in Paris a place she always wanted to live (besides Ireland) but nothing about the French city cheered her mood. She threw herself on the couch, she missed Loki, she missed him so much, his voice, his smell, his face, the slight chill of his touch, the way he never had to make conversation to fill a silence. This silence needed noise, something to smother it, she needed – Something growled, something close.

Raven saw a wolf coming out her wall and it wasn't some Neil Gaiman metaphor, there was a feral wolf frothing at the mouth stalking her with half its body in the wall. It was a huge black wolf with a thick matted coat raising on its back in fat ripples like a threatened cat, it growled menacingly beady red eyes fixed on her. With each step its fat paw spawned out on the floor revealing tusk-like claws filthy from use, without a sound. You're seeing things Raven, a wolf isn't in your apartment, you're hallucinating without dreaming. Your condition is getting worse but a wolf is just a figment of your imagination. Remember that, you do not hallucinate. You do not-

The wolf barked and Raven's heart leaped at the sound, too real and too much not like a wolf that she had never heard before. It was coming closer and Raven found herself unable to move, to flee, she was pin to the spot her eyes gripped by an unseen magnetic pull that was in the wolf's eyes. Raven wanted to scream but numbness had paralyzed her and she was helpless, helpless to her own hallucination, how-

"Don't be frightened." A little voice whispered to her, a windy voice with a brogue. "He won't hurt you."

At her feet by the couch was a little girl, she was dripping wet and slightly blue in the face with disgusting purple bruises around her neck, collarbone and left side of her face. Her hair was long, all the way down her back, her eyes were dead and lightless, her hands and feet were red from hitting something. Raven rose with a strangled gasp and the little girl, herself, walked up to her.

"Don't be frightened," she repeated. "It won't hurt." She raised her lithe hand and took Raven's hand before she could wrench it away.

It didn't hurt but god, it broke her heart.

She was four again, on the kitchen floor. The floor was cold, warm urine was running down her leg, she couldn't breath and voices were calling her. The world was calling and not the dead. She wanted to the dead to call her, call her so she could find them. But only the living were calling. Hands were shaking her and someone was frantic, someone was carrying her and the world was ringing. She was withdrawing and her mind was floating in a bathtub of lukewarm water.

She was sinking into a watery abyss, a manilla abyss and someone was pushing her down. She couldn't scream as someone's hand was on her throat, as someone's hands squeezed her head. She had been here before and she felt the fire of death burning in her chest. She was reaching for help but no one grabbed her hand, no one was saving her. She screamed and the weight was gone, but someone was screaming with her and it scalded her. The screams were burning her head and she screamed with them, she hollered for salvation but none came.

She was four again, hanging on a tub edge. Hands were pulling her out the tub trying to hang her on the edge like a rag, they were flailing on her back trying to beat the water out her lungs.

"_Raven! Raven! Raven!"_

Someone was carrying a woman out the room over his shoulder, she was screaming and crying. He threw her off his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and her body crashed with a bam, she was screaming for help. Raven heard infuriated roars, like a mad animal.

"_You whore! You fucking whore! You motherfucking whore! You said she was mine! You said she was mine!"_

"_She is! She is! She is!"_

"_Irene told me the truth! You're dirty little secret! Who did you fuck? Who did you fuck? ANSWER ME VIVIAN!"_

"_You're hurting me! Please! Please! Let me get Raven! Let me get Raven! She needs a hospital! She needs a doctor!"_

"_I don't care! I don't care! I hope she dies!"_

"_Harris please!"_

"_I was going to marry you!"_

"_Harris, Raven needs me!"_

"_I don't care!"_

They both were gone when Raven opened her eyes. The wolf and the girl were gone leaving the memory of her first death burning on her heart like a fresh brand from a rusting iron. She fought for air clawing at her neck as if Harris was still holding her neck in the tub, she thrashed on the ground coughing trying to stay calm. It's over, it's over, let it go, let it go. She was in tears by the time she slithered back to the couch breathing hard, she was inducing herself into hallucinations, okay, now take a deep breath and stay calm. Still her hands shook betraying her, she was remembering her past, all the horrible things that would have drove her to madness as a child, returning for the adult to face. But she couldn't, her body convulsed in terror and infuriated tears ran down her cheeks as her heart pounded with ironic life. She extended her quaking hand for her cigarette pack retrieving a much needed cigarette that shook in mouth as she lit it.

Her cellphone rang on the table, and from the couch she saw that was Tony. A nasty anger burrowed in her chest and Raven let the phone ring, she was fine, she was fine, there was no need to worry anyone. She was just a bother to someone, she always had been, nothing but a piece a baggage that everyone took turns carrying. Nothing but a reminder of the past, a mark on the future, a spot of darkness that would fade away with each day of light in _their lives, _and even when they brought her back they loved to pretend that she was the same. That she was a ball of light like them, but she wasn't, she was nothing but darkness.

Pure darkness. A snuffed out light that never got to shine.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

Sleepless nights. Raven could sleep her body weakening, it was surprising peaceful like when your body was yawning for sleep on a chilly night. Her job and internship were perfect distractions, she had focus her mind entirely on her music and the task at hand that roped back into music. For her job as a waitress in a little cafe, she had to train her memory on the orders and centered her attention on the gossip circles at work. She was working on a play, well, she was conducting the orchestra of an original play that was awfully generic of the white swan story but without ballet, in which she had to make an brief intro pieces for scenes and as well as for scene transitions. Nothing fancy or important but it was work and she had to work from the bottom to get up, she was grateful for the work that called for light and dark pieces. She let nothing distract her from her work, the work that she so easily lost herself in, made her forget herself, her life, her visions and her family. She missed nothing and no one because she didn't allow herself to, dates went by and marked occasions passed, life was moving and Raven let it be swept from under her feet like a massive burden. The blinding light that had been following her for the first few weeks on her arrival in Paris had finally dimmed and was slipping away from the darkness.

She hardly mourned from her solitude. In fact it reminded her of her childhood before New York, before Tony Stark, the hours she spent alone, the precious interactions that told her the world outside did in fact exist. She took up drawing and painting when money and time allowed it, she painted her neighborhood in various angles creating a near panoramic retelling of her neighborhood. The tediousness of it kept her hands steady, her nerves anchored when there was deadly silence, when the other world stopped calling.

A part of her wondered, in the darkest corner, when her mind faltered, if her existence was truly that monumental. Would anything have changed if I hadn't been sent to New York, if I wasn't here? Would so many lives be empty? Perhaps it was the unbearable visions that made her think this way, or it may have been that bitterness she tucked away that night when she was fifteen. That bitterness spewed at her father's folly, you were not a product of love, you know only sadness. Is your life truly that much to live for?

She hardly changed anything in the world. Her birth was no bond between two people, no product of something beautiful, she had been taken in as a charity, and then they were so eager to send her away. She hadn't done anything. Not in the idea of an accomplishment but rather her existence signified nothing, Van was some long awaited thing, a gift from a joyous union, her union was cheap and forgotten. Her mother was forgotten by those she was closest to, by her own father, she was-

He couldn't even lie. Never mind I asked him not to, he never said anything, not even afterward he couldn't spare me the KINDNESS!

The glass shattered in Raven's hand, she hissed in pain dropping the shard onto the table as the crimson blood dripped from her hand. She ran to her bathroom to check for shards in her hand, finding none she wrapped her hand in tissue and waited for the bleeding to stop. Her eyes fell to the sight, the blood soaking the white tissue how it spread along the white cloth, how quickly it spread.

"No..." It was happening. "No..."

_They were carrying her on a gurney, people were speaking to her. Stay awake. Stay awake. Look at me love. Look at me love. Raven eyes rolled with her head and she searched the room for her mother, where was she? Where was mommy? She saw a flash of dark auburn hair and she struggled o find her mother's face, but men were blocking her view. _

_She saw her. Her mommy._

_The auburn hair was dark at the roots with blood, the white sheet that covered her was soaking with blood. The blood by her face, where her face would be, the body wasn't lying properly either. It was contorted, twisted, bumpy. Like someone was trying to beat it beyond recognition. To make it flat like a patty. Raven saw a hand from under a sheet, and on that hand was a shiny ring, that shone only because of the tiny diamond that she knew was there. Even the hand had blood on it. _

_Blood was everywhere. _

Raven violently wretched in the toilet. She didn't know she had been conscious before slipping into her brief coma, she had seen her mother's corpse. She forgot that, she had seen what Harris had done, the signs of his good work. All that blood. He had beat her mother's face in, he had pounded her bloody and that's why they wouldn't let her see her at the funeral. Why the coffin had been closed.

He had beaten her to disfigurement. Irreparable distortion.

Vivian's price for harboring her, for keeping Tony Stark's child. For keeping her. She had paid with her life and for what? No thank you? No loving memory? Vivian was nothing but the tragedy of her little complex, those who knew her and mourned her were few. None had been blood relative, not even her own father, the father of her child, the child she died for, felt anything for her. Raven cried as her body heaved, her blood mixed the bile and saliva that soon became blood, her tears mingled with her inner contents and the pain of them leaving her was nothing to her heart.

Did no one love my mother? Is she to be forgotten like she was nothing important? Was her death for nothing? Why did she keep me? Why couldn't she have aborted me and saved herself? My life isn't worth this. This pain, this suffering, this grief. I would have gladly let her live in my place if I could, I would rather be dead than live like this. Let her memory be this ugly.

"The knives are over there." It was _that voice _again. "If it hurts so much."

Fuzzily Raven contemplated dragging one of her kitchen knives down her arm and then lying down in her bed until the end came. It sounded so gratifying, taking the long rest that was so deserved. Letting herself sleep, hopefully going to her mother once she closed her eyes. Not letting her be alone, up there. Loving her like she should have been loved. It tempted her and the very minute she had staggered to her kitchen and pressed the knife to her arm _the voice _spoke again.

"But if you do that. He wins."

"He?" She slurred, "Who wins?"

"Harris wins." The apparition bore no hate or anticipation in her eyes. Her dead eyes. Like a fish. "He wanted us dead. He wanted us gone. I don't think he should get what he wants. Do you?"

Raven found herself arguing for the right of her own suicide. "He's dead, does it matter? I've outlived him, isn't that victory enough? I've gotten this far..." She nearly sobbed. "Can't I stop now? Can I just go now? I've come far enough, haven't I? Haven't I?" She near shouted.

Those neutral eyes stared at the knife. "Auntie Irene hated us. She wanted to send us away. She thought we were mad, doesn't this prove her right?" The little girl forever soaked to her soul spoke with a continuous cupful of water in her mouth. Yet it was disturbingly clear. "She knew we would end up like this."

"She knew a lost cause. At least she never pretended everything was alright."

Those eyes were so rounded like marbles, glassy and reflecting, shiny with the imitation of life. Raven swore she saw hostility in them at her retort.

"Do you forgive her now? For what she did?"

"Never," she spat. Her hand was becoming heavily and the cool knife was pressing onto her skin. It was either going to fall or break her skin. "She did this to me," they looked to the knife, "she put those ideas in my head. She let Marshall take me in although she knew what he was about. She let me get this bad, she never held me or nothing. She let me live with an abusive man after my mother had been murdered by one. She was so ready to sign over her rights. To get rid of me." The grip on the knife became steadier.

"Then why prove her right. If she's still alive,"_ the voice _was so fleeting half hoping.

"Why? You want to visit her? Give her a right o' fuck off and fuck you?"

"We could... Or not."

"I can't live like this." She laughed vilely. "I'm arguing with someone that isn't here."

"Can't you see me?" _It _sounded so concerned at the prospect of not being seen.

"Wish I couldn't, no offense." She felt a pang of regret after saying that. "Sorry." That had been her, well, what she looked like once.

"You need to decide. Now." The 'now' echoed like she had passed a death sentence.

Raven took a shallow breath and turned her attention to her forearm held hostage by a knife. One swipe and it would be over, one swipe and everything would be nothing and she could rest. Yet, she wondered would doing this, letting them win? All those who saw her as worthless, something that mercifully needed to dealt with, was she proving them right? By killing herself or letting herself live? She felt so tired that she wanted to kill herself just to end this madness, to put an end to all those memories and let herself have peace. But would she be forgotten like her mother? Would her memory be something edited and cropped, or erased from those who should cherish it the most? Her death would cause pain, to some at least, others would forget and move on but some might never stop grieving despite the happiness in their lives.

Did they matter? None of the people who would grieve excessively were helping her situation, why should she suffer for them? Why? No one was talking her out of this? No one had gotten an inkling about her and called. Or visited. No one that she needed to talk her down. She was alone in her apartment miles from home about the commit suicide while talking herself out of committing suicide. Raven nearly screeched at the sheer insanity of it, where the fuck was anybody? Why did she always have to pull herself up when she was down? Why doesn't anyone ever -

"Mama saved us once." _The voice _went looking down at her. "She saved us once. It was all she could do."

The gravity of the words tugged a mangled whimper out Raven's mouth. Her mother did save her once, she pulled her out the tub and tried to bring her back before Harris took her outside the bathroom. She had pleaded for her life. She could have ran for help and left her there to die. She never had to save her the way she did, it could have been worse. She wanted me to live.

She wanted me to survive and I will do that much for her.

The knife fell slack and Raven put it back where she found it and collapsed on the couch to sleep. Hopefully she still would get some sleep, undisturbed sleep. Raven felt her hallucinating demons could give her that much, and oddly enough they did. She slumped into her couch, a bloody, tear stained mess and was at peace knowing that when she woke up tomorrow she did it for her mother. Her mother who died her, she owed her that much, to stay alive.

"Raven, you must come have a drink with us?" One of her co-workers insisted. She was one of her first violinists, roughly her age.

"Oh no," she replied in french. "I shouldn't."

The play was done and over, she had performed back to back for three days, now that it was over and done with everyone wanted to go out for drinks. She had intended to go home and paint a bit or sketch, maybe crotchet again, she had gotten quite good at it. It was better for her considering that she had been suicidal a few weeks ago, but of course, no one knew that.

"You always work," the girl insisted. "Oh please Raven, you never come with us!" She grabbed Raven's hands. "Oh please come. We must celebrate."

Rachel used to beg like that, and she wanted to shrug it off and wallow in her apartment. But she may slip and see them, and she rarely saw them while she was in public. So with Rachel's expertly dyed hair and big hazel eyes in mind she nodded and the mousy little violinist had tugged her out the door. She was dying for a pint at least and she wouldn't be quite as alone.

The pub that she had been dragged to was swarming with mostly the technical crew and musicians, the actors and directors were probably elsewhere. Which didn't bother her, she never really bonded with the actors, and they never truly rolled with the Techies who often rolled their eyes at them when they weren't looking. Mostly everyone she got along with was there ordering drinking, laughing and chatting madly. Raven felt a bit out of place she hadn't done much socializing since her breakup with Loki and he had rightfully thrown her to the wind, when he didn't care you weren't worthy of his time. Not even for a prank. The thought of Loki made her buy three shots which she threw back like a champ much to the amusement of the rowdy men down the counter from her. She missed the lanky bastard, he would have been properly disgusted at her attempted suicide, call her pathetic and pity her like the mess she was, she ordered a shot of gin.

Wasn't she on a fine start? Drinking because of a man, a demigod who most likely was fucking some exotic beauty who lacked tattoos. The thought of it made her gut clench, and her eyes scanned the crowd, she hadn't even thought about dating again. Would sex be as good? Had the sonofabitch ruined her? Could she find someone to put up with her? Not even the God of Mischief dealt with her shit properly. No one had ever treated her the way she wanted when she was low, how promising. She had a bit of a buzz and was going to catch a cab when someone stopped her from dismounting her stool. It was Kelsey, she was one of the violinists who wasn't French, she was a bit quick in her fingers which made it a trial for her to play the slow parts. She often clung to Raven because she was better at french than she was and she spoke english. Kelsey was from Scotland when she figured out that she was Irish and took a liking to her on the basis their native brogue were often mix-matched. The French never got it.

"Hey there Irish!" She gave her a hearty slap.

Kelsey was also the only one who acted like her big sister when it wasn't work related. She was only three years older than her but those were like dog years to her. She was a few inches above Raven too which didn't help much either. She had orange red hair that fell in voluminous waves and green hazel eyes that made everyone double-take when you got a good look at them. She took a seat beside Raven, Kelsey knew she had a few in her, having spied the girl doing shots by herself and knew from experience that something was eating her.

"What do you want Braveheart?" Raven replied.

Kelsey laughed, "Oh there's fight left in you still. I here I thought you were drunk."

Raven gave a rotten look, "If I was drunk, I'd be on that table," she pointed to the accused furniture, "with a lovely lad or two."

"Only two?"

"I have some integrity."

"My apologies," sniggered Kelsey. "Up for a pint?"

Raven snorted in disgust, "A pint? A pint? We're having a scotch Braveheart," she called to the bartender. "My first big payout after a shit week." The glasses arrived at Kelsey slipped the money for both before Raven could protest. "This calls for the good stuff."

Kelsey took her glass, "Cheers."

"Cheers." They knocked glasses and sipped. "So why aren't you with the others? Not that I mind the company."

"Oh, I thought that you needed someone to talk to that wasn't guessing your bra size and tolerance."

Raven gave a slow nod and stared at her drink. "I really shouldn't be drinking," she blurted out.

Kelsey put her drink down. "Why?" She asked searching for any clue.

"I promise myself I wouldn't drink alone and in a bad mood," she took a sip. "Broke both my rules."

"I'm here," Kelsey remarked somewhat miffed.

"You weren't here when I started," Raven explained taking another sip. A long sip. "And you'll be here when I'm long gone." She drained her glass and rose to leave. "Bonsoir." Her ankles wobbled and Kelsey took her arm.

"I thought you said you would be on the table dancing?" She joked taking her outside. "Bloody tease."

"Next time Braveheart. Next time."

Kelsey really liked Raven, everyone at the theatre did too. Well they all admired her, rumors circulated that Raven was a musical prodigy that she had performed as a headliner in Ireland, England and of course New York. She had graduated from Julliard when she was twenty, and she that she had various offers for work and extending her studies. They heard that she could may well be the daughter of Tony Stark, but Stark was a somewhat common name in America and what were the odds of that? Raven being The Tony Stark's daughter? She never heard Raven ever mention her family except that she had a dad, a stepmother and a half-brother, along with three cousins that she adored. She never mentioned names, and people assumed that perhaps she was a private person, or cautious which at her age was wise. Raven was barely legal to drink and she was already in a foreign country getting shitfaced, and she had left home at sixteen traveling so extensively too via scholarships. She had to be careful.

She found the girl endearing with her youthful appearance and knowledgable mentality, she was a proper prodigy. Not only that she wasn't full of herself either, she loved it when you actually made jokes around her or about her. Most were too afraid to thinking that she'd fuck them over later, but Raven wasn't like that, Kelsey had seen her tend to one of the flute players who had the jitters. She was patient but when you got on her nerves you would hear that brogue in the gruff of her voice. That's how she knew she was Irish, it explained her temperament plenty.

As they waited for a cab Raven lit a cigarette, and Kelsey took the time to light a cigarette of her own. They stood silently in the dark waiting for cab when there was none and tried to hail ones that passed. Seeing that this was her time to chat up the mysterious Raven Kelsey took her chance.

"So? You come from New York? I've never been."

"I prefer Ireland," she replied flatly. "More green."

"You hate the city?"

"Sometimes."

Kelsey prayed a cab didn't stop just yet. "So are there other musicians in your family? My cousin plays a bit of piano but only cause our Nan nagged us too. He's a jack-of-all-trades, works in Manchester, well that's what he told me last time we spoke."

"Just me," she deadpanned as a cab pulled up. The driver's indicated she finished her cigarette with two long drags and hopped inside with a salute wave.

"Bye." Well at least she found something out about the girl. She was so bizarre. Even for a prodigy.

"She's so odd," one of her fellow musicians remarked when Kelsey rejoined them.

"Yes! I mean, how can one be so talented and working with our mediocre production?"

"Maybe for experience? Or a reference?"

"Still! It feels so strange taking direction from her."

"She's not that bad," Kelsey defended. "We should at least try to get to know her."

"But she doesn't come out with us when we ask!"

"Maybe she's shy," offered Kelsey. "She's barely twenty-one and already she's on her own. Were any of you fully supporting yourselves at her age in a country you don't know?" They all made disagreeable noises. "You see? She doesn't seem so odd now, does she?

"I suppose not."

Kelsey saw Raven in the open market a Saturday mornings, again you never realized how young she was until you saw her outside her element. She was a petit thing with an adolescent fashion sense, you would have taken her for someone's granddaughter sent for the daily groceries. She had this flat dark brown hair like a cape, spilling above her shoulders, fair skin that complimented those musician's fingers and the saddest brown eyes you've ever seen. Kelsey never saw this Raven at the theatre, her eyes were faraway in a daydream but you saw the misery in her face, the fatigue and a hardness that refused pity. It was none of her business to care about Raven Stark, if anything happened to the girl it was no skin off her nose. She owed the girl nothing, they weren't friends, not really, they chatted but you chatted with anyone that it meant nothing most of the time. What was it to her if Raven had such sad eyes. Because I like her, I think she's alright. I'm going to go talk to her and -

A car's brakes skidded and Raven heard a sickening thump. It should have meant nothing to her, a simple noise but her heart sank and she found herself running to the scene. Someone had been knocked down by a truck, people were screaming and crying, women were crossing themselves and a man was calling an ambulance while another was screaming for a doctor. Raven took one look at the red hair fanned out almost angelically and she knew who it was, there was blood everywhere making her heart crunch but she saw Kelsey and how everyone was just watching her suffer.

No one had helped her mother and she had became an orphan.

"I'm a doctor!" She bellowed pushing through the crowd.

Raven only knew what Bruce had told her including basic first aid, but it was better than just watching Kelsey die. She knelt down beside the girl and felt for her pulse, it was somewhat thready but there was time, she felt it in her gut. Possible spinal injury, okay, she can breathe pretty decent so probably no punctured lung, her legs aren't moving. Her legs aren't moving.

"Can you help her?" Someone asked.

"I'll do me best." She turned her to the safety position just like you were supposed to do when someone had a spinal injury, she had learned that in first aid. "Kelsey," she called to her, "Kelsey? Can you hear me Braveheart?" No response. Not good. "You have to stay with me alright? You have to stay with me." She took her hand while checking her pulse, Kelsey's fingers twitched in her grip, a faint indication of life.

As Raven tried to stop the bleeding without aggravating her injuries she noted that Kelsey was fading. The warm blood flow was slowing down and Raven knew that she was dying, from trauma rather than blood loss. Still she talked to the girl and ignored the pounding of her own chest at the sight of her hands coated in blood, she thought about her mother. Why do I always have to see people die violently? Why the hell did I do to deserve to see this suffering, why? The smell of blood was getting to her now and she wanted to vomit but she kept her hands pressed to the wound until the EMTs came relieved her of her duty. Yet she followed them and accompanied Kelsey to the hospital. Why? If she were to die, which she was, she shouldn't have to die alone. No one deserved that.

"Does she have any family?"

"Not here. She's from Scotland, she works with me... we're friends."

"Do you have their contact information?"

"No. Is she going to be alright?"

"I'm sorry, but her condition is extremely critical. You may see her if you want."

Her tiredness had excelled and each step she took to Kelsey's bedside was a battle, all the orderlies saw as a sign of shock and muttered apologies. Raven hated hospitals, more bad things had happened to her inn them than good. She barely knew Kelsey and yet here she was at the girl's deathbed. She wanted to scream and tear her hair out, why was she always front and center to death. Why? Her fist clenched her nails digging into her palms, she couldn't take this anymore, why did she have to go through this? Kelsey was hardly anyone dear to her but the thought of her family mourning over her, finding them to tell them that Kelsey was dead, her mother crying, that cousin she mentioned being brokenhearted. God, she didn't want to see it, to hear it, but it hardly mattered because she had seen it before and it made her imagination gallop. Her head burned and Raven sank to the ground.

"Not here," she begged her psyche. "Not now."

She was getting these headaches these splitting headaches that made her want to beat her her head against a concrete wall, she did once too. Had to wear a hat for two weeks. This headache made her flush and her skin itch like millions of bugs were crawling underneath it, she was getting weaker and cold. Cold. She had felt this before, once before.

She was dying. How ironic.

"_Use it. It needs to be used."_

What? What? My life?

"_The power inside you,"_ Raven turned her head and saw not the black wolf but the red coated one that played with her in her dreams. Wolf that chased the sun. _"Use it."_

I'm seeing wolves, I'm seeing wolves. God, I'm losing it.

"_The gift I gave you well ease the pain. Do not squander my gift little one skinned one." _

Everyone wants me to live, it seems. She mentally retorted. Whatever happened to letting the sick and tired rest?

"_You are neither. You fight this and it has fought back. Now make peace with it."_

Before Raven could further argue with her new hallucination she felt a warm chill in her hand, that wasn't new. She looked down and saw that her hand was glowing, glowing blue, Tesseract blue. She was going to have more problems that some memories and hallucinations. She should have told someone, I'm turning radioactive, her chest hitched in a panic, I'm becoming radioactive. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh G-

"_Use it."_

In Loki's memories, he mentioned that the Tesseract had more than one use, it could show new worlds that were hidden from The Nine. Not even Thor knew what it could do beside destroy things, and he demanded that Loki should tell him who told him this. Maybe there was more to the Tesseract that meets the eye, Fury did want it as an energy source, never mind it was to fuel weapons, it could be curbed. And wasn't energy in everything we did? Kinetic and so on. Maybe she could save Kelsey? Use her power to save someone, worth a try.

Raven pulled herself to her feet and searched for where the doctors had done the most work, it was an abdominal injury or spinal by the looks of it. She could do this. She pressed her hand lightly to the area glancing for any nurses, she let the warmth exit her hand spreading through her body. Raven saw the wound, from the inside, she saw the damage and the raw energy buzzing about aimlessly, she had to guide them. She instructed the energy to the wound to assisted the damaged cells to help them heal the effected area, just to give the cells a little boost not to heal her completely but to take her halfway, to the point Kelsey could help herself. The energy was not to alter anything. Nor were they to remain and imprint on her body. Assist and depart, leave no trace of yourself in this body. Come back to me when you're done.

Kelsey had come to during the process and saw Raven standing above her. She wanted to speak but she was so weak, and she wondered why she was sleeping hot and cold simultaneously. She saw Raven was touching her and her face was contorting in discomfort, was she crying? Over her? She looked down and saw her hand, her hand was glowing blue. She wanted to cry out for her to stop, stop whatever she was doing. It couldn't be any good but she was mute from the morphine that was making her sluggish. Raven's head turned and made a "shh" motion with her finger and lips, she no longer was the shy little girl, she seemed older now and all knowing with certainty, Kelsey relaxed despite her doubt. There was no ill intent in Raven's eyes and she wasn't in pain, but what was she doing?

Raven pulled her hand away and she patted her head in a maternal manner. "You'll be fine now."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

Astrid sat on her bed anxiously twisting her hands, this was her first big ball. Well, it may not be in her honor but she was allowed to attend and it was a grand occasion, which was equally important. She had been dressed in a light blue gown that fitted her perfectly and declared her status with its fine details. Her mother had just came to style her hair, it was a task that handmaids did for the other royal children but her mother told her it was a common tradition on Midgard. She said it was what all mother's did for their children, and sometimes even siblings or friends did, it was a gesture of love and trust. Astrid secretly liked her mother combing her hair for balls, she knew of secret Midgardian methods of making her hair pretty and curly, as well as beautiful assortments that made other princesses jealous. Raven had braided her hair once for a party that was in her honor, she had requested that she would give her a Midgardian style as a present to silence a fellow princess, and she did. She had given Astrid a tedious up-do that she insisted was meant for little princesses, she had this odd braid that seemed turned in reverse going around her hair, complimented with a red rose from Grandmother's garden. Mother had said she looked so pretty, and she did feel that way.

Raven wasn't here this time.

Father had said that Raven was a lady now, and on Midgard grown ladies leave home, earn wages, have jobs, and own their own homes. Other princesses found this barbaric and believed that Midgardian women who did this were of no status, and were stripped of their family name. They had no idea that women could be rulers, that many do not rely on marriages for security and saw court life as a charade. She could have lived on Midgard but her father loved Asgard and he was in line for the throne someday, he needed to here more than Midgard. Astrid wished she could visit Raven, she had told her briefly of the places she visited in her life and she wished she could see them herself. Midgard was as vast and diverse, if not more so than Asgard. There were so many lands of different cultures, histories and languages, her mother promised she could visit some of them when she was older. With Raven, if circumstances allowed her.

Circumstances were the reason Raven wasn't here. Her fellow princesses pitied the Midgardians for having such short, fragile lives, but they do so much in their time, she had argued, they lived so vigorously to make up for that. Once she had asked Raven, when her parents weren't near, if she pitied being mortal. People can live more in a short life than some do with eternities, she had told her, because they know time is short and use it wisely. The thought of dying someday makes some people live how they want to because they now they have only one chance to get it right. Her father once told her that Raven achieved so much because she was wiser than most Midgardians, that was why she seemed much more grown up although she was quite youthful.

Maybe that's why she and Uncle Loki got along so well.

Uncle Loki was wise but Lady Sif often called him cunning, when he wasn't around. Her uncle was the God of Mischief and Lies, many never trusted him because of that moniker. Whenever she saw him he had never once held her like her other aunt and uncles or Raven did, he was restrained and polite. His presence did unnerve her at times, he was so tall and never dressed in joyful colors always black and green, he seldom visited and he never ever played with her. At the Christmas parties she attended she saw that he did... like Raven. Many times she saw them speaking together or she saw Raven tug him to see something or to try something. She wasn't intimidated by him at all, she even gave him presents and openly chided him if she suspected he was playing her false about liking it. Father said that Raven was the only person that would challenge Loki and fear no consequence.

Once she asked Raven to get Uncle Loki to join in a game with her. She never forgot what she had told her, _"Astrid, I'm going to tell you a secret. Your Uncle Loki, he can't stand someone playing messenger with him, or being chicken. If you want him to do anything you go up to that silly bean pole and tell him you want him to do something. Tug on his arm if he keeps you waiting. Don't let him scare you, because he pretends to be serious. Your Uncle Loki, keep this a secret, only likes people who are brave enough to be fearless. Be brave. He can rather picky with his friends and I'm afraid you have to keep his attention to get anywhere." _

Raven was fearless. She had ridden Uncle Loki's horse once, he was a wild stallion that only let his master ride him. He had thrown her off once but she got right back on him and with some bucking, the beast accepted her and became docile under her reign. Uncle Loki wasn't even mad when he found out, he had laughed while her father had scolded her for being so reckless. Van said that Raven always got in trouble because she always did what she wanted. Loki likes rule breakers, Van had told her, that's why he likes Raven more than anyone because she breaks rules and isn't afraid of anything. You always do what your told. Uncle Tony had often called Raven a Wild Child when he was talking to her father, she regretted eavesdropping but she couldn't help it sometimes, it was the only way she found out anything. Uncle Tony had said that Raven hated being babied (while she was eavesdropping), she was too smart for own good.

Tatiana believed that Uncle Loki liked Raven so much because she was so smart. Smart people like smart people so they can talk about smart people things. Tatiana was intimidated by Uncle Loki, and her parents never liked him very much so she was never encouraged to speak to him. But she was close with Raven, who was close with Uncle Loki. Tatiana said that Raven wasn't just intelligent, she was a genius, her mind had been created to quicker to learn things since birth and she became wiser as she grew up. Geniuses can do anything, Uncle Tony is a genius and look what he can do! He made a suit powered by his arc reactor and is a super hero like our daddies, my daddy says that he was born that way and so is Raven. And when you're super smart they put you in special classes because you learn things so quickly, and on TV they say that geniuses like to be around other smart people because then they don't have to pretend to be stupid. They called it... intellectual stimulation. She believed that since Uncle Loki was so smart that he liked Raven only because she was smart enough for his company.

Astrid wanted her uncle to like her, but never seemed interested in her. Was she boring? Dull? Was she daft to him? A silly little girl? When Raven was her age they were friends, why couldn't they be friends also? If not, uncle and niece. She would be brave and take Raven's advice, she would demand her uncle's friendship.

Now to find him.

"Father?" She came into his chambers with a polite knock.

Her father, the mighty Thor was speaking with no other than her Uncle Loki. Her quest had been cut short as well as her mental preparation to be so unladylike with her sombre uncle. They were so different her uncle and father, like night and day, though their eyes were somewhat the same hue they were each drastic different from the other. Her father's eyes were like a clear Asgardian day in the heart of summer, so bright and welcoming. Her uncle's eyes were like winter, and they could darken to a near green if he were cross enough. They could give you frostbite, those eyes.

"Yes Astrid?" Her father spoke. "Was is it?"

Be brave, Raven had said, he can rather picky with his friends and I'm afraid you have to keep his attention to get anywhere.

"I wish," her throat ran dry and she swallowed hard. Be brave. "I wish, to speak with Uncle Loki, alone." They both stared at her, Loki had no expected the request and his face displayed it openly.

Thor exchanged looks between them. "Of course." His face broke into a support smile as he left. Patting her shoulder as he passed he gave her an approving nod closing the door behind him.

They were alone now as she asked and Loki was slowly walking up to her, for a moment she pondered if she was ready to do this. They rarely ever had been alone together.

"Yes Astrid?" Said Loki. "Was is it do you wish to speak to me about?" He was so formal with a militant stance. He was never like this with Raven.

"Yes. I-" She resisted the urge to twist her dress. "I would like- I want us to be... friends."

His face betrayed astonishment. "What?"

"I wants us to be friends." Her confidence grew. "Like how you are with Raven."

Astrid saw something in her uncle's face. At the mention of Raven's name, instead of a look of kindness or affection, she saw (and she really did) disdain in his stare. His mouth had twisted in a manner she never saw, and his stance faltered entirely, as if he had recoiled at the mention of her name. Then he regained himself.

"As me and Raven are?" His voice was cold and Astrid was nervous once more. "Why?" He nearly barked it at her.

"You always talk to her," Astrid explained. "Everyone thinks it's-"

"Who is this everyone?"

"Tatiana and Van. They said it was because Raven's smart and likes mischief, like you."

The words "like you" brought out another reaction, her Uncle Loki had turned his back and Astrid swore there was tension in his fists when he clasped them behind him back. The topic of Raven was upsetting him but she dare not comment on it. If the mere mention of her was breaking his resolve, imagine an entire discussion of her. He would surely burst.

"That's what they said?" He was looking down at her, making her shrink in her heart. "What did you gather?"

"Raven said you dislike cowards and only like things that hold your interest."

"I asked you Astrid," he said discomforting slow. "What. Do. You. Think?"

"That you don't like me," she blurted out.

Loki's face softened. "That's what you think?" She nodded. "And you sought out advice to get my attention?" She nodded shamefully.

" She said that I shouldn't let you scare me." She casted her face down.

"I frighten you?" He was tender now. She nodded. "That was not my intention Astrid." His hand touched her shoulder, opposite where her father's touch had been.

The touch had felt like a green light and Astrid had launched herself at him and hugged him tightly at the waist. She held on before all her courage faded, no one but Raven ever hugged Loki. The fact he wasn't pushing her away was monumental, he was letting her hold on him and she was so happy. So happy that some of the fear had evaporated from her heart.

"Can we be friends? Can we?" She begged in a whisper.

Loki pulled away and knelt down so they were level. "Yes we can. But," he interrupted her internal cheer, "as I do appreciate you seeking counsel, you can assure me you won't go riding my horse, will you?" She shook her head sincerely. "Raven was a lonely child, she had no friends and is not like any normal child by any Realm. Do not follow her example," he warned.

His warning troubled Astrid, if he liked children like her then why did he tell her not to be like Raven. And what did he mean by her not being normal? He didn't sound right the way he said it, did he mean her intelligence? If not, why not say so? What did he mean by "any Realm"? Before she could speak Loki had taken Astrid's hand to escort her downstairs to the ball. Since they were now friends it should be normal but Astrid puzzled as she walked with him. What was wrong with Uncle Loki? Why did he say that? Raven never acted lonely, or ever seemed unhappy. She was normal to her, why wasn't she normal to him? Why had he been so mad when she mentioned her in the beginning of their conversation?

Was something wrong? With Raven and Loki?

Tatiana had begged her father (not her mother because she knew she could withstand persistent begging until her lungs collapsed, literally) if she could stay with Astrid for a weekend and attend the ball with her. She secretly wished that Raven had come too but Auntie Jane had said that Auntie Pepper said that Raven was too busy working to come. She was greatly disappointed, when Raven had left for college she had cried and cried in her father's arms when she got home. Although she had Raven were not sisters she felt as if she had lost a sister, Raven used to babysit her always when her parents had missions or when they wanted alone time. They were like sisters, in her heart. Astrid was always on Asgard, she hardly knew anything, she thought it was silly that she missed Raven so much when Van didn't, and she saw her absence as being on a great mission. Van thought she was being a baby like Bucky or Jamal, they were sad to see Raven go to since they too were used to having her around. But Bucky got to see more of her being close to her old college, and so did Jamal since Uncle Bruce always visited Uncle Tony more than anyone. Something about his houses being Hulk-proof.

Van thought that she was being a baby. He didn't miss Raven but she knew that he was lying, how could he not miss Raven? She was so cool and so awesome. But whenever she saw Van, he hardly seemed fazed by Raven's absence, he played with Timber or with his other friends but he hardly seemed to miss Raven. He used to miss her when he was little, her mommy told her, but he got used to her not being there, and she would too. How could you get used to missing someone? Tatiana didn't like it, it sounded mean. Her daddy had said that Raven would be home for Christmas this year, but why did she have to wait so long? Why-?

Astrid was being escorted in by Loki, and she didn't look the least bit uncomfortable. In fact she looked happy. Tatiana instinctively shrank back beside her Uncle Thor, her mommy and daddy didn't like Loki that much and told her not to be alone with him, that he liked to play tricks and they often got out of hand. Her daddy said that Loki played a mean trick on Uncle Tony with Raven and Raven nearly got hurt, Raven's a good sport but Loki doesn't think things through so don't let him talk you into anything. He forgets we're human sometimes. Why was Astrid and Loki so chummy now? She thought that Astrid was afraid of him, that he was creepy and super serious? And now she couldn't talk to Astrid because she was hanging around with Loki, just her luck. It made her want Raven here more than ever, she had come here to keep Astrid company and now she was all be herself.

It's not fair.

She thought that Loki only liked Raven, that's what her mommy said, he liked Raven because she wasn't afraid of anything or anyone. Raven was fearless and wicked smart. Why was Loki with Astrid, who was neither and a bit annoying? It made no sense and Tatiana didn't like it. Everyone was going to start hanging around Loki and she wasn't allowed to, it wasn't fair.

"What is the matter Tatiana?" Her Uncle Thor asked her.

"Nothing," she muttered. "I feel a little sick." She wanted to go home.

"I see," he rubbed her shoulder concerned and beckoned a maid to escort her back to her room.

Astrid hardly seemed to miss her, she was too busy with her Uncle Loki and once Tatiana was alone she crawled into bed and cried. She didn't feel like a baby but she just had the urge to cry, if Raven were here she would have followed her and soothed her. Raven would wipe her tears and ruffle her hair, calling her little Tatty or mouska like what her mother sometimes called her, she only used that when her mother was away. Was she really being a baby for missing Raven? Her daddy didn't think so, he said it was sweet that she missed her so much, but he told that being sad all the time would make Raven sad. She didn't want to make anyone sad but she remained in her lush guest room and pretended to be sick when Auntie Jane came to check on her.

Tatiana didn't like having normal friends, with normal friends you weren't allowed to talk about Avenger stuff. With Astrid, Van, Bucky, Jamal and Raven, she could. Raven told her that it was hard to talk to other people because they couldn't understand, but, you just have to find someone who's a good listener and who will try to understand. Tatiana heard that Raven didn't want to be an Avenger, she was the first person, one of them, who said openly that she had no desire to be a superhero. None of them had ever said that. Astrid wanted to be a warrior like her father, Van wanted his own suit and Bucky wouldn't mind being a hero, Jamal might end up being a Hulk like his daddy, but she had no idea what she wanted. She liked training sometimes, jumping, back flipping and wrestling with her dad but that thought of being an agent was terrifying. Raven said it was okay to have doubts, to think things through. She said that it was normal to unsure, and that she had plenty of time to make up her mind. _It's your life and don't let anyone tell you different Tatty, you have to live with whatever you are, not anyone else. _Van thought his sister was weird for wanting to an artist, Tatiana thought she was brave. That if she couldn't be a superhero than neither did any of them.

Raven made music, she wrote songs with or without words, and played in fancy opera houses, Van thought it was boring. Tatiana thought it was wonderful and beautiful that she could create something with her hands and mind, even more braver than Raven wanted to be normal and was living like a normal person. She was going her own way. She was a rebel.

She was Tatiana's hero. Her secret hero.

Raven prayed for death. The injuries she had relieved Kelsey of her rebounding on her and slowly healing dragging out every minute of pain. She convulsed on the bathroom floor, choking on her own tongue, and bitterly when death was in her eyes life shot through like a blinding light. Second time in her life she nearly died on a bathroom floor, still she woke up and breathed. Had her body learned nothing? You're only going to suffer more with every moment you fight death away. You stupid fool. Why did she keep waking up?

"Just let me die already," she moaned as the blood from her nose and ears dripped onto the floor. "Just let me die." She punched the floor. Haven't I suffered enough?

The pain had became the night she came home from the hospital, she called in sick in the morning before her seizure had began. It was subtle at first, an ache like she had been beaten but it spread along her body like an infectious disease. Her back released a bolt of pain that sent her to her knees, her spine was mimicking paralysis and she felt the numbness creep along her legs. She felt the sensation of losing her legs, she had to stifle her screams and prayed that she lost consciousness but, she didn't. Raven watched as her legs physically remained the same yet as feeling left them as whatever surrounded them, touched them became nothing. She tried to walk, she had crawled and grappled for leverage but they kept buckling and her spine yelped at the forced use that it couldn't support. She had to gag herself as the other effects came down on her, a concussion, the seizure, the internal ruptures, little blood had left her but she felt everything.

Her day had bled away with the pain. She had taken to stabbing her thighs hoping that her paralysis wasn't permanent, that a new injury would confuse her rebound, to remind herself that all it took was a flick of her wrist and she could bleed away. Never open her eyes.

"You'll prove them right," _it _murmured. "You'll be weak, to them. A mad coward."

She still appeared, in the fever dream of her torture. She was hardly balm but a splash of scalding alcohol on her open wounds. A phantom that preyed on her weakness, her vulnerability.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" She coughed as she removed her gag.

"It will pass. It's not permanent. If you can endure."

"And if I didn't do it?" Raven hissed. "Then what?"

"If you don't use it. I come," _it _sounded so pleased in its neutrality. "I manifest and so does..." Raven heard the growl in her room. "Him."

"What is the point of you? To torture me, to turn me into a host? To create another Tesseract?"

Those eyes seemed lost at her accusations. "My concern is you. You are me, and I you. I go where you go. I don't care about the Tesseract, even though it brought me here."

"And him?"

"He smells wolf in you. That's all he tells me."

Raven stabbed her calf, blood trickled down her leg to the floor. "How comforting. Can you go now? Take him with you." She jutted out her chin to her bedroom.

"We'll be gone soon. When it's over. The good wolf said you have to use it or you'll die." She knelt down and Raven felt water on her knees. "Remember. Use it or die."

She was alone again and she felt the blood running down her leg, the stings of her shallow punctures. She wasn't lying, that was unexpected. Raven swore the apparition would lie to her, she had no reason to tell her the truth, but she didn't want to trust her completely. She still was a radioactive illusion, Raven would however look into using her power thing, without healing people and drawing attention to herself.

"I can do that. I got into Julliard at sixteen, I can do this."

There was puddles of blood, sweat and saliva all over her bathroom floor, the sight made her stomach lurch and she hefted herself on her feet. The swoon of her head made her nausea worse and she emptied her stomach into the sink, there was blood in her bile. Two messes to clean up, but she felt strong, more like herself despite the blood she spilt and the ordeal her body forged through. Her hallucination had been telling the truth and guiltily it eased her mind to have an ounce of certainty about her condition. Now to make a system, after she cleaned the bathroom.


	7. Chapter 7

**I know this story is bit much guys, but I swear it's gonna get better. Think of this as setting a stage. Please bear with me, you won't regret it. As always please review even if you want to tell me off. Review tell me that your here. Reviews fuel updates. XXOO**

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_**Chapter 7**_

Raven wasn't coming home for Christmas. She had to work and couldn't make it, so Pepper had told Tony when he asked about it. Poor Tatiana was going to be so sad, Clint had said she was really looking forward to seeing Raven and she had yet to log on to Skype for weeks. She working, Tony told himself when parental worry crept into his heart, she'll call home if something's wrong, she's just enjoying Paris. Tony had been looking forward to seeing Raven also, he missed his little girl but he refused to let her absence damper the mood of the party. She would have wanted them to have fun without her, and it was Christmas, no time for moping.

"She's not coming?" Van echoed. "What can she be doing that's so important? It's Christmas!"

"I know buddy," he rubbed his head. "But it happens and you know that artists they work all around the clock."

"But it's music! She's not a movie star!" He protested. "Now I have to play with Tatiana!" He whined.

For a moment Tony thought that Van was cranky because his sister wouldn't be home but he was mad about Tatiana. Of course only he would be worried.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Because now that Astrid is hanging out with Loki, Tatiana won't play with her." Seeing his father's confusion Van rolled his eyes. "Auntie Natasha and Uncle Clint don't like Loki, remember?"

"How did you know-"

"Everyone knows that Dad," he scoffed. "Because they don't like him Tatiana is afraid of him, so she won't play with Astrid anymore."

Tony rubbed the corners of his eyes. Even without trying Loki caused trouble, and now Tatiana would be hoping coat tails since Raven wasn't coming. Apparently Van and Bucky were her first choice. Bucky being another Steve Rogers hardly cared but Van cared, he was too cool for little girls like Tatiana especially ones that questioned his leadership, being the oldest. Jamal the little bumblebee would be wherever excitement followed, Van only tolerated him as an audience.

"It can't be that bad, you used to play with Raven."

"Raven wasn't a baby like Tatiana," Van corrected. "And she never wanted me to play stupid games."

Tony sighed, of course Raven was the exception to the rule. She was the only cool one in the female gender. She never liked girls much neither, excepting her two closets female friends but even then she preferred the company of boys.

"C'mon give Tatiana a chance. Raven wouldn't like it if you're mean to her."

Van sighed just like his father, exactly the same. He reacted to the same threat just as if someone had dared to tell Pepper something that Tony had done, or hadn't done. "Fine but if she makes me play something girly all bets are off!" His waved his arms for emphasis.

"Understood," agreed Tony. "Shake on it?" He offered his hand and begrudgingly Van took it knowing it had been carved in stone. He had to play with her now.

"Kay, but I mean it. No girly games or I'm bailing."

"Alright, alright," laughed Tony. "I'll pass it along for you."

Having the other kids here did take away the absence of his prodigal daughter, the laughter, the running around, it filled the empty space in the room. Even Loki made an appearance which cemented poor Van's fate, and sure enough Tatiana made a beeline past Loki and avoided him all together. He was a bit daunting in a kid's eyes, so tall and imposing no wonder Tatiana was so scared of him she was terribly bashful with everyday people. The reason she and Raven were so close was because was Raven seemed to speak the secret language of timidness, she had this way of making her comfortable and confident. It was the reason Clint and Natasha let Raven babysit her so much, Tatiana was at ease under Raven's wing and having been a trouble kid she knew how kids' heads worked and could break through their little insecurities.

"Uncle Tony," Bucky tugged at her shirt seam, "is Raven on Skype?"

It was funny how Bucky knew more about the world than his dad sometimes, especially about things like Skype. He was a bit of a computer wiz. The best thing he got from his mother.

Tony checked the app, she was still offline. "Sorry Bucky, she's still offline. How about I send her a private message wishing her a Marry Christmas?"

Deflated he nodded glumly. "Kay. I wish Raven was here though." That was Bucky's way of whining, he had the same adorable manners that his father had and any protests were done a quiet tone. Raven used to call him Grandpa Bucky, joking that he had been born old while his father had cheated his years.

When Raven was at Julliard he heard that she had taken to visiting Steve in Brooklyn and of course she and Bucky were close because of it. He liked Raven out of a sense of familiarity, she was not just Van's big sister, she was everyone's big sister. She had taken turns babysitting each of the kid's, telling them stories, cooking for them, helping them with homework or playing with them. She was everyone's Raven, and not just his, it touched him knowing that with time Raven had become so ingrained with everyone's lives. Like a glue keeping everyone together, and she wasn't even here when they all were together.

Oh the irony.

Spying her son's unhappiness Kate knelt down and gave her little son a kiss and a snuggling hug. Kate Rogers was a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, rumor was that Steve developed a crush on her during a mission and the honey brown eyed beauty had fallen for the solider hard. Tony had been the best man at the wedding while Van was the ring bearer and Raven a flower girl with Astrid. He had been the last Avenger to get hitched. Well, before Bruce shocked them all and everyone had been cheering when it was announced. The two were perfect for each other and couldn't be more happy.

"Maybe she's met a boy," Natasha remarked as Tony paused to look out to the snow covered New York.

"What?" Clint turned his head to his wife. "A boy?"

"She's never brought home of boy to met Tony since high school," Natasha supplied. "Maybe she's found someone she really likes and what's to have him to herself."

"Raven?" Clint held back a chuckle. The thought of headstrong Raven all starry-eyed over some boy was hilarious, he had seen the girl give peering boys the finger on numerous occasions. When she thought no one was watching. She was a handful like her father, unable to commit to unless you were committed. "C'mon Nat, really?"

"She's old enough."

"This is Raven. Tony's daughter?" He hinted.

"Alright," she gave in, "several boys." If she was more like Tony, Clint mentally countered.

Clint shook his head and glanced at Tony. "I'd like to see you tell him that."

"I prefer not to ruin the holidays Clint."

"Hey," he held up his hands, "you brought it up."

"Only because his disappointment is so obvious. He should just call her and spare himself and us the suspense."

Her words may have been harsh but Natasha truly did mean well, Raven had been the first child they all had to get used to, she had helped them get ready for their own children. She had been everyone's Raven, and Natasha knew when someone was avoiding someone or drifting away, and perhaps she was just missing the girl but she hated ignoring a pink elephant in a room. Especially when it needed addressing. Raven was growing up but she had an inkling it was more than newfound independence happening here.

Christmas alone. How fitting.

She wanted to go home, a part of her wanted to go home. A small tiny shimmer wanted to run back to the light in her life and let the darkness that was shrouding her, hounding her to depressive madness to evaporate for a few days. She wanted to see her family even if it was just looking at and hearing them, she wanted to see some happiness to keep hers afloat. But it was impossible, dangerous. Loki could be there, another part warned her, he would find out expose you. He would see my broken heart, and he would either kick me for it or try to help me. Raven had the luxury for neither, for if he helped her he would find out about the Tesseract, he would find out what happened because of him. She couldn't let him find out, she would suppress it and he would never know. Who knows after a few years he would forget about her and Midgard and go somewhere better for him. He could find someone better, better than you. Someone befitting him.

Yes. Someone better that me. Someone who won't leave him when it gets hard. Someone strong that would love him no matter what he does, that would keep forgiving him no matter what he does. Not someone like me.

Not damaged goods.

Raven sat a bridge edge out in the snow and cold with a single bottle of wine in her hand, it was something red and partially cheap but hey, wine was for Christmas. Cowardice made her bail and fear that her hallucination was give her a run around, she couldn't risk slipping up in front everyone and possibly Loki who would smell the faintest lie. No, she couldn't slip up now, she wouldn't let herself be a display anymore, no more labs and tests, no surveillance. She refused to be locked up. Never again. Raven would never be locked up and tied down ever again. She would never be a made a spectacle of, not again.

"Not again," she vowed aloud.

Tears burned her eyes as she balanced on the rail, she wanted to go home now before she lost her head. Raven tried to turn her body while clutching her bottle of wine when her foot had slipped on ice. She screamed and the wine fell.

She hadn't come after all, Loki noted as the evening progressed. No matter. Astrid had taken a sudden shine to him and refused to leave his side for a moment, he had grown unaccustomed to such attention but it was coming back to him. She was still a bit of an idiot like her father but she was keeping him occupied, and it did repel Thor nagging him to interact with everyone.

He doubted that she was working. No amount of work would overwhelm her to the point she would deny herself seeing her family, all them, at Christmas. He suspected that she was avoiding him. How childish to think that her presence would bother him, how conceited of her. She did have her father's arrogance after all. If she wanted him gone, then he would leave. If his person was such a hinderance to her, he would not go near her.

She claimed he consumed her, he was a force of constraint. Loki had no idea how to reply to that, Raven had bluntly said he, his love was harmful to her. His initial thought was that their secrecy had waned her conscience, if so he would have confessed to Stark, perhaps asked for her hand if prodded. But Raven did not want that, she wanted him to leave than reveal them to the world. Would the shame, on her part, have been too much for her? He had assumed that shame was not a concern, she had said so. Had her thoughts changed?

When Raven spoke of her mother's love, her voice was wispy like a child's. Perhaps he had been wrong in loving her, as mature her thinking may had been she was barely of age when he bedded her. She still was a child to many and technically still one at that time. He hardly preyed on her, but were they both at fault for letting it escalate? Loki loved Raven, and at his core he never regretted touching her, hearing those moans, the tenderness in her touch, her erotic demands, her voice when she called his name. He would never regret that night nor any time, but if he had truly acted selfishly in the subject of her mental capacity of loving him, he would keep his distance. Loki wasn't ignorant, he knew that it wouldn't be easy for anyone most of all Raven to accept him completely, not the way he was intimately intertwined with her family, the Avengers.

If fate was kind perhaps they would meet again, when it was better. When she was older. If not, well, he was the God of Mischief and Lies. He loved Raven Stark, and if he had to wait to have her once again he would wait. Racing after her would do nothing but harm. She had left her mark on his heart, it would not leave him in haste, nor did he want it to, she would not be lost to him in a flurry. But this would be put aside until later. Right now he allowed anger to enter him, because of her, he gave himself moment to feel betrayal at their parting.

He hated Raven Stark.

For catching him off guard and damaging his heart.

For making him question himself.

For offering himself to her only to be rejected.

For having his love returned.

She dare steal his heart and then have the gall to give it back. He had once believed Odin was cruel to deny him the love and favor he gave Thor without question but Raven had proven him wrong. She had been cruel. He let her seduce him, and she does this? He would have made her a goddess if she asked for it, he would have beseeched Odin for that girl and she discarded him. A mere child before him, barely a woman and she bested him. Loki only admitted this in his mind. Worse of all, she had know him so well. He allowed that girl, that child, to know him so intimately and still she wasn't satisfied. She counseled his own niece to gain his favor because his reputation and disposition had overwhelmed her, and Raven had been true in every word. He enjoyed daring things and courage, he hated cowardice and stupidity. Raven had been a coward when she discarded him.

Let her body age and let her rot. I don't care what happens to that girl, spoke his ache.

Still it wasn't like her to disregard the children, mostly the Barton brat who cowered from him to avoid her parents displeasure. She would have flocked to Raven who have gladly devoted herself to the child's happiness, she always was so eager to offer herself to help others even at her own expense. Raven always compromised herself so no one would be unhappy. She didn't compromise for him however, she had never been predictable and he never despised that until that moment. Worse she had been honest with him, another factor he had admired but now hated.

Astrid tugged on his arm to get his attention and gaily he put on a convincing smile for the girl. "What is it Astrid?"

"Raven isn't coming," she whispered hushed.

"So?" He replied. "No reason to let the evening spoil." Or any other endeavors, he added mentally.

Raven dangled for her life, she had slipped on a slush of ice and had just managed to hook her fingers on the intertwines of the rail. Just barely, and her gloves were not helping her grip. In fact her fingers were gradually slipping, easing backwards. Her heart pounded and she wanted to scream but what use was it? It was Christmas night, no one would be there to help her. If, no- when she fell, her body was going to hit icy waters, if the fall didn't cripple her or send her to the abyss of her mind, the ice and water would drown her. Drown, the word curdled her stomach, I'm going to drown. The thought made her cackle with tears in her eyes, I'm right back where I started, where I should have ended. Funny how I gave up a painless to die like this, how metaphorical.

"Story of my life!" She screamed into the unforgiving night.

She was slipping and Raven braced herself but she didn't want to die. Give her a knife and maybe, a gunshot, hit and run but not drowning. The thought of drowning made her ill to her soul. After all these years Raven had indeed swam, but she never swarm in anything that was an inch from her fingertips when she had them in the air. She never went to the deep end of any pool or pond, because she feared that she would drown. Tony had taken her to the beach many times but she never went out far, only until the water reached mid chest then she would turn back. Never when there were waves either, it had to flat and near dead with any current. She never wanted to experience that suffocating sensation again, never again did she want to feel the pain of not getting air of water filling her lungs as a force held her under, flailing for help when there was none. She never wanted to feel that way again. Ever. To feel life leave only to come back again.

Her fingers were stinging from their pathetic grip, I'm gonna fall. God not like this. She tried to clench but her joints wailed and she saw her fingers rolling further and further off the rails back toward her. This was it, she was going to die.

She felt fear.

She wanted to go back.

Back somewhere to where she had been before.

The park. That's it. The park where she had decided to walk through.

She fell.

The wind whipped through her and she screeched like a dying eagle that been shot down. She was weightless but horror made her fall faster. She saw the water approaching her, how it sped toward her like a collision about to happen. No, not here. Not here. Her mind went the park she had walked through, why hadn't she stayed there? Instead of coming on the bridge, why? Why hadn't she stayed- there?

It tugged her, something had yanked Raven back like a magnetic yoyo and her body crashed into a pile of snow. It broke her fall somewhat but it didn't stop her from puking her guts out.

She was alive.

Raven's body shuddered unnaturally from the teleportation and her heart hammered rapidly as if it was going to burst in her chest. She held her chest and sank in the snow, she appeared somewhat angelic in her dark red and black clothes and heeled black boots, growing hair fanned out like a curtain. White breath exited her mouth in short ragged puffs, her eyes fluttered struggling to stay awake but the fleeting snowflakes that hit them seemed to be forcing them shut. Her body was becoming so cold and limp, she head titled to the sky where the last thing she saw, before peaceful darkness took her, was a lone shooting star blazing like a flare.

Tony worried about Raven sometimes. He had done the best he could for her, but sometimes he felt that his daughter needed more than what anyone could give her. His mind always went back to that fight, when he didn't have the courage to tell her to her face that he and her mother had been nothing but a fling. He had felt so low, he had finally out done his father and had broken his daughter's heart. She had ran off for nearly two days, she had smelt of booze and cigarettes when she came back and was undeniably hungover. The worst part was like she didn't care that it had broken his heart, like she wanted to hurt him, she knew that he never wanted her to drink like him, she knew that he didn't want her running wild. Yet she had done it all, just to hurt him. He couldn't even look at her when she came through the door, Pepper had to ground her. She had to be the parent.

Raven had this way of getting under his skin, simply be catching your eye. She had these eyes dark like onyx and they could chill your blood or lift your spirits. Her therapist, the one she had in her teenage years, warned him that the reason Raven had been nearly misdiagnosed as a sociopath was because she acted like one.

Raven is capable of hurting others, we know that, but remember all this stems from the injustice she feels over her mother's death. And since vengeance is out her grasp and justice was not carried out she releases this feelings by extracting revenge on people who hurt her. Or, maybe someone she cares about. She can switch her mind off if need be. She can tuck away her conscience if it hinders her. You see, her mother's death may not be the only injustice she feels, she only resents her godmother for abandoning her and all these feelings she had to keep bottled up so as not to completely be consumed by hate, she aims it at someone who as hurt her.

Also the fact that Raven can be very charming, made her previous psychiatrists fear that she masks her suffering to avoid an excessive amount of counseling. You see Raven Stark, I fear may never truly recover from her trauma. She knows nothing but grief and sadness, although she can be happy she doesn't know how to be like anyone else. I can do my best but I think- I know, that Raven has been holding back from me, she's aware that the more I know, the more I tell you and I think she's afraid about that.

The best thing you two can do is love her, and be patient with her. That's all that darling girl needs, love and patience. She is going to difficult the deeper she grows into adolescence, she's not afraid of getting hurt or hurting others.

Was hating me a part of that? Raven had hated him for a while, Tony knew that, the moment he hadn't said a word, she had hated him. When she came home hungover, she had hated him. When she kept sneaking out that summer with that boy, she had hated him. When he had caught a glimmer of a pack of condoms in her purse, Raven had hated him. That was the Summer of Hate, he had spent most of his time with Van just to avoid thinking about it. About how bad he had messed up.

Pepper had been so pissed at him for ignoring her that summer, the last summer she would spend with him before college. Raven was going to be with Marshall the next summer, then she would be gone. Pepper wanted him to go find her and talk it out but there was nothing to talk about, he didn't love Vivian, never did and nothing he said would make it okay.

"Why don't you just try and say something?"

"Because she hates me either way Pep! I fucked up and nothing I do or say will undo it."

"So you're just going to leave it?" She had shrilly cried. "How is that better?"

"I'll avoid digging a deeper grave." He had poured his third glass of whiskey.

"Tony, leaving it alone is digging a deeper grave. You need to go to her and tell her you're sorry and-"

"You didn't see her face Pepper," he cut her off. "The look in her eyes, the way she looked at me, it was like I had put Vivian in her grave." He spoke hollowly. "There's nothing more to be said."

"She going to be going to college soon Tony. She spending her last summer with Marshall Helms after she sorts college out. This is your last chance before she leaves."

"I should have listened to you then," he murmured still gazing out at New York.

Pepper paused and wrapped her arm around his, "About what?"

He sighed rubbing his slightly graying beard, "About Raven. I should have talked to her back then." His voice was tired and worn rumbled with regret. "Sometimes I feel like, I could have done more for Raven."

"Tony," she squeezed his shoulder, "don't say that." She rubbed his back. "She's missed Christmas before."

"Twice when she had spent them with Marshall," he stated. "Never for work." He drank his good holiday scotch. "I feel like I'm losing her sometimes you know, ever since she was fifteen, I've been losing her."

Pepper wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Tony you are an amazing father. You hear me, you did your best and Raven loves you with all her heart."

"Still doesn't undo this knot in my gut," he remarked more like himself.

Pepper smiled understandably, "Then why don't you call her?"

His lips pursed grimly. "Her phone's off. Since when does she do that?"

For a moment Pepper faltered and her hug clenched instinctively. That was not normal of Raven, her phone never died, and she often dashed for charger when it was screaming low battery. A maternal knot formed in her stomach and she too was worried.

"We'll call her tomorrow she see if she's alright," Pepper offered shaking off the bad omen at her heels. "Maybe she turned it off to get some peace and quiet?"

"Maybe," Tony nodded unconvinced. "Maybe."

A part of him wondered if he should have let her gone to Paris, or counseled on another course. But what would it have mattered? She was a full fledged adult, legally at least, he had no say in what she did anymore. He wish he did though, just to have kept her home. To be with his sweet little princess by his side a while longer.


	8. Chapter 8

_****_**As promised I have an update. Shout out and drinks to all of you who are still with me. PLEASE STAY WITH ME! I have cookies. Enjoy and please review, I need evidence of life. **

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_**Chapter 8**_

When Raven loved the snow, she loved lying down making snow angels, having snowball wars, building snowmen. In Ireland she would roll about in the snow, catch snowflakes on her tongue, throw snowballs at the neighbors windows. Knowing that Marshall was working inside and was not to be disturbed. With Tony she did the same, only they did it together, she even sneaked a snowball in the house and threw it at him spurring an indoors and outdoors snow war. Clint had taught her to build snow forts that wouldn't cave in on her, and how to spot a sneak attack. She had stuffed a snowball down Bruce's shirt once. She hit Loki in the face, one time, in front everyone, with a single lucky snowball. She had been thirteen, and the other kids(the munchkin squad, as she called them) had burst into laughter while the adults had mixed reactions.

Clint had smirked giving her a thumbs up, Natasha had a quirk of a smile behind her wine glass, Pepper and Jane were shocked at her display. Tony had to stifle his laugh but it was obvious he was cracking up, Kate had shook her head with a fond stare while Steve gave her a look. He had expected her to set a good example for the munchkin squad the older she got, he had such dreams. Bruce hadn't expected any different from her. Thor had chuckled secretly pleased that someone else wasn't afraid to mess with Loki. Loki had given her a wide eyed stare that she had countered with a proud stance. Without a word he made a snowball of his own and whipped it back at her, she had dodged but to her horror it had curved and whacked her. Right in the back of her head.

The room had a pregnant pause when she had toppled over, but like any faux assassin she had a second weapon planted, a Nerf gun. She shot him which of course he ducked from, it didn't bother her. Raven had sworn revenge and he gave a skeptical grin, they all had a laugh about it.

When Raven came to, twenty-one years old in the snow, she thought about her mother. Her mother had taught her to make a snowball. How to roll it and test it from thickness, patting it together. Harris taught her how to throw one, she had been shit at it. Marshall taught her how to throw it and mean it. Tony taught her how to plan snowball ambushes. She taught Van how to make epic snowmen, not just your regular three ball structure. They used squares, rectangles and cylinders.

Warm whiskey fell down her throat a cascading niagara that brought her back with sudden jerk. She gasped and wheezed in the cold air that shocked her mouth. Someone reached out and held her by her neck, warm hands that reminded her of pine cones in autumn. She rasped for breathed and coughed at the aftertaste of the cheap whiskey that had been shoveled down her opened mouth. The warmth of it made her quiver and her head swoon. She was still outside she heard that crushing of snow when she curled her fists trying to gather her bearings. She remembered how she got there, in the snow on her back, but not where the whiskey had come from. Who had poured whiskey down her throat? She lifted her eyelids and rolled her head to see who had unwittingly saved her from death. Who are you?

"Easy now," someone said in horrendous french. "Easy now. It's okay."

Raven felt fingers brush away the snow on her face, warm hands, nice warm hands. Her eyes focused and she saw him, he was looming over her panting hot liquor flavored breath in her face, better than smelling salts, she mused. He was sloppily checking her pulse by jabbing his cold fingers on her jugular vein as her head still spun. Had that falling star granted her wish, to have a second chance? Her inner child wanted to believe it. He was patting her cheek lightly, was she losing consciousness again?

"Hey, stay up." God his french was terrible. "Hey, girl, don't die."

"I s-s-s-speak en-eng-ng-english," she shivered.

"Really?" He spoke in a notably british accent. "Thank fuck!" He exclaimed relieved. "Makes all this much easier." He gently helped Raven upright and gave her another sip of his whiskey seeing the persistent tint of blue in her face. "Are you alright? You're nose is bleeding." His hazel green eyes were searching for any other injury.

"Is it?" She touched her nose. "Huh..." Her eyes fluttered and slumped against the man that saved her.

She saw flashing lights with a wailing siren. People were carrying her and someone was tucking her in, with a warm blanket. In a blur she saw her mother looming over her, auburn hair and green eyed. She was rubbing her face, a hand on her stomach, her smile was sad.

"_It's going to fine now, Magpie. You're going to be just fine." _Her hand straightened her mussed hair. _"Sleep and dream of wonderland." _Her mother knelt down beside her, the light around her was so bright. _"Be a good girl, and remember your Papa loves you. He loves you so much. You call your Papa when you wake up," _she held her cheek, _"promise? Call your Papa mon ange, he misses you."_

Raven woke up in a hospital bed, she was wrapped up in her neck in thermal blankets with a heart monitor as her bedside companion. Her heart had nearly given out on her, how nostalgic. She moved to sit up but like clockwork a nurse was there to ease her back into bed, she spoke slowly to her to rest and wait for the doctor.

"Mademoiselle," the doctor greeted. He had no idea who she was, well that was an upside. "Do you remember the circumstances of how you came to be here?"

She nodded, "I was taking a walk and I passed out."

The doctor nodded, "Had you been drinking? Before hand?" He knew about the alcohol that had been poured down her throat.

"I had two glasses of wine," she lied. "But I have a high tolerance. I was not drunk."

He took another note, "I see. You're quite fortunate that the young gentleman found you," Raven vaguely recalled a man looming above her. "You do have a severe case of frost nip, I'm afraid."

Raven had been mulling over suicide, she had thought about dragging a knife up her arm and crawling into bed. She had been thinking about ending her life, to avoid this gutting emptiness from the Tesseract's power in her mind. To spare herself the hardship of keeping this secret alone, and of when she had no where to run. The fact she had nearly fallen to her death was sobering enough, but knowing she could have frozen to death. She had the urge to smoke.

"When can I go home?" Asked Raven.

"We need to keep you over for a night. To full access your condition." He flipped through some papers on his clipboard. "You see, your life was not in danger but you may have some longterm side effects from the frost nip. Such as sensitivity to heat and cold."

"Can I smoke?" Deadpanned Raven.

"I'm sorry, you need to remain under those covers more another hour."

The doctor's departure followed the entrance of a nurse who brought her a light breakfast. After the woman had left Raven took her cigarettes and lighter from her coat pocket from the chair they had left it on. She opened a window lighting her cigarette, exhaling the smoke in the air. The taste of nicotine unwound the tension in her shoulder, the pounding of her heart went down, the shakiness of her hands subsided and she concentrated on the intake of her tobacco.

She didn't want to die.

She wanted to live. Not for her family, friends or Loki. Not because it was the right thing, to stick it out for the hope of an happy ending, nor to prove someone wrong. Not out of some grand gesture of pride, or that she was scared to kill herself. Raven wanted to live because she was not ready to die. She wanted to live.

_Call your Papa._

Of course she saw her mother, Raven thought she was dying, of course she would have seen her mother. She wanted her to call Tony. Or maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her, her conscience eating her inside out. She should call him. She went back to get her phone and dialed home, Tony's cellphone specifically. Massaging the spot where her mother had touched she waited for him to pick up the phone. She lifted her gown feeling a cold spot where her mother had touched. She had frost nip, but he had yet to say where. Her fingers and toes were discolored but there was another spot. On her abdomen were two spots, perfectly parallel, paler than her complexion chilly as if an ice cube had been left on her stomach. She ran her finger tips over them, what were they? She was interrupted by the sound of Tony's voice. She let the gown fall, the marks forgotten.

"Uh, what?" He was in bed, she should have counter the time zone difference.

"Dad," she spoke clearly shoving the weakness out her voice. "You up?"

"Wha- Princess, that you?" She heard the sheets rustling, he was still in bed.

"Is this a bad time?" She found herself dragging her cigarette stronger than usual. "I just thought I'd call and say hi. Hi," she even waved to herself. God, was she guilty.

"Uhh, no," he yawned. "It's not a bad time." She wondered if he had gotten buzzed last night. "How's work going?"

Right, she had skipped Christmas because of work.

"Fine," said Raven. "Working two jobs just gets to you sometimes."

"You could come back to New York," offered Tony. "Plenty room at the Tower. Or nearby. Pepper knows some people in real estate who-"

"Dad," Raven interrupted. "I'm fine."

Tony accepted her wanting to travel to France, she was old enough and she had gone to Ireland many times on her own. She let her go to England when she was seventeen, then Ireland when she was nineteen. She liked traveling but he had always preferred her to stay home, near home at least. He kept saying how Pepper would get her a place and call it a graduation present. She didn't want that. She never wanted anything given to her, even when he had offered her job at Stark Industries at the lowest position they had if she didn't want to go to college she turned him down. Ever since she went to Julliard, she swore to be Raven first and Raven Stark second.

"Alright. How's Paris?" Asked Tony changing the subject.

"Scenic," muttered Raven cigarette in her mouth. "I did some paintings."

"Are you still smoking?" Raven cringed at his tone. It was the one habit, he had been nonnegotiable about, she was not allowed to smoke under his roof and he constantly commented on it. He blamed Cowboy, her first boyfriend in her attachment to the habit as well as Marshall for enabling it.

"Dad," she pinched her nose bridge, "you know that I smoke."

He sighed muttering inaudibly to himself. "Right, I forget sometimes. Just tell me it's not a pack-a-day habit?"

"Can't afford it to be," laughed Raven.

Tony snorted, "I'm starting to like you being a starving artist now."

"See?" Raven smiled. "Always a bright side."

She did regret missing Christmas but it was too risky to go home at this time. She was hallucinating, she argued with said hallucinations and she had magic powers. If Tony found about anything, Loki and S.H.I.E.L.D's ears would follow soon afterword. Not necessarily in that order. He would stand by her, but Raven didn't want to be public knowledge. Her dad had announced who he was to the world after one major fight, he was ready for that, he was used to being in the spotlight. Raven had grown up as an unwanted nobody, even when she moved to New York the idea of her was what held the world's attention. Not her as a person. She liked being unknown. Too much people had only spoken to her because of her last name. Too many adults had been kind to her to get a word with her father. Raven was tired of being seen as either Tony Stark's daughter, the orphan prodigy or the morbid cello girl, why couldn't she be Raven?

Raven who liked Mumford and Sons, Bach, Sherlock Holmes and pasta. The girl who's post traumatic stress did make her personality slightly macabre and more permissible to violence. Yet hated hurting the people she loved. Why couldn't that girl be known? Before her surname was a conversation topic?

"Your presents are stuck in transit," stated Raven.

"Princess, you didn't have to send anything," protested Tony.

"Yes I did. Besides, not everyone got something, so consider some of them group presents," retorted Raven. "And they fell into my budget, so don't grumble."

Tony scratched his beard, "Fine, fine. The kids missed you. Especially Tatiana."

"What happened?"

"Oh nothing. Astrid and Loki are hitting it off and you know how skittish Tatiana is."

That was news. She was ecstatic, she had been telling him for years he should be closer with his niece, that she would like him despite his reputation. Hearing that the two were hitting it off made her do a little internal cheer and dance, finally, he got off that high horse of his. Or Astrid took the advice she had given her not too long ago. Either way Raven was happy that Loki was branching out and that Astrid had her Uncle Loki to play with. Another part of her wrung at the thought of Loki. Her stomach cramped as if something was punching her. She missed him. She missed the sound of his voice, the heat and chill of his touch, the way they sat down and watched movies, cooking lessons and how he would hold her at night at the slightest sound she made. She wanted to call home and find him, confess everything but that would be selfish of her.

Raven was going to fix herself before she ever went home. She wasn't sure if the person she had been with Loki, was the person he saw or that the world saw. She wanted to be a better person. People forgot at times that her moods were because of her PTS, the way she thought was because of her PTS. She wanted to be better, not cured, she wasn't that naïve but she needed to change. She needed to find out who she was, behind her pain, behind the child that had been so damaged by her mother's death. Loki had loved her, he never had to say it but she felt it in his kisses, his touch and the way he spoke to her, but they needed to stop. She was doubting his intentions, if his love had been pure from the start or had he been waiting for her to walk into his hand. If it was meant to be they would be together again, if not she would never tell anyone what they had did. She craved love but would never let a misguided sense of devotion blind her to danger.

That lesson her mother taught her would not be so easily disregarded.

"Really. About time," she remarked. "He needs someone to fawn over him."

Tony made an agreeable noise. "I'll say. He did this little spark show for the kids at the Christmas party. You would have liked it."

"Next year Dad, promise." A lie.

"Hold you to it. Wait. Pepper's up." His voice became distant, "Here."

"Hey sweetie," greeted Pepper.

"Hey Mums, how was the party? I heard there were intentional explosives this year."

Pepper sounded so happy to hear her voice. Had they missed her that much? Raven didn't dwell on it. "Oh, Loki was the life of the party for the kids. How's the internship?"

"Fair play," shrugged Raven. "How's New York?"

Pepper had a mother's intuition, she could only lie so many times before she grew wise to her charm. She was about to claim her minutes were low when she asked,

"When are you coming home Raven?" Damn she was good.

"Not sure. You miss me?" She joked.

"We all miss you." She didn't get the joke and Raven crawled into her bed after outing her cigarette flinging the bud out the window.

She had to be careful with her next sentence. Pepper had dealt with a Stark for years, she married one and was raising one. She smelt bullshit like a blood hound. She could spark active responses with passive comments.

"So do I." She had sudden chill and held the phone away to shake it off. "I'll come home soon, I just wanna get my ducks in a row. You know?" She tried not to sound too snarky. "On my own?"

"Alright. I understand." Raven didn't lower her guard for a minute.

"Listen Pepper, I gotta go, my minutes are low."

"Okay. Bye, sweetie."

"Bye," she hung up.

When Raven was medically cleared she gathered her to leave, but she decided to make a stop to buy something from a nearby snack machine. She had this hankering for something nutty, she really wanted a snickers but knew there would be none. She searched for a substitute, three substitutes.

"Weekly Télérama," a voice rang out down the hall. "I have Télérama, Courrier International, Le Point, Marianne and L'Express! The weekly papers!"

Raven wasn't much of a news person, well, she secretly watched the business world due to her father's business. He never encouraged business enthusiasm but he did make sure you had a basic understanding. She did a little reading on her own on various topics, business, politics and of course the artists. She never did like being unaware of anything. The Télérama was by far her favourite, so she followed the newspaper man and gladly bought a copy off him. She had already started searching for an apartment since her internship would be soon over and her supplied apartment would be gone with it. She could stay in France being of European birth and parentage, but her perks of being an international intern were draining. She had some money put aside from her life savings to keep her afloat but waitressing was a temporary occupation. She had to find a new place and a job, without letting her family know of her pattern of avoidance.

Her new year was looking quite eventful.

"Irish?"

Raven's feet glued to the floor, mouth full of nuts and chocolate, her head turned and she saw Kelsey in her bed, head peeping out the door. She had nearly forgot what hospital she was staying in, she was supposed to be keeping her distance. Should she keep walking? Ignore her? She pretended to be focused on opening her second candy bar.

"Oi! I know it's you Raven!" Kelsey bellowed. "I said-"

Raven turned and begrudging went to the door, eating as she walked. Kelsey had her own private suite, just like when she had had her heart transplant, she was just as stir crazy as Raven had been. She was paler than usual, her orange hair a fiery aura which made those eyes flare like fuses. Her violin was in arm's reach, along with her bright pink phone and laptop, but her eyes had fallen to the wheelchair in the corner of the room. Was it a permanent piece of her life? Had she helped the girl enough to regain her legs? Or had she messed up?

Her throat clamped tight, "How are you doing Braveheart?"

Kelsey huffed, "Like you would know. You haven't visited me for months!"

Her words didn't sting. It was the sight of that chair, the image of Kelsey bleeding in her hands, her blood of her hands, the nails that had been under her nails for days, the smell of blood, human blood near her lips when she ate. The sound of whirring machines, beeping machines as her heart gave out, the weak grapple of her grip, the way she had laid there on the street like an animal. What she had done for her and what she suffered for her, to give her a second chance. It seemed that she had forgotten. Raven never would though, she never forgot the bad things. Like her mom.

"Irish?"

Kelsey saw how Raven's eyes went to that wheelchair, she the color left her face as her nails dug into the door frame for support. She was either going to faint or vomit.

"Why are you at the hospital?" She spied the band on her hand, she had been released. Had she been sick, or hurt? "Raven?" She saw the girl's eyes roll and she held her head. She had never seen Raven like this before.

"I s-should go," Kelsey barely heard her.

"Don't! I'm sorry, about that, I can't stand being holed but like this." She offered a seat, "Stay please."

"I shouldn't, you need your rest."

"Please!" Begged Kelsey. "Don't be stupid, you need to sit down." She gave the girl a glare when their eyes met. "Sit."

With wobbly legs the girl collapsed into the chair. "Sorry. I have a thing about hospitals." Her feet sighed in relief.

"It's fine." She saw the newspaper in her hand. "Is that the Télérama?" Raven nodded. "Toss it here."

"Keep it," Raven threw it in her lap. "I gotta go home."

"No, you don't," insisted Kelsey. "You're going to wait until I've read this newspaper then you can go."

Did she just hear me say that I have a thing about hospitals?

"By the way, I think you and I need to have a talk." Those eyes, as omnipresent as Fury's eye, sized her up from behind the newspaper. "Don't you?"

She knows. "About what?"

"The reason I'm here today and not beside my Nan in Scotland."

Goddammit, Raven bit her finger. "How about I save you the trouble," she removed her finger. "You should just forget what I did, and call it a medical miracle and be done with."

Kelsey scowled, "Should I?"

"Yes."

"How?" Questioned Kelsey. "I just forget that you saved my life and gave me mah legs back?" She was having none of it. "No, I won't. I will not forget that."

"Even if your life would be in danger?" Raven mused. "Even if, the way I saved you, was something that could get me killed? You under complete surveillance for the rest of your life? Even then?"

Kelsey gulped but held fast. "Is that it? Then why take the risk then?"

Raven rolled her shoulders dismissively. "I hate funerals," she was being sincere. "I hate it, even when I don't know the person, still gets me." She could never lie about this. "I can't stand people dying alone." She smiled blankly, "Breaks my heart." It vanished, "There's your answer."

Kelsey pursed her lip, "Do you usually do this?" Raven shook her head. "Are you a super hero or something?"

Raven gave a contained deep cackle that to anyone outside would think she was an old woman. "I'm no hero," she vile mirth became acid. "I saved you just to save myself." Kelsey hid discomfort at the idea. "Why do you care that I saved you? Does it really matter?" She ran her fingers through her hair, "Does it?"

"Yes, it does," fired back Kelsey. "I'm alive because of you! You saved my life. You held my hand and helped those doctors call my mum. That matters to me!" She would have gotten up if she had her walker. "I get a second chance, I get to grow old, I get to live. Because of you." Raven didn't say a word.

"I always liked you, you know? Everyone at the theatre gets so scared of you because you're so smart, and so young. But I knew that you just liked your own company." She inhaled loudly. "But maybe, you're just afraid to let anyone in because of what you can do." She challenged Raven, "But you don't scare me, I grew up with a punch of boys and a little girl doesn't scare me!"

"So did I," replied Raven with affection. "And you don't scare me either."

"I'm not asking for anything," begged Kelsey feeling tired. "I just... I just," she threw up her hands, "I like you!" Raven's eyebrows arched. "Sure, you're being a bit of a bitch right now, but hey, I liked that girl I had drinks with!"

"I better go," Raven got up. "You can keep the newspaper."

"Wait, Irish." She paused by the door. "Stay awhile?"

"Why?" Raven had hoped to scare her off, in case the secret slipped from her lips. Another part didn't want anyone to trace her assistance in her survival through any friendship. A tiny part was encouraged that someone still thought she was friend-material, seeing past her mind.

"You didn't go home for Christmas," noted Kelsey.

"Who says I didn't?"

"Your eyes." Raven winced chewing on her thumb's knuckle. "You remind me of a little girl I grew up with, she could lie like Satan but her eyes always told you the truth. If you could stomach looking at them," she added.

Raven turned around, "Hurry up with that newspaper, before I change my mind." She opened her third candy bar. God, am I hungry.


	9. Chapter 9

_****_**As requested I update! *bows* Shout out to my reviewers! XOXO Luv you guys. It's a bit short by my standards but here you go! The next one will be much longer I swear! And a bit more juicier. As always, review, review, review! Enjoy and review! **

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_**Chapter 9**_

Why is this happening to me? Why can't I just disappear?

You're too good a person to let people die at your feet.

Well, it's hardly paying off is it?

That's what you get having heroes in your family. Soon you'll be on your own cross, but will it be your choice? Who will nail you to your sainthood?

Why are you telling me this?

You need to ready to run. When your back is the wall, you need to be ready to run unless you want to be another main attraction. Remember, heroes don't exist for you. They save others, but you have always saved yourself.

I've gotten over this.

They can't protect you, not if the world is in the balance. The war because of the Tesseract nearly demolished New York, you think S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to let you live with a nuclear bomb in your body? They would kill you and anyone who gets in the way to keep this world safe. You know how bad people can be. They'll say the Avengers are biased and have a neutral party kill you, and feed them a lie. You know they would, don't be naïve. You know how the world works.

Shut up.

It hurts, doesn't it? To know that nothing has changed? To know that you would be deposed of for someone's convenience? That no one can save you? Remember, your father's last name has no value in this, as did your mother's. Remember that. Your name is worthless and your mind is your only means of survival. Nothing has changed.

Shut up.

It's kind of funny isn't it? Ending back at the beginning?

Stop it.

Accept it. They all may love you but they can't save you.

I said shut up.

And when you're gone, nothing will change. Life will go on and you'll be forgotten.

Shutupshutupshutupshutupshut upshutupshutupshutup.

Just like your mother.

STOP IT!

Your suffering will be forgotten and your legacy will only be your madness and misery.

SHUT UP!

No one remembers your mother for her loving nature and bravery. Just that the fact she opened her legs for Tony Stark and pinned you on a violent drunk to hide her shame and disgrace.

GO AWAY!

Raven woke up with a start, she was drenched in cold sweat panting, body sore. The voices in her head were no longer manifesting as figments of her imagination, they were evolving. She was getting worse and although Kelsey offer of friendship was moving it wasn't much help. I was making a fist in my sleep, it stung when her senses focused. She unclenched her fist that she had burrowed under her pillow, she had been clenching it so hard that she had pierced her palm. Blood stained her fingernails and dripped from her palm. I'm hearing voices in my head, she wanted to vomit, I'm hearing voices in my head. I'm going crazy. I'm hurting myself.

I'm mad as a hatter.

I write with this hand. I play the cello with this hand. Use the violin bow, strum my guitar, play the piano. I conduct with this hand. Numb Raven went to the bathroom and cleaned the four puncture marks. She didn't think she needed stitches and she needed her hand, her hands were her livelihood. The more she looked at the wounds, she saw her modestly long finger nails, the cuticles dressed in red. Neat but deep. Something had to be done.

Raven went to her kitchen drawer pulling out a tiny tube of superglue. In her bathroom, penlight in her mouth, a Q-tip in hand another between her toes, she applied superglue to the sterile Q-tip to rub over her wound. One end for each puncture. The slight burn brought no reaction out of her nor the prospect of gaining a scar on her hand. She just wanted the holes closed and closed they will be. She decided in that moment hospital record could be traceable, if anyone suspected anything she had to keep a low profile with legal documentation. Random stitches could not be documented. It made her current actions less unreasonable. God I'm turning into Sherlock Holmes and Gregory House's lovechild.

"Perfect," she grumbled applying another layer to the first incision.

The minor burn blew up as the adhesive settled, Raven hissed stopping herself from chomping down on her penlight. Beads popped out her eyes as she forced herself to complete her work, neatly as she could with her quivering hand. The doctor did mention her frost nip making her temperature sensitive. Repeating a mantra string of curses under her breath she took her time sealing each wound trying to keep any infection to a minimal. The heat crawled up her arm and she had to stop letting it pass but she went through it four times until she was whimpering in the dark as the glue dried. She was so glad the weather still called for gloves.

After her shift at the cafe Raven went to visit Kelsey. The theatre was sympathetic to her predicament returning to her job was no guarantee, upon her official last days there Raven did see a woman in Kelsey's care. A local girl, who was good. When she got better, she either had to go to another theatre or go back home. Raven did her best to avoid these topics but Kelsey hated leaving anything unsaid.

"They've replaced me haven't they?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Kelsey tutted, "You can lie better than that Irish. It's alright," she assured her, "I knew it would happen."

Raven looked at the girl from her hand of cards, she was teaching Kelsey to play Gin. "You gonna be okay?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Kelsey's eyes fell to her gloved hands. "Nice fashion statement."

"If I wanted a therapist I'd get one." She slapped down a card. "Gin."

"Son of a bitch." She pointed at Raven, "Don't think I'll drop this! Out with it!"

Raven groaned, "Just because we're going to be friends doesn't mean, you get to interrogate me at any suspicious sign." She took a chomp at the chips she had bought from the cafe, she was eating a lot of junk food lately. Note to self, buy some fruit on the way home.

"Yes it does," insisted Kelsey. "What are friends if we don't bother each other?"

"I have a friend like that already," Raven replied gathering the cards, "I don't need two."

"Maybe you do," Kelsey leaned forward and snatched the cards away.

Was she that obvious? Raven was ready to speak when someone came through the door, it was a man, he was notably trim, dressed in a leather jacket with snow piled on his shoulders. His eyes fell to Raven instantly and his careful smile fell slack, and after a moment so did hers.

"You," breathed the man in a british accent.

"You," echoed Raven. She knew that voice, it was the man that saved her. She hadn't committed much of his face to memory but when she blacked out she knew those eyes. Hazel green like a forest.

Kelsey was lost. "Do you know each other?"

"She's the girl I saved in the snow," the man explained still trying to accept that she was there. "I thought you were a tourist."

Kelsey's eyes popped, "You?" Her finger aimed at Raven. "You're the woman who collapsed in the snow? Who nearly got frostbite? Is that why you were in the hospital?"

Raven surprise wore off to a sneer. "I don't have the best figure of health. Thanks," she told the man.

"No problem," face still devoid of any outstanding emotion, he sat down in the chair across the tiny room. "I'm Malcolm."

"Raven," she didn't offer her hand as she normally did.

This was turning out splendidly, the man who saved her and the woman she saved were sitting parallel each other, knew each other. He had an unshaven face that he pulled off quite well, scruffy unkempt brown hair and those eyes, just like Kelsey's. She should be grateful to the man, Malcolm, for saving her but her mind held nothing but caution. This was all too close to home.

The feeling was mutual for Malcolm, his cousin appeared intrigued by the turn of events he had urge to throw back a bottle of bourbon. She was transformed, the woman he found in the snow. He thought she was knackered, but when he saw the slight tint of blue in her face he had done the only thing her could, pour booze down her throat. She had coughed up most of it but she had woken up. She had been half buried in the snow with a bloody nose, flickering in and out of consciousness all the way to the hospital. She had been murmuring in english the entire trip. The EMTs said she had taken a blow to the head and collapsed in the snow, he thought that maybe someone had stolen her purse since she didn't have one. He stayed until she had woken up, in case she needed anything. She appeared much younger when she was sleeping, and he expected someone to come for her. No one did.

Awake her eyes were older, they were like black onyx stones glowing with life fire. Her hair was pinned back in a messy bun with tiny tendrils fall all over her face. You could see her freckles now, they ran from cheek to cheek and along her nose bridge. She didn't look American as her accent implied, she had this Parisian look, delicate features framing fierce dark eyes. The makeup really brought out those eyes, the red lips gave her an air of surrealism.

"Well," Kelsey clapped her hands. "Raven, this is my cousin Malcolm. Malcolm," she reintroduced, "my friend Raven. She saved my life," she added in a stage whisper.

Raven made an angry sound but Malcolm found a new reason to stare at the beautiful girl. "You saved Kelsey? You're the one who stayed with her?"

She turned her head to him, "It was nothing," she tried to be modest.

"I guess we're even now." He smiled at her. She had a pretty smile too. Everything about her was pretty.

Malcolm, Kelsey's cousin, the one who gave up the piano, was in Paris as her informal caretaker. He was the only one in her family that knew a decent amount of french, and was currently unemployed having plenty of time to pick up behind her. He was into editing but wasn't having much luck in the job market.

"So what about you?" Asked Malcolm. "You're twenty-one and in Paris."

"I'm an overachiever," deadpanned Raven. "Too smart for my own good, as my dad always tells people."

"She's a prodigy," added Kelsey. "She can play the violin, piano, cello and the guitar." Malcolm blinked. "Did I mention that she conducts and composes?"

Raven rolled her eyes, "Subtle as a flying mallet."

Kelsey stuck out her tongue. "Raven here is very modest," she explained dramatically. "So many people are under the impression she some big scary genius when really, she's a smart mouth tit."

Raven choked on her water giggling. "You're impossible."

"Nope. You just need someone who isn't impressed with your medals," she was impressed by her own analogy.

Having Malcolm and Kelsey as friends was a weight off her shoulders, never mind she was clueless to the gravity of Raven's condition. It was nice having friends that weren't taken back by her achievements. Not only that, she didn't want to be a complete outcast. Maybe if she had some friends the voices in her head would be quiet. Though she was stuck with Kelsey either way. One day she didn't visit the girl her phone rang and without a care the Scot sang out vilely off-key,

"Raven, my black bird of woe! Where are you? Nevermore!"

Raven had a new friend. With a stubbornness worse than hers. It was nice being picked as a friend then picking one herself.

Kelsey emotionally adopted Raven out a sense of sisterly concern. She had always wanted a little sister when Malcolm returned to England after each family visit. She had been blessed with plenty of friends, mainly males since she was too rowdy for most girls and her ginger hair made her unpopular. Raven was that little sister she always wanted. She was a musician, a wild woman, a free soul who believed in tattoos and scars. They sat for many hours together exchanging childhood adventures and flaming romances, gambling snacks. She was infinite too. Raven had lived so many lives in her twenty-one years, she scoffed at things her age condoned yet pouted like a child when something didn't go her way. She was larger than life and she not a clue.

Raven had figured her life would become a recluse, she would be a secular mental/emotional monk. But with Kelsey in her life, refusing to be deterred, her plan had gone through the window. Still she had to keep her head, she was partially radioactive and could end up on someone's threat list, S.H.I.E.L.D's most likely. If the Tesseract didn't kill her first, god knows it was trying. She knew her secrets were going to crash at her feet, one does not simply hide being radioactive. Bruce had hopped from village to village and still he was under S.H.I.E.L.D's, if he couldn't stay hidden, a grown man, what were Raven's odds? Kelsey must not know about this, the full story behind her journey further and further from home, no one must. It was better for her to get this under control, and maybe she could go home someday but right now she needed distance. If she ever had to be cornered by S.H.I.E.L.D. or some other government organization then she would be ready and completely in control of her powers.

If she had to run one day, she would be fully capable of giving them a chase they would never forget. If she had to bare her teeth, she would become the wolf that growled by her feet at night.

She spent New Year's eve with Kelsey and Malcolm in her hospital suite. There were no decorations but she and Malcolm had bought booze that they all drank from the bottle too cheap to buy cups, eating candy and crisps. They chatted during this time, and when the night was approaching morning they took her outside bundled up like a baby in her wheelchair to see the fireworks.

"I never been to Paris before," Malcolm breathed into his hands. "It's beautiful."

Raven puffed her cigarette, she had been craving it all day. "I know. Artists' paradise."

He stared at her cigarette, "Any resolutions?"

"Not really. I have low expectations for myself," she exhaled, "makes my victories much sweeter."

"Why don't you quit smoking?" Offered Malcolm.

Malcolm was a darling guy, rugged with a rakish quality. He and Raven took to playing cards during Kelsey's physical therapy sessions and visiting the tourist attractions on her off days. Mostly by Kelsey's request but he had grown on Raven. He had this boyish quality that didn't overpower her, unlike her usual type of male companionship. Nor was he outright trying to overwhelm her. Raven liked Malcolm. He was a fan of artful movies with deep unspoken symbols and themes. He thought her name who not a sign of misery but a mark that she would be immortal somehow.

Everyone's heard the Raven poem somewhere, he had told her. I think Raven's a bold name to give a girl. Maybe your mother was a bird fanatic.

Those words cemented their friendship. Something childish in her accepted this man from that lucky revelation. The little girl who had remained in Ireland rejoiced.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, you said that you hate hospitals and you may need another heart transplant. Why are you even smoking?" He was genuinely curious.

"My dad said the same thing," Raven stared at the fireworks. "And I told him, we all gotta go sometime, why can't I enjoy myself a bit." She smirked at the memory. "He forbid me from smoking in the house, or anywhere near the doors and windows. His way of saying, I don't agree with you."

"You're nothing but trouble, aren't you?"

"In capitals," she warned cheekily. "I'm positively no good."

Malcolm took her all in. "I bet you're not all that bad. Still should quit," he goaded, "as a side interest."

"Side interest? You think I just have all these projects lying around, don't you?"

"No. I think, you like challenges. So I'm challenging you to quit smoking."

Raven stamped out her bud, "And what do I get for quitting? Or are you just an advocate for quitting tobacco?"

Malcolm brushed some snow piling on her head, "No, I just hate to see that pretty hair fall out your head." His dusting made a few strands fall into her face.

Raven raised an eyebrow at him, "Weirdo."

"Happy New Year Raven," he grinned at her.

"Happy New Year Malcolm."

_She _was here. Six feet in front her was the little girl, drenched and dripping. Water dripping out her mouth. The snow was gathering on her and her feet left footprints in the snow, Raven knew her subconscious was adding these touches to her illusion. She lit another cigarette, she hadn't seen her in a few days. What ungodly message did she have for her now?

"You know you shouldn't be here. You know you shouldn't be getting close to them, you know Raven."

She kept her eyes on the fireworks, the colors, the patterns the popping as they exploded in the sky.

"You could use it, and block her memories. You saw Loki's memories? You saved her life? Why not tuck those memories away?" Her eyes slide to Malcolm, blinking with reptilian fascination. Raven tousled her hair to conceal her unfounded sense of protectiveness. "His too. You shouldn't be here."

Was she getting angry? She had never seen the hallucination be emotive, this was new. Wondering if she could anger the girl, Raven took a step closer to his side. Pretending to give someone room to go back inside.

"Do you want them to die?" Roared the girl. Her eyes bulged and her mouth opened wide like a hatch, she appeared feral ready to froth. "People have died because of you! Mama died because of us! I don't want anyone to die!" Tears were in her eyes. "I don't want to die! I want to be strong! And they," she jutted her finger at them, "they make us weak! Do you want to be in a cage? I don't want to be in a cage!"

Aren't we already in a cage?

Her face was marred in fury and doubt.

We need a reason to live. We need to make a new life. I am sick of letting this sadness hold me down a day longer. I want to be a better person. You can help or you can get the fuck outta my head. But I will not be the mad girl everyone gave up on. I will miss my mother until I die but I am not going to see her anytime soon. I deserve to live and no one is going to take that from me.

"Promise?" Her little voice whimpered. "Promise?"

I swear. We won't go in a cage ever again.

"You know what," spoke up Raven. "I have a resolution." Malcolm turned his head and Kelsey craned her head backward. "Carpe Diem. I will seize the day, everyday."

Kelsey bobbed her head, "Mind if I share that one with you Irish?"

"If you can keep up," joked Raven.

The girl was gone and in her place was the wolf, patient and silent lacking his usual hostility. He bowed his head before he threw it back howling as a giant blue firework blow up. It was huge and round, like a full moon.


	10. Chapter 10

_****_**I update! Don't worry Loki will be back soon. Trust me, the wait is worth it. Enjoy and review! Shout out to ZabuzasGirl! XOXO**

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_**Chapter 10**_

Not all days were bad, some days Raven found peace and properly lived as though nothing was wrong with her. It was a punishment rather than a kindness, she would be waiting tables, paying her bills playing a tune or two on a street corner for extra money, go shopping, take walks, go to the cinema. Yet she wasn't utterly alone, with Malcolm and Kelsey. She still felt like Raven the Orphan. She was four, five, six and seven all at once, once more. She belonged to no one and felt unwanted by those she wanted to want her. She was wandering like she used to do in Ireland searching for something, something bright and untainted, as she had once been, something pure to wash her pain away. She took to painting and drawing to occupy herself when her dark moods tempted her to lie with them, she played the cello on dreary days. It wasn't so bad, she was content. Content with her suffering. She had outcasted herself from her family. She felt like a gypsy.

On her birthday. Her twenty-second birthday.

She had lied and said that she was working, having fun and all that bullshit just so they wouldn't come or send for her. This morning she woke up to a barricade of e-mails, and voice messages of everyone wishing her a wonderful birthday. She listened to them all then vowed to never listen to them again and would delete them by her next birthday.

It hurt to see the small changes, Tony had a bruise from a tousle she had vaguely heard about and sent him a practiced heartfelt message, thankfully he was too bust nursing a headache to pick up anything on her part. Pepper had trimmed her hair and touched up her silvery strands, unlike Tony who rocked his touch of grey like he was George Clooney. Van was becoming a teenager showing it in his dress and his scruff of reddish brown hair, the little boy she had once cooked for and built sandcastles with was growing up. Also Timber had passed peacefully in his sleep on New Year's morning of natural causes. She felt old, like she had lived a thousand years and again an ache, that had prevented her from playing and painting came back. By that mere thought.

Her mind was running from her although her body was calm. She wondered if she was becoming more unbalanced by her own accord and the Tesseract was exaggerating it. Was it making her sick? She was throwing up a lot. You should go to a doctor, logic stated, you may be depressed, or on your way there. You're hearing voices.

Maybe the only thing the Tesseract is doing is letting you see into Loki's memories, teleport and heal people. Maybe everything is in your mind. Maybe you're finally losing it Raven. All those years of being abused, neglected and mistreated are coming to bloom. All those thing Irene did to you, everything that has happened. They've done it. They've driven you mad.

I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. Iamnotmadiamnotmadiamnotmadi amnotmadiamnotmadi'm not-

"Raven?" Her lighter fell on the ground with a clank and a hand went for it.

She knew the owner of that hand by the leather bands that peeped out from under the leather jacket sleeve. One having the Ankh symbol dangling from it. It was Malcolm. She hadn't seen him for a while since he had helped her move into her new apartment and went back to England for a bit. With a lighter work load she took up caring for Kelsey who still had to go through some physical therapy. The three had gotten close over that time, especially when he found out who her father was.

_Malcolm had been helping her pack her things up while Kelsey rested at the hospital. It was the least he could do for Raven. Somewhere during their silent packing his eyes averted to a photo. A group photo, a row of people that he assumed was her family but some of those faces didn't quite fit. There were two large blond haired men, one with long hair another with short neat hair in an old fashioned style, that oddly looked familiar but he ignored it. Pure coincidence. He moved further down the line until he saw her smiling sweetly with her arm around a man's waist, the man, was unmistakeably The Tony Stark. That smile, face, the glowing object in the center of his chest. _

"_That's... that's... that's..."_

_She followed his stare. "That's my family."_

"_But that means..."_

_It dawned on him like the creation of light. Raven Stark, quite a moniker, she sounded like someone famous. The only other famous Stark was Tony Stark and she didn't look much like him. No she looked nothing like him, the charismatic superhero, the billionaire, the guy who always seemed on the news for something or the other. They looked nothing the alike, the more he watched her. Tony Stark had this charm about him, very suave, confidence and likeability. Raven Stark had a completely different face to that man she shared a surname with, she more resembled the Parisian women walking by, a more foreign allure and melancholic air you read about in poetry and sad plays. He had thought the only thing the two had in common was that they were intelligent people._

_She smiled a dead smile, "That's right. Thought it was a coincidence, didn't you?" Her face hardened. "Thought there could be no way, right? Saw no resemblance, right? Funny how they all think we're so alike." She gestured to the row of people in the picture, the Avengers. Her eyes went back to her books that she was packing. "Nice to have a second opinion." _

_A light came on and Malcolm understood why Raven had been so harsh with Kelsey. He knew that the girls were at odds about something all the time. He figured it was because Raven had saved her life and Kelsey was desperate to do anything for her. To repay the debt that never could be repaid enough._

"_You were protecting her weren't you? Kelsey. She doesn't know, and she could get in trouble."_

_It was no secret that Tony Stark's life was threatened by various people. Maybe Raven was scared to have close, intimate friends in case they got hurt. _

"You?" She wanted to be upset and hit him but she lacked the will too. "I thought I-"

He handed her back her lighter, "Missed me?" He sat beside her, "Kelsey mentioned you've been a bit narked." She didn't get the slang. "Moody," he opted.

Raven groaned lighting her fifth cigarette for the hour. "Perfect. Are you two talking about me now?"

Malcolm gave her a look. His cousin told him in e-mails that Raven seemed not quite herself. She's not saying much, she's out of it most of the time. I don't know what to do. I don't think she's been sleeping well. "Being a bitch doesn't suit you," he bluntly stated.

She glared nastily at him. "And you're an expert on me now?"

"Look, Kelsey's worried about you and so am I."

"There is nothing to worry about," she exhaled. She just wanted to pull her hair out, he wasn't moving and he appeared dead set on annoying her. "It's my birthday you know. You shouldn't bug people on their birthday."

"It's your birthday?" He glanced around them. "And you're spending it here? Like some old gran feeding pigeons?"

"It's my birthday," she protested. "I can sit on a bench and people watch if I want."

"It's still snowing," he laughed.

"Oh don't be a baby!" She chided. "The snow fall is pitiful." It didn't feel so cold to her, besides the snow was easing up.

Malcolm laughed, his head titled back and his shoulders shook at her declaration. Raven laughed along and her sour mood was forgotten, it was good, laughing. Their eyes meet and the laughter died and Raven averted her eyes but he kept on staring at her.

"How about I buy you a drink?"

"What?" She gaped. "At this time of the day?"

"Sure!" He shrugged. "I'll buy." He stood up grabbing her arm and pulling her along, "Come on." There was a tug of resistance with her which he countered with, "Or shall I ring Kelsey? She's quite swift now thanks to you."

Kelsey would no doubt make a scene which Raven could neither afford nor tolerate. Besides, it was only a drink, a free drink. She had already too many cigarettes for the day. At least Malcolm was being nice with his bullying.

"Fine, but only a pint," she warned. "I mean it."

"Of course birthday girl."

Somewhere in the middle of her first pint, one became three. Raven hadn't been to a pub since she had gotten drunk with Kelsey, she was hesitant to become drunk in case her mind ran wild and she did something to herself. The other fear was becoming attached to the alcohol itself, to develop the yearning for a drink at the slightest pang of her chest. Harris had drank himself to madness when he found out she wasn't his, Marshall had drank after he took swings at Irene and Tony had drank when he couldn't tell her the truth. She refused to let herself fall into that pitfall.

This was different though, she felt giddy and was laughing at her fellow drunks who were telling vulgar stories. Malcolm was beside her laughing along though mostly because of the ridiculous gestures and choice words he caught on to. She hadn't laughed like this in such a long time, it felt like decades had passed.

Raven was gorgeous when she laughed, she had this way of either tossing her head back or laugh until her eyes were these animated slits that exaggerated her lashes. Malcolm took in all these things, a scar on her temple that you only saw when she combed her hair back, the way she toyed with her fingers, biting her knuckles when someone flirted with her, the way she hummed to herself when silence fell or her mind wandered. She was beautiful but he dared not a say a word, and ruin the moment. He let her drink, she even got a few free ones when the barman heard it was her birthday, random men asked her to dance and she did with a little goading. It was the first time he had seen Raven let her hair down. It made him wish, in his slightly drunk mind, that she would stay that way all the time and never be that brooding girl in Kelsey's e-mails.

What was happening to Raven Stark? He pondered buying another beer. What had happened to her? Good people should never be unhappy.

When morning came Raven woke up in her bed, but she hardly remembered being put there. She was still in the clothes the night before, coat in all, even her boots that had left quite a mess on her sheets. Her head swooned and her stomach lurched when she sat up, god what did I do last night? What day was it anyways? She tore off her boots, jacket and scarf, she probably had finally gotten shitfaced and collapsed in her bed. But if she had been so drunk, how the hell did she even get home? How drunk had she been? Popping two aspirins dry from the forever present capsule by her night stand, she opted to put off these questions until she had a cup of coffee.

When she had lied back down, her hand collided with a body. Somebody was in her bed. Raven lifted her shirt and stared at her pants, opening the zipper. Okay, she didn't have sex. Still she had no idea who was in her bed, timidly she lifted the covers to see her bedmate. Leather jacket, a broad back, leather bands on his hand... one with an Ankh symbol. Oh God, it was Malcolm.

"Son of a bitch!" Cried Raven shoving the man out her bed.

"Bleeding hell!" Came in voice from below the bed. Malcolm popped up rubbing his head. "What the hell was that about?"

"What the hell are you doing in my bed!" Demanded Raven. "Don't you have a hotel room?" She threw a pillow at him.

"Woah!" Malcolm raised his arms defensively. "Easy!"

"How did you get in here?" She pulled out the pocket knife she kept in her pillow. "Tell me or so help me god I'm gonna give you a haircut with this."

Malcolm waved his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay! You were drunk," he explained in a panic. "You told me to take you home because you spent your money at the bar, and you gave me the key to your house!" He flailed his hand to the door, "You had passed out in the cab, so I had to carry you up the stairs. I put you to bed and I fell asleep on the couch because, I had no money!" He put his hands on his hips, "Satisfied now?"

Raven eyes narrowed, had done that before but she hardly knew Malcolm. The idea of male company in that context made her throat tighten. It never occurred to her how lonely she had been in her little apartment, and emotionally neglected. In college she had been a notorious dater, while she only dated one of those guys for a few months. She had always been social even with Loki who could be anti-social. She would go to shows, rocks shows, dance shows, jazz shows, plays, movies, parties, or just bar hop. With Loki, she often left him behind when he didn't want to go somewhere that didn't interest him, when he came along the night always ended in laughs even when she harmlessly flirted with random guys. He wasn't the jealous type but she had been. It occurred to Raven with the remotely good looking man before her that she couldn't live like a hermit any longer. And that she missed Loki.

A part of her wished she had stuck it out with him, but her heart knew better. The innocence and mischief that had been their relationship, the unspoken simplicity of it had become complicated. Reality and her memories were blending into one, she kept seeing Harris burly with his rough workman's hand holding her hand, pinching her cheeks and wiping her tears. He had been her papa, she had been his Sunshine and he had ruined her life. He was a good man to her mother but to her he was a monster that had pounded her mother's face in. And studies did show that children who witnessed and lived in abusive households tended to pick abusive partners, what if Loki would become her Harris? Seeing his memories it broke the image of him and reminded her what he had been, what he could be if he desired.

Marshall used to hit Irene. Harris and her mother would fight, there was a bruise once or twice in her growing memories. Harris killed her mother. Irene had hit her a few times in moments of utter lost and grief. Raven was terrified of passing on that legacy. Whether to her adulthood or her children. She wanted her future children, if she was ever blessed to have any, to be naïve, to believe in heroes and happy endings, to never be afraid of being abandoned or hurt. She couldn't bear the idea of being hurt one more time, she feared that it would snap the last thread that held her mind together.

I want to be happy, she thought fiercely. I deserve to be happy.

"Thank you," she held down her the butterfly knife. She glanced around for her purse, "I should probably pay you back. How much was the fare?"

Malcolm waved it off, "Don't bother. I asked you out to a drink."

The way he lingered on "out" made her pause in the search for her purse. Had he taken their outing as a date? Had it been a date? Did he want to date her? Normally she would have pounced on the idea, trying to wheedle it out of him, but her throat dried and Loki entered her mind. She wasn't over him, not in the slightest. She knew that the breakup was unfair and childish, in his eyes at least. To him, she had known he had a past and still she let this happen.

He had given her the option to bury the tiny attraction, the dark attraction but she had given him permission to woo her and she seduced him with every trick she knew and prepared. Then she pulled away. She cut him off. Raven knew that although his departure had been civil, that kiss he gave her had been the only way he could express his true feelings. He never screamed at her, considering her past it would have been the worst thing to do but she felt it in his eyes and that kiss, he hated her. He thought she was cruel. If she had been idiot enough to suggest one last romp as some do, he would have made her undo, he would have made her beg and left love bruises on her.

His lack of reaction was a contained storm. She had lost her best friend and it crashed on her head like the roof had caved in. She had lost her best friend and the love of her life.

What now?

"Alright," she tamed her bed head. "So you'll be..." Her eyes went to the door. Should I ask him to breakfast, since he won't take any money? Or should I ask him to go?

"Are you all right?" He took a step toward her, a single step. "You look bit off color."

"What?" She gave a fake laugh. "Of course not. I always look this way," she rose popping to aspirin for the budding headache. "I have to go to work today," she muttered aloud hoping it would make him leave.

"I thought you had the day off?"

"Who told you that?" How did he know?

He gave a bemused chuckle, "You did. That's why you started doing shots."

Curse her drunk self. What else did she tell him? With her loose lips. Did she do anything? Anything stupid? Her heart did somersaults at the idea of exposing herself to a stranger, especially with all the secrets she was trying to keep.

"What else did I tell you?" She tried to keep it cool. She kept her back to him and listened to him, watching him in the corner of her eye through her hair.

"You said that I was cute," his lips curled like a Cheshire cat. "And that I had gorgeous eyes. You were quite flirty really." He was teasing her. "Am I still cute? Without the beer goggles?"

She turned around and the horny part of her took in the man before her, but she refused to let anything to truly seen. She snorted leaving the room. She was no position to let herself be tangled up with Malcolm, she refused to let herself push Loki out her head just yet. She wanted to burrow herself until this power wasted away, until the calls and emails went away but her head knew that solitude was cyanide to her sanity, the more alone she was the worse she would become. She couldn't be a pariah again not after being one for so long. You shouldn't hang onto a man either.

"I think you should go." She wanted to say something more commanding but her voice came out small like a frightened child's plea. Why was her heart beating so loud? She wasn't ready for this.

"I'm sorry." His grin fell, he had gone a bit too far. Is was a bit early for jokes. He gathered his coat and went to the door. "I just passed out. I swear I just tucked you in." Their heads turned inadvertently to one another as they stood in the door frame face to face. "Right."

He walked by and something in her snapped, Raven let her body sink to the ground. She felt like fucking Bella Swan pining after her Edward Cullen and it disgusted her, but the more she thought about it the more she forced herself to reexamine her relationship with Loki. Rachel had made the assumption that he had conditioned her to like him, anyone with a brain could back that up, she had known him since she was seven and they had been dear friends. His brother, who she called uncle. Rachel had outright asked her if he had ever "tried anything" with her, at first she had been offended but now she wondered if he had ever thought about it, when she was little. With her seven year old self in his lap, had his mind pictured her much older, had he been mulling over the idea of them sexually? Or did he see the two of them, as separate chapters in his mind? He had sworn that he had not been counting the years to that moment, when she was old enough to see him like that. It never implied that Loki had never thought of the idea of them together while she was a child.

He was the God of Mischief and Lies.

Had she woken up from a dark spell that he had imprinted in her mind? Or was she tainting the memory of them just so she could bury it? He had been taken back by her forwardness when they first started out, she had been trying to seduce him to see if she could get him wrapped around her finger just once. To see what turned him on. To be interesting. To keep him interested. To let him know that he was getting a new feature to the Raven he knew. Had she been acting out a Lolita complex that he wanted to usher her into? Had he already seduced her before she had? Sexually? Had she her senses been seduced before he even touched her? Had it been so reversal-pedophile-psychology?

"Are you alright Raven?" Malcolm knelt beside her. "You need the bathroom?" He took her anyhow and she emptied her stomach in the toilet.

Or had she been imprinting on him? The words, "Are you claiming me?" came back to her. On their adventure he had uttered those words after she had called him "her friend." Had her little fucked up self bewitched him with her neediness to be loved? To be cherished?

One time she had hacked into her therapist's computer, curious at her unfiltered professional opinion. Raven found herself chugged vodka from the bottle as they relayed in her mind.

**The neglect Raven has suffered may make her desperate for approval. After being rejected by her mother's boyfriend, her godmother and her peers, Raven has unresolved issues of being accepted. Despite being loved by others now, her father, her stepmother as well as an intended family, their love is not enough to fill the holes in her heart made by those before them. It is a common effect of such deep rooted issues, she needs to be loved by those who knew her before so she can feel fully loved now. With this being unresolved Raven sees her family as loving the "better her" while others know "her at her worst," thus she sees herself as being incomplete and cannot be properly loved until she is whole. **

**What is concerning is that combined with her sociopathic tendencies, and her ability to manipulate other, Raven may be on the path of self-destruction. On this search of acceptance, this mission to be loved be all whom she loves, she may inadvertently manipulate people into accepting her. **

**With many stating that Raven has the popularized "Daddy issues," due to her "Papa" attempting to drown her she may search to fill this hole with another man. As many fatherless girls who fall prey to older men to love them and cherish them, Raven may be capable of seducing someone to love her how she pleases. **

**Raven is not easily disturbed by previous mentioned and unmentioned traumas. This may make her mentally adequate to subject herself to "adult concepts". Her intelligence would rationalize any emotional doubts and insecurities that have hindered many girls from decisions that are destined to emotionally scar them.**

**In short, Raven has the making of a psychological tragedy. While she may not be continuing a cycle of abuse with her future children, she will be a danger to herself. A case like hers, rarely makes a full recovery and I fear the damage caused in early childhood may dictate how she lives her adult life. **

Tears fell down Raven's face, Malcolm thought it was from the vomiting. But it was worse.

Those had been her last therapist's private notes, the things she would alter and make a tell-all-book about or put in some medical journal. Those were not the words her father would hear after a session, those were the hard facts about her mind. At fourteen, when she read them she had scoffed, she had been crushing on her first boyfriend and he had been a harmless boy. But now, after Loki, it sounded like an old prophecy that had come to pass. She kept drinking despite the burn of her stomach, she was the Fucked Up Kid. She was going to destroy herself no matter what, either on purpose or by accident.

She wasn't fit to be loved or to love anyone. Raven, whomever she was or could have been died in that bathtub eighteen years ago. She was nothing but the gutted, shriveled shell of that little girl who had done nothing wrong but lived. There had never been any hope for her. Her dreams, her hopes, they didn't matter now. Nothing mattered now. She was nothing. There was nothing left for her, nothing to live for now. She ruined everything she touched.

Her touch was toxic. It rotted. It twisted. It destroyed. She had brought death to her mother. Her touch was pus, the ooze of her soul that died when she was four. It infected this life and would tarnish all the good around her. This body was a disease that ate away at her. This mind was a cancer that had wasted away any innocence in her heart. An acid that burned and reveled in the sizzle of its destruction. It mutilated its sanity just to see how far it could go before it snapped. It was sadistic, masochistic, fucked up, monster of a mind.

Such a mind could not live in this world.

It had lived long enough in this world.

"Raven?" Malcolm rubbed her back.

He knew something was wrong, she was still teary-eyed when they had migrated to the kitchen for black coffee and sips of the dog that bit them. She had taken two gulps of her vodka with hurt her worse than it hurt him. She was a breathing corpse.

"Look if you don't talk to me," he warned. "I'll stay here until you do." She was a marble statue. "Raven, please say something."

"I've... I've been low lately." Her voice was faint, the only life she had was her grip around that bottle. "I have been going though some major life reevaluations." She set the bottle down uncoiling her clutch. "It hasn't been a good year for me. I'm..." Tears burst out her eyes and she hid her face. "I've been running in circles! My whole life! No matter what I do I keep ending up here!"

Malcolm held her shoulders. "Where's here?"

"Brink of destruction," she sobbed. "I keep hurting myself. I keep... doing things that I know I shouldn't. I keep lying that I'm fine when I'm not and the right people never notice!" She wiped her face, "I shouldn't be telling you this. I barely know you."

"Does that matter?" He gave her a tissue. "Maybe there isn't a right person, just a person, who needs to listen?"

She shook her head. "I'm such a mess."

"Finger paintings are a mess too," he realized. "But we all still like them. Figuring them out."

"I'm beyond that," she blew her nose. "They should have left me there."

"Where?"

She stopped herself. "Doesn't matter." She had said too much. A chill came over her and she leaned into Malcolm for warmth. Why was she so cold?


	11. Chapter 11

**Here we go! Have fun and remember, reviews fuel me!**

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_**Chapter 11**_

She two years old and it was nighttime. Raven stood in her crib staring out the window in her nursery, little chubby hands held onto the crib edge as big eyes beheld the clear night sky. She stared taking a few steps she came to a knew angle and saw the moon, a crescent moon hanging like a smile. She reached out to touch the smile, when you touched smiles they laughed and laughing was a sound she liked, it made her laugh. She tried to take more steps but she came to the end of her crib and when she went to the other end there was no sky, no stars, no smiling moon to be seen. She wanted to hear the moon laugh, and thought of leaving the moon's laugh unheard and to leave it waiting distressed her making her cry. She cried and cried until a pair of hands picked her up.

It was Mama.

Mama with her shiny reddish hair and grassy green eyes. She held her close but she wanted the moon and not Mama.

"What is mon ange?" Said Mama. "What is it?"

"Moon!" She cried. "Moon!"

"The moon?" Mama giggled taking her to the window. "Is that what's bothering you? You want to see the moon?"

"See Moon smile."

Mama kissed her and rubbed her cheeks wiping her blubbery tears. "See it better now?"

And Raven did. She saw it much better and her hands banged on the window glass. She still could not touch the moon and make it laugh.

"Moon won't laugh," she explained to Mama.

Mama smiled understandably, "Oh, that's what you wanted? To make the moon laugh since he's smiling?" Raven nodded. Mama held her close and with one hand pulled the rocking chair to the window. "Well, you know what? The moon is laughing magpie, it's just sooo far away, you can't hear."

"Moon is laughing?" She couldn't hear it.

"Yes Magpie," the chair swayed and Raven curled in her Mama's arms. She smelled like Papa, like wood and his stinky drinks. The smell comforted her.

"I want Papa," she cooed. She wanted more of that distinctive smell. Her personal menthol rub.

Mama nodded still happy and took her to the door. She opened the door and there was Papa sitting down with his stinky drink, he had messy hair and tiny eyes like a snake. "She's asked for you," called Mama.

Papa smiled his fat smile that left funny lines in his face. He came and took her back to the room, he sat the rocking chair and Raven felt very glad and forgot about the moon. She loved her Papa who taught her many things. Who played with her in the snow and sang funny songs. He came home smelly funny but she liked his scent. The sound his rough hands made when rubbed them together.

"Papa loves you Sunshine," he said kissing her head. His hands were big and warm when he held her, she felt safe.

"Love you Papa," she replied hanging onto his shirt.

Papa gave a rumbly laugh and rubbed her back, he began to sing an old gaelic song and she felt sleepy. He rocked her as he sung and she fell asleep in his arms. Feeling loved.

Raven, twenty-two years old, woke up with tears in her eyes. With her increasing memories, she had yet to come across a memory that was wonderful it made her cry. She laid in her bed buried to her cheeks in covers, it was too early for work and she dreaded more dreams. She wiped her tears tempted to stay in bed all day, to sink into her lumpy mattress as if it were quicksand, why did the good times hurt too?

_Papa loves you Sunshine._

Did you really? Did you ever love me?

If she could go back in time again Raven wanted to ask Harris that. Did you love me? Even when Mama lied? Why couldn't you have loved me despite that? I would have loved you. She picked you didn't she? Did it mean that much to you?

Don't think about it. It's dead and done. They're dead and gone.

Dead, for eighteen years.

Post traumatic stress and the Tesseract were lethal and slow poisons. PTS was a dilatory wound that never healed, a scab you picked the minute the blood turned brown. The more you picked the worse the scab got, bigger, deeper. The Tesseract amplified that wound with lemon juice and salt, it made the wound sting, irresistible to scratch, tearing into the flesh. You were trying to remove the salt but you were making it worse, everything worse. Letting infection spread and mar the untainted skin.

You could ignore for a while but you always went back to it.

Raven tried to distract herself, she made up excuses when her family wanted her to visit or come home. She forced herself to keep up with Rachel, her best friend, who was graduating from college and taking up her own internship. She wanted to visit her for the summer, but Raven didn't have a citizenship for Paris nor had she applied for one. She was leaving the city but had yet to decide where to go. Her family was awaiting her to ask for a ticket home but she wouldn't. Rachel did not approve of her plot to hide away, she hated all this lying. But she did listen to her when she called, or instant messaged. Rachel had suggested that Raven travel, if she had to run why not have fun doing it? _As I'm all for you bettering yourself hun. I just don't dig this belfry your building for yourself. You know what you should do? Reinvent yourself! Be You! Go get drunk! Hook up with tom cats! Give me stories to tell! You couldn't be normal if you tried, instead you should be... active. _

Rachel was hinting to Malcolm. She was under the impression that he was in love with her, and that her life as a mundane waitress was driving her mad. She had to do something, go somewhere, give up the charade to be normal. She could have run to Rachel, she would take her in and hid her away. But she dared not be in New York.

But where would she go? Should she apply for a UK Citizenship, it wouldn't be hard. Her mother was French, she had been born in Ireland. Being European by descent and birth gave her privileges over an outsider. She could go to Ireland, Marshall took bad news better than Tony. He didn't expect nothing else than what she was, a tough skinned girl who could take care of herself. Who got sad sometimes, an entitled sadness. He would take her without question. But was it best to go to him? He might call Tony, he wasn't above that if he thought it was best. Marshall was that kind of parent, tough love when you need it. She needed-

"Raven!" Someone banged on her door. "Raven!"

She went to the door, it was too early for anyone to visit her, and she hadn't let anyone in. It didn't sound like her neighbors nor was the voice french. Wrapped up to her neck in blankets, stomach doing backflips she opened the door, Malcolm was leaning on her doorframe. He reeked of alcohol, the fumes of a pub and was ruffled up from head and toe. He sniggered at her bedhead.

"Good night, sleepyhead," he rubbed her head.

He was utterly loaded. His eyes rolled around her trying to center on her face. He struggled to keep a hold on the doorframe, body begging to call it a night. Raven wanted to slam the door in his face yet she knew what was like it to be drunk. And he had taken her home without copping a single feel in her state. She had to let him in.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She guided him to her small sofa. "How did you get in?"

He threw himself on the couch with a plop. "A nice bloke let me in. He saw me sitting outside and let me in thinking I lost my key."

She folded her arms, "And you think it's okay to come to my flat drunk?"

Malcolm was her friend, whether she liked it or not, but to come to her house plastered, meant something. It was something. Something she had not thought about. Nor wanted to. You did this when you were pining over and ex or had a huge fight with a boyfriend... Or girlfriend.

He clumsily wagged his finger, "I wanted to talk to you. I was thinking about you." He batted his eyelashes. She was afraid of that.

Malcolm stretched out limbs sprawled out like his joints were taffy. Raven pinched her nose, this can't be happening. "Don't you have a hotel room? And why are you getting shitfaced about?" Her voice raised an octave, she had no nerves for this shit.

He huffed in boredom, "Too faraway."

"And the other question?" A thought crossed her mind. "Is it Kelsey? Malcolm, is something wrong with Kelsey?"

He shook his head once, "Nah! She's fine, she'll be leaving Paris soon."

Raven groaned shrilly, "Then what's wrong?"

Malcolm lifted his head in her direction, "Were you crying?" He spied dampness around her eyes. She was pretty even when she cried.

She flinched and dragged her hands under her eyes, "That isn't any of your business!" She kicked the sofa yanking him up, "You have to go now. Now. Now!" His body was weighty from his state and impossible for her to heft when all she wanted to do was cry. "Get up!" She dropped his arm. "I said-"

His head hung as he sat up, it rolled up and the way his eyes bore into her stripped Raven to her soul. "Why are you always so sad?"

"None of your fucking business!" Feeling over exposed she shrank back.

He reached out to grab her hand but she slapped it way when it was inches from her body. He went back with the same hand and she did it again, tears running down her face. They repeated this dance until Raven slapped him, his head remained tilted and her fists clenched with contained emotions that made her quake. She wanted to be alone, to stay in bed and have this moment of grief to herself. To feel the grief that would never get easier with time. The grief she had kept buried for years that rose like roots from the earth. To let herself express what she felt being surrounded by all the peace of mind she had been denied as a child. That innocence. She didn't fight him when he pulled her down into his lap, he held her and she cried. She cried and cried until the two fell asleep in each others arms. Her stomach churning as she slept.

She woke up in Malcolm's arms. Raven shot up hands pressing against the hungover man, had she slept like this? His hands were on her back, head thrown back on the couch, snoring lightly. Why had he come here last night? Why? She tried to move but his grip tightened pulling her back on his chest. He smelled like a cheap pub, cheap booze, cheap nicotine and cheap cologne. He was a heavy sleeper, she realized as she weaseled her way out his grip. She opted to lay him out on the couch, as a courtesy, throwing her own blanket on him.

"Work," she reminded herself. "You have work. Ignore the drunk man on your sofa." She wasn't too far off her usual wake up time.

Raven got ready for work. She showered, combed her hair, did her makeup and had breakfast by the time she allowed herself to be distracted by Malcolm. Not wanting to leave the man in her flat she roused him, hoping she could shuffle him into a cab as she went to work. No such luck, he turned over hiding under the blanket. She ripped the warmth away and called his name, nothing.

"This is ridiculous," mumbled Raven. She went for a glass of water, "This is what you get," she told him before she poured it on him.

He shot up like a bullet gasping. He was lost for a moment but with a little look-around it came back to him. "You?"

"Me." She threw a rag at him. "You need to go now. I have to get to work and I won't be late because of you."

He dried his face off, "I slept here?"

"Yes," spat Raven. "And now you're leaving here." She pointed to the door, "Out."

Malcolm rubbed her jaw where Raven had hit him a few hours before. Her posture relaxed she never wanted to hit anyone unless they deserved it, he hadn't deserved it. His drunkenness made him as harmless as an invalid. He had to leave though, she couldn't bare to have him around after that display. Their friendship was not a pass to all her secrets, only Rachel had that chore. His jaw was tender from the blow, he didn't know how he got to Raven's apartment but he did know what happened in her apartment. She had been crying and she had been crying in his arms.

"Are you better now?"

Like a cat she hissed, "That's none of your business."

He groaned, his head was spinning. "I...Fine." He took in her outfit, a pencil skirt and bright orange top. "Where are you off to?"

"Work, and you need to leave. Now."

Groggily he sat up, "You look nice. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Make it fast." She folded the blanket as he got up.

Malcolm washed his face in her bathroom, Raven was a girl with secrets. Kelsey and her had secrets, but there were more secrets she was keeping, secrets that made her cry in the middle of the night. She mentioned that she got sad, that she was self-destruction but he knew there was more to it. Usually he only concerned himself with his family's problems, Raven was an exception. This girl had saved his cousin, his aunt's daughter, that qualified for something. He liked her too, when she was happy she was wonderful. She was witty and wild, class with a touch crass. He liked that.

Coming back out she was putting on her coat to leave, she had her hair down with the sides pinned back sporting her trademark red lips. She then reached for a pair of glasses, wide and round like John Lennon shades. Seeing them on that face Malcolm burst out laughing.

"Look at you!" He held his ribs.

Raven frowned, "What's your problem?" She pushed up her glasses with a finger. "What? My contacts are bothering me!"

"I had no idea!" He still laughed. "You look like a posh hippie! A corporate hippie!"

"Shut up! They're not that bad." Raven put her hands on her hips. "Shouldn't you be leaving?"

He wiped the tears from his eyes, "Why don't you skip work today?" She folded her arms. "What you'll hardly get any tips with that face!"

"I can't skip work," Raven threw up her hands, "I have to leave Paris soon! And are you calling me ugly?" Her scowl meant business.

He tried to stifle his laugh. "No, no, no." He took a seat. "I just saying those glasses..." He snickered unable to finish his sentence. "Besides, where are you going? After Paris? Home? In that giant building in New York?"

"That's the last place I want to be," said Raven. "I don't want to go anywhere near America. I'd sooner go to my other father in Ireland, first."

"Huh. So," he scratched his growing beard, "you have to leave the country soon and you have no idea where to go?" She nodded unsure of his angle. "You know that Kelsey's going back to Manchester with me?" She became quite still. "You see, a mate of mine has this flat for two. Very affordable, for two starving artists. But... we have no number two." She blinked like a goldfish. "You want to be our number two?"

"Wait," she raised a finger, " you still hardly know me. And, she added, "shouldn't Kelsey be asking me this?"

Malcolm shrugged walking towards her, "Well, it's obvious that Kelsey likes you. She was going to ask you the next time you came by. And," they were inches apart, "I wouldn't having you around."

Raven's eyes raised to those eyes, boundless like a forrest. "You want to help me?" She didn't deserve his help. He had no idea what he was getting into. What he was signing up for.

"Yeah," he lifted his hand but let it fall back to his side. "Since you're European it'll be easy get a citizenship... if you decide to stay. So?"

"I want to talk to Kelsey first." She glanced at her watch. "I'm going to be late for work."

At lunch Raven called Kelsey, unable to wait another minute. Her stomach was in knots and nothing she took or drank soothed it. She took her breaks in a deli around the bloke corner, with cheap but edible curry that tingled her lips until they were numb. They had outside tables were she could smoke, and a minimal amount of children to eliminate the guilt of secondhand smoke. The smoking didn't help her stomach but it eased her nerves.

"Malcolm mentioned you would call," was the first thing she said. Raven took an annoyed drag of her cigarette. "Did he tell you about the flat?"

"He did. You really want me to come along?" This was actually working out. It sounded too good to be true. Suspicion and the steady stream of misery in her life made her skeptical.

"I know we haven't been mates long, but I like you Raven. And I wouldn't mind share a flat with you," rambled Kelsey. "I'd probably get a stranger as my flatmate anyhow. At least I'd trust you." Raven said nothing. Of course she trusts me, I saved her life. "So do you want to come along?"

"When are you leaving?" Asked Raven.

Was she really going to do this? Hop from continent to continent to avoid home? It was her intention but now that it was coming real she doubted that she could go through with it. First step to running. Each step lead to another becoming a marathon that may never end until a bullet was in her head.

"In about a month roughly." There was excitement in Kelsey's voice. "Are you coming? It's only less than a hundred pounds, can you swing that with the luggage fees?" She asked hurriedly. "I can wait a week for you, if you need it. I've been to Manchester before, you'll love it! Big city. Clubs. Bars. Shows."

"How's the music scene down there?" Just because she had a ride did not mean she was going to be a waitress again. She wanted to work, to get a proper job. Compose. Perform.

"Well, it is known for popping out bands every other month," Kelsey told her optimistically. "If you want someone to notice you, Manchester is your LA. They had a very active music scene. I'm aiming for an orchestra position, first violin. What are you looking for?"

"I don't mind joining an orchestra for now, but I really want to compose," she admitted. "But I need to get out there somehow."

"Manchester is the best place to start."

Raven bobbed her head finishing her cigarette her belly cramped and a chill ran down her spine. She ordered a chai tea hoping the heat and spice would shake off her chill. She nearly gagged when a hotplate passed her nose but she forced it down lighting another cigarette pegging her symptoms as stress. For the big decision she had to make. Even when she excused herself and emptied her stomach in the bathroom, she wrote it off as stress.


	12. Chapter 12

**Due to popular demand of my lovely reviewers, you ask and you shall ****receive. I hope you guys have fun with this one. As always review and tell me what you think. XOXO**

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_**Chapter 12**_

Mom got an e-mail from Raven today. She was going to Manchester with some friend she met in Paris. She mentioned that she was thinking of permanently moving there and how she and this girl were moving in together. Raven had said since she was born in Ireland and lived there for seven years that the government would let get a citizenship. She apparently was getting a dual citizenship, one for Europe and one for America. She wrote in her e-mail that Marshall had helped her with the getting a UK Citizenship, since he knew about some weird law between England and Ireland.

Van knew that Raven had this other family in Ireland, but he didn't know anything about them. His dad didn't like talking about them. What Van had gathered was that before Dad knew about Raven she lived with this guy Marshall Helms in Ireland, who she called her other dad. She always went over there to visit him since he had been her dad for awhile. Van never met Marshall Helms, his wife or the famous Uncle Shane that Raven always went on about. He overhead phone calls between them, that was it. With the news of this e-mail Van noticed the change in his dad, his verbal reaction wasn't immediate but Van saw his jaw clench and his eyes darken. He never liked this Marshall Helms. Mom didn't like the news much either, he observed, but she was taking it a lot better than Dad. The news of her getting a UK Citizenship wasn't well received either.

Why did Raven want to be a UK citizen for? He had seen a bit of the world, he had been to Barcelona, Monaco, Paris and he thought that America was fine. He liked home, they had everything here. Mom, Dad, Uncle Steve, Uncle Clint and Auntie Natasha, Auntie Kate. Never mind Uncle Thor was in Asgard and Uncle Bruce was always in India, but they had reasons for being there. Why couldn't she work in LA? Everyone went there.

"With a friend?" Asked Tony drinking from a bottle of water.

"That's what she said," Pepper smiled supportively. "She's looking for a job down there."

His dad looked out the window to the horizon, his slight displeasure was apparent in his silhouette. "She's turning into quite the traveller."

"You always want to travel when you're young," his mom sounded like she was comforting him. What was the deal with this Marshall Helms?

Why did Raven so close with this Marshall guy, anyhow? She could have called home for help, couldn't she? Van was flummoxed, what did his man have that they didn't? He wasn't even her dad. He never understood his sister sometimes, she was so alien. She would run to Ireland whenever anyone said she could, and never seemed to miss home. Mom said that Raven was born there, that she spent the first seven years of her life there. But who could remember that far back? Here, with them, was more exciting than Ireland or Manchester. She was a bit eccentric, Dad always said she liked trees and flowers over technology, she was an artist and artists were always odd.

Van never understood Raven the more he was able to understand the world, she had no desire to be like their dad and be a hero, she went her own way. Bucky and Astrid wanted to be like their respected hero parent, Tatiana wasn't sure if she wanted to be an assassin or a spy and Jamal was going to be like his dad no matter what he wanted. Van wanted a suit like his dad. Raven was different. His mom said that Raven always knew what she wanted to be ever since she was seven, she wanted to be a musician or composer, she never wanted to be an Avenger. He wondered if his sister was too afraid to be an Avenger, since she did live with someone else for seven years, maybe she was too chicken for such a responsibility. Artists were supposed to be sensitive too. Maybe she wasn't cut out to be a superhero. Not everyone was cut out for that kind of work.

Van wondered what went on in his sister's head sometimes. The teachers he had now, whom had taught Raven kept telling him how his sister had had no motivation. Your sister had her own goals and refused to apply herself, they said. You aren't anything like your sister. This is a Stark. He never told his dad those things, he would get mad no doubt, but Van wished he could ask his sister what they meant by that. She was smart, genius smart, so was he but everyone acted like he was the one that came out right.

Was Raven some screwup and he had no idea?

But she wasn't a screwup. Not in his eyes.

Was that why she hadn't been home in so long? Did something happen between her and Dad? Was he mad at her? Van wanted to ask him father these questions but childish fear held him back, the fear that he was wrong and the fear of being right. Dad and Raven had a fight years ago, he barely remembered it but he did recall a glass being broken, one of his dad's good booze bottles.

Had he missed something? Something important?

"Hey Van, what are you doing on the floor?"

Van jumped at the sound of his mother's voice, but he was glad it wasn't his dad. "I'm thinking."

"About what?" She gave him that what-are-you-thinking-about-smirk.

"What did Raven say?" He asked outright. A small part of him wanted to her a detail that he had missed something to drain his babyish fear. She did not. She told him precisely what she told that, in the same tone.

"You miss your sister," she slipped an arm around him.

Van worried about what had upset his dad. He wouldn't mind seeing his sister but his dad's mood was more urgent.

"It's not that," he told her. "Just wondering." With that she left him to his thoughts.

What am I missing?

She called Marshall. Those words hurt Tony more than hearing that she moving to England. Why did she call Marshall,? He could have helped. He had a watered down whiskey, why did it feel like he was missing something? Pepper said it was normal for kids to go on some journey of self discovery, that Raven's was just more extreme because she was so damn fearless. Fearless, that was the best way to describe Raven, she didn't care about crashing and burning as long as she could get up again. One of his more predominant qualities. Running before walking.

How could she want to live on her own already? She was barely twenty-two. He wouldn't mind if she stayed home for a while, sure she had her life savings and what she earned in Paris, but would she really be okay? Raven's got a good head on her shoulders, Bruce always told him, a bit of a hothead but she's not stupid. Maybe I let her go too soon? Maybe I should have let her stay home a year or two before going to college? It was too late for that now, she was gone.

He dialed her number, he had to talk to her, something in his gut told him to call. But Raven didn't pick up, a woman did, with a thick Scottish accent.

"Raven Stark's phone, hello?"

"Who's this?"

Pepper walked into the room at this point seeing his confused expression. He put the phone on speaker.

"Oh, you're Raven's dad!" The voice exclaimed filling the room. A Scottish voice. Pepper mouthed 'Who's that?' He shrugged. "The one she keeps a big secret! Tony Stark, right?"

"You know a lot about me," muttered Tony loud enough for her to hear, "but I don't know a thing about you."

"Oh oh oh!" Laughed the woman. "You two may not look alike but you just sound like her when she trying to be serious." Pepper smiled at that. "Did you get her e-mail yet?"

"I did," he shook his head question still unanswered.

"Well, I'm your daughter's new keeper then."

"You're the girl, she's moving in with?" Pepper asked.

"Yes, I am. Kelsey Macintosh," Kelsey announced. "You must be... Pepper. She's told me about you. I would give you to Raven but the poor wee lamb is asleep."

"Asleep?" Echoed Tony. "She's asleep?"

"Aye, she had a hard day getting ready for the move. Poor thing's just on the bed sleeping." There was a pause, "Should I wake her up?"

"Nah, don't wake her up." He dragged his hand down his face. "Just tell her to call me when she wakes up."

"Will do. And Mr. Stark?" Tony winced at the moniker, he hated formalities.

"Yeah?"

"I'll take good care of her, don't you worry." Tony's mouth quirk in a tiny side smile and Pepper hugged his shoulders. "You got a good girl here. Good as gold."

"I know. Thanks." And he hung up. "I'm still doing a background check on her."

Pepper hummed contently. "She seems nice. And she's right, you two do sound alike when you're trying to be serious."

Tony nodded, "I think we look exactly alike too."

He knew better though, even when she was little Tony knew that Raven had no undeniable Stark features. It never bothered him, she was his and that was what mattered. But he did notice things. At parties, big parties with plenty teens and kids whenever Raven ran off no one saw her as his daughter. They knew he had a daughter but no one ever guessed from a glance, if they apart, that Raven was his. He had pointed her out to someone once but they had thought the girl behind her, also with brown and eyes, as his daughter. He came to the conclusion that Raven looked more like Vivian. When he had forced himself to compare their faces, he saw it. They were nearly identical, the shape of their nose, eyes, face, their smile. The hair and eye color was his genetic doing, but that was it. Did that bother her? She never commented on it in front him.

The girl, Kelsey, had said she acted like him, when she was trying to be serious. How more like him was she? He had been anxious that Raven would be like him, since she looked like Vivian it was only logical she would act like him. Raven was her own person, she was artistic and hated being flashy even as a kid when it was acceptable. She often hid behind his legs or skulked on corners watching people. She was a troublemaker though, especially in the teens years. Still nothing like him.

As a teen Raven used to cut school. She would run to arcades, libraries, even book stores. She would sit in trees during class times, she pulled huge elaborate pranks on students and teachers and she fought. It was like when she blew out those candles on her birthday cake a bomb went off. One time she had bought hair bye with her allowance without him knowing. She left home with long flowing brown hair, she came home with bangs that covered her forehead and her hair cut to her jaw, with purple streaks. She looked like a punk right out the eighties. The school was furious and insisted she wash the color out, she had argued that it would last three weeks despite scrubbing. So for three weeks she was the coolest girl in school. She was fearless. His fierce girl.

Lost in a sea of memories frozen as pictures, Tony only smiled at the wild child. His fearless princess, never afraid of anyone or anything. She wasn't made to be one place, she needed to live, to see the world. To be fearless. He just wished that she would come home once and a while. Is that why he had the rock in his gut, because he missed her? Or because he wouldn't be seeing her anymore? That she was growing up too fast, all over again?

His phone rang, "Hello?"

"You called me awhile ago," yawned Raven. "Is everything okay?"

She sounded awful. "Are you alright princess?"

She groaned, "I think I'm getting a stomach flu. But, why did you call? Did you want something?"

Tony's eyes fell to the pictures in his lap, thirteen year old Raven grinned at him hair a spiky mess, he smiled back. "Just checking in. I hear your moving to England. Big decision."

She chuckled, "I know, but Kelsey say that it has an active music scene. Also, she has a friends who already have a flat for us."

"You really wanna do this, don't you." She was flying away from the nest. Over the mountain into the sunset.

"Yeah. Feels right. Besides, I'm only a plane ride away." She gave a whimper.

"Princess?" Tony squeezed the handle of his chair. "You okay?"

"F-Fine. Just stomach cramps. L-Listen Dad, I gotta go, my plane's leaving in a few days. And I gotta get over this flu. Call you later, kay?"

"Right." He cleared his throat. "Just... Just, don't be afraid to call me if you wanna come home, promise? Or if you need help with your rent."

"Sure sure, Dad. Love you, bye." She hang up.

She's just sick. She's going to get sick, it happens. She's fine. She's going to Manchester with friends, and she knows you'll help her if she needs it. She has a place to move into, her friend has friends there, she won't be alone. The girl said she would look out for her. She's going to be fine. She's a smart girl. She won't be alone. She'll call if there's trouble. Dammit Tony, stop worrying. She's growing up, you knew she can't stay anywhere for too long. You know she's ambitious. You know she loves traveling. You know Raven. Pull yourself together.

"Did she call?" Pepper came beside him. He nodded. "Did you two have a nice chat?"

"She's got the stomach flu," reported Tony. "She's leaving Paris in a few days."

Pepper saw the pictures in his lap. "They aren't going to be small forever Tony. Soon Van's going to be leaving home."

He moaned rolling his eyes. "I'm just going to be sitting here missing my kids for the rest of my life!" He had humor in his voice. "God, why couldn't they be lazy, unambitious freeloaders?"

"Then they wouldn't be your kids," Pepper gave him a peck on the lips.

"I want another one," he decided. "By the time it's old enough to leave I won't care as much."

"Very funny Tony." She patted his shoulder, "Wait for the grandkids. You'll get them faster."

"Grandkids?" He snorted. "I'm not that old." Grandkids, the thought warmed him, bunch of bouncing grandkids. Not yet, though.

Her stomach cramps went away as did her other pains and she boarded the plane with Kelsey problem free. She had packed all her things with consisted of two suit cases(one held her violin), a backpack, her guitar and cello case, she paid the fee for them which thankfully wasn't much since the instruments weren't heavy. Kelsey had laughed at her when she had to heft the guitar and backpack in the compartment above them, having to hold the cello between her legs. The flight wasn't long but sitting next to Malcolm it was an eternity. His hands shooed away the chill that was crawling up to her neck from her toes.

"Excited?" Whispered Malcolm.

"A little," she admitted.

Days before she left Paris, she marked the occasion by cutting her hair. She was making a new start and she wanted a new look, she cropped her hair short like Audrey Hepburn did in Sabrina. She had some money to spare. The hairdresser said she looked like a supermodel, he went on and on about her cheekbones and profile, scolding her for hiding them with her long hair. She felt invincible with her new hairstyle. Malcolm hadn't stopped staring at her when she revealed her look, Kelsey had gushed hugging her and running her fingers through it. She sent Rachel a picture of it the night before, _OMFG, you look gorgeous! _Was her reply._ Love it! It's a new you! _She wanted to put the bad things behind her and let herself have something good. Something like... Malcolm maybe. There was life in her bones yet.

"What?" Asked Raven, Malcolm eyes were fixated on her. "What is it? Is something on my face?"

"Have I told you that I have a thing for short hair?" Said Malcolm. He ran his finger along the side stopping behind her ear, cradling the back of her head.

Time slowed down and his face was coming closer and closer. Raven didn't fight it. She shut her eyes and felt his lips on hers. He was holding her face, his beard pricked her face and his lips moved against her leaving little mini peck whenever they lifted. She hummed discreetly and reached for his shirt, I want this. He broke away and she nearly pulled him back. They stared at one another, burning this moment into their memories, this was the beginning of something.

"I'm starting to get a thing for beards." Raven broke the silence.

He took her hand, "And I love crazy girls."

"Even with dark secrets?" She squeezed his hand. You deserve happiness, you are worthy of happiness.

"I like a little mystery," replied Malcolm. "You want to give this a go?" He made a pause.

She nodded, "Yeah. But don't forget," she warned, "I'm nothing but trouble."

Malcolm smirked, "Every woman is trouble. At least, you admit it." He gave her a cartoonish wink.

This could work. I like him. I actually like him.

Hoping from country to country was exhausting, doing that when you're sick is worse. Raven's body was cramping as she sat in the cab, she hunched over at on point gripping her stomach. She had these cold sweats that she hid to the best of her ability. They all were squeezed up in a cab, heading to the flat complex. Malcolm rubbed her back.

"Are you alright Raven?"

She cried out from sudden shot of pain that made her cradle her stomach. Ice. Raven had other sensation than a unnatural freeze that burrowed in her stomach. It attacked the base of her spine, running up to her head. It stole her voice making her capable of only screams. This was no flu. It was something else. It was trying to tear her apart.

"She needs a hospital!" Kelsey told the cab driver.

"No..." It could be the Tesseract, if she went to a hospital she might be found out. "I can't..."

"What?" Bellowed the cousins. She gave Kelsey a glare, and she remembered the circumstances of their friendship.

"Take us back please," Kelsey muttered pinching Malcolm who was about to protest. "She needs to lie down, sorry." She nudged Malcolm, "Hold her until we get there. I'll explain everything."

The drive was tense and uncomfortable, Malcolm held Raven close and she stifled her yells in her fists. The joy of seeing there new home disappeared with the plea to lie down. The cabbie and the landlady helped with the bags while Malcolm took her upstairs almost kicking the door down as he carried her. Kelsey followed after paying the cabbie, once they were alone with their luggage Raven released a pain scream.

The cold was spread all along to her body. She could feel something inside of her but she wasn't sure what it was. It was like a ball of murderous ice was tossing about kicking and crawling at her organs.

"Tell me what's going on?" Commanded Malcolm grabbing his cousin's arm.

"Raven has this power," she hurried explained. "She used it to save my life. I was dying, and she saved my life. It drains her Malcolm, if she goes to hospital she might end up in some lab. This power can destroy cities, but hers isn't that strong. But people still might call her a threat."

It sank in as he went beside Raven holding her protectively. "That's why she's so..." Kelsey nodded. "But what do we do?"

"We just..." Kelsey eyes went downward, she saw water in the bed. Damp sheets. It was a lot of water. That wasn't right. That only happens when... "Jesus Christ." She went between Raven's legs peeling the layers off her from the waist down. Her thighs were wet but their was no obvious odor.

"What are you doing Kelsey?" Malcolm was shocked at the sudden action while Raven groaned with tears in her eyes.

Kelsey's face grew pale as pallor gray. She stared down in-between Raven's legs as the girl yelled in unimaginable pain, shivering as if she had been left in a blizzard, bare. Kelsey lifted her head speechless at the two of them. Malcolm and Raven awaited her response afraid to press her for it.

"She's crowning," Kelsey gaped. "She's crowning! Call the landlady!" She ordered Malcolm. "Go!" As he left Kelsey went up to Raven patting her face. "Raven, Raven, Raven!" Her eyes fluttered open. "Raven, you're crowning, do you hear me?"

"W-W-What?" She bellowed.

"You're giving birth." Kelsey held her hand, they were shaking like she was having a seizure. "You're having a baby."

"I can't," she shook her head furiously. "I can't! It's impossible!" She screeched regaining a ounce of strength. "I can't have this baby! It's can't be true! It's impossible!" Tears fell down her face. "I wasn't showing!" She screamed as a contraction came. "Fuck!"

The landlady came in sleeves rolled up. She had heard the commotion for downstairs along with the screams. The cabbie muttered about one of the girls having a fit. She thought it was nothing until she pushed ajar the still opened door to hear Raven's last words. Seeing the crowning as apparent evidence of what was really wrong. She couldn't just stand there and watch the stunned children gape like fish.

"Step aside girlie, I was a nurse in the army."

Kelsey gave the old woman room who assessed Raven's not swollen stomach. She questioned nothing anymore and was grateful for the offer. She had no idea what to do beside telling Raven to push.

"Oh I see what the fuss is about now." Her eyes gleamed in harmless fascination. "I saw this on that american series, I Didn't Know I was Pregnant." Raven yowled. "Don't worry dear, I know what I'm doing. Now push." Malcolm stood in the corner growing pale. "You're the boyfriend aren''t you," the landlady sneered, "go hold her hand then."

Having no voice to correct her Malcolm did as she said. He held Raven's hand and supported her upper body as she pushed. She wasn't kidding when she said she was trouble.

The world was spinning as Raven pushed. She was in labor, there was no way. She hadn't had sex in months. She hadn't been showing. She had been drinking and smoking. There was no way. The last time she had sex was when she was in New York with... Oh no. Raven stared at her stomach as a pang of fear paralyzed her. No. It's not possible. Loki was a Frost Giant and she was- A contraction and a burst of cold in her chest broke her thoughts. That meant- A snapping chill dug into her spine. Oh God.

"The baby," Raven struggled to say, "the baby it's going to look... to look..." If it came out blue they might hurt it. Someone will want to do tests on it. It would be all over the news. They would take away her baby.

Please don't be blue. Please don't be blue. Spilt me in half, freeze me to death, but don't you dare come out blue. They'll hurt you if you do. They won't understand.

"Don't worry about that now," instructed her landlady. "Just bring it into the world first. Push! Push! Push!"

With each contraction and push the frigidness crept up her body like a death shroud. It was Loki's baby. Raven prayed her body didn't show any evidence of frostbite. She was so cold from the invisible baby trying to force it's way out of her. She numb to everything save for the pressure of a life leaving her. She felt nothing else. Not even the warmth of her own blood. All that mattered was getting this baby into the world.

Please be okay. Please be okay.

… I'm so... cold...


	13. Chapter 13

**I think this has been my longest chapter ever OMG! As promised I have given you a chappie before you all come banging at my screen. Enjoy and please review! As always criticism is allowed and welcomed. I will eat your flames with my ****salsa! XOXO Anotherscribe.**

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_**Chapter 13**_

There were no cries. Raven heard no crying. She sat up despite the blood that was running out her body and looked for her baby.

"Where is it?" She asked in a near whisper. Had it been born blue? Was it okay? What is a boy or a girl? Why wasn't it crying? It was too quiet. "Where's my baby?"

The landlady, didn't meet eyes with Raven. She wordlessly handed her two baskets and left her alone with Kelsey and Malcolm. Raven's heart fell to her toes, twins. She had twins. Why weren't they crying? They weren't stillborn. There were faint movements in their chests and their fingers twitched ever so slightly. They weren't dead no, they were dying. Her babies were dying before her very eyes. She wanted to scream. Scream at the result of her lifestyle, of torturing herself like a self-righteous martyr not knowing she had dragged two innocent lives down with her. She wanted to scream for the snapping of her mind, seeing death once more in her life. She had no deep attachment to these children, she had no time to mull over their lives, what to name them, whom they would become when they grew up, what they would look like. Her heart broke the same as if she had loved them for years. The fact they were Loki's children didn't make it worse nor bearable, it made her want to put a gun to her head.

She had finally done it.

She had become Harris. She let her heart overrule her mind leaving a chain of death in her path.

The two babies before her, too small for full term babies, not blue in any shade but feeble with life. They were riding out their last and only brief moments of life outside their mother's turbulent womb. Kelsey cried silently face red and puffy and Malcolm kept his eyes downward. Raven didn't want to admit the sight before her was real, these were her children. Her babies. She barely knew them and they were leaving her.

I did this. I drank and smoked too much. Tears burst from Raven's eyes. I killed my children. She didn't want to see them, she didn't want to see what she had done because of her habits. Her filthy habits. Because of her pride and childish fears. But she needed to be punished for killing them.

Raven lifted the first cloth, a checkered blue and white rag. She wanted to know what it was, you couldn't tell by their faces. It was a little boy with a thin layer of dark hair. He was small, so small like he had been premature. He looked peaceful. And like Loki. She didn't cry. Not yet. She lifted the other cloth, a brown kitchen rag. Her heart broke. It was a little girl with dark hair like her brother. The dam broke and Raven wailed. She cried and cried as Kelsey held her whispers empty comforts in her ear. It will be okay. It will be alright. You didn't know. You didn't know. It's all over now.

It couldn't be over. They don't deserve this.

I don't deserve to live. I did this. I should have died not them.

_We can save them. _Said a voice. Raven lifted her head and at the foot of the bed was no other than _her_ dripping wet and pale of death sitting in her blood. Raven hadn't seen her for a while, her presence was a painful reminder of the damage she bestowed on her children. _She_ had a blank mask despite the doomed atmosphere, _you're dying. You can use your power to save them. They haven't been gone that long. They still have life in them. _She was right! She could still save them.

"I want to hold them," sniffled Raven. "Give me one... The one that came out first."

Malcolm saw the urgency in her eyes. This was no farewell ritual. "Raven what are you doing?"

"I can try to save them. Like how I did Kelsey." She was hollow and broken. "Please let me try. Give me a chance. Please."

Kelsey knew what Raven was trying to do but she had no idea it taxed on her life strength. She handed her the girl and went to close the door. Blocking it with her body.

"You have to hurry. The landlady's calling the hospital." She listened through the door, "She thinks the babies are as good as dead."

Raven nodded and held her daughter close. Her mother had died to save her life, nothing wrong with completing the circle. She channeled her energy urging to flow into her daughter, she begged for it to breathe life into her child, to take some of hers and let her daughter live. She prayed over her baby's still chest letting the blue spread over her like a blanket. She was so small the power enveloped her effortlessly but finding the problem and repairing was the true challenge. Was it her heart or her lungs? Had her brain been denied oxygen? Or had she waited one second too long? Please, take me if you have to, just, she reached out to her son it was haunting how her daughter fit into her arm. She's too small. Take me just let them live.

Raven heard wolves at her side. Big, black feral wolves howling with the morning sun.

Do what you want to me. Her son's face fell under a cape of energy. Take everything from me just let them live. I should have been dead long ago. I would die now if it would bring them back.

The wolves howled. And her babies broke out in fretful wails. Arms spasming with more certainty, wriggling with newfound energy and consciousness. Raven perceived as her body wane as the glow of the Tesseract left her babies and they opened their eyes. They were looking at her. An air of sluggishness consumed her, it had taken a lot out of her. She smiled apologetically at her children, I'm so sorry, so sorry. I won't ever do anything like this again. I'll take better care of you, I swear.

Kelsey gasped and hugged Malcolm who couldn't stop staring. Raven set her daughter down in her basket beside her brother. They didn't have their Jotun skin but she knew they were hers and Loki's. She had been with no one else since him in New York mere weeks before she left. She ran her hands along their jaws committing each wrinkled face to memory before she slumped backwards agains the headboard. She wanted to sleep now, she was so cold and the blood leaving her was so warm.

Kelsey screeched in horror. "Raven!" Her face was the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes.

Dawn brought two lives into the world. One boy and one girl. They were too small but now they had a fighting chance to live. Kelsey would do the right thing. This gave Raven peace as she floated in her dreams. I want it this way. I want it this way. I deserve to suffer as I made them suffer. I deserve this. This is all my fault.

But, how did I miss this?

Then it came to her, the cramps, the vomiting, the candy bars, caving for the indian deli, they were symptoms of a pregnancy. She had thought her health, along with the irregular cycle was because of the Tesseract. But how had she survived the birth? They were Loki's children, that meant they had to be part Jotun. Frost Giants were literal giants, they lived in a land of snow and ice, they had claws and fangs. And blue skin. Her babies looked normal, peachy, wrinkly little things. Why weren't they blue? They should be blue. In theory.

The Tesseract did something. It had to.

Raven woke up in a hospital with machines beeping around her. She was weak and it hurt to breathe. Why am I alive? I should be dead.

The summer wolf was there. _They live but they are weak. A good she-wolf always defends her pack and her young. _Raven wanted to question her vision but it vanished before she could find the energy to speak.

"Raven?" Someone knocked on the door. "I'm coming in," Kelsey entered. "Hey you, you gave us quite a scare." Her eyes were bloodshot.

"What happened?" Raven slumped back into bed. She was so tired.

Kelsey came beside her beaming with an air of melancholy. "You passed out after the second one, the boy," she supplied, "came out." Kelsey squealed from the onslaught of tears. "Raven you were bleeding... so much," she sniffled. "The landlady thought you weren't going to make it. We all thought after you... helped... And in the ambulance you were talking like..." Her voice choked on her tears.

"Where are they?" She asked in heavy pants. Her body was numb but her mind was all but spent. What had happened since she was out? She remembered nothing after passing out. "Where are they?"

Kelsey nodded understanding that she had to worried to death about them. "They're in some incubators down the hall. The doctors," she wiped her eyes, "were saying that they're too small for full term babies and they aren't sure if they're going to make it. I had to tell them," she cleared her throat, "that you had hugged them and all of a sudden they began crying. They called it some kangaroo thing..."

Raven's heart dropped, they were still fighting, she hadn't done enough. For all her power she was was useless to save her own children. The wolf's words came back to her. She stifled her cry and let the tears cascade. "I want to see them."

"You can't," Kelsey held her down gently. "You had to go to surgery."

"What?" She lifted her sheets to indeed see evidence of surgery. "Why?"

"You had vaginal tearing and inside you was all torn up." Kelsey shuddered recalling all the blood. "They had to give you stitches down there, a third degree tear. You need to rest."

"I want to see my children!" She shouted. "Screw my crotch!" She rose to get up but a spasm of pain stopped her. She fell back into bed blowing loudly through her mouth.

Kelsey wiped Raven's brow with a tissue. "You told me the boy looks just like his father. Before you went to surgery. You told me how you wished he was here." She tried to put her mind off things. She opened a bottle of water that was on the night stand. "I asked you if I should call your dad, and you said don't." Raven took the bottle and drank. "You said he would kill the father... Loki, and that he wouldn't understand that you loved him."

Raven stared up at Kelsey handing her back the glass. "What else did I say?" She wouldn't confess anything until she knew how much Kelsey knew.

"You asked Malcolm if they had blue skin," her face was straight as a judge. "And if they had claws. Is there something I should know?"

Raven held her head, if she knew she was pregnant she would have stayed in Paris. She wouldn't have come here and burdened Kelsey. Everything was moving too fast. All she wanted to do was hold them. "I'm sorry. I had no idea that I was-"

Kelsey held up her hand. "I'm not mad at you. I know that this scared you as much as it did me. But, I didn't ask you that."

"Loki's...," her mouth went dry. "The only one person in the whole world knows about this, is my friend Rachel, you and Malcolm" she clutched Kelsey's hand. "My dad can't know about this yet. He'd kill Loki. My whole family will kill him." She took a deep breath, "Loki isn't human. He's... You know about the Avengers don't you?" Kelsey nodded. "You know the one who has the hammer that shots lightning? Red cape? Long blonde hair?"

Raven bit her lip, "That's Thor, of Asgard, God of Thunder. Loki, is his adopted brother. No blood relation," she stressed. "Loki's the God of Mischief and Lies."

"I take it he has blue skin?" Guessed Kelsey.

Raven bit her lip. "Yeah. He's what you call a Frost Giant, but he came out much smaller... Way smaller than most." She had never explained to anyone before, Rachel had googled it once and had seen enough. "And while he looks normal all the time, in truth, he really has blue skin. Dark blue skin, with markings, red eyes, completely red, claws and fangs." Kelsey's eyes bulged.

"And when he has his blue skin out he can stand like mega sub zero temperatures and is cold to the touch. The babies didn't tear me up like a normal baby, they... were freezing me from the inside out and crawling at me." Kelsey's face went pale. "They're just like him but I don't why they aren't blue like he is."

"But," she licked her lips. "That's not why my dad would not want us together. You see both of them, him and Thor, are as old as time. But that's not the reason, the only reason, my dad is going to kill him," she gulped. "You see, me and Loki have known each other for a long time. We met... when I was seven years old and he's the reason I... glow blue sometimes."

Kelsey's jaw fell gobsmacked, she held her head. "Did he... when you were... he," her face contorted seething. She saw Loki as some charming creature of legend that had taken advantage of Raven, an impressionable precocious child.

"No!" Cried Raven softly. "It wasn't like that. He would come around sometimes, we played chess and cards, but he never did anything like that. I would know, trust me," she swore. "We never did anything until I was nearly nineteen." Raven held her own head. "He did bad things but I loved him, I was naïve and he had no idea how messed up I was," her eyes burned. "How grown up I could pretend to be," she smiled through frightened tears.

"I left him, because I knew that I had to fix myself. And I thought that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the best thing for me." Her breath was shaky, "And if he knew he did this to me, it would kill him and everyone would blame him. He didn't mean for this to happen, he had no idea this would happen." She laughed darkly. "I don't even think he likes kids. Or wants them. He only putted up with me because I was so messed up and too smart for my own good."

"Oh Raven." Kelsey wrapped her arms around Raven, "So that's the big secret? You're protecting him aren't you?" At the cost of her own life.

"Myself too," she defended. "He can take care of himself. He's just has a nasty temper and nearly as much issues as me," she chuckled. "He tries to be a better man, but so many people just wait for him to slip up."

Kelsey ran her fingers through Raven's sweat matted hair. It was the first time she had seen her this fragile like a child. Raven gave this air of an hardened girl, invincible. Now she was crying at a complete loss of having two children thrown into her lap, from a man her family deeply disapproved of and may persecute her for getting her pregnant by. Shame her for loving him. It wasn't her fault and her family had every right to lose their shit over this. Her options were low and thin.

"Don't you worry," assured Kelsey. "We can do this."

"We?" Repeated Raven. "How-?"

"You need help with those babies," she gave a back glance at the napping infants. "Won't you?"

Raven gave a heartfelt smile, "I'm stuck with you, aren't you?"

"Don't forget me," came Malcolm's voice. He came into the room with his cellphone in hand, "Calling around to see if anyone has any baby stuff they don't want." He checked a message. "Trying to find a crib at least."

Kelsey departed mumbling about getting a picture of the babies for her. Malcolm took her place beside Raven. He took her hand rubbing her knuckles. "I'm afraid I was eavesdropping." His eyes held no contempt.

"Malcolm, I'd understand if you don't want to..." She trailed off. "If I have too much baggage. I'd understand." So much for starting over. She had two babies to care for. To little lives. She couldn't run wild and be free anymore. She had to think about those babies now. What was best for them.

He lowered his head planting a peck in her lips. He tasted of gin. "I still want to try," he said against her lips. "Besides, I like kids." He laid down next to her, "Do you mind? If I stick around?"

"I don't." She snuggled next to him. "I think I should give up wanting a normal relationship, though."

"Normal's overrated." He breathed loudly, "Guess you'll be quitting after all." He hinted about the lighter and pack of cigarettes that had flown out her pockets when she had been stripped by Kelsey.

"Don't remind me." she sat up. "It's my fault they're suffering like this." She been smoking like she had been breathing. And drinking just to go to sleep. "They're fine aren't they? I need to see them." She tried to move once more to get out of bed but her body gave way.

"Raven, you need to rest," Malcolm ushered her back down.

"I drank and smoke Malcolm," moaned Raven tearful, "they might be sick. I killed them."

Every time she thought about the fights her body went through she thought about her babies, in there in agony as tiny faceless fetuses. Barely whole in her unfit body, her wasting body. It made her want to tear her body apart as to offer a pound of flesh in repentance. She was disgusted with herself. If they didn't survive she wouldn't hesitate to throw herself out the window of this room. If they died she would go with them, or somewhere befitting her crime. She was no better than Harris if they died. But she would pull the trigger herself and never plea for forgiveness. That was the only difference between them.

"No worries," soothed Malcolm, "the nurses are feeding them and they're putting up one hell of a fight. They're toughies." She opened her mouth to speak but he placed a finger on her lips. "You need to rest. The doctor told me to keep you in bed until tomorrow. They're fast asleep." She gave a frustrated click of her tongue. "It's not your fault, if you didn't know." He stroked her damp hairline. "Have you named them yet?" Asked Malcolm hoping to put her mind elsewhere.

She shook her head dismally. "More worried about how to feed them. Where to put them and how I'm going to get a job. How to take care of them." Frustrated tears fell down her face, "What am I going to do? I can't go home now! I'll just cause trouble! How am I going to take care of them and work? I don't know how to be a mom! How am I going to do this Malcolm?" She gripped her hair ready to pull it out if it inspired an answer.

"Shhh," he kissed her head hugging her shoulder. "One thing at a time. One thing at a time. But, first let's name those buggers, okay? Any favorites?" He waited patiently for her to calm herself. She had every right to cry and he sympathetically held her as she did.

"They have to mean something," she sniffled when her tears dried. "Asgard names are only as good as their meaning." She recalled Thor telling her this when Astrid was born. It was an important custom.

"I don't know any name meanings, but let's make a list anyways," he suggested.

"Not too weird. I always promised to give my kid a normal name. Remotely normal."

"How about... Elena and Eli?"

"Oh God, let's not make rhyming names," begged Raven eyes swollen from her tears. "So generic."

"Alright," he thought for a moment. "Violet and Jensen?"

"Jensen sounds cool." Raven fingered his hand, "I always liked the name Nikita. From that Elton John song?"

He bobbed his head, "I like it. We can call her Nikki. How about Caleb?"

"Caleb?" She mulled over it. "Does your cell have wifi?" He handed it to her. "Let me Google it... whole hearted. Huh... sounds a bit like kelp though." She typed in a name, "Liam, it's means strong-willed warrior."

"Liam?" He mused. "Liam's a nice name. You could call him William when he's being naughty," he chuckled. "Strong willed warrior fits too." He squeezed her hand, "He's fighting right now."

"Liam Anthony Marshall Stark." She rolled it over her tongue. "Liam Anthony Marshall Stark. I like it."

"There should be a captain in there somewhere," joked Malcolm.

Raven scoffed at him and continued to search names on his phone. "Oh look," she lifted the phone to his eyes, "I found a name for her. Tegan, it means little poet, it's partially Irish too." She looked up at him, "What do you think? Tegan Vivian Virginia Stark? It sounds a bit romantic and artsy but I like it." She mulled over it. "It makes her sound sensitive and sweet." She nudged his hand, "She had this look in her eye when she opened her eyes. Something majestic."

"What about him?"

"He looked exhausted," chuckled Raven. "And grumpy." Just like Loki does. "I like those names," she decided. "Tegan and Liam Stark."

"Tegan and Liam," Malcolm pecked her temple. "I like them too. Distinguished." They heard the footsteps out the door. Raven coiled at the sound. "You're going to be fine Raven. You and those babies are going to be fine."

Raven begged to remain anonymous when word got around about her unknown pregnancy, taking her age into consideration the media was not informed and anyone who knew kept her identity secret. Her babies were with doctors as she was tucked gratefully into a bed. It was a miracle she hadn't passed out from the pain and blood loss during labor. With no epidermal, pre-natal care or professional midwife all the nurses and doctor treated her with great sensitivity, some even donated some baby supplies for her. A third degree tear left her hooked to various tubes committing her to bed rest. The doctors said that her daughter had torn her tissue explaining the blood and her son's passage made it worse.

Raven knew better, she had clawed at her terrified from the turbulence of birth. They also blamed their landlady Mrs. Hardy saying that she had caused the vaginal tearing due to her inexperience as a midwife. The doctors had asked her if she had been raped or abused and that's why she wanted to be anonymous. You have vaginal scarring they reported after they patched her up. The twins had been clawing her from the inside. Raven muttered that she preferred her privacy and they all left her alone.

A nurse brought in a wheelchair and took her to see the twins in little incubators both bundled in their respectable gender color, Malcolm had told the nurse their names so the could have their little name bracelets. It was the first time Raven had gotten a good look at her children. Liam did look exactly like Loki, he had jet black hair on his head, he had Loki's nose and his severe disposition. Tegan didn't look much like her father. She too had a dark coif of hair on her head, but she had rounder jaws and softer features. What also marked them as Loki's children were their eyes. They were blue like normal babies but the shade was startling, crystal clear and abnormally aware.

"Here you are Ms. Stark," said one nurse. "Liam and Tegan."

No one questioned her surname. Perhaps the lack of famous beefed out Americans put them off the coincidence. Also the fact she nearly penniless.

They were up and blinking up at her. It hit her at that moment, I'm a mom, these are my babies. She wanted to pick them up and squish them with hugs and kisses but they were living people, not dolls. She gave an unsure smile. Raven had dealt with many babies before but faced with her own she felt lost like she had never seen a baby before. She poked her hand inside each incubators and both of her child reached out to grab her. Tiny fingers wrapping around a finger. Raven blinked away tears and watched them. When they touched she felt them. Not just their touch but she felt their presence in her mind, and they felt only of love, love for their mother.

"I'm so sorry." Raven whispered to them, too hushed for the nurse to hear. "Momma didn't mean for this to happen. But she's going to take good care of you from now on. I promise."

"They're so small," she reported to the nurse. Their size did not make them any less active her arrival encouraged them. Their eyes squinted at her and they breathed loudly.

"Their surly little things though," said the nurse fondly. "Fighting tooth and nail." She saw Raven's troubled face. It was no secret the poor girl had no idea she was pregnant, this case was very mum's the word. Poor dear had though she was having a bad few weeks with her birth control pills. It was a common thing and with no sign of a bump what was she to think. "Don't worry dearie," she squeezed her shoulder, "you didn't know."

Raven sobbed softly. "It's still no way to live."

Like clockwork Liam and Tegan thrashed at the sound of her tears. Raven stared in awe at the babies that had been inside her without her knowledge, how they responded to her unaware of all the trouble she caused. Or apathetic. I'm going to make up for this. She stroked the beanie hats the nurses gave them, what am I doing to do with you two?

"I think I'm going to cry." Raven blinked away her blurry eyes, "I'm going to be the best mom ever."

Loki watched the court from afar, word from Midgard was that Raven had moved to Manchester, a city in England with a colleague from Paris. She always was a progressive girl. He would have checked up on her but she had divulged no address. And as much as he wanted to search for her and find her, Loki was in no mood to see her where he was not wanted. Another part told him to leave the child alone, that if she wanted his friendship at least she would have extended an invitation for it. He was above any form of grovelling. His pride's wound persisted, he did not love without caution and he loved her entirely.

In the past his mother had attempted to socialize him with the women of court, in hopes of making a match. Seeing that he was never well received she ended it. Odin and Frigga gave up trying to match either of them, with the arrival of Astrid they were at peace with their decision. Though Odin would have had less trouble with a male heir, but Thor and Jane had all the time in the world for that.

Loki had heard Agent Romanoff's whispers at the Christmas party, she was under the impression that Raven had a lover. He cursed the girl under his breath, she made him jealous in that small moment. Petty jealousy knowing she would never have a lover like him. Had the girl affected him so greatly?

Curious to see if in fact Raven was doing better, and to put this feeling to rest, Loki sought out Heimdall. The Gatekeeper stood stoically never blinking despite feeling the conjurer's presence, he guarded the broken Bifrost that hung over Midgard. Where Raven was. Nothing wrong with a look, one look and then he would plan his next steps.

"What troubles you God of Mischief?" Asked Heimdall. "Whom do you wish to see?"

The Gatekeeper had no clue about him and Raven's previous relationship. He had better things to do although Loki had shrouded them every time they were together. Confidently he turned to the him, having no uncertainty in his entire being. Even if he knew it was concern of the court or the realm.

"I need you to find someone on Midgard for me," he requested, "Raven Stark."

Heimdall's head turned to him, "What purpose do you have to seek this child out? The girl has not been in this realm for many seasons."

"Her family has hardly heard word of her," he feigned sincerity. "I think the young princess would be pleased to know what her cousin has been up to."

Heimdall never believed Loki but he sensed something in his words. A truth hidden under a veil.

He looked to Midgard, face unrevealing, "She is with a man." Loki's expression stayed placid. "Asleep. Arm in arm. Does that satisfy you? God of Mischief?"

There was no visible clench in Loki's face. But Heimdall knew Loki long enough to see the glower of hostility. He said nothing of it. He had seen more in the scene but he only told Loki what he clearly cared about.

"I see," he departed with curt grace.

There was nothing more to be said. Loki returned to the court overseeing Astrid's combat lessons with Sif, she waved to him and Sif knocked her over. She had moved on, and he could not. Midgardians were so fickle, had it been so easy for her to put it away what they had? A part of him wanted to go to Midgard and confront her but his pride forbade it. She has not bested me. She has not bested me.

Malcolm stayed with her, for the first time, when she came home from the hospital. She was patched up, still sore but ready to start living, as a mother of two. The doctor told her that the occasional bleeds should stop in three weeks and that she should take it easy. Take warm showers and kept her progress with a mirror. They all came home after a week in the hospital. A week she and her babies lived under the wary eyes of doctors and nurses. She was half afraid and half grateful they hadn't shown their Jotun skin. Their size hadn't changed but they were healthier, by the natal care standards. They had iron grips and attentive eyes. They were fine for now.

Anxiety persistently plagued her sleep, in the hospital and now. Malcolm was snoring behind her but her heart went to Loki. Should she tell him? He had a right to know. But if she told him her house of cards fell at her confession. Everything would be for nothing.

Did he even want kids? What if he doesn't want them? What if he doesn't care? What if he hates me? Her heart pounded, what if he doesn't want kids and word gets out? What if he hates me for what I did? That I nearly killed them? What if he never forgives me? What's going to happen to me? To my babies? Her babies, what would happen if S.H.I.E.L.D got involved? What if someone found out how special her babies were? No one can know, she frantically decided, I won't tell anyone. Not a soul. Only Rachel, Kelsey and Malcolm know, that's enough. I can do this, I have to do this, I will do this.

They'll be her babies. Her children. She'll keep them safe, raise them up and right. No one will hurt them. Her eyes fell to the crib that had awaited her once she and babies came home. Someone didn't want it and gave it to her. It was a dull, brown, wooden crib big enough for the twins, for now, but it needed a serious paint job. Raven could see her babies behind the bars, no one's going to hurt you. Ever. This is the best decision.

She closed her eyes begging for sleep when a shrill cry disturbed her. The babies. She had to feed them. Raven got up wincing as she stood and with each step she took to the crib. Without morphine all the trauma her body was bearing was more then apparent. They both were hungry, their diapers were dry and were fussing horridly. She lifted up Tegan after opening her blouse, holding the new born to one breast she was at a lost of what to do with Liam who too was crying. She only had one hand free. Someone picked him up and cradled him with ample support until she was ready for him. It was Malcolm utterly disheveled.

"You were crying," he noted as she swiped her eyes on her shoulder.

"Just thinking," she replied. "About how I'm going to do this. Keep them a secret."

Malcolm wagged his face, he had to stay awake until at least one of them was done. "You're a real life martyr, aren't you?"

"What?"

"You're going to go through hell, just to keep, everything in order," he rocked Liam. "If I didn't have legitimate fear of the government, I would think you were utterly barmy." He continued eyes restfully shut, "You really love this Loki bloke, don't you?" Raven's suckling child kept her grounded. "Tell me the truth Raven. I need this right now." He knew but Raven dare not say it aloud.

"What if I say no?" Mumbled Raven.

"I'd say that's a bunch of bollocks."

"If I say yes?"

"I'd say, I don't care. And ask myself, why the dumb bastard didn't come after you."

Raven sighed, "I said something that he didn't need to know. And I begged him to let me go." She fought her tears, "I... broke his heart and this is way he breaks mine."

"By getting you pregnant and leaving you?" He remarked darkly.

"No," she said lowly. "By pretending I don't exist and keeping me at arm's length. He's too damn proud to do anything else... Alright," she cleared her throat, "Tegan's been cut off."

Malcolm handed her Liam after she sat Tegan back down in the crib. "Are you ever going to tell him?" He stared at the drowsy baby, "He can't ignore them. Not if they might turn blue like him."

"He might not want them. He's never liked kids. He barely glanced at his niece when she was born," supporting Liam her voice cracked. "He might not... He might not... He didn't have a good dad growing up. He has worse issues than me. He'll hate me for drinking and smoking so much."

"Shh," Malcolm rubbed her shoulders, "shh, you got me. You got me."

"I shouldn't be doing this to you. I shouldn't be forcing you to help me with two kids that aren't yours." She breathed uneasy as Liam fed. "I'm such a selfish bitch."

"Hey, who's forcing?" He hugged her. "I'm here because I want to be and I'd hate myself if I left you now." He gestured to the room, "When you need help more than ever." Tegan whined in the crib and Raven moaned. "See? You need help."

"I forgot to burp her," she wanted to face-palmed herself. "Goddammit."

"I'll get Tegan," he offered.

"I don't deserve you," said Raven as Malcolm balanced Tegan on his shoulder for a burping.

Malcolm gave her a peck on the lips, "Yes you do."

Many nights went like that, double time. For her moments of rest, she read up on everything about babies, she had nine months of research to stuff down her throat. During the day Raven and Kelsey went to auditions, and branched out for work. Kelsey fell in love with the twins and hardly minded their presence in their lives. In fact she asked around the other flats to see who wouldn't mind watching the twins while they job hunted. Malcolm came by on Sundays to help out, but Raven needed more than a slightly less stressful Sunday, she needed some daily help. Trouble was she couldn't afford it. Being cigarette cold turkey was making her fuse thin. But it spared some money that went to the babies and she was trying not to buy cheap liquor with what little money she had to left. Don't get a crutch, don't get a crutch, don't get a crutch, was her prayer whenever she even smelt a cigarette or passed a bottle of liquor.

Today was her first big interview, she wore a modest red dress and her lucky blue pumps, and Kelsey vouched to keep the twins. There was an open position for an accompanist for a meager theatre. She would play in a quartet, or accompany a violinist. It was hardly anything but she could move up and so would her paycheck. It was hardly her dream job that she had studied years for, but that didn't matter. She needed something that would feed her babies and still give her the time to raise them and love them. She had been doing small jobs for all the weeks she had been home, she ignored the bleeds from her vagina and worked. Her babies needed things constantly and they grew each day going through clothes at top speed. It didn't matter how small they were they did grow.

She had no money for a babysitter and the indian woman upstairs had a son of her own to care for. She had done more than enough be donating her son's old baby clothes and two bowls. If she landed this job the babies would be set, all she had to do was figure out about any babysitters and what kind of second job she could get if the work schedule was inconsistent. She had the skill but this was a matter of working around her babies, she had no own who would watch them everyday all her friends had their own lives and her family was not an option.

"Alright sloths," she whispered to her babies as they played in their crib. They loved sharing a crib though Tegan did trample over her brother some mornings. "Mama's off to her interview. She has her lucky pumps and she is dressed to kill." Their hair was starting to grow more, Liam and Tegan now had slight layers of dark hair. "I'm going to get this job," she promised. "I've been practicing all week and I deserve this job." She blew them silent kisses. "I'll be back soon. Mama loves you. Be good."

They were sitting up now despite how lithe they were. The doctor said they would grow out of the tininess once they became toddlers. Food and nutrition will help them grow, as for any health problems, only time will tell. She had asked if their hearts were fine but no one could give her a solid answer. Too soon to tell. Along with any other problems. Raven checked their hearts every morning just the same, she listened counting each pace as well to their lungs.

Playing the cello was her childhood revisited, an old blanket that covered you like a house. Behind the frosted screen Raven took a deep breath, cello interviews were like that. You were to play behind a screen completely concealed from the interviewers, to prevent an bias from age, gender or race. Your music spoke for you here. Playing the cello was as natural as breathing, playing it well that was the decision of the interviewers but she thought only of the song she played. The song she practiced, that her children loved and dozed off to, how they never cried as she played this song. She was playing for her children, the children that had came into her life without warning.

I will be better for my kids. I will succeed for my kids. I will fight for my kids. I will do everything in my power for my kids.

"So Miss Stark is it?" Her interviewer asked. "Quite a moniker." He stared at her CV, "Any relation to the famous Tony Stark, by any chance?"

She knew this question would come. "With all due respect, I wish to keep that information private, for obvious reasons." No one ever guessed she actually was Tony Stark's daughter, but she dared not risk anyone figuring it out.

He bobbed his head adjusting his glasses, "I see. Trying to breakaway from the monikor?" He hardly minded her clip tone. "Why not change it?"

"Many people make assumptions upon hearing my surname and it has been a trial for me. I wish to separate myself from my moniker, being my own person. Besides," she said much lighter, "it has a ring to it doesn't it?" She regained her professional composure. "Will that be a problem?"

"No," he shook his head. "Besides Stark is hardly a rare surname," there was a crinkle of a smile on his face. It was a joke but he saw that the girl had had a hard time because of it. Understandable, Tony Stark was quite a man and to mistaken as a relation had to be a trial.

"So, Miss Stark, you've been playing the cello since you were three, you've graduated from Julliard with high honors and you play three other instruments." He took his glasses off, "What can't you do Miss Stark?"

He was being funny but Raven was solemn in her reply. "I have two children at home. New borns," she smiled at the thought of them. "They were a surprise. I need this job for my kids. I have no one to help me and I might have to bring them to work with me. But they love music."

"You compose and have conducted," he read her CV. "You have quite a string of skills, are you strictly concerned with the cello or do you have other ambitions?"

"I've always wanted to compose and I love conducting. I'm very good at the violin, guitar and the piano. The cello is..." She gave a polite giggle. "My first love though."

"Miss Stark," he rose and she followed him. He extended his hand, "I believe we can make some exceptions for you," she took his hand. "Welcome to the quartet."

"I got the job!" Cheered Raven throwing herself in Malcolm's arms.

She had called Kelsey first who had squealed softly since the twins were sleeping. Raven had the urge to dance in the street upon hearing the news. She had ran to Malcolm's place cello in hand, Kelsey had given her the green light to visit him for and hour or two. You earned it Irish, were Kelsey's words, just don't forget you owe me.

"Really?" He held her close holding her by her butt. "Those lucky shoes do work."

Unable to speak she slammed a kiss on him, she was so happy. No more quick gigs, sitting on a corner strumming her guitar for milk money, cheap accompaniment for less than ten pounds an hour. Making money just to spend it. She was on her way. Malcolm had done so much for her, helping her with the twins, loving the twins. Without him or Kelsey she would have been doomed.

"You're wonderful," she said against his lips.

His eyes clouded still having her in his arms he kissed her back colliding with the door she left open, slamming it shut. Raven responded slinging her arms around his neck sighing in relief as he traveled down her neck. He had waited so long, the babies had made everything hectic, he loved the buggers but he wanted Raven. He wanted her like this all to himself. The babies were a new feature to this amazing girl he would endure and adapt to. He took this moment to run his hands all over her, the new curves brought on by the twins, breasts made supple by breast feeding, the tightness in some places to at home TV-workouts. Raven was a yummy mummy.

He opened her dress sliding it open. He loved her scar, kissing it always made her shiver, it went for the valley of her chest to her ribs. She made him burn with her sexiness. Malcolm couldn't stop touching her. Raven broke his kiss to attack his neck, nipping his ear, pulling his shirt off with both hands balancing with her legs around his waist. Ace.

They crashed into the couch with a thump, she never let go and bit his collarbone. Her warmth left him, Malcolm watched mouth hanging as Raven undressed herself. She stepped out her dress, she didn't any lingerie to get his attention. She threw her dress aside,

"Want the shoes on?" She purred.

"Oh God, yes." He pulled her on top to straddle him. "Jesus Christ," he breathed.

This was not the first time she and Malcolm had been together. The first time was a gentle quickie, something with contained desperation that had been building up from all that tension in Paris. They both needed it. It wasn't as mind blowing as it was with Loki but it was equally wonderful with tenderness. Even know he was being so sweet and gentle. He kissed her with urgency but handled her with care. Her third degree tear weighed on his mind he was terrified of hurting her and it showed, he went teeth gnawingly slow and she tugged on his skin to make him speed up.

Malcolm cared for her but Raven knew that there was no love between them yet but there could be. Every touch was a promise. A promise of something more meaningful later.

It was fire when they were together. Heat and flames. She was so warm and ignited. He moved with slow precise movements that light a match with each thrust. It was sloppily and sensational. Perfectly unique and satisfying. When he came inside her there was no conflict but amity. They fell asleep for a few minutes buried in embers. He wanted to be with her, knowing how hard it would be, with her twins and her family. He didn't care. He wanted to love her.

But did she deserved to be loved?

After all that she had done?

Was she worthy of anything?


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm back! Shout out to ZabuzasGirl, my most loyal reviewer! Hugz!**

**Now on to you all my other lovelies. Thanks to all criticism you have given me, believe it or not I really do take them to heart and I encourage always. Let me know if I'm letting Raven off too easy, I do have a soft spot for her. And thanks to all praises and encouragement, let's me know that despite my tiny flops I'm still doing a good job. **

** Anyways enough of me fluffing your power as reviewers, ****enjoy! XOXO Anotherscribe.**

* * *

_**Chapter 14**_

The lack of Raven was often masked by the hectic nature of Tony's life. Being Iron Man, an Avenger, having Van, and the still irresistible Mrs. Pepper Stark, it was effortless to look over one hump. He was in his lab, making adjustments to the latest suit, he hadn't done it recently since he had just gotten Van his own little lab. He was in there now, on his first official creation giving Tony ample time to work on his suit. Pepper had been fretful about giving the boy a lab, but he assured her it was a "trainee-lab", nothing too hardcore but enough stuff to tinker with. Van had lost it when he saw it. Tony knew his son hadn't asked for it but he knew he would love it. His son was the way you pictured a Stark boy, dreaming big with a bigger brain, his present curbed that enthusiasm. He thought of Raven, fondly when he had decided to build the lab. At twelve I bought her art supplies and a dirt bike.

The polarity of his kids bewildered to laughter, never once did he see them as being the product of two different women. He saw Van as he saw Raven, his son and his daughter. Their differences amused him with paternal fascination. He heard that Raven was working at some swanky theatre as the head cellist, he might surprise her one of these days with a visit. She had her own life, she was twenty-three and enjoying life. For his birthday that just past, she sent him a bottle of whiskey, irish whiskey, it was called Writer's Tears. Damn good whiskey, he had a glass for his birthday and put it back marking it as his special whiskey. It softened the blow of not having her there for his birthday. But she claimed that one of her friends had been in the hospital and she dared not leave him, he wondered if it was a boyfriend, it was a bad time to ask. They Skyped later so he at least got to see her, she was in the hospital when she called. She had this cute little hat on, it made her look like a skater punk.

They talked about her job. She was doing nothing grandiose, she had to earn her keep so she was a little nobody for now. So she said. For her absence Raven did keep up, she sent e-mails and texts. Once and a while you got a gift, a late birthday present or anniversary gift. She always apologized for not coming home and treated the presents as a peace offering for her absence. She wouldn't have to bring a present if she just showed up for once, was Tony's sentiment.

The house was quiet with Van occupied and Pepper at work. He filtered it with some good old fashion rock and roll, Van's own dubstep was humming nearby from his lab. With the music playing he lost himself in his work and worked tirelessly on the suit until the phone disturbed him. He pressed the intercom button for it, turning the music down with another knob next to it.

"Uh huh?" He greeted knowing who it was by the line that picked up. "What do you want Cap?"

"Tony," Steve's voice filled the room, "we have a problem."

"What is it?" He was nearly done with the suit. A few more minutes and it was ready for action.

"Thor said that something was heading this way."

"Who?" Probed Tony. "Chitauri?" His eyes zoomed in on his work.

"He said that the Gatekeeper of the Bifrost... uhh, Heimdall said something was coming our side. Thor said that Loki's seen them before. They're a small band but effective, were his exact words."

"No name for this small but effective band?"

"He said they're not any particular race but they're spell casters and warriors. They were interested in the Tesseract Tony." Steve's tone was brewing.

The Tesseract hadn't been a topic since Raven was seven. When Loki had play Peter Pan with her. Back then it had taxed them, now with their own children, the urge to squash this was murderous. Unlike Raven who had nerves of steel and stared death in the face and laughed, their kids were unsure awkward kids who knew nothing of death.

"I'll be there in an hour," he muttered. Almost there. "Just let me get Van with Pepper."

"Everyone's moving the kids to the safe houses," Steve said hurriedly. "Tatiana's going with Bucky and Kate." The question hung in the air. Bucky and Van were pals. Often Tony had tossed him over there with the Rogers' when he had been on a dangerous mission.

"I'll let Kate know, if Van wants to bunk over," he replied.

"Are you going to call Raven?"

That made him stop working. "She's miles away," said Tony. "She's probably on the road anyhow." He read up that orchestras travelled from city to city.

"Kate doesn't mind making a turn around to Manchester, Tony."

Tony didn't want to upset Raven unless he had to. She was miles away, safe, playing the cello, probably writing poetry about the weather. Let her have some peace.

"I'll keep it in mind." He hung up.

He hoped it wasn't New York again, he called for Van over the intercom and texted Pepper. Van came to his lab slightly long hair mussed with gel, he heard the steel in his dad's voice and almost ran to the lab. Something was wrong.

"Dad?" Van shared a look with his dad screwdriver in his hand. He had been working on something when his dad had paged him. This voice had taken him back so urgently he had yet to put down his screwdriver.

"You and your mom are going by your grandmother," he announced. "She and Happy will be here in twenty minutes." He completed his last adjustment. "I'll be gone for a few days, kay champ?"

Van saw ice in his dad's eyes, he had never seen him like this before any fight he went to. "Is this a big one Dad?" He had never been through a big fight. Not even Raven who had met dad weeks after the Manhattan Invasion where the Avengers were first formed.

Tony turned and walked suit being put on with each step he took. By the time he got to Van, he was Iron Man head to toe. But his mask was turned up. He gave his son a comforting shoulder hug, totally manly and not babyish at all. "I'll be back. Go pack, okay."

Van nodded, "Sure. Dad?" Tony paused. "Should we call Raven?"

Tony smiled, "Your sister's tough," he reassured. "The minute it hits the news, she'll know what to do if she has to do anything. Besides she's all the way in soggy Manchester." Van chuckled at their inside joke. "Everyone's going to be fine. We're just being safe."

Van escorted his dad to his launching/landing pad in their home in California. Waving he stood their until his father was blind to him and went to pack. The routine didn't appall him but his father's eyes, he had never seen his father look so... hardcore. One day he would help his dad, and maybe tenderize that look he had. Someday.

Tony arrived to an on edge S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, the whole gang was there, Coulson, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, Thor, Steve, Fury. The only sore thumb was Loki. They all gathered by the monitoring system he and Bruce tweaked to pick up any unwanted visitors from Asgard and beyond. They were waiting for them to come. These goons that Loki had info on. The all stood about the room, Tony out his suit but with his pocket receiver in hand in case everything went to shit.

"So," he clapped his hands, "what do we have?"

It was funny to have Loki debriefing them. With so many people in the building ready to put a bullet in his head at the slightest twitch. Tony saw that Natasha and Clint didn't want to buy anything he pitched but of course Thor would swear for him until his last breath.

Loki took a step forward from Thor's near protective frame. "They call themselves Guardians, they often lurk in elf forests but they are drawn to power. Namely the Tesseract." All eyes were on him. "They are nothing but ambitious conquerors but their abilities are... cumbersome. They believe that the Tesseract is on Midgard and could spirit it away if they are fortunate."

"They sense the Tesseract here?" Steve folded his arms gears turning. "How? It's on Asgard, isn't it?"

Thor bobbed his head, lost too by the insinuations. "The Tesseract is under heavy guard in the palace. No intruder can reach it without dying first. We," he nodded to himself and Loki, "believe they are sensing a faint remnant of it here."

"Then is someone tampering with a copycat energy?" Questioned Bruce.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. would know about it," Natasha pointed out.

"Unless someone's lying," added Tony cynically. "Or smart."

"As I said," Loki intervened. "Their magic is crafty. There is no way they would be wrong about this."

"Wasn't Raven exposed to the Tesseract?" Clint's remark made a lull. "Maybe she's-"

"No human can withstand the power of the Tesseract with drastic side effects," Loki's eyes narrowed. "If not death. You and Dr. Banner are experts on this side effects I believe. Besides," he met Tony's eyes, "we all checked her for any traces of it in her system. She was clear."

"Right," agreed Tony. He didn't want Raven attached to this in any way. "And I doubt that S.H.I.E.L.D. would let any bizarro radioactivity go without investigation."

"Precisely," echoed Loki. "There is something else they want. I don't know what."

"Is there anything else they could be interested in?" Inquired Coulson. "So we can at least be prepared."

"Anything with similarities to the Tesseract would be a good start," suggested Steve. "Anything that has even one thing in common with it. No matter how minor."

Coulson nodded and departed.

"So we just wait for them to make a move?" Clint propped himself up on a wall. "Be sitting ducks?"

"They hardly will start a war," Loki gave a mocking smirk. "They aren't that stupid. Although they may create some cumbersome trouble."

Waiting was worse that fighting. The silent hours before the bombs fell were the worst minutes of anyone's life. Having Loki there was making everyone jittery, he never vowed to protect the Earth but he was there. What motive did he have for being here? He could have given Thor the message and stayed on Asgard. They all knew that Thor had dragged him along. It was obvious by the way Thor kept his eyes on his little brother.

Bruce and Tony manned the radar, it was all to be done. There was nothing. The world was spinning on as they waited for a fight.

"Did you tell Raven anything?" Bruce asked.

Tony shook his head, "She's out of reach of any backlash, so I didn't bother. You know how she gets when one of us gets hurt."

When Tony had gone off on a mission Bruce had chosen the worst time to pop by for a visit. He had tried to occupy Raven until he came back. He thought it was working too until he found her one night, her door opened by a crack. She was on her knees, hands clasped on her bed, a rosary wrapped around her fingers praying fervently, a solemn catholic prayer she no doubted learned in Ireland. Something you expected a grandmother to beat into a wicked child, she repeated the half latin half english prayer over and over for each bead on her chain. Only until the last bead had been prayed upon she would crawl into bed. Raven had done this every time any of them had gone on a mission. _I wanna keep you safe, _had been her words, _you pray to keep people safe. _

"I know," the monitor was still uninterrupted. "It's her way of coping."

"If it gets bad I'll call her. She knows the drill," Tony nibbled on a pack of blueberries.

"Maybe she'll come by afterward," hoped Bruce. "She'd drop anything."

"I know."

Raven was alone. She had come back from work a few hours ago and was trying to get some sleep. She was battling insomnia every night and having a night job didn't help one bit. She had lost her job at the theatre a few months in. Too irregular with attendance and unable to travel when called upon. They had to cut her loose. So Raven had to find a job suitable not for her skills but who she was now, a single mom. She managed to find a job at a club/pub downtown, she played mostly jazz and swing music, a little va-va-voom piano while some sultry bird sang or danced. Nothing prestigious but it was remotely respectable. It was more like a wannabe Cabernet Club but it had artistic inclinations so Raven fit in just fine.

The biggest benefit of her job was that she had all day to be with her kids. By the time she went to work they were fast asleep. There were times she had to carry them with her but they're were other kids there too. Being a single mom was A-Okay at Reginald's Secret Room. As long as your kids didn't stick their fingers in the booze or got in the way, they could stay backstage.

Raven had just finished her shift. On this night she had one of her neighbors crash on the couch since Kelsey was out with her boyfriend most likely spending the night and Malcolm was out with his mates. Her neighbor was the nice indian lady upstairs Mrs. Patel who often watched them when no one was left. She never complained, she often gave her son, a shy little boy guitar lessons and helped him with homework. The pay for this extra job was meager but it helped in a pinch. Nad gave her the opportunity to start saving again.

With Mrs. Patel gone it was just her and the twins. They had their own cribs now, both Tardis blue only distinguished by the toys in them. Tegan's crib had a fuchsia plush cow and Liam had a blue elephant. They were presents from Kelsey after her first paycheck and the cheapest ones. They took those things everywhere. Both cribs were padded with blankets, to avoid any escapes, deep in their crawling stages their first steps were around the corner.

They slept much better now, but Raven was always ready for anything. Her insomnia proved useful with the restless twins, she never fully slept but dozed. Most nights she would draw or sketch in the kitchen, read a book, play her violin softly but tonight she had decided to lie down.

She heard a noise half asleep.

Someone was in her flat.

She sensed it.

It was deep in the night, the streets were active but she knew something was wrong. Maternal instinct on high she grabbed her steak knife that she hid under her pillow, and her butterfly knife, which was under her mattress she tucked into her door was old, so if it was Kelsey, the door would have whined at a touch. If she had lost her key she would have called her on her cell. Kelsey knew Raven had insomnia. Someone had broken into her flat through the window that faced the street, or Kelsey's bedroom. Knife in hand she opened the door, if they were looking for her then she would expose herself to keep the twins safe. She closed the door.

The window was open, they were here.

A hand shot out from her right and she ducked swinging her knife. She saw clothes, and she knew that who ever had broken into her flat was not of Earth. Dingy, wild leather clothes, they were the men who attacked her and Loki in the elf forest. When she was seven years old. What did he want? Her heart rattled knowing that she was in deep shit and had two babies in the next room.

"What is your business here?" She asked.

"Your head." He pulled out a grisly knife from his sash. "And your heart."

Her blood went cold but her hands were steady. She knew this day would come but she expected it to be S.H.I.E.L.D. to hunt her down. So much for little mercies.

"Any particular reason?"

She saw his smile in the dark, his eyes were shining with bloodlust. "Where is the beast you opened your legs for whore?"

"Oh." This was about Loki. Not good. Still she expected no less. Everything she had been prepping herself for was unfolding. The Tesseract and her love for Loki, all her sins at her feet. Why couldn't she have been wrong this one time?

"I think you missed a memo." She braced herself. He was going to come at her with everything he had, but he was cocky, so she had a chance of getting out of this alive. 50% survival rate. "I'm a free whore now."

"No matter. What is done is done."

He charged and she didn't run. Running dragged things out and Raven was on a clock. The man pinned her to the ground knocking the knife out her hand. He raised his dagger thinking he had won, but she kicked him the balls digging her nails in his face. She had to obscure his vision. He backed handed her when she felt his blood on her hands. Raven's head spun, she tasted blood from her nose. She moved to crawl away but he grabbed her crudely by her short hair. Before she could get up he kicked her in the ribs, her stomach burned from the blow. She had to careful about blow to the stomach. The twins had done more than scratched her up.

Feigning defeated pain she stayed on her stomach maneuvering her butterfly knife to her sleeve. The tussle had tossed her knife nearly out her bra. She was so glad Malcolm's shirt had these stupid hooks in the sleeves. Raven grabbed his ankle and he pulled her underneath him where he was going to no doubt stab her in her exposed chest. She expected this and with flipped open her knife sinking it into his thigh. Near the femoral artery if her memory was reliable, she dragged it down his leg putting her whole weight in the tug. Blood flowed and he swore in a language she never heard. His dagger fell and he punched her twice the face. She fell down but held her butterfly knife tight. She lunged for him trying to slice him neck but he backhanded her again. He was getting tired of her. His slap sent her flying and blood oozed from her lip.

Don't look at the blood. Don't look at the blood.

Ignoring pain she scrambled for the knife and sliced his arm. He had been coming behind her. She had been going for his stomach but he blocked her. He tackled her and without a thought she stabbed him in the back with her butterfly knife, right in the ball of his neck and spine. He had been going for the dagger and failed to consider the smaller knife. Compared to his dagger it was nothing, but Raven knew biology, and knew which parts of the body could not afford the slightest puncture. She jerked the knife and he buckled, but he was still alive.

"More will come." Were his last gurgled words.

"I'll be waiting," she killed him with his own dagger right in the heart.

A shrill cry came from her room. It was Tegan.

"No." She got up and found another man holding her screaming daughter while Liam cried in fear. "No." Horror over flooded her heart as she ran to her daughter.

"Who's child is this?" The man said. He pulled out a knife and held it to her throat. "Yours?"

"Let her go," adrenaline pumped in her veins. "She's a baby, leave her." She knew what she had to do, but her maternal instincts was paralyzed. Please don't let me miss, please don't let me miss. "Put her down and take me."

"Muh muh!" Cried her daughter hands reaching out. "Muh muh!" He squeezed her arm and Tegan shrieked. "Muh Muh!"

She's trying to talk to me. She's trying to say Mama. Raven's heart broke hearing her daughter trying to speak out of fear. She was afraid and wanted Raven, her mama to save her.

Stubborn tears fell down her face. She could not stand her child crying for her. "Let her go!"

His hand lifted and Raven's body incinerated with power, she teleported and caught his hand. He didn't know she could do that. Listening to all the dark voices in her head Raven's hand snapped around his throat and his body was immobile. She took her daughter and set her down in her crib. Still crying she backed her children and the eyes that took in her prey were not brown. They were blue, blue as the Tesseract glowing with power and a mother's fury. The man reeked of terror and Raven gave him no mercy as she dragged his body to the bathroom.

The wolf was awake.

The radars were going off.

"We got something!" Shouted Tony. "What the hell-"

Tony was cut short by an implosion inside the room, someone had crashed, or rather landed into the room. He was a strapping man, in primitive, ugly leather robe with a hood that hid his face save for a thin curve of his lips. His olive skin was paler than an old corpse that brought a chill with him, an unnatural one. Loki recognized him the moment their eyes met, he straightened immediately as everyone braced for action.

"We meet again creature," said the man in a thick raking voice. "Or should I say Loki?"

Everyone saw Loki wind up ready to strike. They had met before. This didn't reassure the confidence of the Avengers.

"As you can see the years have not been kind to me." He saw their quizzing gazes. "Did he not tell you?" He eyes fell to Tony who kept his receiver in his fist. "I met your daughter many seasons ago, when he stole her."

Tony's eyes widened slightly recalling Raven mention the 'mean men that had hurt Loki'. When she was still having bad dreams. Her drawings.

His chortle cracked. "She escaped my grasp, many seasons ago. Outran my men, gave one of them a scar they won't soon forget."

Tony wished he had called Raven. They knew her and by that tone they wanted to get even with her. Stupid. Fucking stupid.

"What is your business here?" Loki was no mood for old stories. "Surely you are not going to start a war?" He condescended. "With your little band of conjurers? Over a mere child's offense?"

"Conjurers that bested you," the man replied, "if my memory serves me correctly."

"Who are you?" Thor's hammer hummed as he lifted it.

"I am Geis, a wraith, a Guardian, of the elves' forest." The man surveyed the faces of the room. "Your indiscretion with your cube of power," he was referring to the Tesseract, "has at last reached my ears... Both of them."

"And how does that concern you?" Butted in Tony.

Geis grinned a jagged smile, "It concerns your daughter. What did you call her... Raven. Yes, he called her Raven." His eyes fell to Thor, "My quarrel is not with your house, Odinson," he gave a jesting bow of his head. "But the creature you let trample through it. And the child."

"My brother is of my house!" Thundered Thor. "And that child is under my protection. Our protection," he gestured the Avengers.

"But the beast has to atone for his crime," he folded his hands in the sleeves of his cloak.

"And how does this concern my daughter?" Deadpanned Tony. Enough with Loki already. What about his little princess?

His head lifted showing that sunken in face, "She can wield power." His eyes surveyed Loki, "He does not see it but my men do, power which loves to feed on the darkness her heart has build on top of it."

"Enough riddles," spat Clint. "What do you want with Raven?"

"Your brother has angered many with his failure all those years ago," Geis told Thor. "He must suffer."

"And how does Raven fit into this?" Asked Natasha.

"Because he would burn the realms if she died," the room stilled as Geis' face cracked from his grin. "That is the only reason he is here. Because this is her world."

The room became strained with tension. Something about the words made everyone squirm. Something about the way he said it made it worse. A fuse was burning and the bomb was about to go off.

"You may have fooled them creature but I see right through you. Shall I tell you, Tony Stark, what Loki has done to your daughter?" He didn't wait for a response. "How he loves your daughter," Loki's face locked, "how he worships her, how he carves her touch although she has discarded him." Looks of scandal spread along their faces. The air was sucked from Tony's lungs.

"Oh yes, your daughter and Loki were lovers." He oozed with glee. "What did you used to call her?" Geis pretended he didn't know. As if it wasn't before him like a buffet. "That's it... Your little one. Your sweet one... Your wild one."

The blood left Tony's face and the receiver fell to the ground with a clatter, Thor's eyes grew wide like a frog watching his brother who's scowl remained fixed in it's spot.

"What are you talking about?" Steve was steady despite the pipe bomb. But his hand clench behind his back. Pretending it was Loki's neck.

"My people can read memories and the sentiments that keep them alive, man out of time," he breathily explained to Steve. "I can see his deepest memories," his hand presented Loki. "All those memories you have of you precious lover. Her smile. Her laugh. Your dear little Raven." Tony's skin crawled when Geis' attention returned to him.

"Shall I tell you which part of your daughter he loves most? How he followed your daughter wherever she went? How close they were before they were lovers? All the things she did for him? How he fondled her in your own house?" His smiled cracked like rotten wood. "How he offered her the world?"

Tony's hand gripped the table as he tried to force the imagery away. The thought of Loki and Raven together, to keep the image of his little girl pure in his mind but Geis kept talking.

"How she wanted it? Encouraged his debauchery?"

"ENOUGH!" Loki bellowed. "I asked you what is your business here?"

"Her power. I've come rip out your whore's heart and bring you her head. Her heart is the key." Geis took in Loki's infuriated face. "What will you do? Will you burn this world if she dies? Or just me?"

Before Loki could touch him, he was gone. He knew Tony's fist was coming before he felt it, it was fair. Tony grabbed him by his coat.

"You son of a bitch!" His eyes were twin ignites. "Y-Y-You and Raven!" He swung another fist. And another, and another. He kept swinging even though his hand was hurting. "Motherfucking son of a bitch! Since when? Since when?" He roared.

"She was nearly nineteen," Loki remained calm. The blows were painless on his part.

"Eighteen," Tony corrected seething. "She was eighteen. Were you waiting for her... to be legal?... Answer me! Answer me!"

"No," he replied clearly. "I wasn't."

"Then what changed, huh? What possessed you to... to..." He couldn't even say it.

Without any emotion Loki said, "She changed. I addressed it and she allowed me to return her feelings."

"She was a kid." His entire body shook with fury and his eyes were wild and feral.

"And it is over," retorted Loki.

"When? When did you leave?" If he had just slept with Raven and left, God knows what he would do to him.

That made anger cross along Loki's face, "She left me. And she was twenty-one, before she went to Paris."

"Tony," Bruce called in a loud whisper. This had to be on hold for now. "We gotta get to Raven before these guys do."

"Nearly three years," Tony shoved Loki away. "Three years. Right under my nose. In my house. With my daughter!"

"Tony," Bruce reminded urgently. "We need to find Raven. Now."

"Right," he cleared his throat with a choked cough. "I'll kill you later." He left the room unable to stand near the man that had defiled his daughter. Was that why she wasn't coming home? To avoid Loki?

One by one the Avengers left preparing to hustle to Manchester, leaving Loki and Thor alone. He too wanted to throttle Loki, figure out what need possessed him to pursue the girl that call him Uncle. That had taken care of his own child. That he had treated as his own child. The girl they met at seven years old, so small and hard hearted, untrusting of all of them. Why her? Why Tony Stark's child? He should have rebuked any advanced the girl made and leave her be, if that were the case. Geis had said that Loki loved her. Loki had never loved a woman, truly loved her, in all his years. As much as Thor could hate Loki for this, if he loved Raven, if he truly loved her and it was an act of love. He could forgive, he might be able to understand.

"Loki?"

"Yes, Thor?"

"Why brother? Why Raven? We knew her as a child!" Thor was confused. He had watched over Loki as he had played with Raven many times, never once did his brother behave with scruples. He was alerted Stark if he saw anything array.

Loki sighed, "To this day Thor, I know not why I said anything."

"He said you love her." Loki said nothing and Thor knew it was true. "You love her," he was awed and disturbed. "Loki-"

"It is done Thor. That doesn't matter."

"I do not condone what you have done," stated Thor stonily. Loki would face a proper reprimand later but now was not the time for this. Raven was in danger. "But if this was love, it can be forgiven. In my eyes," he added. "In time."

Loki cackled lightly, "You forgive me for preying on a damaged woman-child?"

"I know you Loki," Thor waved his hammer at him. "And you are not capable of such a monstrous crime."

"You are a fool."

"Raven once told me, to be patient with you and to forgive you always, for there is goodness in you."

Loki tensed at her name, "And you take her words over her father's?"

"Why did she leave Loki?" Asked Thor. "Tell me and I shall leave you alone."

"She said I consumed her and she overestimated her ability to love me," Loki said bitterly. "She was unsure of a future with me."

"She feared disgrace from Stark," simplified Thor.

"So she said."

Tony was going to lose it. He was going to go off the rails. Speeding along the sky, not waiting for anyone his thoughts tortured him. How could she be so stupid? How could she do this? What was she thinking? Never mind she wised up, she had lied to him for two- no, three years. Three years this thing was going on. Three fucking years. He wanted to kill Loki. Break his neck and snap every bone in his body. He wanted... How could he even look at Raven the same way again? It was so hard to picture her now, without Loki's face smothering it. He had no idea what to do.

How did this happen?


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello my lovelies! Did you miss me? I missed you. As always ****shout out to my most faithful followers and reviewers. You know what to do. XOXO **

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_**Chapter 15**_

Time had given Raven the opportunity to understand her powers, as limited as they were, how to control them and use them in a tight pinch. She didn't have to work all day and night, the twins napped frequently, and she had very understanding friends. Rachel who finally got to meet her godchildren, encouraged her to explore her powers in case of a threat to herself and her children. The few weeks they spent together consisted of Rachel babysitting her godchildren and helping Raven tap into her abilities.

"_Nothing backlashed when you delivered the twins?" Rachel bounced Liam on her knee. "Maybe your powers are evolving."_

"_Evolving how Rachel?" She waved a rattle for Tegan to focus on. _

"_Maybe you're getting stronger?" Offered Kelsey. "I mean, you said it yourself this Cube has unlimited power. You might not be able to dent the planet but give it a nice shake?"_

_Raven groaned letting Tegan drool on her fingers, "I doubt it."_

"_What about your dreams?" Rachel set Liam down on the floor. "You've been dreaming of wolves since you were nine. Maybe you have wolf powers too? You did say you see a wolf, maybe it's your spirit guide!"_

"_Watch him," Raven pointed to the table. "And that's not funny by the way."_

"_I'm serious," pouted Rachel. "Look, it's a full moon tonight. A perfect night for a wolf experiment."_

"_What about the sloths?" Raven gestured to her rowdy children. _

_Rachel deflated as she held Liam, "I forgot." She glanced back to Raven's bedroom, "How about here?"_

"_Are you taking the piss?" Snapped Kelsey. _

"_Wah? No! You take the kids in their play pen to your room, and me and Raven have a little experiment."_

_Raven and Kelsey exchanged skeptical looks._

"_Look! It won't hurt for her to try! It might come in handy on day. And you," she pointed at Raven, "said it yourself that if you don't use it, it makes you wig out! How long until you lose your shit again huh?"_

"_Fine!" Raven set Tegan in her play pen with a kiss. "We'll have a go, but no more than five minutes."_

"_That's all I ask."_

Rachel had bursts of brilliance once and a while, that day was one of them. Raven used that power to save her daughter's life, and to keep her children safe. The men that had invaded her were disposed of, and only more would come, they knew about her and Loki. Any enemy of Loki would be persistent, and Raven knew the Avengers would come soon afterward, her babies had to leave. To go somewhere safe. The family reunion had to be put off for a while, until they danger was over. Her powers would protect but what about the sloths, they were babies, almost toddlers. They needed to be safe, away from her.

In the early hours, Raven told Kelsey what was happening. She begged Kelsey and Malcolm to take her children and hide them, without telling her where they were. She had been planning to take them to Tony this Christmas and had prepared passports and incase of times like this. She saved money for them, managed her money wisely denying herself small things for her babies, as any good mother. It paid off, in those desperate hours.

"What are you saying?" Kelsey cradled a crying Tegan.

She hadn't stopped since the break in, she was scared and aware of her mother's distress as was her brother who fussed needlessly. Raven's heart broke at the sound of her daughter's hurt cries, it was a horrible cry when a baby is afraid and in discomfort. Tegan had never cried this way before, it thought every ounce of Raven not to cry with her. She'll calm down once she tires herself out, she rationed, it'll pass.

"I need you to take the twins and go somewhere," she shoved money in Kelsey's hands. "That's for the rent, for two months. My share at least." Raven kissed Liam's head as he moaned. "Someone's after me and he knows about me and Loki. The only way he could have known that was by reading his mind or torturing him."

She checked the huge baby bag making sure it had everything. "In a few hours my dad's going to be here and they'll be safer the further they are from me. You take them wherever you have to, until I text you. Got it?"

Kelsey's eyes were glassy in dread. "Is that what happened to your face?"

Raven's face was freshly swollen with dripping blood from her nose. She hardly felt it.

"Please Kelsey," she pleaded, "there's no time-"

Malcolm appeared through the door in a huff, "I came I soon as I heard what's-" He panted.

"No time," she kissed him full on the lips before the conversation went in circles. "Listen to me. Someone's after me because of the twins' father. I think they're telepathic, I need you to take the twins with Kelsey and go." She held his face, "Their passports are in order and Kelsey is their godmother, you won't get any trouble. Besides," she gave a shaky breath, "your name's on the birth certificate. They can't take them away from you if anything happens."

"Raven..."

"No. You have to go and you can't let me know where you're going." She spoke to both of them, "If anything is reported on the news, you call Rachel and she'll walk you through." She handed him Liam, "Please go now. Before someone sees you two."

"Are you sure?" Asked Malcolm rocking Liam who cried. "How far can we-"

"Take them wherever you are willing to take them," she ordered harshly. "Just go now!" The twins cried tears streaming down their faces, "Don't worry," she kissed them tenderly, "I'll come for you later alright?" They wailed reaching for her, "It's your first trip without Mama so be good for Auntie Kelsey and Uncle Malcolm."

They babbled desperately through their sobbing. Something was wrong and they wanted Mama.

"Shh," she crooned. "Shh. I'll come back I promise." She pushed her friends out the door, "Go."

Malcolm stole a kiss of his own, cupping her face with one hand kissing her like he was never going to see her again. The taste of her blood or swollen face didn't stop him. The warmth of him spilled over her giving her the energy to shove him out the door hugging her babies one last time. Raven held her stomach and cried praying for her babies, she had never been truly apart from them, had no idea where they were. She had let go, her hands were empty and frigid without her children. Her babies.

She stamped out her uncertainty and proceeded to rid her room of every trace of any child being there. The Avengers would come soon, her children must be unimportant in their minds. If the Avengers didn't care they no one else will, they will be safe, nameless babies to a woman who slept with the God Of Mischief. She had to fool Natasha, her father, Loki, Clint, Bruce, Thor and Steve. Fool S.H.I.E.L.D., the world, for Liam and Tegan. She had to be strong now, be the wolf that hid in her wall. Protecting only her own.

She had grown fangs, discarding childish claws.

Tony, Natasha, Steve, Clint, Bruce, Thor and Loki oversaw the street in Manchester that bore the address of all Raven's presents and packages. There was no chaos, no panic, no foreboding sense of doom. The air was damp and cold but people walked around, children laughed, cars went by, they were not too late. This was where she lived, it wasn't the best neighborhood but it was his daughter's new home. The daughter that had slept with Loki.

"You ready?" Steve asked Tony who was brooding.

The trip had been tense with the reveal of Loki and Raven's relationship. Loki had kept his distance as he tagged along, he registered every rancid glare that touched him. He knew this would happen when they found out but there was no Raven by his side, as he hoped there would be. Stark was hollowed out and filled with metal, his eyes barely saw the city or anyone around him. His heart was being dipped in acid and outrage powered him to live, outrage because of Loki and Raven for keeping this from him. Doing this behind his back. For it ever happening.

"Yeah, let's get this over with."

The apartment building was hardly modern, it reeked of Indian curry, echoed with the voices of tenants as they lingered on the stairway. It had a Victorian feel to it, rustic in need of minor repairs. The last place you would expect to see a billionaire's daughter. At the front desk in the lobby, an old woman smiled Tony bowed his head but had to will to fake a smile for the old crow.

An old lady greeted them at the door, "Can I help you lot?"

"We're looking for Raven Stark," said Steve with less charm than usual. "Which room does she rent?"

"Oh! Raven," she sized them all up. "Are you friends of hers?" She waved her hand dotingly, "Nice girl, she's always on the move that one." She scanned their faces, "I haven't seen you before, are you here about the amateur modeling?"

"Modeling?" Clint cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh yes, they wanted to put her on this online magazine. Something nude," she whispered scandalously, "I never see the point in it she's-"

"Please," Tony cut off in a strained voice. He was incapable of bearing any more surprises today. "This is a family emergency. Is she home?"

"Oh, I believe so," she pointed to the stairs. "Room Five, knock first."

Like a funeral precession they all went upstairs to Room 5. How could he face her, he had plenty time to let the idea of Loki and Raven having a thing years ago sink in, to make it a fact. He had hours to sneer at Loki and scowl at Thor, to let his disgust be worn like a coat. Now he had to look at Raven, if he went one step out of line, he might not be able to take it back. But he had every right to be upset, he had a right to be upset with her, to yell and let her know he was disappointed. Sensitive or not, Raven should have known better. Loki should have known better. It never should have happened. It was a mistake. A mistake she had to take responsibility for, in the form of a bitter pill.

The cello sang from behind the door, she was playing. Loki forgot how beautiful Raven played, how she sat for hours practicing and perfecting her skill. How she composed when she was alone, or thought she was, the way she silently conducted a tune before she tried it in reality. How she played after they made love, on terrible winter days and rainy nights. Her poise. Her grace. Her face. Loki had forgotten this song. She had played for him, the first song she played just for him in the privacy of her dorm. She had worn a tiny green dress and painted her face with rouge, she had on perfume that lingered in his skin for two days. She had formally presented herself to him with this song.

All the compressed emotions Loki had for Raven Stark came back. He had been unselfish for this girl once, he had done as she asked and look what had happened. He would never be selfless again. Not when it concerned Raven Stark. For her faults she had loved him. That list had never grown over the centuries. Save for her place on it.

Steve knocked on the door, the playing didn't stop. He gave a sturdier bang and the song ended abruptly on a sour note. Raven opened her door their arrival wasn't unforeseen, but her face nearly knocked them off their feet. They had already been here. The piquancy in Tony fizzled out at his daughter's face. She had a nasty black eye, a bruise on the side of her face where a hand had no doubt struck her. There was dried blood around her nostrils, she had a spilt lip, bruises on her arms, red prints from where someone had clamped down on her face digging their fingers in her jaws. She smiled at them leaning on her door frame.

"I was wondering when you guys were gonna show up." She beckoned them inside. "I-"

"Where are they?" Deadpanned Loki. She might be disinterested in her wounds but he was quite the opposite.

"Him," she corrected tossing him a key. "In the freezer in the cellar." She rubbed her shoulder. "Was hell to move down there." She yawned reaching for an ice pack she had on her coffee table, "Anything you guys need to tell me?" She sat down beside her cello putting the pack on her face.

"You're awfully calm," observed Bruce.

She turned to face them smirking, "Sorry you missed me freaking out later. You should have shown up earlier."

Tony flinched, "Raven, we-"

"It's alright," she held her size. "I'm not as helpless and people think I am." Her eye stared expectantly. "Is no one really going to tell me what this is about? Or should I guess?"

Everyone shifted glances between Loki and Tony, it was their place, not anyone else's. Neither spoke, unsure of who it was best to come from. Tony distrusted his voice while Loki doubted the containment of her current disposition. Raven lost her patience with all of them. Her single eye, uncovered from her ice pack, watched them all.

"Fine! I'll fill you in!" She threw up her hand. "A man broke in my flat last night to take my head with him." Her eye ignited. "He tried to cut my throat and beat me into submission! He tried to stab me in my heart! And do you know he said," her eye fell to Loki, "he mentioned you." She held out her hand in surrender, "That about right?"

"Yes," replied Thor unable to bear the silence. "They-"

"They attacked you because they believe you still have the Tesseract," continued Loki. "Also because of our previous relationship."

She paused. This did not surprise her. "And how did they find out about it?" She avoided everyone's gaze. They had told her, Loki noted she had taken the news too well. Having her biggest secret exposed.

"Their leader is telepathic. They are a small band but as you can see they are resourceful."

Raven held her face, she ran her fingers through her short hair. She threw her ice pack into a tray on the table massaging her temples.

"Perfect. Just great." Her eyes betrayed fatigue. "That makes sense. And you?" Raven glimpsed at Tony, "Nothing to say?" She braced herself for any slur he had the right to throw at her.

The Avengers shifted unsettled at the stare off, Tony gazed at his daughter for a moment, he had a speech in his head, a proper self righteous speech. Something to convey his hurt and discouragement. With that black eye, busted lips, bruised face and body, the fire cowered to his chest for a later day. This did not mean he was capable of comforting her. Tony made a dismissive mutter and retreated. Raven gave a nod understanding what had not been said. Loki saw her eyes gloss in shame as she rose shrugging off all who moved to soothe her as she made her way to her bedroom. She had a bag already packed and notes for her roommate prepared. With stubborn pride she held her head high following Natasha who was closest to the door, to the car that would take her to her next destination.

She knew her father. Raven knew that Stark would never accept them and she knew they would paint him as some vile predator. Loki cared not what anyone thought of him but she did. Even with her wounds from a fight Stark did not discard his disgust to comfort his daughter. She would never speak of this unfair treatment and take it. And Stark wondered why she was so reckless and remorseless when she caused others pain.

Raven sat in the car awaiting the others when a double whispered in her ear, "I never meant for this to happen Raven." An invisible hand held hers and she gripped his hand understandably. She knew Tony wouldn't accept this right away, the affair had tainted his view of her, all their views. She bared it as the strong woman he knew she was, his brave little one.

Raven had anticipated the double but her relief that someone came astounded herself. For a moment her worst nightmare had unfolded, rejected by the last decent people she knew, becoming the whore her mother had been branded as. It all came true when Tony turned his back. She had Loki though, that was nice but she stamped out the sentiment. She was defusing a bomb, any distraction was catastrophic.

The morbid silence of the trip to HQ kept her focused. It offered no indecision or doubt in the steps she had taken. It reinforced them ten fold. She was doing the right thing.

"You can't avoid her forever Tony," counseled Bruce.

They had put Raven in a guarded room while they set up the trackers and spectrometers to trace their little band of wild assassins hoping to get a jump on them before they got another shot at Raven. She had taken damn good beating already. Rogue agents were picking a remote location for her to be transferred to until the storm had passed, the Avengers had no idea where she was going. They couldn't know.

"I'm not avoiding her."

"I understand this is a lot to take in," continued Bruce. "She could be infected with the Tesseract, she had a fling with Loki for two years. I get it. You're trying not to blow up, but I think you could at least try and talk to her."

Tony felt a hundred years old. The past few hours had taken years off him and turned his world on its head. He had let Loki in his home, left him alone with his daughter, his little girl who had grown up too fast and this is how his trust is repaid? The fact that Loki might have groomed this attraction was not lost to Tony. Loki had charmed Raven the day they met and he had always favored her company over the other kids', even his niece. The friendship had been a nagging concern in the back of his mind, everyone's mind. If Loki might influence Raven, talk her into things, turn her against them. What if all those knots were subconscious red flags? What if this had been preventable?

What if Loki had seduced Raven? Never mind he denied touching her until she gave the okay. There are a series of steps before you get a woman into bed, make her think she made the decision on her own free will. What if he had wanted Raven when she was a teenager and she had picked up on it? And he purposely let the attraction grow? Tony's past as a playboy painted thousands of dark scenarios. Loki using his charm to seduce Raven. Letting Raven think she was in control.

"You say you get it but you don't." Tony glanced at the monitors. "I let that man in my house and-" He groaned. "Raven's therapist told me a while ago... that she..." The words were acid in his throat. "She wouldn't be a victim but a..."

"An instigator?"

"Yeah. That she..." he slammed his fist on the table. He never wanted this day to happen. "That she might pick someone that's no good because she thinks what's good for her." He held his head down. "That Raven might manipulate people to get what she wants! And that son of a bitch..."

"Let it happen," ended Bruce. "But you should still talk to her. Never mind whether it's her fault or his."

"You're not a going to drop this are you?" Bruce shook his head. "Fine. Might as well put myself completely in the grave."

Raven had fallen asleep on her cot, she was curled up like a cat breathing silently. He would always love her but the intangible mark of Loki was trying to blur that love. Tony entered the room, the minute the door closed she stirred. The swelling was going down as was the bruise on her eye, the worn look in her eyes remained flickered to a steely attention when she sat beside her.

She had grown up since he sat saw her. She didn't smell like cigarettes anymore, her hair was the shortest he had ever seen it and her eyes lacked the wildness of adolescence that nearly broke him. He patted her hand, her left, which in cursive writing bore Vivian's name and her birthday, in the space between her thumb and first finger. She had grown up. Tony caressed the tattoo, of course she would get more tattoos, she had always had a thing for them since she was ten. Ten and riding her bike along Broadway. He wanted that little girl again.

"We have to talk don't we?" He said softly not expecting to be awake enough to hear him. Her eyes fluttered open and she rubbed the fatigue from them.

"I wouldn't mind it," murmured Raven with equally aloofness.

Now or never. Go big or go home. He was finished with keeping his mouth shut, he had something to say. Something he had the right to say. Whether it hurt her or not. "Why Raven? Why Loki?" Was all he could muster form his mental speech. "Why did you think it was okay to-"

"It just happened Dad," she tried to explain sitting up.

"No," he shook his head, "two years, nearly three don't just happen."

"You and my mother just happened," she responded coldly. She had the same right to defend herself as he did to tear her down. Her love was not something bile riddled thing.

"Don't you use her to throw me off," warned Tony. "Me and your mother were completely different. You knew Loki since you were seven," he reminded her, "he was classified as a war criminal. Don't you dare tell me that those things don't matter."

"They didn't," she stated in a low humble voice. "You have every right to be mad at me but-"

"No buts," he pleaded crunching his eyes shut. "You should have know better. He should have known better."

"I was eighteen," Raven argued in a soft tone. "He didn't force me. He asked me if I was sure. And I was, it was perfectly consensual Dad."

"That doesn't make it right," Tony said through gritted teeth. "You two shouldn't have even looked at each other! I don't care if it was legal and if you flagged him down with a damn light show! By any principle you two are wrong, in my eyes!"

Raven winced at his tone, "I'm sorry I lied, but I don't regret loving Loki." Her face glowed, "Not one day, do I regret it. And I'm afraid you either have to hate me or forgive me for that."

Her mind went to her babies. Her two babies. To Liam who was Loki's twin and Tegan who kept destroying everything.

Tony shunned the look of love in her eyes. "If you loved him then why did you two break up?"

Her face fell, "That's cruel."

"Answer me, then I'll go," he challenged. "If it was so great then we aren't you two together now?"

"That's between me and Loki, and not any concern of yours," she snapped. "Just because we broke up doesn't mean it was a mistake. I'd do it all over again."

Raven had grown up, and as always she marched to her own drum. The charming quality seemed to have run its course. He saw nothing but a spoilt indignant child.

"Nothing seems to be my concern anymore," Tony got up from the cot. "I've always tried to do right by you Princess, but," he paused, "... I can only do so much. You went too far with this," he convicted. "It's going to be a long time before we're going to be right again. A long time."

He face was half insulting and half pitying. She knew that look.

"You think me and Loki being a relationship was a result of some failed parenting?" Her eyes flashed like a bolt of lightning. "That I only slept with him because you fucked up somewhere?" Her mouth fluttered in shock. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Am I the only person who sees that he's not as bad as everyone thinks? That he can be sweet and loving? That he can be a good man?"

"Like Marshall Helms," bit back Tony in a level tone, "who beat up your godmother?"

"How dare you!" She seethed. "That man was there for me when the entire world could have given less of a shit about me! And she's the reason that I am the way I am! I'm glad he put in one for me!"

Tony faced Raven, chunks of his speech coming back. Her words were nothing but the angry rants of a hurt, complicated girl. "Look it's not your fault you're-"

"What? A fuck up?" She stood up pulling at her hair. "I'm a nutter? I'm some manic child that doesn't know better? That I just look for trouble because I don't know to have anything good?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Yes it was," she hissed. "That what everyone thinks whenever I do anything that you or anyone doesn't like! Poor little Raven, raised by wolves, doesn't know any better!" Her eyes flashed in blind hate. "Poor little Raven doomed from the fucking start!"

"What do you expect me to say?" Tony fuse blew. "I hear from some witch doctor that you slept with the man that nearly leveled New York. That nearly killed Phil, threw me out of window and threw Thor down a shaft that was plummeting to the ground. That has killed people!"

Raven knew all these things already and accepted them, so his shock value was lost. Tony saw it as a bigger insult to the obvious stupidity of her choice. That she had lost all sense of judgement when it had come to Loki.

His face grew red from sheer frustration. "And he tells me that you two have been running around behind my back! In my house! Under my nose! How do you expect me to feel? You were barely eighteen!"

"I was an adult!"

"You weren't even old enough to go in a bar legally. You thought you were grown up but you weren't! And he should have shut you down!" His emotions ran free. "It shouldn't have ever happened! It was wrong. And at least it's over now!" He made a cutting motion with his hand. "At least you wised up."

"Get out." All Raven saw was her children, her beautiful children with Loki's smile. All she heard was her father slandering her children calling them mistakes. Her wonderful babies.

"What?" Had he gone too far?

"I said get out." Tony remained where he stood. "Out!" She bellowed. "I said get out!"

Tony left. It had to be said, he had to be a dad no matter how old she was. Her decision had been unwise at any age. She hated him now but like any child she would see the error when she was ready. He didn't let her anger intimidate him. Nor that look in her eyes. She had to hear it. Someday she may forgiven him for it, only, not today.

She always defended him. She never allowed anyone to add any slander that wasn't due to him. She herself had said he was a difficult man to love but no one else could say such a thing about him. Raven saw good in Loki and never regretted their time together despite the venom her father had thrown at her. This fueled him to go to her, she shed unseen tears biting every urge to demolish the room in her frustration.

"Go away."

"You truly don't regret this?" He sat beside her. "After this?" He stroked her bruise and she guided his hand away. He had limits now. "I should have followed you to Paris."

"No. I needed to be by myself." She held her face in her hands. "Besides, I've been treated worse for less." She eased an inch away from him to avoid even their knees from touching. "You didn't have to come you know."

"You know I did, this is the cause of my mistakes." His eyes fell to her hand, with her mother's name tattooed on it. She got more tattoos. This one wasn't as repulsive as he may have thought. It was somewhat elegant. "Never did I ever want harm to fall to you because of me. And you still defend me, even now." He wanted to take her into his arms as he used to but right now she would reject him and spur him forever. He would wait and soon he may have her once more.

"Nothing here is your fault," she protested in a hard grumble. "I refuse to let anyone pin something on you because they need a scapegoat." She rubbed her hair, "I wish everyone could have heard this under better circumstances."

Loki wished those bruises weren't there. She wasn't worthy of such treatment.

"I swear they will pay for this." His hand hovered over hers. "May I?"

"No," she clenched her hands. "No you can't. I think you should go." If she touched him, right now, with her heart in near pieces, she would fall. Fall into him and never come out.

"Very well," he bowed to her before he vanished. "I will do my best to live up to your expectations," was the last whisper in her ear. Sleep came to her directly afterward.

He used magic on her to help her sleep. Bastard, she thought with bittersweet annoyance. As sleep took Raven Loki reappeared to plant a deft kiss on her black eye his cooling kiss reducing the protruding size. He should have followed her to Paris. I should have told, but it was no use kicking a dead horse.

He would buy another one.


	16. Chapter 16

Despite my cold I have given you and update! Don't say I haven't ever done anything for you! Always review, review, review! Let me know what you think and so forth. Shout out to my faithful reviewers! XOXO

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_**Chapter 16**_

The ominous tickle of her skin woke Raven. She was at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, and agents were still humming about like bees so it wasn't that late for them. Her inner radar of doom was not satisfied with this, something was wrong. The Tesseract had awaken more than ugly memories, and useful little magic tricks, it made her aware. Aware of danger like a wolf smelling blood in the air. In her dreams the wolves told her not to ignore such feelings, and to act on them. _Such is the way of the wolves. _Disregarding the ache of her body she rose donning a black jacket to remain concealed. She took a deep breath letting the power come to her, mediation helped her tap into it more often. Raven thought of a place to hide, a primitive instinct told her to hide. She could only go where she knew the route, so she plotted her route teleporting out her room to the interior of a jet. A jet far from the heart of HQ, but still in 90% eyes view of the facility. Thank goodness she was lithe enough to crouch down in the cockpit and no one was near the jets.

Now to wait.

Danger was in the air.

She felt it under her skin.

After the birth of the twins the pains of using the Tesseract weighed down, no more apparent nose bleeds or puking blood. Surviving the birth and repairing a bit of her vaginal passage took the edge off. She was more free to use it, it depended on her stamina now. But Raven could not think of this right now, she had to put the mother behind her and be the wild child. These men were telepathic, if they could read Loki's mind, hers would be like tearing through wet paper.

The alarm rose and Raven meditated. She heard the thundering of feet, the Iron Man suit's jet, the clank of Thor's hammer, guns and the bang of Captain America' shield. It had begun, it did not disturb her. They were coming for her, she had to ready to run or to fight.

The Headquarters were lit up in the heart of the night. It was not an invasion but an elaborate ambush, men in leather clothes scaled the building like oversized monkeys with knives, axes and arrows. They were diverting the Avengers and Loki, it was obvious. The pitter patter of terror in her heart told Raven this. They are near. They will find you.

Humming Bach in her mind running the notes over in her head Raven armed herself with her trusty butterfly knife. Her traditional pendant was replaced with a celtic cross Marshall had sent her for her birthday, she caressed the engravings of the cross.

" O most holy apostle, Saint Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus. The Church honoreth and invoketh thee universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, and of things almost despaired of."

Iron Man was firing at enemies in the air, he was far away.

"Pray for me, who am so miserable. Make use, I implore thee, of that particular privilege accorded to thee, to bring visible and speedy help where help was almost despaired of."

Men are shouting. War cries in a twisted elven tongue.

"Come to mine assistance in this great need. That I may receive the consolation and succor of Heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly, that I don't die tonight or be harbored as an experiment. So that I may praise God with thee and all the elect throughout eternity."

The Hulk roared.

"I promise thee, O blessed Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor thee as my special and powerful patron. To gratefully encourage devotion to thee." She made a cross over herself. "Amen."

An axe broke through the glass, a man pulled out the axe. His voice polluted the air in the cockpit,

"Have you made peace with your gods Whore?" His jagged smile made her shudder, "Die now or die later?"

"How about in thirty years?"

"Where the hell is Raven?" Cried Clint. "There is no way she could have gotten out of this mess on her own." He fired an arrow. "Did they get to her?"

"They wouldn't be fighting us this hard, if they did," responded Natasha shooting one of the wraiths in the head. "Maybe she's found somewhere to take cover?"

The assault came on suddenly moments after a brief interference in the spectrometers, someone had lurked about before vanishing completely off the radar. The wraiths followed. They all had plunged into battle yet Raven was nowhere to be found. She had disappeared and they all feared the worse. Tony had a perpetual sense of dread in his heart, their conversation had ended sourly mere hours earlier. It couldn't be their last conversation. Their last words between them shouldn't be those words.

Loki was a bump in the road, he wouldn't come between them.

The wraith in front his palm turned to ice shattered from a blast that followed it. The man who had let this all happen was meters from Tony, he was tempted to blast him to hell. He owed Loki a few bruises. Instead he asked,

"Did you find her?"

An unnerving scowl distorted his face, "No. Nor can the Hulk." He froze another wraith, "This can't last much longer, they're planning something."

"No shit," Tony fired at two wraiths. "She'll be fine," he lied to himself.

"She is resourceful," agreed Loki.

Raven ran for her life. Her legs pumped from pure, raw adrenaline rather then any natural prowess. Four men were trotting behind her and gaining, it was no sense of dismal defeat but a calculated observation. They would catch her but she would be ready. Ready for pain. Ready to spit in death's eye.

She had killed the one that ambushed her, well, at least she had fatally wounded him before backup came. That's when she started running. Heart don't fail me now she prayed when she took off. Her body was aflame with pain but she kept going, I will not die young. I will not die young.

She never once thought of her children. As they took her down.

She was surrounded by near salivating head hunters, armed with a grisly sickle, a dagger and rope. She had nothing but her now broke cross. She dodged knowing she had only but a few good blows left in her body. She had to make them count. They were toying with her knowing she was spent and not at her best. One became bold and lunged, with a wild swipe fueled by ferocious abandon his skin bloomed red with a smiling face that drooled his life blood. The sight made her pause a millisecond too long, she never looked at the blood. The sight of it sickened her and made her feel small. Anything there was blood it was dark or she could avert eyes.

Not this time.

The last three seized her. Two held her arms while the last one punched in the stomach. Again. Again. Again, and again. Any woman was weak there and they took advantage of it, he threw all his strength into each blow. Her insides burned at the attack. The stomach was her weak spot, it had taken too much damage over the years. Blood spluttered out her mouth and they laughed. She was no fight now. She was defeated. The monster's whore. How the gloated when she hung limp. Raven prayed she wasn't hemorrhaging. That wouldn't be good.

He leaned in. He was going to kiss her. Have a taste of the whore. Oh really now. Feral belligerence regenerated her and she bit down in his neck as he came close enough. Her mind was like a wolf. Kill. Kill. Kill. She tasted blood but her mind didn't register it all it saw was blank revenge. You thought you could do that. Bitch please. You'd have to kill me first. The men did not expect that and tried to pry her off but by the time they did Raven had reached for the sickle and ended him. Lashing out at another. The last one managed to subdue her with kicks and hits, but idea of rape left them. She was the monster's whore, and she bent for no one but whom she chose. She could live with that as he carted her away bellowing in victory. She tasted the blood now and puked it up as they dragged her away leaving a trail of theirs and her own.

The prospect of Raven being hurt rose with his abhorrence for her wellbeing. She was no match for them at full strength, wounded and beaten she was dangerous as a babe. She will be hurt again but she will not die tonight. He swore it. Loki was not finished with Raven Stark just yet.

"Find the Whore!" Chanted the remaining wraiths. "Find the Whore! Bring her head! Bring her head!"

Steve flung his shield at one of the chanters. He was never one for vile profanity, and dishonoring the girl he had cared for like his own child was unforgivable. Misguided as the act was, Raven wasn't... that. Not the little girl who taught him about the Beatles and Bob Dylan, who danced with him at his wedding and babysat his son. Not that precious girl who hated few and loved many. Not Raven. She wasn't that at all.

"Has anyone found her?" His fellow Avengers responded negatively. "Goddammit. How about the-"

Geis entered the room throwing Bruce, no longer the Hulk, in his torn nano-pants, on the floor at their feet. "He was formidable, but I fear his thinking is quite primitive."

Steve helped Bruce to his feet who wobbled from being forced back to his original shape. It had more then tipped the scale of a fair a fight. He glared at Geis who signaled his remained soldiers to stop, reverting to a defensive position. With another gesture a man entered the room with Raven flung over his shoulders like a rag doll. The wraith threw her body callously on the table they had assembled on various occasions, Tony's mask hid his agony of seeing his daughter's limp body motionless. Was she... He didn't want to believe it but she wasn't moving. Her body was wet with blood that left red smudges where she landed, blood oozed down her face from a cut on her forehead, red stained her lips and she bore fresh bruises on her neck.

The anguish on Loki's face spoke volumes, there was no denying the love for Raven in Thor's eyes. His brother had truly loved Raven, he unquestionably forgave him for the affair that same second. They had been in love. And now she... he would have comfort his brother if the rage had not been boiling in his own heart. Raven had been present for his marriage, name-days, the birth of his daughter, she had played with his daughter, watched over his daughter and loved his brother. He had cared for Raven as his own at a time. She loved his brother as much as him. And now she was...

"She was quite valiant," Geis remarked. "I can see why you were so fond of her." His bony hand hovered over her face, "Such a waste."

With the velocity of a cat Raven's hand grabbed his wrist slashing his arm with something in her hand. The nearby wraiths beside him restrained her, the damage done. A broken cross fell to the ground with a clatter, one of the wraiths punched Raven in the stomach when she had recoiled to spit in their faces. Bloodied spit with incandescent eyes. She groaned when the fist connected, her body bent disturbingly around his arm her feet lifting to her toes, as if he had broken her spine in reverse. The Avengers watched with tight faces as Raven buckled to her knees wheezing like a broken accordion. There was no more fight left in her, the way they held her up made that clear. Blood, sweat and spit dripped out of her. She was helpless.

Loki took a step forward and with a wave of Geis' hand he buckled with an afflicted cry gripping his temple. A trail of blood fell from his ear. Geis had read his thoughts and attacked his ability to use his magic directly. He was useless to help Raven. For the moment.

"You didn't mention your lover was such a persistant fighter," Geis' eyes casted over her dissecting. "Nor did you mention her madness."

At that Raven's head tilted up, the blood made her appear feral. Unrecognizable. She stared solely at Geis. Her eyes were glowing yet near vacant. She was like a chained beast of the forest.

"Such a dark mind, no wonder you were drawn to her." He knelt down as the remaining wraiths closed in, making it risky or impossible to help her. "Shall I tell you something child?" His whisper was poison. "Shall I tell you what your father really thought of you? Or do you already know?"

She was bored by his threat.

"He was disgusted by you." Raven didn't react and Geis' curiosity showed. "They all were appalled by you. They expected no else from him, but not of you. You were to blame... Just like your mother was."

Raven's eyes blinked and she riled. Her body hardened, fists curling, fixing to support her body. Still her mind was undisturbed, save for a hum of a song. Geis wanted to lit that fuse and reduce her to an animal then end her like a rabid dog.

"Such madness," he tutted. "Such madness. But you know all these things already." The Avengers listened raptly unable to do anything else. "You know that your father is disgusted with you... Even though he discarded your mother in the same very way." Raven smirked a blood stained smile. "What are you hiding?" Geis lost all mirth. "What are you hiding?" He reached for her head and her smirk fell, "Perhaps I need to dig a little deeper."

Raven screamed the most broken cry anyone ever heard. Tony's heart clutched hearing such a pained sound from his daughter and the hot tears in her eyes as she all but growled at Geis. Her body was shaking from the intrusion and blood dripped from her ears but her rage never wavered. Loki had never seen her like this, unhinged and animal.

Geis laughed at his newfound information, "Oh, I see what you're hiding now." The smug look he gave Loki made Raven's face fall. She knew what he had seen. "Shall I tell your lover?" He nearly crooned. "Shall I tell him your secret?"

The trepidation in her eyes made Loki's own mind worry, what grave secret was she keeping? She was near faint but like a switch, it was done. She became ferment and her body trembled as if he had committed a heinous crime against her.

His words snapped the fragile string that held Raven collected. Spoken so callously like the nun that told her all things were in God's plan. How sin begot sin. That didn't do it though. He had seen her babies. Her babies. Her sweet blameless children and was going to tell them all. He was not fit to even think of her children to lay his eyes upon her babies.

There was no other option now. He crossed a line.

"You shouldn't have done that," Raven was hoarse as she spoke. "And you wasted your shot," her fists curled upward. She let the flood gates open and all the currents trample free.

The wraiths that were holding her vanished in a puff of blue smog and ash. Everyone took a step back, especially the wraiths who beheld her blue eyes, blue like the Tesseract. Moving and flickering with power. Geis retracted in horror, all those dark memories and thoughts crashed onto to him. Physically making him kneel before her. Her mercurial wrath.

"He only showed you the good things," she snarled. "If you wanted a liable background check you should have read my mind first." Her face was etched in fury. She raised her hand and snapped her fingers, three wraiths fell. "You see, they have no idea what goes on up here," she tapped her bloody temple. "But now you do, and I can't have that." Her head lowered like she was going to eat him whole. "And you fucked with the wrong whore, bitch."

Thor knew what was happening next, "Raven st-!"

With a snap they were gone after a few stunned seconds they heard Geis screaming. Feeling their master's pain the others crumbled joining the chorus, until their suffering ended collectively. It was like an broken organ's chorus, a wail of condemned souls pleading for forgiveness. The Avengers stared in a restrained state of hysteria at the genocide, even Loki.

"She didn't," Steve felt out of breath. "She couldn't have."

"She did," Natasha confirmed reluctantly. "We have to find her. Now," she shattered their stupefied silence. "Who knows what else she'll do. Whatever he found out threw her in a spin." She gave a signal and they all spilt up trying to find Raven. Unsure of what to do when they found her.

Raven possessed the power of the Tesseract. She could do magic. She killed someone. She killed someone. She killed an entire pack of wraiths. What had happened to his little girl? Was that why she hadn't been home so long because if the Tesseract? Had she been scared of losing control? Them finding out? Had all those letters been a lie? Had she been lying to him since she left for Paris?

Those questions plagued Tony as he searched HQ for his daughter. How did he miss this? How? He wanted to kick himself. He had to help her now, more than ever. He would never let her out his sight again. He would never-

"I found her," Loki cradled Raven in his arms. He presented her to Stark. "She's collapsed the moment I found her."

He knew she would go to the roof. For all the years Loki knew Raven he knew about her fear of copious amounts of blood. She never watched horror movies on her own, and one time she invited him to a college movie night where someone had put a horror on. She was fine until the blood bath happened, she had fainted right where she stood. She was incapable of brutally killing anyone but not scaring them to death. His other clue was that fact she had no terror for heights, and loved to torment others by sauntering on ledges.

He arrived there only to see Geis at her feet, he called her name just before she fell into his arms. Her eyes gazed blank at him, not those soulful brown eyes he loved but the reflection of the Tesseract, raw power. Loki didn't alert the others just as yet, he took this moment to hold her. The child he cursed by his own foolish plot. He had done this and he wanted to behold his work. The color did her no justice, he wanted to see those brown eyes again. He stroked her cheek and she touched his hand.

"Loki?" She leaned in his hand. "We need to talk," were her final words before her eyes closed.

They all tucked her into a bed in the sick bay. By Bruce's observations she was fine besides the wound on her head and blows she had received. It didn't settle their queries in the slightest. Especially Tony's.

"So, she has the powers of the Tesseract?" Tony's eyes displayed his dilemma.

"It appears that way," Thor looked no better.

"Is that even possible?" Steve rubbed his sore jaw. "I mean I've seen that power in action, it disintegrates human flesh!" His face was ashen. "How the hell does this even happen?"

"It shouldn't," agreed Clint. "That thing is raw energy, how can it harness itself in her body?"

"It doesn't," Loki folded her arms. "Not even an Asgardian can physically wield the Tesseract."

"Raven can," cut in Natasha. "She can do more than wield it. She used magic. With skill," She added ominously.

"Maybe it's only an inkling of the power," said Bruce, optimistic. "She clearly has control of it."

"We don't know that," interrupted Nick Fury. He marched soberly to the center of their informal conference. He had scene the flashes of Raven's show on the security cameras. Once the wraiths had cornered them. As little of the full potential of the Tesseract it was, her power was heart-stopping. "I'm not suggesting anything that you won't to agree to," he told Tony, "but we can't leave this unaddressed."

Tony groaned, "Like what?" He threw his hand in the direction of the sickbay. "What do you want to do? Huh?" His voice rose. "You going to put her on the threat list now?"

"You're all on that threat list," Fury stated.

"My daughter is no threat!" Roared Tony.

"The power she has can be." Fury held his hands up in peace. "I am not trying to turn you daughter to an experiment, Stark. I wouldn't do that unless I had to."

"It's not an option!" Insisted Steve enraged this was even being discussed. "Raven is as much my own daughter as Tony's and I'll be damned-"

"No one is making anybody an experiment," he interjected.

"Then what are you proposing?" Loki wondered in dark mutter.

"I leave this in your hands," Fury decided mostly to Thor who had yet to turn away from Raven. "She'll be your responsibility, since you are so familiar with the Tesseract. But," he stared at Tony, "if you all can't keep this under wraps and report back to me, then I have no choice," he warned.

"No choice to what?" Bruce glimpsed back at the room. "You step in? S.H.I.E.L.D. steps in?"

"I have duties and obligations of my own in case you forgot." His eye aimed at Thor, "You said it yourself, we are not capable of maintaining this power, as a whole. Hopefully we can handle Raven."

Natasha posture became rigid, "And what happens to her if that happens?"

Fury diverted his vision from Natasha. "That depends of the level of urgency." Her knuckled became white as they hugged her arms.

Clint eyes burned, "So if she slips up one time. One time. You swoop in and spirit her away."

"I don't have to remind you about the dangers of Asgardian devices Agent Barton." He rolled his shoulders trying to shake of the defensive grunt in his tone. "This is a decision you all may need to make as the Avengers and not uncles, aunts or... fathers."

Raven over did it. She felt it in her bones and skin, she had been wrong. Defensively she had no side effects, not anymore, but offensive was another question. Blatant offense was a different alley completely. She rolled to her side wincing as hot pain shot through her, her entire body was on fire. An after burn of adrenaline that had been pulled from the very sweat on her arms. Get up, she ordered herself, get up. You need to stand on your own feet. If you don't get out of here, they'll keep you here longer.

The twins. Remember. Liam and Tegan. They need you. Get up. Get up.

Gripping the rack that held up an IV bag she pulled herself upward. She was neck deep in shit and knives, any slip up now and the sloths would be found. She wasn't ready for any of them, especially Tony to meet them. Tony had yet to accept her and Loki, as did anyone. He may be loving to her now but that didn't change his heart. In his heart he hated Loki. If he hated him how could he fully love their children, who were by all means their father's children. Wicked, clever and beautiful.

God, she wanted her babies.

Little Liam that loved Billy Joel and the Misty Mountains Cold song. Who loved anything shiny and gave her a frostbite scar and cried for days when she came near him. Tegan who laughed at everything. Who always made a mess. Who loved the Beatles and tearing magazines up. Who kept running into the coffee table. Raven wanted her babies so much. She missed them.

Upright she set her feet on the ground, the frigid cold made her hiss. Her body wasn't prepared for the turn of her feet. Raven went forward and landed face first on the floor, the IV coming down with her. Her body sparked with needle sharp pricks and she cried out like a hurt kitten. She pushed herself up unaware of the door that open seconds after she fell. Her forearms gave a tremor before they collapsed. Her head didn't hit the floor this time, it landed in a lap, a warm lap. Someone was holding her steady but her skin stung from a touch. The room was spinning.

Natasha propped up Raven's head on her lap. She was pale as a linen shaking with an unnatural fever, panting haggardly cold sweat dripping from her brow. She saw no one, her eyes rolled in a daze fighting to keep open. They were brown again which hopefully was a god sign. Tony reached for her hand she whimpered when their skin touched. Loki rested his hand on her head and with a blink she drifted back to unconsciousness.

"It drains her physically," he removed his hand at Tony's hostile glare. "I doubt she'll be much a threat considering that." He observed as Steve and Thor delicately rested her back into bed. "She can barely tap into the Tesseract's true potential," he spoke for Fury who stayed outside watching, taking notes. "If she uses it in any amount of excess, she won't survive."

"She's burning up," Bruce brought the blanket up to her neck. "It does a lot more than drain her," he dabbed her ear showing blood on his fingertips. "Internal bleeding, mostly minor... but..."

"Hardly a threat," Clint backed up. "Few shots and she's a newborn."

"What I said still stands," Fury left sparing the girl he had known was going to be as much trouble as her father. If not more. He wished he had been wrong.

"You should fix this for her." Steve broke the uncomfortable silence by handing Tony the broken cross piece stained with blood she had sliced Geis' arm with. "She's appreciate it."

Tony took the chunk joining it with the other half Bruce had left on the night table. It was sterling silver but by no means some dime store buy. It had an engraving.

"Happy Birthday love," he read the fine engraving of the medium sized cross, "remember home and that I'll always love you. Dad" He sneered despite the bruises he had. "Marshall. Of course."

"Tony," Bruce brought him back down.

"I should go fix this," he took the broke pieces and left.

"What happens now?" Steve pondered.

"I don't know," answered Thor. "All-father help us."

Malcolm rocked Liam who refused to be comforted. He wanted his mother, he knew that she was gone and that this place wasn't his home. The ebony haired baby cried against him, face red from strain and stained with tears. How did Raven stay calm when he got like this? Malcolm was at his wit's end, he was about to toss the baby in the carrier and let him cry. Raven had done that once, he wailed and wailed and she left him in the crib until he calmed down. Other times she fell asleep with the twins nestled in her arms. Liam remained flat on his back covered in a blanket while Tegan lied on Raven's stomach at peace in her mother's warmth.

Tegan had gone down and hour ago but Liam held fast. He wanted Raven, the smell of her, the warmth of her skin, the sound of her voice. Malcolm wanted Raven too. It had been days and no word. Rachel mentioned that unless it became a week to stay calm. A few days is normal, but if a week passes then you panic, were her precise words. She has to fool her family while dealing with whatever has reared their ugly head. Please be all right, he prayed, please.

"He's hasn't gone off it yet?" Yawned Kelsey.

"He wants his Mum."

"Raven always said they'd get tired after a bit."

"It's been an hour," he protested.

"He had been up a whole night once already," Kelsey argued. "Give him to me," she held out her arms.

"Nah," he continued to rock. "You go back to bed." Liam howled for Raven, "This is breaking my heart."

"Put him down," Kelsey replied listless. "Malcolm, he'll fall asleep on his own." She patted the carrier beside Tegan. "It's no use."

"How does Raven do this?" He muttered delirious. "I've seen her pick him up and sit with him, and hold him until he shuts it." Malcolm rubbed his face. "She just holds him and sings until he goes to sleep."

"She's a mum," Kelsey's eyes were mournful. "Mums go that extra mile."

"She'll come back won't she?" He sounded nearly as broken hearted as Liam. He loved her. That wild woman. He wanted to hold her and never let her go, kiss her face, smell the scent of her clothes, burrow into her. Malcolm could understand why Liam was so cranky. It was insane not to miss Raven whoever you were to her.

"She wouldn't dare leave them Malcolm," Kelsey squeezed his arm. "She knows what that's like. She knows."


	17. Chapter 17

**As you (you know who you are *wink*) have requested so you shall ****receive. Before I start I would like to answer two of my reviewers who brought something to my attention. **

** I do not delete any reviews that I don't like, I think that's childish. People who hate my story simply don't review. I don't believe in the Mary Sue Litmus Test is bogus, and I do know what a Mary Sue is and I can assure you that everything Raven is, is for a reason. And I'm glad Raven's pissing you off, she's was by no intention to be likable throughout this story. But I do appreciate your opinions and as always I welcome any and all criticism, it keeps me on my toes as a writer and helps me perfect my task.**

**As always my lovelies review, review, review! And flames as you can see are welcomed, and I will answer questions if they won't ruin the plot. And address your queries as readers. XOXO Anotherscribe.**

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_**Chapter 17**_

"So we're just going to let her go?" Steve wagged his head in disagreement.

The Avengers watched uneasy as Raven left S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ in an armored car her single backpack slung over her good shoulder. After a few days of recovering from her fever she departed, firm that she had to return to work before her boss lost patience with her. Her stitches from the blow to her head and cuts from the axes, would be taken out by her local clinic, which hardly bothered her. Her symptoms had slowly left hours when she woke back up. Raven didn't say much, she muttered that she had to sleep off any aliments and was always fine afterward. She kept to herself, sailing to sleep at random hours during the day and night. Awake they tried to weed as many details about her powers as they could. In all she could teleport and disintegrate things. Using it made her body ache to touch, her head spin, nose and ears bleed, depending on the excess. She admitted to testing her power, popping point A to B, but she only could to places where she knew the way to and fro. She confessed that she zapped her garbage to dust, when she had the energy to.

The air among them was taut. All of Raven's secrets had been exposed, Loki, the Tesseract, why had she been avoiding home so long. It all came out in those few days in the sickbay.

"I don't like it," Steve added. "Shouldn't we keep her close? For now at least."

Tony pulled out his phone, "Who said I'm letting her go?" His face was bizarre even as he dialed, "I'm going to Manchester in two weeks." He glanced around them, "Anybody wanna come with?"

"Tony?" Pepper approached her husband on light feet.

He was ominously quiet when he returned from the mission at S.H.I.E.L.D, and alone. Upon hearing that the Tesseract maybe involved once more, her thought had gone to Raven. She expected Tony to bring back their prodigal daughter by the hair until the danger had passed. He came home by himself doleful, Van also sensed his mood and greeted him at a distance not asking how the mission went, as per usual. Pepper had to know. Anything that made Tony silent was important.

"What happened?"

Tony was sitting in the lab literally tinkering with an engine part, no tools were out or in hand he just cradled the engine in his hands. He lifted his gaze surprised at her appearance.

"Uh... What?"

"What happened?" She addressed him evenly as you would a discouraged child. "Tony?"

"I...uh... How do you like Manchester?"

"Tony." He was deflecting. "Is Raven okay?"

He worried about Raven. As much as she called Raven her daughter, Raven did not share this sentiment, Tony was her father and she was his only daughter. She was immensely self-sufficient at a young age, which made it hard to baby her. And she was difficult to deal with sometimes unfazed by punishments and scoldings. Tony confessed, drunk, that he wished he had been there for her as a baby, a toddler, a little girl, he wanted to share what he experienced with Van with Raven. I barely got used to not wanting to let her go, and off she went.

Tony gave a forlorn smile, "Raven," he set the engine part down with a bang. "We... We... She was at HQ with me."

Pepper's eyes widen but Tony shifting expressions silenced hers.

"Pep, when Raven was little did you ever, notice anything?" He turned his head down.

"Notice what?"

His eyes met hers. "How she was with Loki." His eyes darkened. He tried to mask it for her sake. "Did you see anything weird? That made you wanna tell me something?"

She sat next to him unsettled, "Tony? What happened?"

"Answer me Pepper please. Did you see anything?" He held her hands, begging softly.

Pepper shook her head, "They played chess and cards Tony. And the Wii. Tony what's-?"

"He never used to... look at her weird, did he?"

"Tony," her voice trembled, "if you don't tell me what happened I swear to God-"

He sighed covering his face. He reached for the sweating glass of scotch on the table, "The people that I had to go deal with, they knew Loki. And they were...ah, telepathic." He pinched his nose, "They came here looking for Raven because they sensed traces of the Tesseract on her when she got lost in Asgard." Pepper held her mouth in a mute gasp. "One of them, the telepathic one, he said he came here for the Tesseract and to kill Raven."

"And you didn't-"

He continued as if she had never said anything. "The guy read his mind and..." he took her hand. "They were going to kill Raven because of some ritual thing I guess, but that wasn't the only reason."

"What was the other reason?"

He casted his head down, "The other reason was... Do you remember when Raven went to England for a semester? She was eighteen, remember?"

"Tony!" She protested urgently. "Get to the point!"

He took a deep breath and pulled the band-aid off. "Raven and Loki had been together for over two years." Tony drained his glass. "They broke up when she went to Paris."

Pepper was gobsmacked and held her head that was ready to burst. Her face flushed away all color before bouncing back in furious crimson. "What? What?" She screeched. "What?" She shook her head in denial. "No. No. But, she's known him since she was seven!"

"That's what I said," he scowled. "Almost broke my hand in his face." He lifted his hand as evidence.

"Tony," she muttered with scandalized eyes. "She was a kid."

"That's what I told her. She doesn't see it that way. She saw it as two mutual adults being adults."

"Of course she would say that! He probably seduced her or something!" Her hands flailed in a frenzy. That slimy, sleazy sonofabitch! What was she thinking? Was she even thinking?"

"Actually..."

She held her forehead, "Oh my god." Her mind was racing.

"She swears that she gave him the okay," he ended bitterly. "Personally I think it's the best she called it quits. We should just let this thing die." She's still my princess even if she can be a spoiled brat. With a dangerous taste in bad boys.

Pepper breathed wearily, "I need to lie down." She massaged her temple. "So what about the Tesseract now?"

He had forgotten about Raven's new powers. Compared to sleeping with Loki that was irrelevant. He rather had a radioactive daughter than one that had shacked up with the God of Mischief. He winced,

"About that. Um, Raven kinda has powers now."

"Excuse me?" She shouted. She put two and two together, "Because of Lok-"

"I know, I know," he didn't want to talk about Loki anymore. He would kick his ass another day. Right now Fury's warning burned in his mind. He needed to have Raven back in New York again. "But she doesn't use them. All she can do is teleport and zap people to dust."

"That's all she can do? That's all she can do?" Pepper was mentally drained. "Is S.H.I.E.L.D. monitoring her now? Tony?" She having an overload, Loki, Tesseract and S.H.I.E.L.D, Pepper prayed there was nothing more to added.

Raven had even been predictable. She could be as heartless as she was protective. Pepper had prayed that high school had been the first and last sign of her bad side, the wild child that spat in your face yet kissed you with all the love in the world. She was so headstrong and hated to ask for help. But dammit she should have known where the line was drawn.

"Tony what do we do know?" She was all grown up yet this couldn't be left alone. "She has powers."

"Fury said me and the others can keep an eye on her. I guess he knows that the Avengers would go on strike if they did," his laugh was curt.

"So that's why you mentioned Manchester, you want to visit Raven." She smiled gently forcing herself to see the bright side. Besides she and Raven needed to have a talk. "Maybe we can go and see her play?"

"Yeah," he hugged Pepper. "We can visit her and drag her to California. Or New York."

She returned his embrace kissing his chin. "I'd like that. So she and Loki are over, right? Completely?" It was a small mercy.

Tony thought about what Geis had said. How Loki still loved Raven, the sordid details that made him want to drink himself to sleep. Raven had barely glanced at Loki, they were at arm's length with one another.

"It's over. She's gotten over it."

Home free.

Raven had been given her bag and put on a plane with a direct flight to Manchester. She knew that it wasn't the end of it, with her family and Loki. But it was the end of the wraiths and Geis. The end of keeping the twins away from that pack of wild animals. The stunt she pulled at taken a lot out of her. She had not just torn apart Geis' mind, she had sent out the signal influenced by his stress level and took down his pack with him. Her migraine had yet to go away. At least it was over.

They would find out about the twins soon or later. Raven preferred it at a time when everyone let it sink in that she slept with Loki, and they were in love. She also wanted to see their true feelings about her and Loki. She wanted no illusion about the twins. No one pretending to like them, tolerating them because they were her children. She wanted to know who she could trust with her babies.

Her childhood fueled this decision years of hearing people bash her mother, berate her family, both ends. Her children would not have that in their childhood. Their father was not a bad person, he made horrible choices but he was by no means all bad. No one would say otherwise. Raven had taken the twins to Ireland last Christmas, Malcolm and Kelsey wanted to take her there. Emily, Marshall's saucy wife had no conventional views so when she met the twins she shrugged and showed them off. Marshall asked her if she knew the father and if Tony knew, the latter reply made him tut. Contrary to popular belief, Marshall didn't purposely sabotage Tony when he saw how close he and Raven became. He was Tony's side with some things but understood that they would never have this conversation due to their parallel parenting techniques.

Marshall and Emily loved the twins. Liam and Marshall caught snowflakes while Emily had Tegan in the kitchen feeding her buttermilk. They went to the Wren Parade together like a big family, had Christmas dinner and lit candles. Raven knew if Tony or any of the Avengers did not accept the twins or treated them odd because of Loki, they had two doting grandparents in Ireland who loved them entirely. Her children would not be like her, they will believe in heroes, knowing death as something that never happened to them.

Loki might hate her for keeping him from the twins. More than he already did. She doubted that he would deny them, Odin had been too much of a bastard for him to have the stomach for that. She wanted him to be there, they were Jotun, their skin turned blue when they exposed to a certain degree of cold. A night Kelsey had left their window open a crack, they're Frost Giant babies they'll be fine, was her reasoning. In the morning they woke up to two blue skinned, red eyed twins. Kelsey had squeaked which amused them. Once Raven cradled them for a while they turned back to a humanoid appearance.

Liam had given her frostbite, he had been teething and he had been in a horrendous mood from teething. She had no idea he could give her frostbite as so young. Raven had picked him up and applied the soothing gel on his teeth. They must have been extremely sensitive for the second she rubbed it on he touched her hand and searing pain frozen a spot on her arm. He had been on the couch so she had no fear in letting him go to inspect her wound.

It left a scar which Liam had a fascination with, for weeks he screamed when she went to pick him up. Raven wondered if he felt bad for what he did, knowing that he hurt her from the shout she let out. Raven made it a habit to cuddle Liam a little more than Tegan, to boost his confidence. Tegan never got the chance to give her a scar, she wore arm long gloves whenever they were in a tiff.

They were darling children. Alone Raven took the moment to stare at the picture of them on her phone. Their first professional portrait, Marshall had insisted they have one. For memories and a good laugh down the road. They were dressed smartly sporting identical smiles. She had copies of the portrait made for the day she would let her family see them. She would make a album like a slideshow, so they could see everything.

She had texted Malcolm the minute she was off the plane, officially back home. They had taken the twins to an inn outside of Manchester, Kelsey had played the violin while Malcolm worked on his editing. Before going the train station Raven went back to the flat and put everything back the way it was, she set up the cribs (Marshall sent her another one for her birthday when he heard that she needed one), the playpen, brought back the baby food and formula to the front of the cupboard. She changed, renewing the concealer on her bruises, parting her growing bob over the stitches on her face, rubbing ointment on her aches and popping a pair of cheap pain killers. She would go the doctor later to check on her stomach. All that mattered now was her babies.

Time was running out for Raven. Her plan to outcast herself from the superhero side of her family became the Titanic. It was above the water for now but the iceberg had struck. How soon would she have to get in her lifeboat? And with whom?

How would Tony react when he met the twins? A part of her wanted him to love those babies, hug and kiss them. She wasn't that naïve. Liam looked like Loki, he was a mini Loki but was a gentle, fretful boy. Tegan looked like her with green eyes but she was a troublemaker like Loki and so damn charming when she made a mess. They were her and Loki compressed with their veins with their own special touch. If everyone hated Loki for loving her how could they love her babies? Loki's babies? It wasn't possible.

She wouldn't think about that now. She wanted her children where were they? Was she too early? Raven had come to the train station in the middle of the day, she had yet to sleep due to her persistent insomnia. It didn't matter. She wanted her babies.

A train pulled up and she waited fingers clenched. A drizzle of people left and out came Malcolm dashing and rugged. He smiled and knowing her children were not far behind, knowing they were safe because if this man she ran into his arms. She ran down the platform and leaped. Pain be damned. He caught her and she kissed him. He tasted savory and sweet, she held his face and put her all in the amorous kiss. She gripped his hair moving her lips pulling briefly on his lower lip. His grip slipped but the kiss held, sliding down they remained attached and he returned the kiss in an eager pace.

"I missed you," he said against her lips.

"Ditto," she kissed him again. "You okay?" Her skin burned from all the activity and presses on her bruises but she didn't want him to let go. Ever.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He chuckled arms around her waist. "I was so worried."

"I warned you I was no good."

He laughed rumbled, "I love bad girls." He have a long peck. "Are you all right?"

"Ace now," she linked her arms around his neck. "You called Rachel didn't you?"

"It's been more than a week. She came along, and I'm afraid I can't get rid of her," he inhaled her smell. "I did say that I missed you?"

"Yes."

Raven felt safe and loved. If her family disowned her and Loki never spoke to her again, she would survive. She would be alright. She wasn't alone. Other people loved her and her children despite the fine details. She would survive if her father couldn't accept Liam and Tegan. The world would not combust, not with Malcolm. Who loved her babies not bothered that they were someone else's, that she was being unfair by lying to her family. She snuggled into him, when the storm came she will survive as she did all things.

"Brother we need to talk."

Thor and Loki were in the center of the landing point Heimdall had thrown them out on. He wanted to wait till they were alone before he questioned him. Away from the Avengers.

"About what?"

"Raven," he deadpanned.

Loki rolled his eyes, "You wish to comfort me or scold me?"

"This is not a game Loki. Tell me honestly," he searched his eyes, "was Raven an accident?" Loki's sneer was etched with a grisly knife. "I have forgiven you for many things Brother, but I need to know everything about this."

"Everything?" He baited.

"Loki! I carried that girl through Mother's gardens, and watched you teach her to ride a horse." He grabbed his shoulders, "I don't doubt the feelings you have for her but if you intended-"

"It's hardly any concern of yours," spat Loki spiteful at the interrogations. That his brother saw him so low even in a speculation. "Or did you not hear Geis?"

"I asked you." Thor retorted. "And if I am to defend your honor since you won't-"

"I did not ask you to defend my honor!"

"But I will! If you have done no wrong, and the circumstances are the only crime then I shall defend you!"

Loki backed Thor, "What if I had considered seducing her? If she were a little older when Stark claimed her, I would have charmed her? Would you feel so eager to defend me?" He faced Thor, "That I had thought about it, with each blunder Stark made with her? But she surprised me with her independent attraction to me?" A sick smirk drawn along his face. "What would you say dear Brother?"

Thor's face was neutral, "Raven always saw good in you and I shall do the same until she tells me otherwise."

"What?"

"She loved you," was all Thor said. "I trust her words before I dare dissect yours. If she says to be patient than I shall be."

"She said that?"

"She always tells me this." Thor patted his shoulder suddenly jovial. "Be kind to Raven Brother."

Loki observed Thor pensively, "Haven't I always been kind to her?"

"Not today," Thor looked to HQ in the horizon. "You were cold to her, after she defended you so."

He smirked at that. She always did inexplicable things, that went against what she said. "Mortality suits her so ill Brother."

It had been decades since he echoed those words. He told Tony those words which the intention of hurting him but he had not been lying. Raven deserved to have the mortality of a goddess. She was rare creature, with an intelligence that did her body no justice.

He had a plea in his voice that made Thor coil.

"Loki," he spoke in a grave mutter, "I have never stood in the way of love. But -" He rethought his words. "I know you Loki. This is a most unusual pairing. But I can understand how you feel. I can only beseech you to think of others this time."

Loki gave an eloquent scoff, "Do you? You understand how I feel? Thor, if we were live until the realms turned to ash, you would never understand me."

Thor did know him, but not that well. Loki followed Raven to the train station. He hadn't intended to follow her at first but not sure if he was invited to the ploy of visiting Raven, he decided to take his visit now. By the time he caught up to her, she was leaving her apartment building. Why wasn't that girl resting? She had been through three fights in a week with a pack of wraiths. Stubborn girl.

She was waiting by the platform searching for someone. She was pacing and biting her fingers, she was anxious but his dulled senses prevented him from divulging more. She paused and stared ahead, the crowd complicated Loki from spotting the object that held her attention. She began to run. Loki watched as Raven sprung into another man's arms. He had known there had been someone but vanity convinced him the man was a stray. Raven kissed him passionately as he held her, she was holding his face, running her fingers through his hair lips smacking. The man ran his hands along what he could as his grip failed him, weakling. The kiss never broke, Raven held on to him burrowing her body into his. He hadn't expected this. Jealous bile in his gut, Loki left before the exchange progressed.

She was fine. That was why he came there, to check on her. He had checked up on her and she was fine. He left, not sparing her a glance knowing the unkempt stray she lowered herself for was beside her.

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**Rest in Peace Rachel Pilgrim, the first real friend I had that didn't think I was weird.**


	18. Chapter 18

_Yay! It's a chappie. And all for you my faithful reviewers and followers(you know who you are) and to all of those who are giving me great and notable advice. Critique is wholly welcomed here. And to all of you worried about the plot, have no fear... we ain't done with our dear Raven by a long shot. As always review, review, review!_ **Anotherscribe**

* * *

_**Chapter 18**_

"Are we going to see Raven?" Asked Tatiana who took in the seen of her aunts and uncles huddled together. They had swooped everyone up to see Raven. This she did not mind, but what had her unsure was their brief brooding stares amongst themselves.

Van saw them too, but he ignored them.

"Does she know we're here?" Inquired Astrid. She was lighthearted and giddy from the city to notice the oncoming storm. "Is it a surprise?"

"Yes Astrid." Thor smiled gaily at his daughter. "It will be a glorious surprise."

Tony wasn't so sure and Van knew as much. Raven seldom wrote and called, she had taken off to Paris and never stopped running. If anything his dad was ambushing Raven, using them as human emotional shields.

"What if she's not home?" Van wondered with adolescent bite. "Then what?"

Jamal watched the scene warily, "We can come back tomorrow?" Bruce patted his head for his suggestion.

"I think that's a good plan," added Bucky.

Bucky had never been to England before. The glamor and pace of Manchester hid the ominous lull from him as it did Jamal. Jamal was used to heat and trees, considering his parents, big cities awed him. The metal, the shapes, the lights, the noises, the people. It was a futuristic parade.

"We happen to know where she's going to be," Tony pulled out a poster. "There is going to be a show at a club downtown and Raven's name is officially with the band," he declared. The lack of advertising didn't bother him, Raven had said she was working somewhere small and practically unknown.

Tony had rented out an arrangement of suites for the Avengers and their family. He had timed this trip for Raven's performance, they would sit by, go and mingle with her, maybe invite her out to dinner and go from there. Tony was determined to get his daughter integrated back into their lives, to monitor her powers and to rekindle their bond. Taking her off guard would make her more receptive to their message and presence. He had to make up for letting Loki get between them, for letting that sonofabitch get a foot in his daughter's world. He had to atone for that.

"Uncle Tony," Astrid stood up abruptly diplomatic. "I have to say something."

"What Astrid?"

"I," her eyes shifted to the door of the main suite. "I invited someone on our trip... Without anyone's permission."

"Don't tell it's one of those Asgard princes," gagged Van.

"No it's not!" Her face flushed in anger. "It's..."

The door opened discreetly and there was Loki. Dressed as causally as he could, all ready to go, with an all to apparent smugness. Tony wanted to deck him. Just seeing him made his blood simmer, reminded him of what had happened. That he and Raven had been love and how misguided it was. How he let that man be in his home, how he had snuck into his home all to see Raven. The intuition that Loki had bewitched Raven since she was a girl to like him. To love him.

"No need to introduce me," he touched Astrid's shoulder. "Is my presence a problem?"

Tony almost growled, "This is a family outing. Non-family members are not invited."

"But Uncle Tony," protested Astrid. "Uncle Loki and Raven are friends. She'll be most upset if we didn't at least ask him to come!" She grabbed his arm, "She'll be happy to see him I'm sure!"

Tony tried not to let his emotions show. For all he knew Astrid was right, but not on the side of Raven. He had not forgotten what Geis had said, and what Loki never denied. He loves Raven.

Tony's wrath deflated at Astrid's puppy eyes. It reminded him of Raven when she was that age. "Astrid," he sighed with affectionate correcting, "You should have told me. Now we have no where to put him."

"Oh but you do," injected Loki. "I added a room to your request list. I hope you don't mind."

Tony restrained a twitch, "Fine. More the merrier."

"So when are we going?" Asked Van, unaffected by the confrontation.

"Tonight," Pepper announced remaining neutral for the sake of the children. "So be ready be seven-o-clock guys." But mother instinct had to be addressed. "Loki," the room held their breath, "can I speak to you outside for a moment?" There was no negotiating.

"Of course," like a gentleman he opened the door he came through for her, "after you."

Once the door was closed Pepper surveyed him, the man that Raven had slept with. Maternal ferocity coursed through her veins, he had preyed on Raven, her daughter. He had disrespected her and her hospitality. "Can you guess why I'm out here?"

"Yes."

"I know what you did," she seethed with ice. "I don't care how old she was, or if she said fine. You. Had. No. Right." Her eyes blazed in maternal bloodlust. "You knew her when she was seven and she was still a baby when you touched her."

He bowed his head, hearing what she had to say. He was unimpressed by her delivery. "I assure, as I have told your husband... I had no intent of our friendship escalating when she was a child." He was getting tired of repeating himself.

"She was still a child when you slept with her," she retorted. "We never wanted you near her after what you did," Pepper added. "But she adored you," the words came out bitter, "she didn't want to play with anyone but you. I let you into my house, and while I didn't expect any miracles, I expected you to respect Raven. My daughter."

"I would apologize," replied Loki, "but I have no regrets of being involved with Raven."

"No regrets?" She gaped at his gall. "No regrets?"

"No. I have always enjoyed Raven's company, her age," he added to annoy her, "had never had no affect in that department."

Having no more to say Pepper left him outside. "Don't be late," she said before slamming the door in his face.

The address of the place was the breaking point of uptown and downtown. They all exchanged glances a little put off but the appearance of the place, it was nice but it didn't seem like the place Raven would be. The kids were still excited ignorant to the fine rough edges of the place. All the saw was the skim of class, the glitz and glamor.

Tony reserved two large booths in the VIP section of the club, far from most of the rowdy crowd. It was a full house and they were eager for the show to start. The real show. Tony, Pepper, Van and the Banners with the Rogers sat at one table. While Thor, Jane, Astrid, Tatiana and Loki sat at the other. Sometime was array but they kept clear faces for the kids, even Van who appreciated the lack of a stuffy opera house was blind.

The adults saw the less than wholesome people crawling around the place. The suspicious characters and hums of underhanded talk. Raven may have been to a place like this after work but not for work. Something was wrong.

"Now ladies and gents," a man on stage announced. It reminded Tony of a cleaned up version of Brad Pitt from Fight Club, with a swarthy british accent. "You have asked for her and this number. Give a welcome to our very own Raven with her signature number and your favorite, Hey Pachuco!"

The music began in full swing and the band was on stage, dressed to kill in gangster suits. They saw Raven, she was in a twenties style dress, blood red with a plunging neckline and back that made all the men in whistle like rabid animals. In her hand was no other than her cello but they notice no bow. The drum began and Raven was near the mic, she was going to sing. Tony remembered a Raven from another time singing in a school play, doing karaoke on the Wii. She was no soprano but she could hold a note to a degree but crack like a frog on the high ones. Her voice was deep with a smoldering quality, nothing spectacular or record worthy just enough to keep you attention. By a professional's ear she hit a few sour notes but the visuals eased the audio. She played her cello in time to the beat as she sung. She was swinging her cello and strumming the strings like a pro, a real jazz cat.

Loki had seen this Raven before, she had done this sort of thing in her college years. She had sang a song to him on a few occasions. The display was hardly startling but it reminded him of the days they first got together, that wild child he adored. The dress helped the vision if not make it better. When the song came to an end and crowd went nuts, but someone came over and took over at the mic. The beat changed and Raven kept strumming her cello strings playing up to the crowd as the rest of band was doing. An excessive spin on her cello foot, running her fingers up and down the neck of her cello sending a glance here and there at the crowd.

She was deep into her performance. Lost in the image she wanted you to buy into. With each song she was unique and kept you interested. Even when she switched to the piano, your eyes were on her and that damn dress that auctioned her angel wing tattoos. Loki noted that she had another tattoo, a bird on her the corner of her upper back, right under her shoulder. It was a bird, a black bird with flaming wings. Under another circumstance he would have scoffed at it but, now it intrigued him. How she had changed.

When it came to an end, they all clapped.

"She was amazing!" Exclaimed Tatiana when it was all over. "Wasn't she amazing Mom?"

"Of course," Natasha smiled at Tatiana. "She plays beautifully."

"Can we see her now?" Begged Astrid. "I want to surprise her!"

"Calm down, calm down," hushed Jane. "If we really want to surprise her we have to be quiet and sneaky."

"That won't be hard," scoffed Van.

"Where is she?" Asked Jamal looking over the rail of the box. "I can't see her."

"She's probably in the back," guessed Pepper.

"Then let's go find her!" Declared Bucky. "Before she goes home!"

"Alright champ," Steve took his son's hand. "Come on."

With a little incentive they got into the back. They found Raven in the back packing up her cello, she had changed into a jeans and a T-shirt and had took off her jewelery. She wasn't alone. She was surrounded by three people. One was undoubtedly Rachel balancing a baby on her hip. The other two was a man, and a woman with flaming red hair. The man was also holding a baby, a little girl judging by the dress she had one. Rachel turned and saw them, usually she smiled and waved but now she looked like a deer in headlights. Tony second guessed himself for a moment but Raven saw him and had glanced back at the babies before coming up to them.

"Well, this is a surprise," Raven folded her arms smiling at the children more than the Avengers.

"I know!" Tatiana hugged Raven. "You were epic!" She praised.

"Thanks," she ruffled Tatiana's hair. "And look at you, you got taller." Her eyes fell to Astrid, "You got way taller."

The girls giggled as Raven spied Jamal and Bucky. "And look at you two sharp dressed boys. He's getting your jawline," she told Steve which made Bucky duck his head in modesty. "And you," she tickled Jamal's chin, "I heard you went to India. Had fun?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "I saw an elephant."

"Awesome." Her eyes went to Van, "Too old for hugs?" He gave her a sideways smile and Raven swallowed her brother in an embrace. "How you doing shorty?" She jested.

"I will revoke your hugging pass," he warned. They shared a smile when she let him go.

Her eyes went back to the Avengers, "Well, this is sudden. I was going to come by for Christmas you know." She knew why they were here. She kept her pleasantries for the sake of the munchkins.

"Couldn't risk you getting more work again," pointed out Tony. His eyes fell the the group of three watching them, "Your entourage?" And the babies.

Her mouth quirked in a parody of a scowl. "Yeah. You could say that."

Loki recognized the man from the train station. "Why don't you bring them closer?" Suggested Loki playing devil's advocate. "Are you hiding something Raven?"

Raven's eyes widen and Loki's smirk dampened seeing the shock in her eyes. It switched instantaneously to a defiant glare and she clapped her hands together in resignation. "Fine. Fine." She waved the crowd closer. "It's overdue anyways." She gestured to the red haired woman, "This is Kelsey, my roommate," to the man, "my boyfriend Malcolm, and you all know Rachel." Her eyes fell to the babies who were stirring from a nap. "And this is Liam and Tegan... My kids."

They all fell silent. The children took in the new crowd drawn to the most outstanding feature they had. The Avengers and the kids nearly fell over at the announcement.

Tony's jaw fell a few inches, "Excuse me?" The children cooed at his hiss. That's when his eyes fell to Liam, he had jet black hair and intense blue gray, like a glacier. Tegan dark haired with her green eyes unmistakeable. He turned his head slowing to Loki who looked sick as the two children gawked only at him. He was speechless as his and Tony's thoughts moulded. No, no, no.

"Handsome boy," mumbled Thor face flat. He knew whose son he was, he knew that face from his childhood. The inky mop and big blue eyes that his father had introduced him to as a boy. And the age, judging by the size made Pepper's face go pale.

"He gets it from his father." Raven took him from Rachel's arms. "He said his first word yesterday," she kissed his head. "His first proper word. Without any problems. Liam," he titled up his head, "say wow for Mama. Say wow. Wow," she coaxed.

He cooed for a moment before declaring loudly, "Wow!" His voice panting from pushing the word out. Wow! Wow!" He pointed randomly. "Wow!"

"Everything's wow to him now," chuckled Malcolm. He bounced the girl, Tegan, in his arms. "Tegan's more trying to destroy everything than talk."

"They weren't there last time," Loki's voice shook. He had seen no trace of children in her apartment. "Where were they?"

"In the country with us," replied Kelsey. "It was a bad time so we," she jutted her finger at Malcolm. "kept them safe."

"A bad time?" Echoed Steve. That meant when she was attacked the babies were home.

"A bad time," agreed Rachel standing protectively by Raven. "I think we can all agree on that." She reached out and pinched his cheeks. "Right Liam?"

Loki was incapable of tearing his eyes away from the twins, with their dark haired and electrifying eyes. "How old are they?"

"Eleven months," Raven held Liam's hand as it reached for her earrings. "They're a bit stubborn on the talking part. Oh you know, we won't talk unless we want to, sort of thing," she made a clicking sound that made Liam squeal clapping his hands. "You like Mama holding you, don't you? Yes you do."

Raven rubbed her son's back watching her family's reaction to the new additions. All she was perplexed stares, dissecting eyes and unwelcoming compassion. Defensive she held him close to her chest.

"He's so cute," Tatiana reached out and touched his leg. Liam kicked his legs at the contact babbling. Pointing at her and reporting in baby gibberish his discovery.

"That's Tatiana," introduced Raven. "Tell her hi, cookie. Go on."

Liam waved his chubby hand. "H-i," he said in a pant.

"Can I hold him?" Asked Tatiana bewitched. "He's so cute!"

Malcolm and Raven shared a stare. "Uhh," Malcolm scratched his head, "well... How about you give Tegan a try first. She's the nice one."

Raven glared at him as Tatiana, Astrid, Bucky, Van and Jamal took Liam in once more. "What do you mean?" Wondered Astrid.

"He only likes his mummy and aunties," Malcolm smirked at Raven who snorted playfully.

"He's shy," Raven corrected. "And you don't know how to hold him," she scolded Malcolm in good nature.

"I hold Tegan fine." He grinned at Tegan. "Right Tegan?" His kissed her cheek. "No complaints here."

She rolled her eyes and signaled for him to come forward, "Have it your way." Tatiana held out her arms and Malcolm passed on Tegan who slumped on her shoulder.

"She's heavy," Tatiana held her as Tegan wriggled trying to get to Loki. Tatiana glanced back to him then to Raven, silently requesting to pass on the baby that had no interest in her.

"Any takers?" Inquired Raven.

Steve unable to ignore the innocence of Tegan curious eyes, he took her from Tatiana. She came to a standstill in his huge arms captured by his blue eyes, she turned back to Raven hands on his temples.

"Ma ma! Bluh bluh!"

"She loves blue," Raven supported Liam who now showed interest in the Avengers from his sister's calling. "And he can't stand being left out. You want to go too?"

Liam blinked at Steve before throwing himself around his mother's neck. "Guess not." He gave a whine wriggling erratically. "Okay, he's cranky. Malcolm do you have-"

"Right here," he handed her an orange pacifier popping it in his mouth.

"There now," she said. "Better?" Liam leaned on her shoulder peaceful. "Its their cat nip," muttered Raven. "Pop 'em in they roll over like puppies."

Tegan pounded her hands on Steve's shoulder tiny fingers spanned on his broad frame. Again her eyes fell to Loki. The Avengers watched as Loki shifted uncomfortably under the child's scrutiny. She twisted in Steve's arms trying to ease closer to Loki reaching out with both hands bending backwards.

Used to her display Raven advised, "She's a twister Steve." Her gaze went to Loki. "She sees something she likes."

"Aren't you going to hold her Uncle Loki?" Encouraged Astrid ignorant of the tension pulsing around her. She tried to distract Tegan but she was dead set on Loki.

"No," Loki deadpanned. "I prefer not to."

Thor saw Raven's body freeze from her rhythmical bouncing. Liam moaned but she remained motionless as if she had been struck. As if in sync with her mother Tegan burst into tears thrashing wildly in Steve's arms. Raven handed Liam to Kelsey and relieved Steve who was taken back by her dynamic reaction. Tegan cried in her mother's arms clinging to her for dear life as if they had been torn apart. Raven shushed her rocking her back and forth but she refused to be soothed. She gave each of them a brief glimpse before cradling Tegan closer.

"I better go," she signaled to her entourage. "They'll be cranky tomorrow if I don't get them to bed. Tegan's the worst when she doesn't sleep."

No one spoke. Loki had a fixed look of bafflement by her crying. Raven hung her head and turned to leave.

"Wait," Thor came forward. "Let me see her."

"What?" He waited for no awkward reply and took Tegan from Raven's arms.

Tegan continued to cry as Thor rubbed her back with his giant hand. "There, there," his voice rumbled in his chest. "You're a clever girl aren't you?" He stroked his head. "Now, now, stop crying. Stop crying little one."

She wasn't having any of it. "Mama!" Screamed Tegan. "Mama!"

With fatigue marring her face Raven took Tegan back humming softly cradling her head and neck. She hummed a tune hoping the rhythm would calm her. Her fingers strummed against her back, like reading a morse code she quieted down. Coughing from her halted tears Tegan held out her back, wanting the action to continue.

"We have to go." Shielding her daughter Raven spun on her heel and left. Her friends followed. She stopped and turned to face them.

"They'll be one soon," revealed Raven. "Maybe you... all of you can come. It's going to be nothing special really," she shifted Tegan on an arm, "few workmates, friends and my neighbors. We're all going to squeezed up in my apartment."

"Perhaps you should bring them to Asgard," Thor readily suggested. "Our mother would love to meet them."

Of course he'd know. He had the worst timing for moments of clarity. "Maybe," her eyes went to Loki for a millisecond before averting. "Maybe."

Loki was blindsided by the twins. He wondered how Raven had given birth to them Tesseract or not and why she had not told him. Surely she didn't think that he would abandon her in her state? That he wouldn't protect her if her family had shunned her? This was a conversation for another day.

He had an idea why Tegan had cried so suddenly. As did Thor. She was no normal child even by Asgardian standards. She sensed the rejection from Loki, a person she felt a pull to, as if he had set her down and left her along in the room. He was not one to bully a babe but Loki could not hold her. It was too soon, he was shellshocked at their appearance. He knew at Raven had used her abilities to give birth to them, it was the only way she could survive and on Midgard it couldn't have been easy. He dared not imagine how Raven suffered bringing his children, there was no disputing that, into the world. He also had this feeling of being cheated. She knew she was with child and she didn't call for him. Surely she knew he would have forgiven her if that was the case. Afraid or not, she knew Jotuns were not anything to take lightly. Tesseract of not she had to had effects from the pregnancy that Midgardian medicine could not alleviate.

Loki never strived for children, but he had wondered about having children with Raven. Now here they were, one boy and a girl. The Avengers were not pleased, Raven was wholly aware of this and stood away from them. She was wary of Tony's face and how he stared at the twins, she was taking in every light in their eyes, and lack of well wishing.

Raven was not letting anyone who had a single negative thought about her children be around them. Loki had sat through the stories of Raven being the victim of people who filled her head with negativity, about her mother, her intelligence, her family, her godmother. Father or not, Raven would not let Tony Stark around her children if he could not love them entirely, for their father and mother. Himself included. She hadn't completely lowered herself after all.

"Raven," Malcolm touched her shoulder. "We have to go or we'll miss the cab."

Steve spoke up concerned, "You don't have a ride? We can-"

"No," she refused. "I've done it before with them. Besides they love long cab rides, does half my job for them."

"Raven," Bruce joined in, "Steve's right, you shouldn't be walking the streets so late with two babies."

"I have been doing just that for eleven months and I've been fine." She gave Tegan a kiss on her head, "Besides the cab takes me right to my door step and the twins love to ride in them."

Loki ended the argument, "I'll escort you." Hoping to make amends and get answers.

"What?" Raven raised her eyes to his.

"I'm driving you," deadpanned Tony. He didn't want those two alone ever again. The babies did not change that. "I'll call the car around-"

"No. No. And no," Raven waved her hand. "Malcolm is taking me home, while Kelsey and Rachel go clubbing. Besides I've called a cab it should be outside by now. I have my pocket knife and a can of whoop ass, trust me. I'll be fine." She took Liam with her free hand balancing both children without effort. "We can talk another day." The twins babbled in protest. "Alright, alright, we're going home."

It hit Tony when he returned to his suite, scotch in hand. Raven had been pregnant. Had she ran away out of fear? Of shame? He had believed, to his core that Raven and Loki's affair was over. It was far from over, there were children involved now. Two little tykes. His grandchildren.

How did this even happen?

Loki had no idea about the pregnancy, but he took it well. He fawned over those babies like they had just been born. He wasn't even human, how could he even get Raven pregnant. He wanted to scream.

"Tony, tell what you're thinking?" Pepper stared out the window at the city.

Tony drank his scotch straight up. "What should I be thinking? I just found out Raven had twins, their turning one and Loki's the father." He sat down on the bed shirtless from the heat of his drink and his emotions. "How am I supposed to feel?"

"They're cute," remarked Pepper.

"They look like Loki."

"And Raven," her voice came out placid. "Tegan looks like Raven. She has the exact smile she has." She hugged her shoulders. "Raven looked happy with them."

Tony finished his scotch and went to pour another. "Yeah, she did. I just... This is moving too fast."

Pepper sat beside him holding his hand. "I know," she kissed his hand. "I'm not anymore pleased about this than you are, but," she cupped his hand, "Raven isn't going to let us near her if we don't warm up to those babies."

"I saw her face," Tony let Pepper lean on him. "I saw how she made sure I didn't get close. That none of us did, save for Thor."

"She doesn't want us to resent them," explained Pepper. "She knows we're not happy about her and Loki. Thor forgives so easily, so it's only natural she lets him hold one of them."

"Liam," Tony supplied. "His name was Liam."

"And Tegan," Pepper giggled at the name. "They sound suspiciously Irish."

"Naturally." Tony smiled genuinely. "She would never lets us forget it."

* * *

And for the person that asked how my friend died. She was in a hit and run accident, thankfully she didn't suffer much. I really appreciate you asking.


	19. Chapter 19

I live my lovelies! As always shout out to my faithful followers and reviewers, love you *hugs* and to those who give me critique. As always review and critique, I want to know what you think. XOXO Anothersquire

* * *

_**Chapter 19**_

"I'm assuming you had no idea about those kids, did you?"

It had been two days since Tony had seen Raven. She never ceased to pull the carpet from under him. With the reveal of his grandchildren he had this rock in his chest. He had believed, had been living on the notion that Loki and Raven's thing had ended. That they were slowing drifting apart and the entire incident would be buried. Now they were stuck together. They all were stuck together. He was relieved to see that Loki had been slammed by their introduction. But he had to know, had to hear him say it.

"I wouldn't have left her if I knew," spat Loki.

Tony nodded. "Nah, you have your own daddy issues don't you?" He ignored the glare that burned his skull. "So what are you going to do?"

"You're asking me?" Loki was bewildered.

"I'm their grandfather aren't I?" Tony retorted.

Loki held any anxiety from the situation. "I can only do what Raven allows."

"She had you wrapped around her finger didn't she?" He dryly joked. It was comforting to know Loki had to answer to Raven. "Big bad God of Mischief gotta answer to his baby mama."

"You know it takes more than threats and tricks to scare that girl."

Tony scowled at his tone. The subtext he dare not read. "This does not mean I forgive you, incase you forgot. Or her, but, none of us are going to get anywhere at any other rate."

"Agreed," complied Loki. "And don't you forget what this means."

Thor had yet to tell him but Tony knew that those babies were more like Loki than Raven. The way they stared at Loki, how Tegan cried when he didn't want to hold her, how they held onto Raven for dear life. They would outlive Raven in fifty years max. Loki had been around before the Vikings and might be around for way more centuries. Those kids would lose Raven in no time at all especially since she had no bill of perfect health. Her heart had been cutting her life in thirds the second she was born. There was never a guarantee she may live to a ripe old age. She may die before Tony if her heart failed again.

Loki was aware of this. He had no intention of letting happen without a fight.

They sent the kids on a tour of Manchester with their moms, excluding Pepper and Natasha who insisted on coming to visit Raven. The drive downtown was suffocating, Loki held it in best, everyone else was scowling or fidgeting. Tony wanted to make peace with Raven and Loki was going to make peace with his babies. He wanted to be close to her. And as much as he hated Loki, he would accept those babies.

"So we just come by and be nice?" Wondered Steve. "And get all this out in the open?"

"That's the plan," confirmed Natasha.

"The Tesseract couldn't have fully protected her," Thor declared unable to contain it. "She has no conception of how to use it to its fully potential. It would have been impossible for her to..." He remembered Loki was sitting across from him. "Brother I -"

"No. You're right." He turned his head to the Avengers. "Jotun children need the cold to survive, more than ever the moment they're in the womb and at birth. It's very likely that... Raven suffered greatly during her pregnancy and the birth."

Everyone tensed. If this was a creature of legend, a creature of ice and with Raven's already weak body, suffering was an understatement. Times that by two they could only speculate how much pain she had to endure.

"How?" Demanded Pepper.

"Frost Giant children have fangs and claws," was all Loki said. "And can only survive in drastically cold temperatures."

Pepper gestured to her abdomen, "So are you saying that she... that her... They would have fangs and claws so young?" She asked faintly.

"Very likely." He held in his anxiety. Raven appeared fine but he knew better.

"Okay," Pepper took a long breath. "Alright."

The car came to a stop. "We're here," said Happy from the front seat.

The landlady said nothing when they came in, she pointed upstairs with a nod. They all walked up to Room 5 where laughter and music seeped from under the door. Tony knocked and he heard Raven answered with a laugh, "It's open!"

Tony opened the door and they filed in the room. The apartment was smaller with the baby things in it, it was lighter with the coo of babbling babies and the hum of her iPod radio. Raven was by the stove hips switching left and right to the hum of the Gorillaz with Tegan in her arms, Liam in reach in a high chair. He was banging his fists on the counter watching an orange roll to and fro from each bang. She turned and her dance braked.

"You're here," she lowered the music down. "I wasn't expecting you." She glanced from twin to twin, "We were going to have tea in a minute."

Tegan cowered seeing Loki. "Mama."

Raven sighed planting a kiss on her head. "What are you fussing about?" Tegan held her mother's neck. "You're a terrible grudge holder like your brother young lady." Liam cooed hearing his name. "Yes, I mean you," Liam pounded the high chair tray. "He's a good mood today," she explained to them. "If anyone wants to take a chance at picking him up you should try now."

Loki, seeing a glance from Tony took a step forward. To his astonishment Tegan cried indignantly and after a pause Liam gave a similar cry in Loki's direction. He took another step and Liam gave a sharp, "No!"

"Liam! Tegan!" Reprimanded Raven. "That is not nice! And you two know better! Not nice," she told the twins. "Behave and be nice!" She beckoned Loki, "Put your hands over your eyes," she whispered and he did just that. "See? You hurt your Daddy's feelings!" She turned to Tegan, "Now what do we say? Tegan Vivian Virginia Stark, what do we say?"

Pepper paused hearing her name, full name as Tegan's middle name.

Tegan stuck out her hand, "Sah."

"That's right, we say sorry. Take her hand and shake it," she instructed Loki. He did as she told. "Now give her fingers a kiss." Ritual complete Tegan was more agreeable. All aversion left her body language and she became uninterested in Loki. "Go and pick up Liam now. He won't give you any trouble," muttered Raven. "You little instigator," she tutted at Tegan.

Loki lifted up Liam, who gave no fuss, just as Raven had said. Loki had held children before, mostly at someone else's insistence. He had been eager to pass them back to their parents uncomfortable with the living creature in his arms. With his son, it was awkward but he didn't want to let him go. Liam fit into his arms perfectly and his gave all his weight to him, in complete trust. He was curious about Loki poking at his jacket buttons, watching with those big blue gray eyes babbling incoherently.

"That's right Liam," Raven came behind her son. "Like you."

"It's that what he's saying?" Muttered Loki.

He couldn't understand a thing the boy was trying to say. Baby babbling annoyed him with it's scrambled and rambled speech. He wanted to understand it now but he was unsure and admittedly at a lost. Raven and his children were having conversations. Loki watched as Tegan pointed shouting syllables and Raven replying confidently, setting the girl on the ground. With impeccable assurance Tegan stood on her feet trotting with a slight teeter every now and again to the couch. Tegan went to fetch a toy, a stuffed monkey with a long tail, arms and legs. Monkey in hand she came back, not to Raven but to Loki holding up her monkey for him to see.

"Mah-on-tee," declared Tegan. "Mah-on-tee."

"Is this for me?" Guessed Loki but the moment he reached for it Tegan pulled it away.

"She gets that from you," said Tony to Loki. Seeing Loki being throw in loops was refreshing.

"Actually," Thor flashed a friendly smile. "I do recall you telling me not to touch your things, Stark."

"Makes sense," echoed Steve determined for everything to remain civil. "Hey sweetie," he called to Tegan seeking to his knees. "Hi," he waved to get her attention.

He saw her shocking green eyes take him in. That otherworldly quality that told the whole world she was Loki's daughter. Tegan clutching her monkey waved to him.

"H-I." She waddled up to him. "Mah-on-tee," she held up her monkey.

"You mean mon-key?" He corrected.

Tegan didn't reply but reached out patting his jawline. She rubbed her fingers and touched the smooth skin again. She cried a rambled shout which Liam responded with restless wriggles resulting in Loki setting him down and Liam coming up to Steve. He ran his fingers along Steve's other jaw before he announced his findings to Raven who diligently cooked.

"That's right. Steve has no beard but Uncle Malcolm does."

"That's it?" Exclaimed Steve. "I don't have a beard?"

"They're so used to Malcolm's beard, anyone who doesn't have a beard is a weirdo." Raven replied. "She loves Malcolm and always has her hands on his beard. Liam usually sticks with me."

"He's a mama's boy huh?" Commented Bruce kneeling down also.

"He's a bit fussier than his sister." Raven turned off the stove and set the pot aside.

"Really?" Steve picked up Tegan. "She seems more crankier than Liam."

"I have to agree with Steve," said Bruce who picked up Liam. "He's quite sweet."

Raven laughed, "Just wait till you have to tell him no. Then you'll be throwing him back at me."

"Raven," Pepper walked past everyone to get to Raven, "can we talk?" Raven glanced from Tegan to Liam. "It won't be long, c'mon," she coaxed, "they'll be fine."

Raven ushered Pepper to her bedroom muttering, "You say that now." She closed the door behind them. "Okay let me have it."

Pepper sighed, "You could have told us Raven."

"How could I?" Protested Raven. "I was terrified, I knew everyone would have been upset and angry. I was freaking out and I wasn't straight." She rolled her eyes at her own excuses, "I know, I'm full of shit and a total bitch."

"Don't say that Raven," Pepper was never one for profanity, out of Raven's mouth at least. "You made a bad decision-"

"A shit load of bad decisions."

"Language. I don't want my grandkids swearing. As I was saying, you made some bad decisions but as long as you've learned from them," she rubbed Raven's arms, "and make up for them then I see no point why we can't forgive you. And why Loki can't," she added to her own chagrin.

Raven leaned into Pepper's arms, "I know I should have come home the second I knew," she scratched her head, "I mean their Frost Giant babies. I had to figure it out on my own, which I didn't have to but I did. I'm a bad mom aren't I?"

Pepper smiled regally, "You're not a bad mom. You maybe a few bad calls but those babies are happy and healthy."

"Not without trail and error," corrected Raven. "They hate summer and spring time, that's their flu season. They love winter and don't have to wear thick clothes. Hell if they had their way I bet they roll about naked in the snow." She rubbed her eyes, "Did you know that they can't eat beans? They get diarrhea, especially if it's indian beans. Or anything acidic, they throw it up all over the place."

"Well," Pepper took Raven into a hug displeasure fading to fondness, "you'll have help now."

"That I don't deserve," she remarked.

"Then you'll treasure it more." Pepper patted her back. "Come on let's rescue the others."

Liam rolled in Bruce's arms content in the man's relaxed hold. As he rolled about he saw Tony and stilled. He saw the man with eye's like Mommy with a glowing thing under his shirt, something blue. He liked blue things. He reached out to Tony begging to be held.

Tony stared back at the boy, who was the spitting image of Loki. He wanted to be nice to him since he was his grandson but the nagging fact that Loki was now forever linked with Raven, made him hesitate. With a telepathic nudge from Pepper he picked Liam up. He was a heavy boy, healthy as a bear. His tiny hand went to the arc reactor in his chest. Fingers heavily pinched the cloth that hid his discovery from him. He gave it a experimental pat and Tony flinched not expecting the action. Liam saw his expression of discomfort and burst into tears. Not light tears, he broke out in a full on wail like he had been struck.

Everyone gawked at the exchange. Tony shook it off as the boy having hurt his hand and went to rub it. In the corner of his eye he saw Loki. Loki's eyes flashed for a moment thinking that Tony had upset his son. As they shared defensive glares Raven came in, calm as she scooped up Liam.

She knew that cry. He had cried that very same way after he had given her a touch of frostbite. She saw Tony wince at the tap Liam had given the arc reactor. She had done a similar action when she was younger, it was an instinctive action. The arc reactor was bulky and a bit crude against his skin, but it took more than a tap from a baby to hurt him. Liam was under the impression he had hurt Tony and was crying in distress at his action.

"Shh," she crooned. "It's okay. It's okay. You didn't hurt Grandpa," she assured her son. "Not a bit, see?" Liam did not look and wailed his mother's arms.

"What?" Tony stared at the crying baby. "He thinks he did something wrong?"

Raven nodded. "He's a bit sensitive. Can't bear to hurt anyone." She rocked him kissing his head. "He's cried like this before." She saw Loki, unsure if to step in or let her handle it. Malcolm had that look at first. "I know the sound," she said softly.

"This had happened before?" Loki felt helpless at his son's cries.

"Just once. He gave me a taste of frostbite once," she spoke recklessly more focused on calming Liam. "He was teething and I had to apply soothing gel. I guess I touched a tender gum and he just let me have it."

"He gave you frostbite?" Pepper's eyes bulged at the idea. "He couldn't have been a few months!"

"Believe it," Raven rubbed his back. "That's why Kelsey and Malcolm don't hold as much as I do. When he's in a bad mood at least. Shhh," she cooed. "It's okay, you didn't hurt anyone cookie." She pecked his head. "Dad come here."

"What?" Echoed Tony still reeling that the baby actually hurt Raven. Had power.

"I said come here." She glared at him. "Now."

Tony wordlessly came beside her and Raven turned Liam so the two were facing. She took Tony's hand putting it on Liam's back moving his fingers to rub him in the pace his was familiar with. As he caught the drift Raven placed her hands over his arc reactor.

"See?" She told the crying child. "You didn't do anything to Grandpa. You just surprised him." Liam was not moved. "It's teething all over again," she groaned. "I know what you need." She switched her iPod song and let a much slower song fill the room. As it played she rocked Liam and sang along.

"Is that the song from the Hobbit?" Exclaimed Clint in surprise.

"Yes it is," replied Raven. "He likes it." Far over the misty mountains cold filled the room, along with the deep humming that indeed was soothing Liam. As Raven hummed and sang Liam's cries simmered down and he was nothing but tired sniffles. "All better now," declared Raven. Liam gave a moaning babble throwing himself on his mother. "All right now," she cooed. "You can stay with mama."

"He likes music," commented Bruce. "That's not surprising."

Raven smiled at Bruce's attempt to lighten the mood. "Yeah. It makes practicing for performances a whole lot easier."

Natasha's eyes went to Tegan who sat content in Steve's arms. "So they have... ice powers so young? Pretty hard to get a babysitter that won't be put off by that."

Raven resisted the urge to scowl at Natasha. "Liam's incident is the only time that's happened. Poor cookie didn't mean it," she made an encouraging click with her tongue and he gazed up at her. "Did you? You were just cranky. You always give Mama's scar a kiss, don't you?"

"Scar?" Loki searched her exposed skin for a scar. "It left a scar?"

"Yeah," she lifted her sleeve showing the blotch of discolored and scarred skin. It truly was no bigger than an infant's hand. Seeing the scar Liam reacted immediately smashing against it mimicking a kissing noise. He stared up at Raven who gave him a peck on his head before she hid the scar.

"It was just an accident," summed up Steve putting it out his mind. "He's even kissing it better for you."

As Raven laughed still keeping Liam cheerful Tony spoke up. "Raven, why didn't you say something?" He glanced to and fro at his grandchildren. "I mean if you knew, then you she had to have known these babies needed special care."

Raven froze staring at them unsure of what to say. "I-" She body relaxed, "That's right I forgot. You don't-," she saw Loki awaiting her answer. "I guess I should come clean." She sat down on the couch. Tegan followed suit demanding release from Steve's hold. She waddled pass Loki straight to Raven who helped her onto the couch. "Well," she clapped her hands. "Where should I start?"

She handed Tegan a toy to occupy her attention. "I didn't tell you, any of you because... Well, first thing I wasn't showing." She sighed at the memory. "I only knew I was pregnant until I was giving birth."

"How is that possible?" Thor rubbed his head. "That's impossible! Was is the Tesseract?"

She smiled sweetly at his harmless ignorance. "I knew you'd say that."

Pepper who had heard of this rarity kept a straight face, "And your symptoms?"

"Thought they were the Tesseract," shrugged Raven. "And my general manic disposition. I was too freaked out to even think it was that."

"But if you didn't know then..." Loki trailed off.

"First night I came into Manchester," said Raven, "I had these awful stomach pains and I felt cold. Colder than normal. I thought it was a bad flu until I felt the pain." She pointed to the room. "I gave birth in there. The landlady helped deliver them. I don't remember much of it," she revealed. "Kelsey and Malcolm would tell you a better story than me."

"You don't remember?" Steve's brow knotted in a troubled expression. "Nothing?"

"I remember," she mused, "I remember seeing Mrs. Hardy pulling Tegan out, but that's it." She scoffed at the lost memory. "Isn't important anyhow. But I did go the hospital afterward," she huffed, "I was there for days."

"Why?" Demanded Pepper desperate to know everything.

Raven's face dampened as Tegan climbed into her lap and Liam when to play with the discarded toy. "Had a bit of a rough time giving birth... I," she avoided their eyes, "had to get stitches and," she ducked her eyes away, "I had surgery."

The room was a mixture of blanched faces. Loki's hard expression was fell from Raven who kissed Tegan's head. She had been at death's door. The Tesseract had saved Raven's life without she would be dead. His children motherless.

"It was nothing life threatening," she added. " Well, it could have been but I had someone who tried to stop the bleeding. I had a severe... uhhh, vaginal tear, third degree," she explained. "And my womb kind of went through a crash course. Afterward, I was more trying to get used to having them and take care of them." Tegan babbled at Raven who nodded at whatever statement she had made.

"They look happy," praised Steve. "You did alright."

"I made sure of it." She giggled at the memory. "It was such a scramble just to get a crib never mind diapers, clothes and food. Malcolm had ran all across town to get me this ugly crib, and Kelsey had search all these thrift stores for whatever baby clothes and toys they had." She rubbed her head seeing herself in an utter panic. "I can't tell you how many days I spent of the corners up town playing on my guitar and violin just to buy some baby food."

"On a street corner?" Tony expected Raven to look sad but instead she was at peace. "Those guys hardly get money."

"Unless you're good," she corrected, "and know what they like. But people gradually helped me out. A bowl here. A blanket there. Some clothes from this body. Diapers from that body. Then I was buying them myself."

Pepper came and sat beside Raven. She hated Loki for doing this to Raven. Love or none. But seeing little Liam stare up at her blinking like a docile lamb unaware of the drama in the room, it broke her. She melted and took him into her lap. He cooed curious but settled with Mama in sight.

"He's cute," observed Pepper. "Are they talking?"

"Like waterfalls!" Exclaimed Raven. "They're just shy now."

"Shy?" Pepper stroked his baby fine hair. "This is shy?"

"Oh yeah. You see her," she pointed at Tegan, "I don't know how she gets into things but she does. And you," she rubbed Liam's nose, "loves to cause chaos." She smiled cautiously at Pepper, "But he gets that from his dad."

"At least he kisses his messes better," remarked Pepper. "They're both adorable. And such beautiful eyes."

Pepper jumped when Loki's hand appeared beside her head. He reached down to pat Liam's head who in turn gave him hand a less than damaging bite.

"Liam!" Scolded Raven. "Not nice!"

He removed his mouth. "It hardly hurts," replied Loki. "There's no need to scold him."

"You don't know him! First he nips then next thing you know he chomps down on your finger." Raven accused, "He's just like you. All charm then, boom! He gets you!"

"Is he?" Loki smiled at the boy. "Clever boy."

Raven rolled her eyes. "You say that now. Wait until he's two and you can't get him to behave. We'll see who's laughing then."

"A little mischief can't hurt."

"Says you," scoffed Raven. "You two can blow up cities after I'm dead." She kissed Tegan, "Won't they Tegan? We'll let the boys go out and you and me can have our kind of fun, sound good?" Tegan gave a cheery cry. "I think so too."

Loki's smile fell to a somber stare. "However... We need to talk."

Raven nodded, "Of course." She got up and set Tegan down on her feet, "Off to Grandpa," she coaxed the girl pointing to Tony, "off to Grandpa." She ran to Tony who picked her up. "We can talk in my room," she offered.

Loki said nothing until Raven had closed the door. "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was soft and begging. "Did our last words affect your image of me so drastically?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I was being stupid and headstrong. But I was scared Loki," Raven explained. "I'm still scared Loki. You have as much enemies as the Avengers, and don't think I didn't see my dad's fist when he came here last time."

"I would have protected you," he growled tired of excuses. "I would have never shunned you Raven."

She eyes glazed. "You say that now. The truth was I knew that if I came home and I told everyone that they know about the Tesseract and..." She stared at him. "I wasn't ready for that."

"You're lying to me Raven," he remarked.

"Alright... It was because," she had to come clean. About this much. "I didn't want you to go under all this hell for me. I saw how you look at me when I blew Geis to hell. I didn't want you to feel guilty about that."

"And you think waiting eleven months will lessen that?" He took her hand. "You go through this ordeal for me and yet you say you cannot love me?"

She hanged her head knowing he was right. "I know but I... I didn't know what to say." All her pent up emotions spilled over. "I was scared of what people would say, how they would treat the twins, that Thor would have hated you from sleeping me, that my dad would have been disgusted with me, that-"

Loki took her shoulders. "You thought Thor would have despise me?" His thumbs rubbed her skin through the sleeves. "You feared that?"

"Of course I did." She shrugged his touch away. "You love Thor Loki, I never want to come between that."

"Raven," he chided. "You should have thought of those children, our children and yourself."

"I was scared that you wouldn't have wanted them," she confessed in shame. "We never talked about kids and god I didn't even think of having any."

"I thought I would deny my own-"

"You never liked kids," she reminded him. "You always told me you couldn't stand them unless they were worth your time! And I knew too much of how the world worked, and was a bit too grow up for my own good. That was the only reason you ever used to put up with me. I'm sorry," she apologized. "I had no right to keep you from them. Letting someone else play daddy and I own that but... Can't you understand why?"

He stared at her. Blank and without judging. "You were afraid."

Raven saw through him, "Don't you dare condescend me Loki! I was scared shitless I-"

"I am not disregarding your feelings," insisted Loki. "But am I not allowed to have my own resentment over this?"

"Of course! Hate away! I deserve it," she announced. "Hate me as much as you want. I'm not asking you to let me off the hook for this, I just want you to... Be around. Take them to the park. Teach them to not give me frostbite," she laughed the lighten the room. "Be their dad. That's all I want."

Loki took a step closer to her, "Is that all you want from me?" He towered over her. "Is that all you," he stressed that word, "want of me?"

"I have a boyfriend Loki." She saw him as if he were exposed to the gears. "He's a good man and he has been there for me when I had no one."

"That was your choice," Loki said bitter. "That doesn't make him worthy of anything."

"It does for me."

He withdrew. "Shall I return tomorrow without this bothersome pack?"

"Yes," she agreed cordially. "You can come by for tea. The kids have the big little lunch time with cookies and stuff. We can have a better conversation then." She turned to leave thinking the conversation was over but Loki popped up in front of her blocking the door.

She knew this couldn't have been that simple.

"Loki," she began to say.

"Am I not to show any gravitation for you taking care of our children?" His voice was painfully tender. "Am I not allowed to show you any thanks for having undergo so much to deliver my children?" He took her hand, "Our children."

Raven covered his hand prying her hand free. "I may have not seen you for nearly two years but goddammit Loki." She struggled to be composed. "I know you and know when you're playing at something." He feigned confusion. But she didn't grant him the satisfaction of spelling out what was so obvious. "All I need from you is to come by tomorrow and play with the twins. That's all."

Loki took a step back body pressed on the door. "Then are we no longer friends?"

He saw sadness in her eyes. "That's entirely up to you," she muttered. "I hurt you and I kept the twins from you." The second he believed the woman she loved was gone, her eyes blazed. "All I deserve to ask is you to be a father. Whatever else is your call."

"I see," he offered his hand.

Raven reluctantly put her hand in his and with the grace of a tiger he bowed his head and kissed her hand. He might as well had kissed her on the mouth. His cool lips brushed against her knuckles awaking an old buried ache she had tucked away since Paris. The little part of her who kept the love of Loki alive, that had been feeding on her love for her children, his children, burst a crack in its walls. Damn you, she wanted to scream, you son of bitch. You bastard. Why? After everything? Why?

As though the words had sang through her skin his pulled away. Pressing the imprint in her skin, her bloodstream, her very soul. As if to retort he leaned forward and pecked her cheek keeping his body language platonic. It replied, I don't care. I want this. I need this. Let me have this.

"I have always wanted your friendship Raven," was his audible farewell. "I still wish to have it."

Those quicksilver eyes took her in as his hand rested on the door knob. Raven heart soared with relief before it fell with dread.

Why do I still love you?

"Raven breath," said Rachel who sat on her bed. Kelsey had gone shopping and Malcolm was on his way for dinner.

"I don't want to be conceited but I know when he's up to something," declared Raven. "I can smell it on him."

Rachel didn't blame Raven for freaking out about Loki. She was deeply in love with him when they broke up, she had no idea she was pregnant and was strung out from the Tesseract. And knowing Loki he would throw her life out the window if it meant getting Raven back. Malcolm was good for Raven, he was sweet, supportive and added no extra weight on her back. However they had not even a crumb of the history that Raven and Loki had. Loki and Raven had the history you read about in novels and the love that was full of devotion and strife. Rachel sympathized with Raven who had tricked the man she loved to let her go for his protection and now had to sit in the sinking ship she had built on her lies and choices.

Rachel wanted to hold Raven praying the girl would cry her eyes out. God knows she had every right to, but she was too proud for that.

"Raven, you need breathe."

Rachel saw the look in Raven's eyes. There was more to the break up that Loki knew. Sure he had yet to address that she left to protect him but he had no idea about how the Tesseract had torn her apart. No one did. When it came out God knows what would happen to Raven.

"I dug myself into this," she muttered wildly. "I will dig myself out! I've come too far to let this go to hell!"

Rachel embraced Raven who was a push away from trashing her apartment. "How about you and me go out? We can let Malcolm and Kelsey watch the twins?" She rubbed Raven's shoulders. "Honey you haven't sleep in days. Please, you need a break."

She shook her head. "I can't do that to Malcolm. I can't."

"Then you two go out and I'll watch them."

"But you're on vacation."

"And their my godchildren." Rachel wagged her off, "Go."


	20. Chapter 20

I am apologizing in advance for any delays that are likely going to happen in the future guys. All these end of semester projects are trying to kill me. But have no fear! Usual shout out to my followers and reviewers, *hugz* keep those reviews and critiques coming, it helps my editing process! XOXO Anotherscribe

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_**Chapter 20**_

"They are fine children," remarked Thor when he and Loki were alone. "They look like you."

Thor had a chance to hold both his niece and nephew. They were darling children who laughed and giggled in unison. Who pinched faces and were curious about everything around them. But they were mischievous little things, like their father. When Raven and Loki were speaking privately little Liam had tugged on his hair, pulling his beard laughing at every sound he made. Even Tegan laughed at the sight, she tried to outdo her brother by smashing Tony's nose. However when Raven returned they quieted down eager for their mother to hold them.

Loki said nothing about this. Before he left Raven had given him a picture of the twins. It was a formal photograph, they were dressed formally and to their gender smiling toothy smiles. Thor beamed at the picture in his brother's hand.

"She has done well," commented Thor in approval. "She will be a fine mother."

I despise the ways of this realm, Loki resisted the urge to let his grudge show. Raven was right, he was furious about this man raising his children in his stead. He saw red knowing this man, Malcolm had been there when his children were born and held them. She had easily allowed this man in. He knew that it was simpler to accept this kindness, on her part but all of it could have been avoided if she had just called him. Told him. He feared that their parting words had plagued her judgement, as well as her father's opinion of her and her children. No matter how formidable Raven Stark was, she couldn't bear being abandoned and scorned from another parent. She had been hurt too many times to risk being hurt once more.

"She will," agreed Loki. "She is a fine mother. They adore her so." His children smiled back at him from the glossy paper. "She has a way with them."

"All mothers do," Thor informally gaily. "Soon you will too." He patted his back, "Why even I had queries with Astrid! You will understand their moods soon enough."

"They are Jotun," stated Loki. "Wholly Jotun. They could have killed her. They should have," he corrected. "She doesn't even remember delivering them."

"And she loves them completely," reminded Thor. "You saw how she holds them. How they hold her?" His eyes lit up praying Loki would let the past worry him. "They bear no ill will against one another."

"She has always had a way with children," Loki stared out to the sky. "She couldn't resent a child if she tried."

"Be kind to Raven Loki," counseled Thor. "Malice will not benefit you now."

"What malice do I bear?" He responded lightly.

"In your heart because she fooled us all." Thor knew Loki's wrath as well as his mercy. "Because she bested you at a time that she needed us the most... That you only now have met your children." Thor had always come to his brother's aid when he could, this time would be no different. "You should peace with her tomorrow."

Raven went out for a walk. Just a walk. She walked until she came to a bench and sat down taking the deep gutted breaths she needed to let out. Everything was going to fall to hell if she wasn't careful. She had to choose her words carefully, a single slip and Loki would smell her lie like a shark did blood. Contrary to popular belief you could trick Loki, but not on his level. Raven had tricked him with a truth and not the truth, on the subject that no doubt biased his skills. She felt horrible for lying. To him. To everyone. Especially since they were all proving her wrong but her damnable pride muted her. Logic told her, her way was right. That all the pain she had suffered from Loki's failed scheme when she was seven. How it nearly made her kill herself from the agony. How she might have taking the two wonderful children she had with her, without even knowing.

Everything crashed on her head.

Unable to bear her stress Raven went to buy a pack of cigarettes with a cheap lighter. She could afford them now. She had gone cold turkey when the twins were born but now she needed it. Her body unwound in amenity. She earned this. It tasted so good the tang of nicotine, the heat of the smoke, the burning of her fingers with each drag. God she missed this.

How am I going to do this? She mused with a drag. I have to keep on fooling the God of Mischief and Earth's mightiest heroes. She tilted her head up heaven-ward, what do you think Mom? Her mother had fooled the world when it came to her. Had she been sitting here, on her own little bench, all those years ago unsure of herself? Were you doing what you thought was best too? Was that way your only way? Am I making a mistake? I don't want my kids to be like me. They deserve so much better. Better lives. Better childhoods. Better memories. Is that what you thought you were giving me?

Raven started another cigarette. She was her mother's daughter. I'm in love with a man I had no right to love and now I'm stuck with his kids. She pinched her nose bridge. What do I do?

Rachel had warned her that these secrets would bite her in the ass. She had warned her from day one that no good will come of this. But she ignored her warnings. Now everything was about to collapse. Running would be a waste of effort, Loki was going to be a part of his children's lives. He may let her go but not the twins.

If he took them she would die. Raven loved her babies. They kept her going, made her get better, never mind she was about to have the rug pulled from under her. She had nearly died bringing them into the world and only death can part her from them.

Life was getting harder and harder for Raven. She had two kids. A boyfriend that deserved better than her, a family that was slowly realizing how bad things had been and an ex that no doubt was losing respect for her. Everything was going to hell. She was no where out the woods she was at the jaws of the wolves, and they were out to play.

When Loki came by no one was home but Raven and the twins. The apartment was transformed when he entered. There was a playpen, toys, pictures and of course two children running wild on the floors. His children. Liam was playing with a bear throwing it there and fetching it, Tegan was tearing up a magazine mesmerized by the sound of each shred. Raven oversaw them in the kitchen preparing lunch.

"Close the door!" She called.

Loki couldn't take his eyes off them. He had a family, but another man had been caring for his children. His children. Liam and Tegan saw him and they blinked unsure of what to do. He decided to make the first move. He knelt down and petted them.

"Hello." What else could he say to them?

"Hi," greeted Liam.

"Hi," echoed Tegan.

Loki chuckled at their mimic. Did they often do this? Or was this special? Raven hardly reacted so he assumed the former but it amused him no less. He was about to give them their first presents when Raven came beside him knelling also.

"Making friends?" They immediately flocked to her and Raven sat on the ground as they nested in her lap. "They're just feeling you out right now. Soon they'll be crawling over you."

The sight was overwhelming Raven and his children. Liam with his ice blue eyes stacking bright colored blocks only to knock them over, Tegan with her green eyes shredding a magazine.

"I've missed so much." His and Raven's eyes met.

There was poignance in his eyes, she had to address this. The longer she kept quiet the more damaged they would become. The twins needed them to be civil to have a healthy family environment. And she wanted them to be alright. She needed that. Raven heard the regret in his voice. He wanted to be there.

"I made a mistake alright? If I had known I would have told you and maybe we could have worked on this. But now, it's too late."

"How is it too late?" He questioned. "You don't love that boy."

She didn't deny it. But the statement wasn't welcome either way.

"But I'm with him, Loki."

"I'm their father," he growled. "I will not let some man raise my children."

"He has no say in what I do with them Loki," Raven explained lowering her voice for the sake of the twins. "He helps out but he is not raising them."

"And I assume you wish to create an arrangement?" He spat gently.

"That would be nice," she nodded. "I know on Asgard they don't do this but I think we -"

Loki was not having it. "You could have told me the moment they were born."

"I couldn't," she turned away.

"Why?" He demanded. "Your lover wanted to be a family?"

She snapped her head at him with tears in her eyes, "How dare you!" Tegan whimpered at the noise. "I didn't call you because I didn't want you to see them!"

"What are you-"

"They almost died!" She sobbed. "They were nearly dead when they were born because of what I did!" She jabbed a finger in her chest. "I smoke and drank because of what the goddamn Tesseract was doing to me when I had no idea I was pregnant! If it wasn't for the damn Tesseract they'd be dead!" She choked on a sob. "I didn't want you to see what I did to them! I was ashamed for fuck's sake!"

"Raven you-"

"They were so small," she went on, "and they didn't show their Jotun skin until they were four months and I thought that something was wrong." She wiped her tears. "I wanted to kill myself for what I did."

Loki handed her a tissue to clear her eyes. "I might have been cruel to you," he admitted. "But I would have forgiven you." Her grief alone made him regret any unjust treatment he may have given her.

They were so close now. Loki didn't care who saw, her lover or her father. He reached out and held her face. She leapt at the contact.

"Loki don't."

"Why?" He turned her to face him. "Because of your lover?"

"You know damn well," she hissed. She still his Raven, full of fire and life. Their children had made her stronger and he liked it. He really liked it. "I will not hesitate to punch you Loki."

"You don't love him," He threw in her face. "And he's not their father."

"I didn't love you at first," she taunted. "I may not love him but I will not be unfaithful to a man who agreed to claim my children if anything happened to me."

"He did what?" Loki's hand retracted.

"I had it changed after I came back from the whole fight-for-my-life ordeal," she cradled Tegan whom had become restless from the row. "Incase anything happened to me, I had arrangements made until you stepped in... Don't look at me like that, it was a backup plan."

"What kind of arrangements?"

"I let Malcolm sign the birth certificate for the twins. Incase anything happened, the twins would stay with him."

"You mean, you let the government think he was their father." He knew enough about Midgardian documents and how they were the saving grace of many major life decisions.

"It was a strategic gesture I assure you." She pretended to be aloof but her shoulders betrayed her caution.

"And now?"

"It has your name. Loki Laufeyson, the lady gave me a ghastly look when I told her." She laughed. "Muttering something about poor babies and pitying them when they have to go to school."

Loki held his son's hand. "Thor wants Frigga and Odin to meet them."

"In Asgard?" She squeaked. "Are you sure? I mean, it might be a bit awkward if-"

"The mother of my children has a lover? Yes, it certainly would be." He grinned devilishly.

She scoffed, "Not the fact the mother of your children played nanny to your niece? Or that you've known you since she was seven? That's nothing?"

"To me it is."

Raven missed his self assurance. He never bothered with the small details although they were fuses. In his world they were nothing. Her age. Her family. All that mattered was her. I hope I could let you go someday. But you've ruined me either way.

"Look, I'm all for shooting the bird to people but I don't want people to..." Her eyes fell to the twins. "You know how people were with me Loki."

"No one will dare whisper any slur to our children, I swear to you." He held Liam in a somewhat protective sling.

She pinched her nose. "I want you to parade the munchkins around Loki. But I can't just drop my life and go carting them about. And I have to talk to Malcolm. I have a job. You need to give me time Loki." She resisted the urge to touch him, "How about we plan something for their first birthday party?" She suggested. "I can give you an answer then."

Loki bobbed his head. "Very well." He accepted things were different now.

He conjured his presents for them wanting to put the cumbersome talk behind them. "I brought them these." They were white rabbit and a brown bear. Liam lunged for the bear while Tegan whined for the rabbit.

"They're so cute Loki."

"They seem to think so too."

"They love animals." She handed Tegan the rabbit. "You like the bunny pookie?" Tegan took it and squished it. "You have a new favorite animal, now?"

"Favorite animal? She has favorites?"

Raven laughed lightly, "Uh huh. But not rabbits? Can you guess what?" He remained silent at the rhetorical question. "Its cows."

"Cows?" Loki gave a rich chuckle. "And Liam?"

"A bit old fashioned, he likes bears. Can't get enough of bears." She pointed to his complete infatuation with the brown bear, "You just gained major points with him."

"And her?" He ran a finger along Tegan's tiny nose. She giggled at the action. "I have to bring her a cow next time." Tegan turned back to Raven reporting and as always Raven nodded her head smiling with her. His girls. And his little boy.

"Well," Raven clapped her hands breaking up the play session. "It's time for tea! Liam," she cooed, "how about you sit with Dada huh? We can show him all the sweets you like!"

They all gathered around the table like a proper family, the twins in their high chairs, Raven and Loki across from one another beside a baby. Raven had prepared a neat spread with was normal for tea time. Two tea cups for them, two sippy cups for the twins, three plates of food which consisted of muffins, crumpets, biscuits with jam and cream cheese. With the grace of a hostess Raven served him, then the twins leaving herself for last. He had seen gentler sides to Raven before but he was just absorbed in the sight of her and his children. She cooed to them and spread their preferred condiment on a small muffin slice, helping them eat. She caught his gaze.

"What? You wanna help?" She handed him the jelly covered muffin slice. "Yeah, let's see you take a shot."

Loki held the muffin slice near Liam's mouth, Liam leaned forward and bit down on the slice tearing it in a microscopic bite. He smacked his lips as he chewed bits of it rolling down his chin, without pause Raven rolled the moist crumb back into his mouth.

"Don't rush him," coached Raven. "Wait until his mouth is completely empty or else he's going to spit everything back at you." Tegan gave a whine since Raven had paused her pace to talk. "Oh I'm sorry," she resumed her feeding, "you really want this don't you? You like your creamy creamy creamy cream cheese, huh? Yeah." She took a bit of her crumpet. "I can actually eat now with you here."

"Don't you normally?"

She shook her head, "Kelsey has this full time job as a violinist, so she's either at practice, traveling for a weekend with her orchestra, or at some big shin-dig." She sipped her tea. "Malcolm works everyday too and personally I don't want him playing daddy. So it's mostly me."

"Don't you work?" Loki knew that at this very moment Stark was preparing a secret cash wire to Raven's savings account. As well as a cheque. He didn't want to think she was in dire need of it. He wouldn't allow it.

"Of course I do! Just not regularly." She saw the knotting of his brows. "I can't take on just any sweet deal handed to me, who's going to watch the twins? I barely left Malcolm he began amusing himself with them instead of the other way around. The Indian lady upstairs, Mrs. Patel, feed them indian food once and they had diarrhea from the beans. And Kelsey's boyfriend drinks and smokes." Her face darkened, "He's a dear but I won't have him drinking even a shandy around them. Old habits die hard." She let Tegan take another bite, "I mostly to accompanying work, as you saw already but on more smaller scales.

I could get better work but I don't have anyone to babysit and I rather take care of my babies myself. So when push comes to shove there's this pub around the corner that lets me come in and play a little song and I get enough money to feed the twins and pay the rent." She shrugged, "I like being with them anyways so it doesn't bother me."

"It doesn't?"

Raven had dreams. She had goals. As much as he wanted her, her dreams were a part of her, made her the way she was, the woman he loved.

"Well," she snorted. "I had a bit of a mood about it for a while but then," a soft smile played on her lips, "Liam tries to say something and Tegan makes a mess and stares at me with a I-didn't-do-it face, and I'm fine. I still play, but it's mostly for them."

"You've given up a lot."

"I grew up," she corrected. "I hope you aren't feeling sorry for me?" She teased.

Loki smirked, "No. I rarely do."

"Good. I hate it when people pity me unnecessarily."

"I remember."

There was a knot. Raven stared in those ever-changing hues of Loki's, her first mistake. His eyes had always captivated her, blue like ice and volatile life or green with dangerous enchantment. It was the first thing she saw when she was seven on that roof and that last thing she stared into before she left for Paris. She wanted to dive into those eyes but it was complicated now and her steel barricaded morals refused any compromise. Even for the man she loved. Infidelity had destroyed her life the moment she was born, the bomb had only gone off when she was four but the damage was eternal. She didn't want to be like that. To have that one quality of her mother's.

The one thing she dared not be was tempting her from across the table.

And he knew it.

"Hello hello!"

Raven jumped at the sudden entrance of Malcolm, hadn't he known Loki was going to be here? Her mouth froze as Malcolm played it cool, despite the obvious shake in his being. He hugged Raven tightly and kissed her lips briefly in a loud peck. He had done so much for her, and she wanted to give him the chance he earned. She was starting to care deeply for him. Starting to care.

"What are you doing here?" She flicked her eyes to Loki who feed Liam without pause and summoned another double to do the same for Tegan.

"I got through early and thought I'd pass by for tea." He sniffed the air. He hid his jump pitifully from the materialization of the double. "Smells fantastic in here."

Raven held Malcolm by the arm, "Come here for a minute," she excused herself and Malcolm to her bedroom. "Didn't you get my text?" He blinked back unexpectedly. "I told you that Loki was coming over to spend time with the twins."

"Oh!" He slapped his head. "Sorry. My phone was off." He shifted in a fidget. "So how's it going?"

"So far so good. How was work?"

"Dull. Spencer's being a wanker." He took in her casual ensemble. "You look nice."

"Well," she dusted herself unconsciously, "we're having company for ? Too much?"

"Nah, just scoping out the talent, is all." He embraced her once more, he could have her for this breather. Remind her he was here. "I miss you." He winked.

She chortled, "Oh you!"

"I do," he kissed her neck. "You and those little buggers." He nuzzled her neck, "Especially you."

Raven was about to let go when a subconscious nudge pulled her back, along with the smell of nicotine smothering booze. "You came straight from work?"

"Yeah," he retreated. "Why?"

Raven's mouth revved but she heard Loki's voice vibrating from outside the door with the twins'. "Nothing," she dismissed. She slithered out his arms, "I better be getting back out there. He's never been alone with them before."


	21. Chapter 21

I live my lovelies! Now I have to warn you, my exams are coming up and my end of semester projects are piling, but I swear I'll make it up to you. As always review and critique and remember... I love you, for putting up with me. *Hint* if I end taking a while off to study, it depends on my word load, I'll be fixing a lovely plot for you. Don't you worry.

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_**Chapter 21**_

They went back home today. Raven, Malcolm, Kelsey and the twins went to the airport to see them off. The kids had taken the weekend off to see her and already had missed a day of school. Pepper didn't want to encourage Van to miss school or the others. They were coming back though for another weekend for the twins birthday party, they insisted on attending it, all of them. It was pleasant having the bulk of her secrets taken off her shoulders, it was like Raven's lungs were cleaned of suffocating cotton wool that had been growing on them like algae. The only thing left were the tiny secrets, like rashes on her back ready to carry her away but she always had secrets like that.

Loki wanted to stay, but he knew that he couldn't just jump back into Raven's life. Although his assistance would be helpful. She had yet discover the money Tony had wired to her account, and had begrudgingly accepted the cheque worth three thousand pounds Tony had slipped in her hand. He would have given her more but Raven would have flat out refused it he went over a single penny. When she found out about the other money she would have given him back the cheque. Raven was too proud for his handouts, anyone's handouts. So they had to lavish her behind her back.

It was downright adorable seeing the twins waving goodbye to them. Little chubby hands flailing, Liam squealing buh bye as loud as he could, Tegan rattling her hand like it was ready to pop off. Before they boarded Tony's private jet, Raven gave them two packages for the ride back, one for Loki and another Tony. Loki's was the bigger of the two, a modest box wrapped in shiny blue paper. Tony's was a fat envelope.

Tony tried not to huff at Loki's special treatment and was grateful that Raven had found someone new. Malcolm was an okay guy and the twins loved him. It proved how the affair with Loki had been a stage in her life that left a few less than wanted remnants but Tony was growing to like his grandkids. Malcolm was a nice average joe, someone simple and uncomplicated. The kids liked him too. He was bit more friendlier to him with those thought in his head. He was the only thing keeping Raven from Loki. He was no spectacular being, no special achievements but he and Raven were happy together, and that was all that mattered. It obvious that Loki didn't care for him.

On the plane Tony wasted no time ripping open his letter. Inside of it were baby pictures of the twins, with the note "For the album." Pepper had gushed flipping through them with Jane, Natasha, Kate and Usha ohhing and ahhing at the twins growing from birth to their eleven months now. They laughed and giggled as Tatiana and Astrid stretched to see as well. All males turned to Loki who was calmly opening his box.

"What did Raven get you?" Wondered Bucky incensed with curiosity.

They had been told each with their own custom speech about Raven, Loki and the babies. Astrid and Van had collectively took it with mixed feelings. They were old enough to know that Raven had been seven when she meet Loki, that he was very old compared to her and that Raven used to call Thor uncle. They were young and old enough to see the flaws in their relationship. Van was taking it harder than Astrid who was happy to have two little cousins and to have Raven a part of her family legitimately. Van was a bit perturbed that his sister had shacked up with Loki and made everyone upset, Tony tried not to see the blame tilting to Raven in his son's eyes. Nor how Raven did not squeeze her brother goodbye after he had hardened when she took a step forward. He had not heard the conversation between Loki and Raven but they were distant friends now. Some things didn't change and Van was not pleased seeing they two talking by themselves.

"Let's see," said Loki has he opened the box. He took out each item piece by piece, there CD's with titles written on in Sharpie and a small album.

Jamal took it upon himself to read each CD title aloud. "Babies' first steps. Bath time. First Christmas and train ride. Babies' first words. Random."

"They're home movies," said Bucky. "There are so many."

"She's making sure Loki gets to see everything he's missed," explained Steve.

"Is that a photo album?" Astrid hopped beside Loki. "Open it Uncle Loki! Open it!" She was eager to see more pictures.

Itching to see them himself he opened the book and saw his children in incubators, tiny, red and wrinkly with wires knotting around him. They were unsettlingly small. Beside them was Raven, in no better condition in a wheelchair with a wire in her own hand. She had black circles under her eyes and she was sickeningly pale, hollow and frail. But that didn't stop her from smiling.

Astrid's beaming smile fell. "They're so tiny." But her eyes were not on the twins but Raven's face. Thin and devoid of warm life. Weak and unable to walk.

"What is it Astrid?" Thor saw the concern in his daughter's eyes.

"Nothing!" She turned her head to the other pictures on the two opened pages.

One had Raven holding Liam snuggled to his chin and eyes in blue, his eyes were big and blue staring at Raven who was doing the same. Another had a similar scene but with Tegan. The rest had the twins in Malcolm and Kelsey's arms looking much healthier with unamused expressions.

Tatiana giggled at Liam's newborn scowl at the camera as Kelsey cradled him. "He looks so grumpy!"

Loki wordlessly turned the page to see Raven on her feet, still pale and thin holding one of the babies whom had gained a good pound or ounce. In another had both of them sleeping in a less than glorious crib nestled in blankets. The next few pictures and pages were like this showing the gradual growth of the twins. And Raven's recuperation, as they regained strength so did she.

He came to a page were Raven was asleep on the bed with the twins sprawled out beside her. The girls laughed at this. Raven had nodded off reading a baby book one hand near the twins who had fallen asleep facing one another. In the corner of the picture you saw the crib had been freshly painted blue.

Another had Tegan and Liam eating with the assistance of two unknown hands. Their faces were smeared with gray food. Another had Raven bathing one of them, Liam, Loki suspected in the kitchen sink. The water was fluffy with bubbles and Liam was smiling. Loki noted the bandage around Raven's arm and the heating pad.

This one had Tegan in the sink arms up in the air and water crashing toward to Raven was apathetic to the attack. She was half way soaked already.

Another was of their first halloween. Liam was a baby vampire with a black cape and Tegan a bat with purple wings and a bib. Raven was holding both of them as a vampire with fangs, smokey makeup and blood red lips.

They were a few months old by this part trying to sit up and holding on instead of laying listlessly. And they were not as small as they used to be.

The next picture caught them off guard. Especially Loki. It was Tegan and Liam in their Jotun skin grinning with fanged smiles in their crib. They were reaching for the camera with happy red eyes.

"Woah," breathed Bucky. "Dad look. They're blue!"

Steve who had remained with the other fathers, to give Loki his privacy, rose to see what had taken them all back. "Oh." He had never seen Loki's true appearance so the sight did surprise him. "Well, that's how... Frost Giant kids look Bucky."

Loki turned to other picture where Raven was holding Tegan with her Jotun skin. There was no in discomfort in the hold, she held her close no doubt speaking to her. She was rubbing her head and Tegan held her mother's face.

In another she held Liam now kissing his palm as she held him in the crook of her arm. Other's have cringed at his true face. While Raven had never feared his Jotun skin and had took delight in the chill of his skin bearing children with such an appearance was a different matter. Raven didn't care, she photographed them in this state, she wasn't keeping it a secret. She was letting all know that these were her children and whatever state they were in, they were perfect.

"Is this how a Frost Giant looks Uncle Loki?" Wondered Astrid.

"Yes," replied Loki. "Though normally they are much larger."

"I think they're cute," declared Tatiana. "Like blueberries." Astrid and Loki stared at her. "What? They do! What other blue fruit do you know?" She puffed.

"What's the fuss over there?" Inquired Clint.

"I said Liam and Tegan look like blueberries and they think I'm being stupid."

"I never said anything," defended Loki.

"As did I!" Swore Astrid.

"But look," Tatiana took the album out Loki's hands and showed it to her dad. "See? Blueberries."

Clint blinked at the two blue babies smiling back at him. "Uhhh," he scratched his temple wary that they were Loki's babies. "C'mon Tatty don't call 'em blueberries."

"But they are like blueberries," she pouted.

"Let me see," Tony held out his hand. He took the album. "Yup. Blueberries with red eyes."

"See!" She stuck out her tongue at Astrid. She brought the album back to Loki. "Why do they look like that anyhow?"

"They're like me," he answered calmly. "They're Frost Giants, Jotun, and they have blue skin with marking on their flesh and red eyes." Tatiana's big eyes took it all in. "But they don't look like that all the time."

"Then why do they there?"

"I don't know," Loki told Tatiana.

"Maybe they like being blue," she guessed. "Are they're anymore pictures of them blue?"

"Let's see."

Loki had a falsetto of serenity as he saw his children grow in pictures under his fingertips. Seeing them in the arms of many. With Raven in frozen moments of time. Seeing the love in Raven's eyes in each picture where she held them or cradled them. Her playing with them, helping them walk, sit up right and to eat on their own.

He came near the end and his steady pace of page turning stopped. The picture he came to made him glance to Stark who was looking at his phone. The picture under his hand was one of Marshall Helms cradling Liam who who's eyes were elsewhere. Another was his wife Emily Helms, Raven had introduced to him, holding Tegan feeding her a treat.

"Hey why don't we watch one of the movies?" Suggested Bucky. "How about this one?" He lifted up on at random. "First Christmas and train ride. Is that okay?"

Loki nodded knowing that he would get to see what Stark did not know. A rather unsavory way of finding out but he would have either way. At his approval he let Bucky put the DVD in the player watching as all turned their heads to the modest screen. By Tony's standards.

There was Liam and Tegan, a little smaller than they were now in a stroller breathing loudly at the camera. There were giggles all around the plane.

"_Well," _came out Malcolm's voice, _"we have at last boarded the train and we are on our way!"_

The camera went to Raven who was peacefully reading as a black clad foot in tight leggings rocked the twins. She shook her head at Malcolm and in the background Kelsey chuckled.

"_You're awfully calm Irish," _she teased. _"Why don't you tell the lovely future viewers where we're going?"_

Raven rolled her eyes, _"Fine. We are going to Ireland for Christmas. Thanks to," _she pointed squarely at Malcolm, _"that tit over there who lodged all of us in at my dad's house. Without telling me a thing."_

Tony's face became subtly conflicted, the twins had their first Christmas with Marshall. He tried not to dwell on it but she could see him smirking at him having met the twins first. Pepper held back a sympathetic stare for later.

"_And this is the sloths' first trip!" _Raven exclaimed getting the twins' attention_. "We are going to meet your Nan and Grandpa," _she knelt down to their level._ "You two are going to stuffed with buttermilk, turkey, pudding and soda bread if I have anything to say about it."_

"_And," _went on Kelsey_, "you'll get to see where your Mum came from. Won't that be fun?"_

Tegan thrashed in her spot rocking back and forth. Making sounds that were indecipherable but fretting. Raven picked her up holding her up to the window.

"_You know when Mummy was a little girl long before she met your other grandpa. She had lived in Ireland all her life until then." _Tegan settled in her lap._ "But then I had to leave and I had to come on a train just like this. I didn't like it much either." _Raven looked out the window for a moment._ "Did you know that Mummy wanted to jump out the window and walk back all the way to Dublin?" _Tegan lifted her head to Raven. _"Oh yes! I was dead set on coming home. In fact I made up my mind to be so dreadful to your Grandpa Tony that he would have no other choice but to send me back to Ireland."_

The younger kids laughed but Van was rapt in the story. He had never heard the story like this before,

"_You see," _she went on_, "Mummy was scared, very scared. No one told me why I had to go to New York and I didn't even get a kiss goodbye from your Grandpa Marshall." _Liam cooed and Raven picked him up also._ "Mummy had it very hard. Mummy didn't have a mummy of her own and she thought that the only daddy she had hated her, oh yes she had it very hard. I had cried and cried the whole way to London and did you know I tried to runaway in the airport?" _Liam tottered on his feet balancing on her legs, banging the glass. Tegan remained seated._ "Trains are scary huh? But I tell you want, when we get off you'll forget how terrible it was okay?" _She kissed Tegan's head.

"_Wait to see where Mummy grew up. I had my very own tree to climb and a neighborhood full of kids to cause trouble with. Your daddy liked Ireland too," _she added._ "One time I begged your daddy, long before we made the two of you, to go to the Galway Oyster festival with me and Nan Emily and Grandpa Marshall. Oh did he complain, he hated when I dragged him anywhere with rowdy people. But you know what? He had a good time, oh yes, he ate oysters and he heard some good old fashion Irish songs." _She smiled at the memory_, "Did you know that none of your Grandpas' liked your daddy. Nope. They all thought he was no good. But I tell you the truth," _she called their attention_, "he is and will always be good as gold just like you two are to me."_

The scene cut to Tegan standing in the snow bundled to her nose. Raven held her hands letting the girl stamp her feet in the snow.

"_You sure she should be out in the snow?" _Came Malcolm's voice.

"_I know what I'm doing. Besides she's part Frost Giant she could take a little Ireland snow, can't you sloth?" _Tegan continued to stamp her wellies in the snow._ "See? She's having a good time. If she could walk better I bet you she'd be rolling in it."_

Raven found a rock with her boot and with one hand holding Tegan and another gripping the rock she wound her hand back. _"Tegan, look!" _She skipped the rock and snow fell from a tree in the front yard and Raven caught some with her hand, offering it to Tegan. _"See? Snow." _Tegan slapped the pile scattering it all over the place. _"Again?" _She asked Tegan. _"Again?" _She found another rock. _"Okay, one more time." _

"_Raven I don't think we should have her out so – What the- ?" _Malcolm gave a cry and the camera spiraled out his grasp, facing the sky.

"_Malcolm!" _Raven hovered over him and Loki saw what had alarmed him Tegan had let her Jotun skin out. _"Are you alright?" _

"_Raven.. the..."_

"_What are you..." _She noticed Tegan's skin._ "Oh. Was that it?" _She laughed_, "I forgot you never saw her like this before. Are you okay?"_

The camera cut out once more and came back with Tegan on a bed topless still in her Jotun skin. She smiled at the camera flashing a pair of baby fangs.

"_Well look who decided to make it a party," _came Raven's voice._ "You gave Malcolm quite a fright, you did. Poor dear had to go to the hospital to patch his head up." T_egan rolled on her back blue feet in the air._ "Well, at least he left us the camera so we can make some home movies." _Tegan sat back up in nothing but her diapers._ "You're awfully proud of yourself aren't you? I get to go blue while silly Liam gets stuffed with boring soda bread."_

The camera zoomed in and Tegan grabbed the lens slobbering all over it. Then she retracted. _"See? That's you," _Raven was beside her_, "and that's me." _Tegan tapped her reflection that the camera displayed. _"Yes, that's you." _Tegan turned to her mother pinching her skin._ "Yes this is mummy's skin, and that's yours," _she pinched her chubby cheek. Tegan took her mother's hand,_ "Mummy's skin is really plain compared to yours huh? But look at what a pretty shade of blue you are," _she showed Tegan her reflection. _"And you these markings?" _She told her.

"_Your daddy as one just like this one, this one and this one," _she pointed out each marking that indeed Loki did have._ "And Mummy thinks you look very beautiful like this. See?" _The camera zoomed in to the point Tegan's face took up the entire screen. _"You have all these pretty markings and such bug red eyes like rubies. Can you say rubies? Ru-bies. Ru-bies."_

Loki knew that Raven had a fascination with his skin. But he had not anticipated her knowing the precise location of his markings as well as their individual shapes. Every spot she had pointed out on Tegan had been correct with startling precision and certainty. He recalled her tracing the marks with her finger many nights but he had no idea she had committed each mark to memory, and declared this openly.

It was unintentional but Raven had put another chink in his facade.


	22. Chapter 22

Hello my lovelies! A new chappie just for you! As always review and critique and remember that I love you.

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_**Chapter 22**_

It had began as a cough while Raven scribbled on the couch. It was another sleepless night, Raven's forth, well fifth now day without a proper night's sleep. She didn't feel it much, mostly when she closed her eyes and listen to music, or draw like she was doing right now. It was the eve of the twins' birthday and Tegan had a cough. It was a harmless little cough when she first heard it, like a kitten that sneezed or got lost half way in a hiccup. She had written it off, she had had no temperature nor did she look sick. Raven had fed her as usual and Tegan had eaten normally never mind a tiny fuss. So Raven ignored it, Liam sneezed sometimes for fun and he was always perfectly fine.

She had been a little distracted. Malcolm's behavior had been off and while he came around and called, he seemed elsewhere. Raven had tried not to over think it, he had finally gotten an eyeful of Loki which always took everyone back. And he was having a rough few weeks after the Wraiths and leaving Manchester for a week. Coming home to her bruised, beaten and going to the clinic with her, having the doctor warn her that if she had another child it could kill her. Everything was stressful.

And now that cough.

Raven had been drawing when Tegan gave out a cough that was no simple cough. She went into her room to check on them. Tegan was coughing in her sleep, officially one year old. She coughed lightly with a steady persistence, she didn't moan or cry, just coughed. Raven loomed over the crib unsure if to disturb her or let her ride it out. It's just a cough. Babies get a little sick and she's going to get her first shots this week. Deftly she reached down and rest the back of three of her fingers on Tegan's forehead, she was a little warm. Tegan's eyes opened and Raven picked her up cradling her.

"What's this?" She whispered. "The big birthday girl has a little cold? A little cold?" She grabbed her blanket wrapping Tegan tight in a bundle. "Come on, sit with Mama for a while."

Raven cradled Tegan to her chest crooning her favorite Beatles songs until she fell back to asleep. She had read up on colds in the various baby books, they said that sometimes all you had to was hold them and let their body ride it out. But sometimes you had to go to the doctor if their temperature was too high. Raven felt no danger in her daughter's heat and let her sleep in her arms. Just this once. Tomorrow, well today, she would be all better and she would be running around, eating cake and playing with Loki.

She would be just fine.

Tegan wasn't fine. Her fever had gotten higher and she was crying profusely. Liam had woken up with a less than perky disposition as well. There was no way they could have the party. Raven sighed sending texts and e-mails to all those she had invited saying the party was cancelled, since the twins were sick. She sent one to her dad who no doubt would spread the word on his end. If Loki still came or not was the last thing on her mind, and the fact Malcolm hadn't called her a hour after she sent the text. All Raven saw was her children, she cancelled work not caring that she may lose her job, her pitiful job as a bar musician. She made them breakfast but they hardly ate, and the clinic wasn't open yet, she had an hour before the pediatric doctor came in.

"What's going on?" Yawned Kelsey seeing less than chirpy babies whiny and moaning in their high chairs.

"They're sick," said Raven putting her hand on Tegan's head. "Jesus..." She checked her clock. "That's it I'm going to stake out at the clinic."

Kelsey rested her hand on Tegan's head also, she whistled. "She's burning up."

"And Liam's right behind her." Raven went to her bedroom to get ready. By the time she got to the clinic, it would be open.

Raven was half way through putting on her clothes when she heard a wretched groan, barely having her stop buttoned up she ran out to the kitchen. Kelsey had reached for a bowl holding it under Tegan's chin while she threw up the breakfast Raven had been stuffing down her throat. Raven took over from Kelsey unable to do anything but wait she was done. Tegan was in tears from the pain and cried like a little woodland creature when it was over.

"I think you need the hospital," muttered Kelsey.

"Dress Liam for me," asked Raven as she went to clean Tegan and her mess.

"I'll call a cab," offered Kelsey.

She wiped her face and threw her clothes in the pile of other clothes to be washed. Tegan whined and thrashed with every gentle wipe, she gave soft yells of protest the more Raven continued. It progressed to the point Tegan released a spark of ice that fell like ashes to the floor. By the time she came out Raven saw Kelsey putting Liam in the twin carriers, once Tegan joined him she gathered her purse and left. By the time she gotten everything in order, and calling Malcolm one more time who still did not answer, the cab had arrived. He had told her in advance he wasn't coming, but at work or not, he had to see she was calling.

Ignoring the brewing rage in her stomach she got into the cab and gave the address of the nearest hospital. The babies were restless the entire drive and Raven was near tears at the unwelcome and foreign sense of helplessness.

The clinic was busy but Raven ran to the front desk to a tight faced nurse. She couldn't wait in a waiting room, she knew sometime was wrong. Something very wrong.

"Listen, my babies are sick. One has just thrown up, their temperatures are rising and they haven't had their first vaccines yet." The woman stared at the fussing toddlers. "Please help."

The nurse touched Tegan's head. Her brow knotted. "How long as this been going on?"

"Last night," Raven said hurriedly. "It was a cough but then she wouldn't wake up, neither of them and they were hell to feed and then she pukes all over the place and -"

"They wouldn't wake up?" Echoed the nurse.

"Yes. Listen don't make me go in that waiting room, I can't wait. They're only going to get worse. I know it."

The nurse wasn't listening. She was watching the twins. "Love why don't you go to the pediatric ward?" She signaled to another nurse, "The woman's needs an immediate consultation. Pediatrics."

"But," the younger nurse protested.

"Tell the doctor it's a possible case of meningitis," the older nurse snapped.

"What?" Gaped Raven as the younger nurse escorted her quickly to the Pediatrics Ward. "Did she say meningitis? Did she just say meningitis? Did she?"

"There has been two cases of meningitis here for the month," explained the nurse. "We didn't want to think so but it looks like there's going to be an epidemic."

Her legs kept moving but Raven had vanished for a moment. Epidemic. The word lingered, epidemic. The nurse took her to a room where a doctor waited. He was kindly looking man, he stared at the twins after the nurse said that word, meningitis, and beckoned them to the table. Raven tried to soothe the twins as they were being checked by the doctor, Dr. Constantine, but it was useless. It was an agonizing few minutes. Seeing her children being poked and prodded, their crying and Dr. Constantine's fixed expression. The hospital wasn't helping either. Raven loathed hospitals, they reminded her of her mother's death, her godmother's cruelty and how ruined her childhood had been.

The Tesseract exaggerated these emotions by rekindling and refurbishing the hidden memories. She remembered waking up in the hospital calling for her parents, screaming from fear and morbid confusion and how the nurses had ignored her. How they drugged her up before moving her to the adult ward because she had disturbed the other children. There was another memory that had come back, fueled her insomnia and her endless drawing in the dead of night. When she was four, weeks after her mother had been buried before Harris had been gunned down Irene had tried to get rid of her. Unable to deal with her, and her budding instability. Irene had been unnerved by her mute disposition and fear of running water, the bathroom and physical contact.

Irene had her committed to a children's asylum. She had thought it was for the best. The inside of the asylum resembled the halls and rooms of a hospital. The difference was the chorus of mad children, the vile drawings on the walls, messages of salvation and warnings and the bars. There was an asylum in Ireland, in Dublin, she had googled it not believing her dreams but the place was identical to the place in her dreams. Right down to the pale blue walls and suicide proof stairway. She learned to fight in those halls, how to be scary, to be fearless.

In return she became the madness they thought she had. But worse.

"Ms. Stark?" Dr. Constantine waved his hand for her to come closer. He was showing her a red pin prick rash on Liam's stomach. "Do the twins sleep together?"

"No. But we all share a room together."

He called for a nurse. "I'm afraid that your children may have meningitis." He spoke mildly. "They had a myriad of the standard symptoms. But I need to perform a test to make sure." Her grief must have been a headlight because he touched her shoulder. "But it's still early on, that gives us time. And you need to be evaluated incase you have the infection also."

"Time?" Raven could care less about herself.

A nurse came in with a trolley for two. "Yes doctor?"

"Take this children to a room in the ward," he instructed. "I want to give them a lumbar puncture before we give them any medicine."

"A lumbar puncture?"Raven echoed.

"Get them to a room I'll be there momentarily." He turned to Raven, "It may sound a bit extreme but I assure you it's necessary."

Raven had seen lumbar punctures on House M.D. when it was on the air. It never made her hair raise or unsettled her but now she wanted to heave. She followed the doctor to the room, the twins were distressed but Raven's eyes fell to the needle he was preparing for her children. Her eyes went back to the asylum and the hospital, she fought the urge to curl into a ball.

"Let's see little..." He gestured to Tegan.

"Tegan," supplied Raven. "And he's Liam."

"Alright Tegan, ladies first." The nurse picked her up and set her on the table, on her side.

"Hold her steady," he smoothly ordered. He glanced at Raven, "Perhaps you would like to wait outside Ms. Stark? There are some papers you may need to sign... And meningitis is very contagious."

"No, I'll stay, Please," she held Tegan's hands. "Hold her however you have to."

The nurses nodded and held Tegan's upper body and legs. "Hold her hands firmly now Ms. Stark," muttered one nurse. "This is delicate procedure."

Tegan screamed when the needle when in, there was a spark of cold in her hands nothing severe a little frost nip but Raven kept her face straight. It was hurting the both of them. She cried and stared dead in Raven's eyes, begging for it to stop. She didn't look away once, until it was over. For Liam she did exactly the same, and when they left to perform their tests Raven was forced to leave her children who didn't stop crying.

She tried Malcolm's number one last time. It rang, rang, rang, rang but no one picked up. Work or not, he should be answering. Why wasn't he answering?

Tony got Raven's e-mail mere hours before he was going to get on his private jet. He didn't panic, kids got colds and if something was wrong she would call. He hoped. He would go by tomorrow and they could have the party then. He rationalized it but nothing felt right.

"What's wrong?" Pepper saw him reading from a laptop. "Anything important?"

He handed her the laptop, "The party's cancelled, the twins are sick." He rubbed his chin, "Should we call?"

Pepper folded her arms pensive. "Did she say what's wrong with them?"

"No."

"Well, it could be just a cough and a little temperature," she shrugged an uncommitted expression in her eyes. "She could be just on edge since its their first cold."

Tony sighed, "I don't know. I gotta bad feeling Pep."

"Who's going to tell Loki?" She deadpanned. "He should know."

Tony's brows knotted and he opened his mouth to speak but was cut off .

"Tell me what?" Like a phantom he appeared dressed as informally as he could. He sensed the air of doom and wanted to know was happening.

Pepper cleared her throat, "The twins are sick. Raven cancelled the party." Loki's eyes narrowed after a suspicious human look of uncertainty. "It's probably nothing, babies get sick all the time."

"Did she call?" His voice was low.

"No," answered Tony. "She just sent an e-mail."

There was a pregnant pause that was interrupted by Rachel's arrival at Stark Tower with her luggage for the trip. She saw the scene and froze. Years of being Raven's best friend gave you an eye from impending disasters. Like hearing the whistling of a bomb long before it collided with the earth.

"What's wrong?"

"The twins are sick," relayed Tony. "Party's cancelled."

"Did she call?" She inquired.

Tony's suspicions grew, Loki had asked the same question. But Rachel was terrified. He shook his head and Rachel gave a frustrated click.

"Did she say anything else?" Tony shook his head. "The e-mail, literally had those words?" Tony nodded. Without any more to say she dialed Raven's cell number.

"What are you-" Tony began to say.

"My BFF sense is tingling," she hissed. "Hush..." She told Tony. "Hey Raven, I thought I'd..." Her eyes widened and fell to Tony. "Yeah he's here... Loki too...Raven, hun what is it?..." Her face grew pale as she clamored for a chair. "What? Are you sure?" Her eyes filled with tears. "What do you mean you're by yourself?" She shouted. "...Listen which hospital are you in?..."

Tony, Loki and Pepper flinched and moved closer to hear the conversation in shock.

"Don't move... We'll be there." She hung up holding her hand over her mouth.

"What's happened?" Pepper hugged Rachel's shoulders.

"The twins have meningitis," she said slowly. "Tegan's got the bad one and Raven's losing it. She wants you two to come. Now."

Loki had heard of meningitis but his knowledge of it was vague. But anything to make Raven call out for help had to be dire and both of his children were infected. Not only that she was alone, in a hospital. His mind had gone, for a brief moment to Malcolm, why wasn't he there with her? A possibility of scenarios occurred to him and all voted badly for Raven. In this state of mind, she couldn't afford it.

The trip was too long. They left the rest of the Avengers behind, to watch the kids one part of Tony said another said in case all goes to hell. Incase those babies didn't make it. His grandkids. They wanted some privacy for that occasion. If it dared happen.

In the hospital in a room all to herself sat Raven in the dark. You knew it was her but you didn't want to believe it was. Pepper had reached for the light but Raven's voice came out a scratchy whisper.

"What is it? Did something happen?" Hoarse from tears and fatigue she looked up. "You came." She got up and walked toward them, into the light.

Awful didn't cover what Raven looked like. She was sucked of life, face damp and puffy from tears, eyes bloodshot and lined with undeniable dark circles. Her hair, the chic bob that fell to just under her ears, usually smooth was tossed and slightly matted. Her clothes reeked of medicine and the distant stink of vomit. Rachel threw her arms around Raven crushing her in a hug that spoke louder than any well chosen speech. They saw as the barricade around her grief crumbled. Raven's face shattered and she broke down in bitter sobs hanging onto Rachel with whatever strength she had left. Rachel didn't mutter a word. She let Raven cry on her shoulder and rubbed her back like she was coaxing the remaining tears out her chest.

Loki had never seen Raven cry like this. She may have whimpered and had a little cry from a nightmare but this was different. She was weeping. The grief was apparent in her tone and how her hands gripped Rachel. She had called for help and was driven to tears. He reached out and touched her hand. To his surprise she took it squeezing in a grip that rivaled Thor's. Rather than disrupt Rachel's embrace he came from behind Rachel resting his head shamelessly on Raven's.

Like they used to.

The embrace broke and Loki took his turn. There was no ploy in his hold, her tears were dry for now and he comforted her. He rubbed her arm and she laid her head on his chest. He put his on hers and they shared each other's worry and angst. As parents and nothing more.

"Everything will be fine," he muttered in her ear. "Everything will be fine."

Raven was silent and concentrated on the first dose of comfort she had all day. Sleep called her her desperately but her body nor her heart answered. Her mind was dancing on a waning thread. It would snap soon but not until this was over. Not until then.

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If I have any followers and fav-ers in Boston my love and support goes out to you. To those who have been affected my condolences and well wishes. I'm thinking about you.


	23. Chapter 23

In honor of the Thor 2 teaser, I have decided to give you my lovelies a chappie! Enjoy and review,review, review. Don't forget to critique if you want. *If you're lovely little reviewers you may get another chapter this week*hint*

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_**Chapter 23**_

Loki watched as Raven rocked an inconsolable Liam, it was halfway through day two and Tegan's condition was worsening. She was in the process of a check-up and the doctor had barred her from the room during the examination. But Loki assured her that a double was in the room keeping watch. It did little to ease her worry, Raven simply took Liam in her arms giving him his time. She had spent most of the morning like this, hopping from child to child no matter how much anyone helped, she was there for both of them. They were all required to wear protective clothing whenever any of them wanted to be near the twins, meningitis was highly contagious and the hospital refused to take any risks. Raven had asked Tony to call in one of his own personal doctors who cold oversee the treatment, not out of a fear of the right treatment but that they might try and freeze the nurses' hands or the syringes.

They gave these shrill, pitched cries that had pricked Loki to his core. They were in pain. The more he read about this disease, such a common thing, the more he understood why Raven was beyond any cheer. This was no simple cold, it was a virus that attacked the brain and the spine. It could rob his children of their limbs, their eyes, their ears, their legs or their lives. Raven's condition, her heart, may have been passed on to them and the state they were born in, the odds were against them.

But her devotion to them was moving and it made Loki stay close to her side. Sharing her pain not as a former lover but as a parent. The grief in her eyes was nothing to the grief in her heart, she never let the two mirror one another. It made Loki never want to leave her again, under no circumstance. This had gone beyond to wanting what they had again, he wanted to be there for her as a friend for the girl that never gave up on him. Who defended him with knives to her throat. Who defended his honor at the cost of her own. The woman who might have love him more than Thor.

"Come up to meet you," sang Raven to Liam who wailing from his aliment, "tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are." Loki stood beside her like a loyal guardian. "I had to find you, tell you I need you. Tell you I set you apart. Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions. Oh let's go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails. Heads on a science apart."

Tony, Pepper and Rachel had gone to eat. It was only so much of the twins' endless wails and Raven's defeated face they could take. Rachel had called work and explained that she wasn't coming in, she dared not leave them in this state work be damned. Pepper had to make calls to home informing everyone of the situation. No doubt Thor would demand to come and comfort them but there was no comfort to be given here. Tony in all of this was trying to see if this hospital was any good and if the twins would fare better elsewhere.

"Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start."

Raven had barely eaten and Loki saw the dark circles under her eyes. Her body couldn't take much more of this, her mind was waning already. He would would help her sleep later.

"I was just guessing at numbers and figures. Pulling the puzzles apart." She caressed him the way the normally soothed him, it was useless now. "Questions of science, science and progress. Do not speak as loud as my heart. But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me. Oh, and I rush to the start. Running in circles, chasing our tails. Coming back as we are."

Tony condoned Loki being this close to Raven. She needed it now. Her boyfriend had gone MIA and it had taken a fatal pinch out of her. She needed people here. Anytime Raven called for help, it was nuclear red. And Tony couldn't be mad at Loki now, these were his kids too. He understood the sentiment of having a sick child especially one you were just getting to know. He couldn't kick him here.

"Nobody said it was easy. Oh, it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard. I'm going back to the start."

And Raven kept singing to Liam. She kept singing no matter how hard he cried. She sang and sang. Even when a sharp cry ripped out of him she kept going. Loki reached out and held her shoulders, words were nothing and he rubbed her shoulders asking her to let him help. She said nothing but rested her head against him on his hip letting him run his hand through her hair. It wasn't an intimate gesture but he did savor the contact.

As if she was reading his mind Raven looked up. Loki wanted to wipe that sadness out her eyes, he couldn't bear it. He knelt down beside her, he wanted to take her pain away. He was going to come closer but his plan was disrupted by silence. They both stared down and to Loki's amazement Raven had indeed sang Liam to sleep. She tucked him into his bed provided by the hospital and let out a tired sigh sinking back into the chair she had been rocking him in.

"You need to rest," he said sitting beside her. "You haven't been sleeping."

She breathed resting her head on the back of her palm. "I can't sleep now. What if something happens?"

Loki knew she would be stubborn. "You're no use in this state of mind." He was trying to kind about it.

"I look like shit don't I?"

"Regrettably." He saw a glimmer of the old Raven but she was gone in a blink. "Rest Raven, please."

She tilted her head up, there was a sleepy smile on her face. "Did you just say please?"

Still in the chair opposite to hers, he leaned in, not close enough to insinuate something but close enough to tell her something could happen. Horribly, at the worst timing in the world.

"Shall I say it again?"

She turned away and a wall was up. She got up and proceeded to leave. "I'll take a nap." She yawned. "Then I'll get something to eat. Promise."

Loki studied her back. "That's all I ask." He hovered his hand over her head, with a slight brush along her temple she was asleep. With a double he took her to the room the hospital provided and tucked Raven in. He planted a kiss on her head. The double watched over her as he remained with their children.

Insomnia had a way of stealing tiny memories and the fine details that made the entire scene different. Loki's magic induced sleep was better than any drug induced nap. It made her mind clear, so wonderfully. All these tiny memories were coming back to her. The fact she couldn't find a sweater because she had indeed lost it and that she had also lost a onesie that belonged to Liam. The fact that Malcolm had mentioned having a big project at work. But his mates, two which worked with him never mentioned any such project.

In her myriad of dreams she saw glances. Smelt odors and fragrances her insomnia riddled mind had overlooked or forgotten. Things she had seen in her dream-like state. So many things. Important things. Obvious things. Suspicious things.

She saw clearly. From this angle.

"_Magpie?" Her mother was holding her shoulder. "You must never do that again."_

_A broken glass was on the floor. Spilled milk spread across the floor. _

"_Do you hear me?" She held her face. "You must never behave that way. Ever." Her voice was firm and authoritative. A version of her mother she had never seen. "I don't care what Papa does when Mama isn't here but you don't behave like that. I will not allow it."_

"_But I-"_

"_No buts. Magpie," she had glassy eyes, "promise me you will never be like that again."_

"_But-"_

"_No," she shook her head. "Listen to me. Being angry all the time will not do you any good... You might feel okay now, but look at that mess." She gestured to the glass. "What if I didn't know it was there and I walked right into it? What if you forgot? Even if you clean it up there still might be glass on the floor."_

_Little Raven gawked at the glass skeptically. Vivian continued, "This was happens when you get mad. You make a mess that hurts people. And you have to promise me that you'll never, ever behave like that ever."_

_She blinked unsure of the magnitude of this message. "I won't."_

"_Promise me. Promise me Raven. You'll never get mad like that again. Promise."_

"_I promise." She crossed her heart. "Cross my heart." _

_Vivian hugged Raven tight. "Don't pick up that nasty habit alright?" Her voiced cracked. "Okay? Don't be so angry. Don't be so angry like him."_

Raven woke up with a jolt, her cellphone was buzzing but she ignored it seeing it was an unknown number. Sometimes she hated remembering her childhood. Seeing that she was alone she let the tears fall curling up into a ball feeling like she was four years old watching Irene hand her over to a caseworker. Being sent away like an unwanted present being throw back at customs.

So many times she had day dreamed about how it would be like to find Irene after all these years. She wanted to hunt her down just to let her see her good work. To show the bitch that had tried to get rid of her that she had survived. To tell her everything they all thought she forgot. But all these visions ended with her killing Irene, in a brutal and bloodless manner or scaring her beyond comprehension. They all ended with her tearing down the woman whom had torn her down. Becoming the monster they all feared.

The one thing she never wanted to be.

That kept her from seeking her out. The fear of losing all sense and snatching the life out of her. It was so easy that it appalled Raven how much she hated her godmother. How far she would fall to drag the woman to hell with her.

It was easy to let go. It was calling her now, let go and lose it. Let go and lose it. You've held on long enough. Raven stop pretending that you're okay because you're not. Stop being strong. You have a right to lose your shit right now.

But she couldn't she had to think about the twins. It wasn't all about her anymore. She had to think about them now. Letting go would not benefit them. In fact it would complicate things. Her mind raced to contradict her, to convince her to let the madness, the fatigue to consume her completely. To let go of the reigns and let the horses run wild. Tramp, stamp and stand still once the destruction was over.

It was tempting. So tempting.

The mad little fucked four year old yelling for blood. The hurt thirteen year old who hated the world for dealing her the short hand. The bitter woman who wanted to pain to stop.

Rallying for blood.

"You still here?"

Raven snapped her head in Rachel's direction. She had a brown bag and a cup of something, it didn't smell like coffee.

"Relax, Loki's watching them," Rachel continued coaxing Raven outside. "I brought you lunch."

Raven took the brown bag and cup. Rachel had brought her a chicken salad bagel and a cup of tea. The food of the dreaded morning after. "Thanks?" She noted Loki's absence. "Where's everyone?"

"They were with the doctor when you were out." Raven's eyes widen ready to hound them down. "Hold it, I'll recap it for you if you want. Just take a bite of something." Begrudgingly she made a nibble. "Right, they said that Liam has the viral meningitis and will most likely pull through, his body is just giving him a hell of a go. But Tegan, as you already guessed has got it bad. She has the bacterial meningitis, Raven," she took her hand. "You okay?"

Raven nodded. She was beyond tears right now.

"You caught it early on so Tegan's got a good chance of pulling through..."

"But?"

"We don't know how she's going come out of this." Rachel braced herself for tears but they're weren't any. Raven was dry of all her tears and was awaiting the worse. Rachel didn't know what was worse. "But you know she's going to be alright, don't you?" Raven gave her a blank stare. "Hey," she hissed, "you need to keep it together! You need to hold it together! I swear to you, when this is over I will finding you a metal yard and let you smash up whatever shit you gotta to feel better."

"I don't wanna smash shit anymore," Raven muttered. "I don't want to be like that anymore." Her body seized in dry sobs as she set her lunch down. "I'm sick of being out of control Rachel. I can't do it anymore."

The magnitude of the words made Rachel hold her breath before she took Raven in her arms hoping to stuff the epiphany into her and let it nestle. To let it bloom.

"It's going to be okay," she said. "You hear me? You will get pass this and you are not going to be like that ever again, you here me? You are going to be okay."

"Rachel?"

"What is it Raven?"

"I'm afraid." Rachel felt Raven shake against her. "I'm so afraid."

"That's okay," consoled Rachel holding her friend tight. "You're allowed to be afraid Raven. You're supposed to be scared."

After eating Raven peeped at the twins' who were still in fever dreams. At least they felt less pain in their sleep. She wanted to sleep again. It was coming back to her.

A hand touched her back. Malcolm, she thought hopefully as she spun around instead she saw Kelsey fresh from work. She leaned over and squeezed Raven firmly rubbing her back. Her eyes had been bloodshot from crying.

"Sorry I took so long," Kelsey apologized. "I'm so sorry I took so long." Raven was mute. Malcolm hadn't come. Fatal gears were turning and sleep was calling.

"Have you heard from Malcolm?" Raven tried not to shake.

Kelsey shook her head, "No. He isn't home, maybe he's at work?" She saw Raven quiver in her shoulders. "Are you okay?"

"It's fine. I understand." She pulled away, holding her hands. "We can talk after I sleep kay?"

Rachel shooed her off at those words and Kelsey nodded eagerly. Raven went back to her chair, hunger gone partially appeased by the nibble she had taken. Sleep came immediately with sweet release. Images flowed through her mind as she slept. The dusty gears that had kept her vigilant of all dangers were oiled up and spinning.

While her anger had no outlet and was being contained. Curiosity was waving a flag, a red flag. She had no plans to leave her children until the danger had passed but there was nothing wrong with occupying her mind in the meanwhile. Idle hands were the devil's play things and the devil was laughing at Raven. A devil who's face she had to find. Even if it ended up being no face at all.

"No Malcolm?" Rachel whispered urgently.

"Not a word," admitted Kelsey, "and his mates don't know anything."

"Something's going on here and I think Raven knows. She's looking way too calm for my liking. Even if it's like, god-kill-me-now calm."

Kelsey nodded seeing the brewing storm. If anyone so much as breathed on a raw nerve, Raven would raise hell. "So what do we do?"

"Keep an eye on her." Rachel warned, "Death is her kryptonite, it gets her at the heart. Anyone who takes a shot at her now will get the bulk of what she's feeling."

_Four year old Raven lied in her cot hugging her teddy bear, trying to sleep. The asylum was alive in the dead of night with screams. The cries of nightmares, the arrival of the boogeyman and other creatures of the night. When she fell asleep she screamed too. Not from any monster but from her Papa __as he shoved her under the water surface. _

_The days were like the night. The yowls of mad children, moans of torment from young faces. There was no joy and the matrons were no better. Severe, rigid faces whom were not moved by the seemingly innocent vessels that harbored very adult insanities. Their job was not to coddle any of them, or play mommy or daddy. They worked by the hour and their work ethic showed it. _

_Raven wasn't mad or insane. Unstable maybe. But she was mute, and was unable to defend herself or correct anything. She was helpless in a place that did not want to help her. _

"_So this girl has bursts of violent rage?"_

"_Yes Doctor, her godmother gave sufficient evidence," the matron stared down at her. "She's a clever one so don't let her face fool you. She seems to be a temporary mute but we managed to get enough out of her godmother to help with a diagnosis."_

"_And she's an orphan?"_

"_Her mother's dead," the matron went on. "Her father is facing life."_

_The doctor drummed his pen, "So, violent domestic life and pent up rage from her mother's death, or father incarceration?" _

"_The former." She gave him a look._

"_I see," he made a note. "Her name?"_

"_Raven Rocher."_

"_Raven?" He took off his glasses and took her in. Properly. "How ironic." He studied some notes the matron handed him and wrote a note handing it to her. "Some lithium pills should help a bit."_

"_I suspected it could have been bipolar disorder."_

"_What else could it have been? Judging by what her godmother has sworn to," he muttered. "Maybe when she starts talking we'll either increase or decrease her dosage." He dismissed them and the matron took her away for her first dosage of bipolar disorder medication. _

_After her first week Raven's hands began to shake. They shook when she was awake and when she slept but they kept shoving those pills down her throat. Her threw up her food before and after she ate it and she was forgetting things. Small things like where she lived. Where she lived with Mommy and Papa. She felt sick all the time and her back was getting a rash that was going up to her neck. Many nights she scratched herself in her sleep and left blood in her cot. This led to mittens on her hands which made them sweat and her sleep less peaceful. _

_They all thought she was crazy. _

That was where it had all had began. That month in the asylum. That was what made her like this.

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Seriously though, the Thor 2 teaser has all my feels in a chokehold. Grieve with me!


	24. Chapter 24

Hello my lovelies! Lookie kookie, a new chappie just for you! Since my week has been going to hell, I've decided to be charitable and give you a chappie. As always review, review, review, tell me what you think (I love the theories I get) and critique me if there's something I messed up with. Shout out and hugs to my regulars! XOXO Anotherscribe.

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_**Chapter 24**_

Day three.

Raven woke up to the cries of her children. She had sent Pepper home to help hold down the fort and told Kelsey to go to work. It was just her, Rachel, Tony and Loki. She had some clothes to change into and Kelsey volunteered to wash them at the laundromat. She rose up, memories had kept her in bed longer than usual and she went to feed the twins. Asleep or not they had to be fed. However when she got to the room the twins were in, someone else was there.

"What are you two doing?"

Raven saw Loki and Tony feeding the twins. She rubbed her eyes not being them. Was she dreaming? Her dad was feeding Liam and Loki was feeding Tegan. What circle of hell had she fallen into?

"What does it look like?" Responded Tony. "We're helping."

"But," the sight was too good to be true. "You could have woken me up."

"Unlikely after Kelsey mentioned you hadn't slept in six days," quipped Loki. "Besides, isn't it custom for father's to feed their children when the mother is unwell?"

"I guess." Raven had been nervous about leaving them alone. Her dad and Loki. They wouldn't fight here and now but it was possible that would fight at another time. Still no need to kick a hornet's nest. "Did the doctor say anything?"

"Not yet. Why don't you go get some breakfast princess?" Suggested Tony. "Rachel's in the cafeteria."

Knowing better than to argue she nodded and left. "You know where to find me." She didn't wave at the twins incase they got distracted.

Tony didn't speak until he knew Raven was out of earshot. "She's going to take it easy today. Agreed?"

"There is going to be no other way," muttered Loki as Tegan ate a spoonful of mush. "That's my girl," he praised.

Tony bore a small molecule of resent to Loki for being involved with Raven but the bulk of it evaporate each time he spied the two of them side by side. Not as a pair of frisky teenagers but as parents and old friends. They were holding each other up but Raven was at the end of her rope. Everyone could see it in her eyes. One push and she would be gone.

She was made of thicker material than her father's suit but death had always been the one thing she couldn't bear. But even the strongest of men had a breaking point and Raven's was near.

Raven made a pit stop by the chapel. Kelsey had brought her wooden cross to the hospital along with a change of clothes. She pulled it out from under her shirt and prayed, an old fashioned notion but it made her feel better. She prayed not only for the health of her children but for her sanity.

Please don't let do something I'll regret. Don't you dare let me do something I'll regret. I can't afford it now. I can't-

A buzz came from her pocket. She finished her prayer and pulled it out. It was the same unknown number. This time it had sent her a picture. She opened it having a brief, vague idea of what it could be. It was a picture of Malcolm, unmistakeably Malcolm and a woman. This were embracing and kissing. She couldn't see the woman's face, her long dark hair was blocking her face but her cardigan looked vaguely familiar. A text followed stating, "He's not working sweetie."

She ignored it until another message came. It was video this time. Lowering the volume incase someone came in, she listened while glancing at the picture.

It was the inside of a broom closet. The camera shook for balance and Raven squinted her eyes to see, two people were inside the closet. Her breath caught and she stared. She saw a coif of hair, a scruffy chin and a pair of perky breasts. She held her breath as the image zoomed in and out a few times before settling. It was Malcolm. She heard him moan as the woman was on her knees, she knew that moan. He was holding her head thrusting into her mouth, butt clenched, breath ragged. Raven watched horrified as he pulled her up from the ground and took her against the wall. She mewled panting his name like a bitch in heat. She begged him to go harder, faster and don't hold back. He did just what she asked and she yowled in joy. He was holding on to her, relentless and in a fever. He clawed at her which she was loving, he grunted dirty little nothings into her ear which lapped up like a starving man. The last thing Raven saw was her crumbling to her knees mouth open and his semen spraying on her face, mouth and breath. She licked herself clean and the video ended with her slithering up to give him a kiss.

She sank to the floor and breathed. She had to stay calm. Now is not the time. Now is not the time.

Insomnia had a way of stealing memories. The more you didn't sleep you had these conscious blackouts, you were there functioning and breathing but your mind was in sleep mode somehow. When it came back you didn't remember a thing during those moments you weren't all there. Raven never minded those moments since she had trained her mind somehow, not to blackout around the twins. At least not while they were crawling around or waddling on their feet. Elsewhere was fine but not around them when she was alone. Sleep deprivation also stole some of the moments she had been conscious of, like an unfamiliar smell, a shifty glance, a pathetic excuse. Normally she would have hounded it out of him but she was so focused on her babies. They were her first priority in everything, even her own happiness. They were to be loved and have happy, naïve childhoods and were never to be left alone, be abused or neglected because they adults in their lives couldn't grow up.

Now with two sets of filling sleep in her system her mind was collecting bit and pieces of this woman. The woman in the red cardigan. Her and Malcolm. Malcolm not being around as much as he used to be. His jittery behavior. His cellphone buzzing constantly. This red cardigan in the corner of her eye.

Under another circumstance Raven would have exploded. If she were the girl without kids, she would have raised hell and sniffed him out. Scare the living shit out of him maybe smack him and his slag around, if she had something to say about it. But she had kids now and she couldn't leave them now. Especially not to carry out some petty revenge.

Another part of her boiled. He was with her now. It was the only logical answer. He had called her hours before the twins got sick, saying he might miss the party and that one of his mates bring the gift. He said it was work but even when he had meetings he always had spared a moment to text her. She had been blowing up his phone with messages. Come. The twins are sick. They might have meningitis. I'm scared. Please come. He had abandoned her and the feeling was all too familiar, it brought back a crate full of bad, unwelcome memories that made her throw up her lunch.

Malcolm was not her first douchebag. She dated one, the one before Loki, and made him pay when he fucked her over. But it didn't hurt like Malcolm. He said he wanted to be there for her and the twins. He held her hand and helped her name them. Changed diapers and played with them. She trusted him with secrets and trusted him with her children. Raven had trusted him and believed everything he told her. That was what hurt. And depending how long this was going on, he may have been sleeping with the both of them.

That terrified her.

Not simply an act of betrayal on a intimacy level. But Raven knew her bill of health was less than stellar. Not only were her reproductive organs shit from the twins and the wrestle with the Wraiths, an STD might destroy her. She wasn't planning to have more kids, not right now. But now having the twins, seeing them grow, she didn't want that option taken from her. The doctors said she may be able to have one more child, but they didn't advise her to. It might kill her and the fetus. She had been on the brink of hemorrhaging when she came back from S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, they had severed the life of having more kids to a speck. The doctors warned her that if she didn't get healthier they may have to take her womb out, among other things. An STD may endanger her life at this point. Or seal her fate before she got a choice.

That incensed her.

She shook with fury. Her mouth was running dry and her body burned with a pent of rage. She wanted to run and roar like an rabid beast in his face. Show him what happened when you messed with a crazy girl. When you made her feel filthy and cheap.

Her food and water didn't stay down but she refused to cry. He wasn't going to make her cry. She wasn't going to cry. He wasn't worth her tears. He hadn't hurt her. He hadn't won. He hadn't bested her. He didn't...

It wasn't fair.

Why did everything go to shit?

Couldn't she have one thing that didn't cause her pain? Give her doubt? Make her bleed? Broke her heart?

Her life had been going down the drain since Harris shoved her in head under water. Her mother was murdered. Someone shot the only Papa she thought she had. Her godmother had abused her out of frustration. She threw her in an asylum because she couldn't cope. Marshall put her in the center of their war zone. Irene left her. She became so angry. Marshall was taken from her. Irene threw her across the sea from everything she knew. She had to start over. She found out that her parents had been nothing more than fuck buddies. All that hurt came back. She let Loki go and ran. She suffered alone to save his ass and because she was an idiot. She almost lost her children. She had been attacked by Wraiths. One of them nearly gave her daughter a smiley face. They tried to kill her. Her father had lost respect for her for a while. She let her dreams go and had to become of dead-end cellist/singer to feed her kids. She had given up her dreams. Her babies had meningitis and her daughter might not make it. She may lose this job. Her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Her heart felt like it was going to burst.

It's not fair! She had fled to the bathroom fearing she might actually throw-up in the chapel. She pounded the ground in the bathroom stall. It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not...

It's not time for that.

Your children need you and that's what matter now.

Pull yourself together and go to them. Once they're taken care of then we'll deal with this.

Listening to the specter of sanity in her head Raven pulled herself up from the floor. She went and washed her hands thoroughly and freshened up her face. Sloths first and then we deal with this. You have to stay calm and rational until this is over. You can't go off into the blue right now. Those babies need you and they come first. You swore on your mother's grave they will always come first.

Don't break your promise now.

Raven stared back at herself. She looked like hell. This new addition of distress did not show up on her already dead face. Her eyes were beady from a lack of proper rest. Her skin was paler than normal from worry and she looked positively rundown. Her hair that had grown out to a chic bob sat on her head like a mop, dull and washed out. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot from fresh tears with persistent dark circles around them.

Her armor, her emotional barricade and the dam that held her mind in place were all eroding. The face in the mirror was Raven at her core. The living dead.

Blood with come later. Right now, go to the sloths.

By the time Raven got back to the Pediatric Ward she heard crying. She kept her back straight and peeping into the room the twins were in, Tony and Loki were gone, the nurses and doctors had taken their place. More were around Tegan.

"Come here princess." Tony took her by the shoulders and sat her down between her and Loki. "It's going to be alright."

Raven said nothing and rested her head on Tony's shoulder. "What did I miss?"

"They're just getting a check-up sweetheart," Tony relayed. He rubbed her shoulder. "They're going to be fine."

She knew better. "Tegan's getting worse." She blinked away tears, "More people are hovering around her. She's too still."

Loki took her hand and held tight. He noticed it too. "Did you call Marshall?"

She nodded. "I told him he didn't have to come. I don't it to be a fucking broadway show up in here."

Loki rubbed her knuckles ignoring the heat of her palms. "I told Thor the same. I hope that he wasn't the few allowed to come."

"Nah," she muttered. "Everyone who matters to me and who I need right now is here and has been here." She swiped her tears away. "Nothing else matters."

The tender moment was interrupted by her phone. Gratefully it wasn't another picture or video but her boss.

"Hello?"

"Raven, listen I know you're kids are sick but you gotta come in tonight. The stand-in bloke's gone and got himself in jail. Over the bird of his, the prick."

"My kids are in the hospital with meningitis," she said with frigid steel. "I can't leave them."

"Look love I know you're buggas are sick but you gotta come in tonight. I'll let you go early after three songs but sweetheart you've used up all you're strikes." He sighed on the other end. "I don't wanna do this but rules are rules love, and if you don't come in tonight I gunna hav' to let you go."

Numb to everything. She replied, "I'm not leaving my kids." She heard the hum of the doctors as they inspected Tegan. "I can't."

"Raven... then, I going to have to let you go... Love I'm sorry but I can't give anyone special treatment... I wish I could..."

"I understand," muttered Raven. "No exceptions."

"I'll send your cheque in the mail, alright love?"

"Thanks."

"Good luck love and hope your buggas get better." He hung up.

"What happened?" Asked Tony seeing the slack look of resignation on Raven's face.

"I just lost my job," she reported. She held her face in her hands, "Jesus fucking Christ."

"Come here," Tony hugged as she hunched over. "Look, I'll help you out okay? Don't worry about a thing okay? Alright princess? I'll take care of everything."

"It's like the world wants me to blow my brains out." She ran her fingers through her hair gripping it between her knuckles. "If I took a step outside and got hit by a lorry I wouldn't be surprised." She took in a shaky breath, "Everything's going to shit Daddy."

Loki took a hand from the tangles of her hair. "You are not alone Raven," he cupped her hand. "I'm not going to leave ever again." And it meant it in every sense of the word.

Breaking from Tony's hold Raven hugged Loki. It wasn't with the sentiment he hoped but the words she whispered in his ear made him hold her.

"If anything happens to the twins, if one of them doesn't make it. You put me out before I start screaming. And don't let me wake up until you've pulled yourself together. Even if it's a week. Don't you let me wake up because I will hurt myself. I'm not gonna think and am going to losing it and you can't let me out of your sight." Her tears were on his neck. "Because if both of them die I will not hesitate to throw myself out one of these windows. Or smother myself. Do you hear me? Don't let me wake up until you can do what you have to, I don't care how long. I'll wait."

He gave her a chaste, near meaningless peck on her clothed shoulder. "I promise."

Loki was aghast at Raven's request. Even more startling was how logical she was about it. She knew that she was at her wit's end and would be beyond reason. She wanted to live past this but wouldn't be in her right mind if one of them died. If neither of them survived she would kill herself. A part of him was disturbed by her complete awareness of her instability but another admired her for it, to be so intuit that she could make such a request. To want to endure this although her heart was so feeble when it came to the death of a loved one. And to give him time to mourn before he helped her. It touched him that she had thought of his feelings despite the fact he barely knew his children.

He wanted to kiss and vow that they would have more children. That he would stay with her till the end of his days. Steal the fruit of the gods and make her like him. Let them start over and do this properly. Take her away somewhere and take care of her. Kill her lover that was no doubt being unfaithful and bring her his head. He wanted to tell Raven how much he loved her and that he never stopped.

But now was not the time for such things.

"Ms. Stark?" Dr. Constantine called.

Raven pulled away from him and wiped her eyes, "Yes?" She rose to meet him.

"I have good news," he began. "Liam's condition is improving since yesterday. But we want to keep him near a respirator just incase he relapses, but so far he's out of any danger."

Loki watched as she took a deep breath that made her body expand like a walking skeleton. "And Tegan?"

"That's the bad news. Ms. Stark," he said softly, "Tegan's infection is spreading along her spine, we need to perform a lumbar drain on her before it goes critical."

"A lumbar drain?"

"The antibiotics are not combating the bacterial meningitis as it did from Liam. The infection is creating fluid along her spine and if we don't treat it she will die from the infection."

She froze and Loki held her hand.

"She'll have to go through this procedure every six hours depending on her results after the first draining," the doctor continued. "If she doesn't get better we'll have to do this for a few days but for less than a week. For the procedure we would like to transfer her to intensive care to be on the safe side."

"What are the risks?" Asked Raven.

"Minor infections but nothing life threatening. And she may have a headache afterward."

Stubborn tears burst from Raven's eyes, "But she's one." She sniffled, "And there's no other way?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Stark, but no. And she needs this procedure urgently."

"Go ahead," she gave a wild bob of her head. "Do it."

Dr. Constantine gave the signal to his team and they went to work preparing to move Tegan. He turned back to Raven and noted how pale her face had become and the pace of her breathing. "Ms. Stark, are you-"

She rasped, "I think... I'm..." She gasped holding her chest.

"Raven?" Loki called worriedly.

"Breath Ms. Stark!" Dr. Constantine signaled a nurse. "She's having a panic attack. Does she have a history of heart trouble?" Tony nodded nonplussed. "Take her to cardiology," he told the nurse as another brought a wheelchair.

"Stay with them," Raven wheezed to Tony and Loki before they wheeled her away.

Rachel had opted to stay with Liam while Tony and Loki sat through Tegan's impromptu surgery. She had to have her lumber drain in an operating room to avoid any complications since she was so young. If Loki was a lesser man his hands would have been shaking seeing what the doctors had to do to save his daughter's life. As barbaric as it seemed, no sickness like this was on Asgard and this fluid they spoke off that feed the infection was comparable to nothing he had ever heard of from a healer. She had been given a injection to make her sleep, so she felt no pain as the colored liquid was being leaked from her spine.

"I was never one for carrying flasks around," mumbled Tony. "But I wish I did."

Loki kept seeing Raven's face when it had sank in. She knew what this was going to look like, she had mentioned the twins getting lumbar punctures to be diagnosed. Without anything to numb the pain. But they were so weak they couldn't fight. She had been fighting to stay strong, to comfort them and endure. Her body had finally given out. It was only a matter of time but it troubled Loki no less.

"Sorry I'm late," came a ragged voice from behind him. "I went to visit Liam."

Resilient as a warrior of old was Raven. She had a bottle of water and half a cookie in her mouth. She took the empty seat between Loki and Tony. They stared at her both wondering why she wasn't resting.

"Princess you should be-"

"Whenever do I do anything I'm told?" She muttered. "I'd offer you two cookies but the nurse told me to finish the pack." She took in the scene before her, "I'm so glad I threw away my cigarettes and emptied my flask."

"You started smoking again?" Loki turned his head toward her he glowered at her with light disapproval.

"I fell off the wagon for a day around the time you came back. And I've been trying not to drink so much since I gave birth." She rubbed her forehead. "Having insomnia too doesn't help either."

She felt her eyes on them and let it all flow out.

"I had been drinking and smoking because I was depressed." The air got tight but she kept talking. "The Tesseract was making me hallucinate and see things I didn't want to see." She drank her water. "I was remembering things from since I was two and my mom was alive. I remember the day she died like it was yesterday and heard everything they said. I remember drowning. When I woke up and Irene left me alone.

"I remembered being so scared of everything and everyone. The sound of water, the bathroom and hands because I thought they were going to hurt me. I know how she died and what killed her." Tears fell in silent waterfalls. "I know why the casket was closed. I remember being so afraid and not talking. How Irene used to hit me when I screamed and wouldn't shut up. How she sent me to this kids' asylum where I learned from the most twisted little fucks you'd ever find how to get people from picking on me.

"I've seen things to that I never wanted to see." She shook her head at the memories. "I saw your memories," she pointed to Loki. "I saw what you did and who you were. I saw what they did to you. A-And I saw the battle between Odin and Fernis with his wolves. Odin when he fought the Frost Giants." She sniffled. "I've seen so much shit and it's spilt my head in two." She dug out a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes. "I've been seeing wolves in my flat sometimes, I'm convinced one of them Fenris and the other one is Sköll. I've seen a version of myself if no one ever pulled me from that tub.

"She's fucks with me. She sounds exactly like how I used to, with my old Irish accent and everything. She keeps whispering in my ear how everyone was out to get me and how if I told anyone what was happening to me I'd be locked up like some goddamn experiment. She had me convinced because it was stuff that I had thought. She everything that I was afraid of and what nerves to pull on... God I wish you could see her, she makes my skin crawl even though it's my face she has.

"I don't see them as much since the twins were born," she confessed. "But when I do she feeds on every little insecurity I have and it drives me crazy."

"Is she... here?" Asked Tony. Somewhere during Raven sordid confession he had taken her hand and never let go. He was numb to any other surprise but the glint in his eyes betrayed his concern. The Tesseract was driving his daughter crazy, it wasn't controlling her but driving off the deep end.

"Nah. I've had a reasonably decent amount of sleep considering my usual record." She pinched her nose, "I left because I wanted to fix myself, and I have in a way but... I'm sick of pretending things are okay and I'm sick and tired of lying to the people I love when they don't deserve to be lied to." She cupped her hands, "I was afraid of what you would do to Loki if you knew how bad it was. I was scared that I'd tear this family apart if I didn't man up and deal with it myself.

"I was scared of going back to that angry little girl in Ireland because some bitch didn't take the time to use her fucking head. Who let her learn the worst habits any child could learn from a bunch of sadistic, sociopath and broken-souled children. Who let people think she was bi-polar and give her medicine that made her physically sick.

"I am the way I am because of what my godmother did to me. Everyone kept saying I was some crazy kid when it was two bad things that made me like this. I can't change the way people want me to," she declared. "But I am working on being a better person. I know I need to change but I now know what has made me this way. So I can start to figure out how to fix it or get over it. But I was scared when it started coming back to me.

"And I was so scared that I was going into circles and with all these voices in my head I thought I was." She took her hands back and folded them in her lap. "That's all I have to say."

Raven waited for them to say something, anything. Her confession was out the blue and a bit ill timed, but it had to said.

Tony hugged Raven as tight as he could. He held her against his chest, kissed her head and rubbed her head. "Oh princess," was all he could say. "It's okay now."

Loki didn't intrude on the moment but he rested a hand on her back caressing her spine. This hurt the both of them but Stark was her father, Loki let them have this moment. He would have his later. But during her embrace with Stark, Raven broke a hand free and left it open her his hand. He took it bowing down to kiss her hand with all the gratitude, forgiveness and adoration he had in him. As they held hands he mind went back to the promise he made to her.

They weren't in the clear yet. All Raven did was give them the warning signal.


	25. Chapter 25

I've decided to update a bit more regularly. As always review, review, review. And tell what you think. Though, warning, **this chapter features crazy Raven, **you have been warned. But I promise you, I'll make up for it. _I have plans *insert evil laugh* _

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_**Chapter 25**_

After the lumbar drain everyone told her to go home and get some fresh clothes. Everyone being Loki, Tony and Kelsey. Rachel had unfortunately not been there when the decision was made. The twins were out the danger zone and Raven needed a breather before she had a legitimate panic attack. Raven knew that when her foot took that fatal step out the hospital, a choice had to be made. Reality was catching up to her and a bridge had to be crossed.

For the past three days she had been receiving incriminating texts about Malcolm, who had gone MIA at the worst time in her world. She kept her front together, the twins mattered now, not her love life. She was a mother first and a lover second. No man would come between her and her children. A man had taken her mother away. A man had tried to end her life. In the end her life had been doomed because of the men she called father. Her first father broke her, making it impossible to fix her while taking her innocence with him. Her second father made her a warrior, hard and capable of taking care of herself but he never tried to rekindle her innocence. He ruined it further, she became tolerant of violence through him. Her third father meant no harm but in the end he did. His very existence was the reason she was here, like this. The good she never could be, the scalding light that didn't suit her.

She told herself that she wasn't hurt. She had been betrayed before. She should have expected no less from anyone. Yet when Raven got to her flat, all alone with no one around, no children to be strong for she broke down.

Why did this happen to her?

Why did she always get hurt?

What did I do?

Why can't I be happy?

Why does everything have to hurt me in the end?

It was more than being cheated on. She had been cheated on once before. It was the fact that Raven had trusted Malcolm, she had opened herself up to this man. This stranger and he was spitting on her trust. She had entrusted this man to her children and he betrayed her. She had made the fatal mistake her mother did, she trusted a woman with her daughter and once her last breath fell from her lips Raven should have been a foster child. Raven never wanted to make any bad decisions with her children, not like the ones that happened to her. Knowing that Malcolm was turning into a mistake, a untrustworthy mistake it took every fibre not to trash her flat.

Her babies could have died and he was somewhere fiddling some slag. The babies he had held before anyone. Helped name. Posed as their father until her living situation was better. He had tossed all that aside for a little roll around in the hay. Her children. Their life. Their friendship. Their love.

Raven loved Malcolm. It was a fresh love. A flower that had burst from its bud, it had yet to reach full bloom but it was beginning. And that hurt. Raven did not love freely and she allowed herself to feel something for him, to let the love grow, she tried to make it work, she left herself open. She wanted to scream and tear her hair out.

She hated being hurt.

She hated having her feeling spat on.

She hated being lied to.

She hated feeling weak.

She hated having her heart broken.

She hated not being good enough.

Another text came. "Do you want her name?" Was all it read.

"Who are you?" Texted Raven.

"I'm just someone like you. I hate sluts. Especially blatant ones."

Malcolm's piece had some enemies. Good news for her. She could raise a little hell with the time she had left. Before Rachel smelt the blood in the air. She could predict her rages like the weather.

"Tell me what you know," Raven texted back. "Everything that I should know."

She waited with steady hands resisting the urge to drink the half empty bottle of tequila in the fridge. Instead she went for her secret stash of cigarettes and lit it with a kitchen match. She wanted to change and she was the old Raven would have wrecked his apartment and any item he held dear. Probably would have put a virus on his computer. Maybe sabotage his job. But this Raven had something much more subtle in mind and less incriminating. She did have babies to take care of after all.

"Jess Cain," was the last text. "Her boyfriend is a fitness instructor at the local gym uptown from The Room. They call him Bobby."

Her informant knew the woman. Malcolm had not thought this through at all. He clearly forgot that Raven was a genius. A genius with anger issues and a misplaced anger issue. She took a shower and cleaned herself up a bit. Yet the etched smokey look of danger had not left her eyes with the copious amounts of creams and concealers she wore to ease the look of bloodlust from her face. She typed in a brief search while she got dressed. Bobby, was a fine specimen, as seen on Facebook. He was all over Jess Cain's wall and they had a pretty active page. She was committed how sweet. The only reason she managed know all of this was by going on Malcolm's Facebook, his password wasn't hard to figure out. After two guesses she cracked it. She didn't stay on long. She got what she wanted and bailed.

Dressed simply Raven sent Bobby the pictures she had been given. With the text, "Want to know who this is?"

He had called her moments later. "Who the fuck is this?"

She nerves were ice. "I'm just someone who wants to provide information."

"I asked you question!"

"I'm the bloke's girlfriend. Well, soon to be ex-girlfriend. And I asked you a question."

"Where are you?" His voice was calm.

"Outside the gym."

With no regrets Raven took a step into a gym. She knew exactly what was happening with each step. She was taking the point of no return, and her heart was steady. She had warned Malcolm that she was trouble and crazy. He had let her sweetness with the twins blind him. Her maternal facade. She was nothing but the weak hearted, single mother of Manchester. But that would all end. Their was a reason the God of Mischief gave her the time of day and he stuck around.

People just never listen.

No one ever listened.

And she warned him. Don't break my heart. I'm nothing but trouble. I'm crazy.

He saw how she came home with bruises. He saw the blood under her nails. And he still didn't listen.

He would listen now.

Raven was going to cure Malcolm of that silly notion of her being a helpless single mother. This Stark was no hero and didn't need a suit.

"Where's Raven?" Demanded Rachel.

"I told her to go home and take a break," responded Tony cooly. "She could afford to take a hour to herself.

Rachel gaped gobsmacked, "You let her go home. Alone?" Her mind went back to Malcolm who had been AWOL and the way Raven was not talking about it. "Since when?" She asked hurriedly. "Since when?"

"An hour," Kelsey's voice came out soft. "Maybe she took a nap?"

"You knew about this?" She snapped. "You let them send her home?"

"Is there something we should know?" Loki rose cradling Liam who was in a much better mood. He somehow managed to look menacing with the toddler in his hand.

Rachel hesitated. "Raven should never be alone when bad stuff is happening. You know that." She glared defiantly.

"You're lying about something Rachel," he retorted.

"No I'm not."

"Are you really going to play this game with me?" He rolled his eyes. "Really Rachel?"

She bit her lip, "Look, I just don't want her by herself right now. Okay?"

"You know something," Tony accused lightly overseeing Tegan who was still groggy from her procedure. "Spill."

"I don't think there's anything to-" Kelsey began.

"Zip it," hissed Rachel. "I've known Raven since she was eight years old! And I know when to worry! Not you!"

She knew that there was always quiet before the storm. With Raven, she was serene as the ocean until it turned to a Tsunami. Malcolm was fucking around and he had done it at the worst time. It was only a matter of time.

"Look, just say what's wrong!" Tony was losing his patience and he picked up on Rachel's urgency.

"I can't-" Rachel froze seeing Malcolm running towards them.

He had a similar look to Raven's, when they twins had been first admitted. And trailing behind was a woman. A pretty little thing with long dark hair.

"Where's Raven?" He asked.

"Where have you been?" Kelsey felt like she had been hit by a truck.

"Business," he replied in a breathy tone that reeked of lies. "Didn't Raven tell you?"

Loki held his tongue. It wasn't his business, as of yet.

"And who's this?" Sneered Rachel. Unable to hold back her disgust.

"This is Jess, she gave me a ride." She gave the youthful wave to them. "She wanted to see how the twins are."

"You know the twins?" Echoed Rachel getting that fatal tingle in her spine.

"Yeah," she nodded. She smiled to Liam who was in a nurse's arms, "Hey there Liam," she cooed, "how are you feeling love?"

Rachel called Raven. This was going to ugly and she had to warn her. If Raven came and saw some woman playing cute with her sick some, a woman who had been screwing her boyfriend. Hell would the last thing she release.

"Raven? Where are you?... Outside? What you doing-... You're having a smoke?" She exchanged a look with Loki and Tony. "Well uh, Malcolm's here. He finished his business..." She stared at Malcolm who was clueless to her conflicted sense of duty. "She wants you to come outside."

"Well," Jess broke in with her chirpy voice. "I better leave anyhow. I'll walk you out," she told Malcolm.

It was the equivalent of a funeral precession as they followed Malcolm and Jess to the outside. It was obvious who Jess was but no one dared speak. Rachel felt her heart rise in her chest, somewhere a bomb was falling. Raven wasn't stupid and right now she wouldn't be thinking straight. And Malcolm's timing was like lighting a match during a radioactive meltdown. He had no idea what had transpired over the past three days, and how close to and how many times she came to breaking. She was fragile and he may snap the frail string that was keeping her sane. Rachel prayed clumsily that Raven would ignore Jess, not be bothered with the slut and let it slide. Wishful thinking but Raven was never predictable. She did say that she wanted to curb her temper, this would be her chance to prove it. Maybe Raven would react with no reaction at all? Maybe Rachel was worrying about nothing.

Raven was smoking a cigarette.

Rachel took a sharp breath that Tony and Loki heard. Kelsey, Malcolm and Jess were more focused on the image before them than its warning. The fools. Raven was at the door cigarette in hand, she had freshened up but it did nothing to ease that hardness in her eyes. The lack of light and compassion. She saw Jess and her expression didn't change, not even flinch.

She knew.

"Mr. Stark," Rachel whispered in panic. "If she snaps you get her. You hear me?"

Tony blinked at Rachel who was shaking beside him. She watched as Raven and Jess sized up one another, neither were impressed by the other. Malcolm went up to hug her with Jess tailing, the rest of them remained inside as if they were about to watch a play being acted out. But the conversation was still audible. It was like watching the unedited news reel of a massacre, before and after a disaster happened.

"Raven, I'm so sorry I didn't call you." Malcolm held her tight. "My phone must have been not working or something."

"Who this?" Raven gestured loosely to Jess. Who stood a foot from them with beguiling eyes that held her smug victory. "I don't think we've met."

"This," he glanced back as if lost to why she was still there. "This is Jess, a friend of mine, she hangs out at the pub sometimes."

Raven said nothing but kept her cool. He was only telling half the truth, a trick she mastered being Loki's friend. Malcolm was less than an amateur. However she said nothing, she took a long drag of her cigarette. She was beyond yelling and screaming.

"So how did work go? You had to awfully busy." She dared him to lie to her face. She dared Malcolm to have the balls to call her the fool.

He rubbed the back of his head. "It was fine." he ducked his eyes. "Listen how about we go inside yeah?" He reached out to touch her arm. "You look like shit."

Raven smiled and Rachel covered her mouth as if a vile curse had been slewed. She had seen that smile a handful of times, each was the prologue to a bloodbath. She wanted to cover her eyes and run but if she did, she was not worthy of Raven's friendship. She stiffened her back and braced for impact. Raven had something up her sleeve and it wouldn't be pretty. Malcolm had crossed a line and he had to pay the toll.

"Not yet," Raven stopped her feet. "I need one more cigarette." She disposed of her bud and lit another one. "It's been along day. Meanwhile," she took out her cigarette and whistled with her two fingers, "I want you to meet a friend of mine. He's been keeping me company, and was so nice to give me a ride to the hospital."

Rachel gasped as a muscular man charged into Malcolm with a punch that nearly took off his head. "You fucking my girl!" He roared as Raven smoked. "My girl!"

"Jesus Christ," Rachel held her head. "She found someone to do her dirty work."

"And you!" The man bellowed at Jess and Malcolm's nose gushed. "You whore! You fucking cunt!" He hit Malcolm again when he stirred.

"Bobby," Jess cried. "Stop it! She's lying!" She pointed to Raven. "She's fucking lying!"

"I found the e-mails! The texts!" He took a step toward her. "I saw the pictures!" His face was turning red from the strain and anger. "How long? For how long Jess?"

"It's a lie!" Jess sobbed. "We're just friends!"

"They why did you send those pictures of ya pussy to him!" Bobby countered. "Saying how much you wanna fuck," he kicked a still down Malcolm in the ribs, "him again. How you don't give a fuck about his bird!"

Whilst this Raven sat on a bench like a queen foreseeing a torture. She was coldly regal and poised, not quite out of place with the dysfunctional crowd. She had no favoring glances to either parties but observed it as a whole. She took her time favoring each drag of her cigarette, blowing it in circles and through her nose. It gave her the air of lurking malice.

It cured Tony of any ideas that Loki had in any way bewitched or tempted Raven into anything. This side of Raven was dark and cunning, laced with a merciless similar to Loki when he sent Thor plummeting. Only with less flair. She wanted you to fear her. To think twice of lighting the fuse. She was not going to nice but nothing about what she was doing was to be taken lightly. No one was to be amused by this. It was a warning to Malcolm and to all that heard about this, not to mess with Raven Stark.

Loki had never seen Raven this way before. And like Tony it cured any illusions about any weakness he believed she had. He knew that she was merciless once provoked but she had never been insulted like this. This hurt. Raven had not simply been betrayed by Malcolm, he had spat on her heart at a time when she needed him, when her children were fighting for their lives. It was unforgivable. If she were the deadly queen she stood tall as she would have beheaded Malcolm on the spot.

"You bitch!" Jess shrieked at Raven who rose from her bench. She stomped up to her as if to strike her. "You-"

Raven grabbed her delicate little fists and with the self-defense she learned form Natasha all those years ago she twisted her arms behind her back. Jess yelled like a child but Raven silenced it when she shoved the girl into the door and let her scream and wriggle. Once it worn thin to Raven she pulled the girl back and butted her head against the glass.

"Had a good cry?" She mocked with a chill.

"Fuck you!"

Raven let the girl go and took three steps back. Rachel was about to yell to Tony and Loki to intervene but Jess foolishly charged. With the velocity of a cat and the ferocity of a tiger Raven backhanded Jess sending the girl to the ground in a weak stumble, all while she smoked her cigarette. Bobby who had been interrogating Malcolm with physical incentive paused and saw the backhand. It had echoed across the parking lot. Upon collision Jess' head and tried to pop off, and Raven's hand had borrowed all it's energy from the pent up momentum in her entire body. Bruce Lee would have been impressed. Raven shrugged her shoulders back annoyed at her feeble attempts to start a fight. She knelt down picking the stunned girl up.

"You're alright," she told the girl. "You're alright." Jess lifted her eyes only to have the smoke of the cigarette blow in her eyes. Raven looked like a mad bull as the smoke cleared, on an invisible leash. Up close she saw that Raven could have done worst, and wanted to. "Had enough?" She asked her in a low tone.

Jess nodded her head.

"Good," she stood up. "Now fuck off before I get a change of heart." The girl scurried off to her car and drove off. She turned to Bobby holding a bloody and slightly battered Malcolm. "Don't put yourself in jail for a whore Bobby," she dusted off her hands. "He's had enough."

His own haze cleared Bobby dropped Malcolm and stormed off. "He's all yours," was his last words.

Raven went over to Malcolm and stooped down. His eyes were coherent, they rolled to her. "Do you remember what you told me when we first came to Manchester together?" He tired to speak but she shh-ed him. "You said you had a thing for a crazy girls." She exhaled through her mouth as she pulled out her cigarette. He coughed at the smoke. "Too bad you forgot that I wasn't kidding when I said that was crazy." She got up. "What a pity."

She came back inside once getting rid of her cigarette. Kelsey was flabbergasted at the sight as the nurses rushed to help Malcolm, mutely she followed them as they took him to the clinic. Rachel was pale and found herself choking on the dryness in her mouth. Tony and Loki stared at her in mixture of appall and caution.

"Well now that we have that sorted," she sanitized her hands with a dispenser in her pocket. "Let's have lunch."

"Lunch?" Rachel felt sick. "I'll pass."

"Oh?" She seemed surprised at Rachel's refusal of food. As if the exchange didn't happen. "You two want anything?" She raised hate-free eyes to Tony and Loki. "I have a hankering from a sandwich."

"I need coffee," Tony groaned. "At least two cups."

Raven nodded and shifted to Loki. "And you?"

Resigned he said, "I suppose a cup of tea with have to do."

"Perfect!" She clapped her hands. "A good lunch is all what we need!" She linked arms with a woozy Rachel and steely Tony. "I'm starving!"


	26. Chapter 26

Finally got to see Iron Man 3! But dammit it just throws my universe into a spin. I will be putting a caption in the beginning reminding people, just what universe this will be. Any who, enjoy the chappie and review, review, review! As always critique me, because I do actually read them and try to make each chapter a bit more better.

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_**Chapter 26**_

They had spent over a month in the hospital. But neither of them had not been so lucky. Despite the lumbar drains and persistent treatment the twins didn't come out completely unscathed. Tegan's meningitis was more severe than Liam's but Loki did not think a Midgardian illness would effect his daughter so drastically. If she wasn't his daughter it was no doubt she would have died, her and Liam.

Liam could no longer walk. The nerves that controlled his legs, sent signals to the brain had been damaged by the bacteria that had been growing on his spine. Loki was speechless while Raven remained strong and didn't shed a tear. But she did reach out for his hand, a gesture they both needed as parents. Once it sank in Raven had immediately asked if it was permanent. She was more knowledgable in the limitations in Midgardian medicine, so he let her talk and listened closely. He wanted to understand. Perhaps magic could help his child.

"Can't he learn to walk all over again? He's young enough."

"It is a possibility," the doctor had said. He was a different doctor who specialized in paralysis in young children. "He may need to have extensive rehabilitation sessions, as he develops and grows. And with the assistance of leg braces," he had smiled at this, "and the support of you two, I would say there is plenty of hope. But I doubt that his quality of life won't be any less than a normal child's in the slightest, either way."

The leg braces that Liam received were somewhat crude by his tastes, obvious and brightly colored to appease a child. They fitted like boots which Liam detested at first but with Raven's calm authority accepted them. Loki tried not to smirk at the control she had over Liam, how with a single word and he silenced himself. The both of them practiced walking him up and done the hallway of the ward bribing him with toys and sweets helping him get accustomed to the sensation of the braces as she walked. He whined at first clamoring at Raven's arms, crying but she insisted that they were "crocodile tears". He needs to get used to it Loki, she had told him, if we coddle him it will do him no good. Once Liam realized his mother was not relenting, he gave him to the exercise. He was quite jovial with all the attention around him.

Tegan had a more severe outcome. She became blind and was only able to see light, light perception they told Loki. She had cried for a while but like most children she got over it quickly and behave as though nothing had gone wrong. The doctor said it was a rare outcome from meningitis but it did happen. He explained to them how the meningitis had attacked the cells and nerves that helped her to see. Loki had no idea how to feel about his daughter being unable to see, on Asgard disabilities were never welcomed in any circle but Raven told him that she would be just fine. _They have schools for the blind Loki. She'll learn to read and write braille. Blind people can cook and do plenty of things. She'll be okay. _

Raven tried not to cry, and held Tegan tight. Once she had her moment she took Tegan by the hand and encouraged her to walk, for the first time without her eyes. Coaxing her to move by using her ears, and patting the walls as she walked. When Tegan cried, afraid from the sudden darkness of her world Raven cradled her, soothing her with songs. She held her hands, guiding her tiny fingers along her face and her palms, showing her how to, in the most tangible way, to identify her.

There was no other woman in the realm that was worthy of being the mother of his children. It went without saying, but seeing her treat them equally and loving them equally, to the best of her ability cemented it. Others be damned about her age and their salacious affair, Loki did not regret loving Raven Stark. For continuously loving her. No other woman was worthy of bearing his children nor will there be. It was just her. Simply her.

He was repulsed by Malcolm's infidelity. Midgardian men could be like mongrels, without loyalty and treacherous. They were like greedy, thoughtless children that wanted it all with no true effort. He had came before her like a knight ready to rescue her with her whore behind him like a trained pet. These things happened on Asgard as well but only few were so bold to parade their vile behavior for all to see. Many women would hold their heads high and leave it alone. But not Raven, she would not be insulted. He was impressed by Raven's revenge. She let the fruits of his indiscretion reap their own havoc. Alerting the woman's own lover was a clever touch, letting the beasts fight while the whore screamed.

Mortality suited her so ill.

Why couldn't Fate have made her of Asgard? They would have raised mischief together and let the fools dance to dodge the throws. Their eternity would have been perfect, like a sonnet. He would have never wanted the crown. To have power. He would have been happy with her.

But she wouldn't be Raven if she had been born of Asgard. She would have been beaten into the shape of a virtuous maiden, given in marriage at a young age. That fighting fire extinguished, her independence curbed to dependence. She would have been beneath him and thus out of his reach. Her intelligence would have been neglected, musical prowess a tool to fetch her a husband. She wouldn't have tattoos. She wouldn't be Raven. His little fierce flightless bird.

If only her mortality didn't make her so vulnerable. She could die at any moment and had tempted death one too many times already. Tesseract or not. It was the one thing he hated about her, how her spirit befitted a goddess and her body was no better than glass.

He hated leaving her a few days after the twins were discharged but he had things to do. With Malcolm gone and her being unemployed, she had no excuse not to bring the twins to Asgard. Or to New York where at least Frigga could meet her grandchildren. But he had to announce that he was a father first. He returned to Asgard with Thor to tell his parents of the news, it had been put off long enough. Loki wondered how Odin would react knowing he had a son, something he and Raven had laughed over many times. It would hardly shift any sentiments in Loki's favor but it would be interesting to see his face, the courts did favor princes.

"Brother," Thor spoke to him as they walked on the broken Bifrost. Toward the the palace. "Will you tell them of children's aliments?"

Thor had been devastated when he heard the news. Midgardian illnesses were more mysterious and baffling to Thor than him. Meningitis to Midgardians was a serious sickness, and the most common cause of death for infants and the elderly. Jane explained the best she could to Thor that it was a infection that took the form of a cold, but it could cause retardation, paralysis, lead to amputations and death. It was a mercy that Tegan and Liam had survived Natasha had stated, if Raven hadn't been paying attention it could have been worse. Pepper had been a comfort before he departed, which was unexpected.

"If they're anything like Raven, they'll be running about in no time." Pepper had touched his arm. "Expect Tony to make Liam a pair a legs if he doesn't get better on her own." She had smiled at him, "We'll keep an eye on them while you're gone."

He had been forgiven to a degree. It appeared that Stark had returned and spoke of him in praises. Not that it mattered but it was refreshing.

"Of course I will." Loki knew that disabilities would not be treated with kindness on Asgard but he would not hide it in shame. His daughter was perfect. His son was perfect. Special and perfect. "You do recall what happened last time this family kept special conditions a secret?"

"I doubt Tegan or Liam would usurp Astrid from the throne because they had... meningitis," he stumbled over the word. He laughed at the thought once he entertained it.

Loki chuckled as well. "That would make a interesting ballad."

Thor nodded. "Perhaps, they'll be like sister and brother. As you and I were," he added carefully.

Loki said nothing but the shine in his eyes was enough. He liked the idea. "Mother always wanted another granddaughter. I think that will please her more than anything."

"She is fond of Raven also," commented Thor.

"Perhaps too fond," muttered Loki. He wondered what Odin would say. Raven had never taken a shine to him as a child. He had thought it was because she heard that he and Odin weren't on speaking terms and hated him as an act of loyalty. _He reminds me of someone_, she had told him when she was twelve,_ someone that I met a long time ago. Someone I hated. _She never once bowed to him and never called him my King, he was always Odin but she addressed his mother as Lady Frigga. _She reminds me of the art teacher I had, she never used to shout and was sweet about everything. Even when I drew something creepy she never got freaked out by it. _

"Raven is fine mother. Mother could wish for nothing better."

There is no better, Loki thought as they approached the palace. Nor will there ever be.

Frigga and Odin had no clue that Raven had affected by the Tesseract and all the other developments that occurred on Midgard. This would be an eventual meeting. They had to hear that the child that he had previously kidnapped had become infected by their most deadliest device, had been dreaming of Fernis and his sons and was the mother of their latest grandchildren. Loki was deeply tempted to laugh if it was not the woman he loved this had happened to.

Thor being the eldest had requested the private audience and Loki told Odin and Frigga about Raven. How the Tesseract had affected her. Her dreams of Fenris and his son Sköll. Their affair. How she had given birth to his children with help of her new abilities. The fact she had no idea she was pregnant and the bizarre Midgardian condition that made this possible. The Wraiths and how they tried to take her head. How the twins had been sick with meningitis, he explained what meningitis was too. And finally how Tegan and Liam had been affected by it.

They all had been silent during this saga of events. Loki was cool and collected throughout not letting their thoughts and body language make him want to alter anything that offended them. He even mentioned without an ounce of shame that he and Raven were not an item and thus were not going to be or at the moment married. Though he was grateful that Malcolm was no longer part of this equation, that would have no doubt broken the tolerant silence.

Little kindnesses.

"I have a photograph of the children Mother," Loki conjured the latest picture of the twins. She was used to this invention and enjoyed how they captured moments as if you had been there.

Frigga took the picture and smiled at the glossy copy of her new grandchildren. Liam and Tegan were on the bed, back home from the hospital celebrating their first birthday at last. Liam was playing with a very Fischer Price toy dressed simply in a shirt. He had lifted his up to smile at the camera, big blue eyes shiny and healthy sporting his green braces. Tegan was standing on her own her eyes else where but her face was visible. She was eating pretzel sticks when the picture was taken. Funny how they both decided not to wear pants that day.

"They are beautiful children," Frigga smiled. "The boy reminds me of you," she traced their faces. "And the girl has your eyes." Pity they won't be that way for vey long, her expression added.

Thor picking up on the good atmosphere that had filled the room. "They are wonderful children Mother. Raven is a fine mother, they adore her so."

Odin had kept his silence. Which what Loki had been more intuited to, Frigga would hardly damn his children. Odin could and would.

"The girl, Raven, has been effected by the Tesseract?" Odin glanced at the picture.

Loki nodded. "Her powers are vastly limited. And it weakens her when she uses it."

"I see."

Loki expected nothing grandiose. His children were Jotun, born out of wedlock and from the womb of a Midgardian woman he knew as a child. Who was barely a woman when he impregnated her and who was not interested in marrying him. There were more things to hate than love about this scenario.

Odin stared at Loki. "And she knows you are here?"

Odin really wasn't liking this. Loki was militant. "Raven would like for our children to know all the sides of their family." But she would have no problem keeping you from them.

"They're Jotun?"

"Yes." He conjured another picture. This one was them with their Jotun skin. Frigga stared at Raven holding each child smiling along with them at the camera. He wanted Odin to see Raven with them like this, hugging them despite the chill of their skin. The love in her eyes even when their skin was blue.

"She must have suffered a great deal," Frigga sounded sad. "And at such a young age. Two Jotun children to birth. And no preparation."

Loki tensed, he didn't want to picture it.

"She's strong," stated Odin. "Even without the Tesseract." Was that approval in his voice? "And she wishes to bring them here?"

"If you would welcome her," Loki said precisely.

Odin handed Frigga the photograph. After a pause that ate at Thor's patience he said, "She may come."

Raven had been stuck at home since everyone else went back. She and Kelsey were amazingly still friends but she knew that she couldn't ask her for everything and anything ever again. No matter how wrong Malcolm had been, he was her cousin and there were things that you just didn't do. But Raven wasn't sorry. She would sooner move out than apologize.

She left a message for Malcolm saying how she wanted her stuff back and that he could come for his. It was a necessary encounter which made her itch with irritation, she never wanted to see him again. She sat at home, all alone with the twins who were loving their new toys, there was nothing in the papers for her, job-wise. Kelsey was at work and would be going out with her boyfriend directly afterward. Raven was grateful for the silence and solitude to let her depression peep through. She didn't want to cry in front of anyone but now that was alone she did.

Although it was no excuse, Raven saw his side. It hurt more than finding out, seeing the logic in it.

There was a knock and she tried not to spit when she saw Malcolm. His face had healed up nicely since she had last seen him. Her heart leapt at the sight of him, scruffy with those forest green eyes, messy and rugged. Even though she was scowling, she wanted him back, she regretted what she did but she was too proud to say sorry. Not now.

Instead of throwing down her box, taking up his and leavingMalcolm came inside. Raven left the door open, the twins were all across the room playing with their toys. Liam brightened upon seeing him which made her want to throw something at his head. Her babies had loved him. Reluctantly she shut it down, slamming the door to get his attention.

"Your stuff is over there," she pointed to the black bag he had walked past. "Take it and get out."

Malcolm was hardly affected by her coldness, in his hands were two presents. He had them in the box that her stuff was in. "I just want to give them the presents I bought them."

He had bought them books. Raven had told them how she was going to make sure her children were avid readers. How she would buy them books upon books. Tegan would never read these books. The gesture made her sick now. "You given them their presents now leave."

"Can we at least talk about this?" He sounded pitiful.

"What is there to talk about?" Snapped Raven sarcastic. "You slept around behind my back and left me to hang when my babies were sick. I think we've covered everything."

"It was just Jess," he defended himself.

"And you want a fucking medal do you?" She sneered. "I only slept with one girl so it's not that bad?"

The twins were too busy with their toys to mind the adults behind them. Malcolm still moved away from them and Raven shifted with him unconsciously.

"Raven, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" She demanded. "It was just one time? So what, if that's even true! Just because I'm fighting to stay afloat doesn't mean I'm stupid! And just because my insomnia made me a bit slow does not mean I wasn't going to get wise to this!"

"Jesus Christ Raven don't make this about-"

"Me?" She hissed. "Well too bad this is going to be about me! When you act like a dick that's what happens! You had a chance to make it right and you decide to fuck some slag!"

"It wasn't like that!" Malcolm bellowed. "I love you! And I know what I did was wrong but I love you!"

She recoiled at the statement. How dare he? "Like that makes-"

"Let me talk!" He cut off. He held his hair by the seams. "I only did it because she reminded me of you!" Raven snorted at his audacious logic. "How you used to be. How we could have been."

She shook her head. "Bullshit excuses." Tears were burning behind her eyes.

"It's not an excuse, that's how I felt!" She opened her mouth but he stopped her. "And don't you dare say I don't love those kids," he gestured to the twins, "because I do!"

"So?" She shrugged coldly. "If you loved them you have been there. If you loved me you would have been there. If you loved me you would haven't done this!" She bellowed the tears fighting to fall. "You would have run around with some slag!"

"I was drunk the first time. I had just kissed her. It meant nothing," his eyes appeared hurt and remorseful but Raven didn't believe them. "She offered and I did it. The second time we were fighting and I was angry," he held his head like it was an unsolvable mystery. "And I fucked her and pretended it was you."

Raven was disgusted. And hurt, so damn hurt. "Why?" She realized how much she needed to hear this.

As if their emotions had switched Malcolm became ignited. "I don't know! I don't know! Because you're made of glass! Under all," he waved his hand over her, "that fuck-the-world bullshit you're made of glass! You say you can take it but then you go off and swallow you tears and it drives me mad!" He saw her brimming eyes. "And you're doing it right now!"

Her voice cracked. "Is that all? I'm a shit girlfriend and I pissed you off?"

He shook his head. "No." He cleared his throat simmering down. "I just... there's no excuse but your whole family and Loki was here and it-"

Raven's eyes closed fed up. This all could have been prevented if he opened his damn mouth. "Goddammit Malcolm."

Interpreting her tone as a chide his voice rose again. "How can I stand there with Loki eye fucking you?"

"You say something!" Spat Raven. These things had to be said, face to face. Not some inner monologue between Raven and her self-loathing. "And he wasn't eye-fucking me."

"Don't you play naïve with me!" His finger was in her face. "Don't you dare!" He took a step closer. "You know he wants you and you keep turning your back as if it'll be gone when you turn around!"

"And that's my fault?" Shrieked Raven. "We could have talked about it! We could have fixed it!"

"I'm not blaming you!"

"Yes you are!" The tears fell. "I can't control Loki any more than anyone! If you wanted this to work then you would have opened your goddamn mouth and say something. I gave you every chance to! I gave you every reason to call it quits and you stayed! The minute the twins were born I gave you an out and you said that you wanted to try!" She wiped her eyes. "You said that you didn't care after all that I told you!"

"I do want you," he announced. "After this!" He pointed to his face. "I still want you and I've always wanted you!" He embraced her and Raven writhed in his hold.

"Let me go!"

"I'm sorry I can't give you fairytale," the word made her freeze. "But I'll give you all I can."

Raven yanked herself free. "I never wanted a fairytale. Never in my life!" The tears were tears of hate. "I loved you, I trusted you, entrusted my children to you, and this is what you do?" Her face twisted into every ugly feeling that crawled in her throat. "And you think a little heart to heart is going to fix this? Really?"

"Raven I-"

"No! You had your chance now it's mine!" She gave him a withering. "My babies could have died. I thought they were dying. I was losing my mind and where were you? With her," she answered for him. "You weren't at work, you were with her while my babies fought for their lives. Weren't you?" He hung his head. "Oh my God..." She didn't want to believe it. "You son of a bitch

"I needed you and you were with her. How can I trust you after that? How?" She inhaled shakily. "After I told you how people have hurt me, you hurt me!"

The twins whimpered at Raven's enraged cry.

"But that's not what did it." She wagged her head loosely. "Oh no. You see Malcolm, I don't care what people do to me. I've grown up with a lack of fairytales and I can live with that. But," her eyes flashed, "you abandoned my kids. They needed you. The babies that saw you as a father, even though I made sure they didn't call you that. I let you play daddy, even though I told people you weren't, I lied to myself. My children loved you more than their own father and they needed you! And you weren't there!" She roared.

"I made a promise to myself that if I had any children they would never be hurt like I was hurt. And you hurt them!" Raven's wild eyes broke the locked stare at Tegan's fretting cries. "Get out," she ordered deflated.

"Raven please."

"Get out, or I'll throw you out. And don't think I can't and that I won't."

Begrudgingly he made his way to the door. Picking up his bag he heard her speak again.

"Your key's in there. Put mine on the table before you go."

She had loved him the son of bitch. As much as it hurt her what Malcolm did, she couldn't fully blame him. She had thrown so much on him, burdened him with responsibilities that weren't his to bear. She had thrown him into her world without an ounce of choice, she gave him an out but he was too good to take it. In her darkest thoughts she knew that. She had pushed him, a normal, sane person over the edge. Raven had been selfish and it bit her in the ass. Loki's presence alone could get under anyone's skin, but to know that he was watching her with so mu subtext right under Malcolm's nose and she didn't have the balls to put him down? She was surprised he didn't want to get caught. Just to throw it in her face. She deserved it.

Malcolm did as he was told closely the door lightly as he left. He had ruined everything and he knew it. He needed a drink. No, he needed a lot of drinks. He wanted to drink it all away.

All of it.


	27. Chapter 27

Sorry I've been delaying a bit, exams have been on my tail and I've been thinking about how this way this story is going to go. Anyways enjoy, review, review. Shout out to my regulars, love ya, and critique is greatly appreciated.

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**Chapter 27**

Malcolm used Kelsey to communicate with Raven. He didn't beg to be forgiven but left little pleasantries for her, how are you doing? How are the twins? At first she scoffed at it, trying to sweeten her up to make up for his folly. However, the more he persisted the more genuine it felt. She tried to stay strong but a small part of her yearned for him, the sweet man that burst through her clouds like a sun. Her heart wanted to see him again, even after he broke her heart, because he had only cheated on her once drunk. A part of her wanted to forgiven him, put him on probation. She knew she had gone a bit overboard with Bobby, having him beat Malcolm to a pulp. And she was not blameless either. Malcolm had been right about her and Loki, how Loki sent these subtle signals that screamed like sirens. She had weakly deflected them knowing damn well she was teetering on thin ice with her buried flame. Malcolm didn't deserve that. Just as much as she had deserve being cheated on. With sex or companionship.

They both were wrong.

And she had to grow up.

Kelsey had been at arm's length with her sense she had sicked Jess's boyfriend on her like a mad dog. She had every right to and Kelsey was still being civil to her, never mind the distant chill in her voice. She had every right to be pissed with her as well. She had to make peace with her, who supported Malcolm keeping contact with her. With Tegan's recent blindness and Liam relearning to walk it was easy to put adult issues aside, finding a job, her family, introducing the twins to Odin and Frigga, Loki, Malcolm. It was effortless to forget the world. But Raven had to grow up, a bit. She had to decide what she wanted before this went any further, am I going to give Loki a chance? Am I going to forgive Malcolm? Or am I going to stay by myself? My children need stability, I have to be a Mum. I need to be a proper Mum. I will be a proper Mum.

So when she was home alone, Raven surprised herself and called Malcolm.

"Hello Malcolm?" Her voice shook. She had no idea what she was doing.

"Raven?" His voice was taken back. "Is something wrong?"

"Look," she balanced a fussy Tegan on her leg. "I've been thinking, and I can see why I drove you up a wall. I'm selfish and love to take care of myself. I haven't forgiven you yet for cheating on me but I want to say sorry for hurting you. So, sorry."

There was silence. "Raven," his voice called to her. "... I forgive you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I don't know," she was being honest. "I don't know."

"Look," he sighed, "you sound exhausted, why don't I come over and babysit for a while. Kelsey's gone for the weekend isn't she?"

Her sixth sense stung. "Look Malcolm, that's not a good idea. And I don't need any extra-"

"I don't want sex," he interrupted her rant. "If that's what you're thinking. I'm not going to take advantage of you." He was firm. "I want you to rest. And you can't rest with a blind baby running into every corner of the house."

Raven didn't answer him. Kelsey no doubt had been telling him how tough it was, and that she was considering moving back in with Tony for some help. Her heart swung both ways, was he going to respect her wishes or was he going to be her sunshine again? Which was the right thing to do?

"I'm coming over," he answered for her. He hung up the phone before she could stammer a reply.

He was the shade from the desert. He came in and with a polite bow of his head he went to Liam who flocked to him unaffected by the conflict. Raven held Tegan who had grown somewhat dependent on her touch, she hated being alone for too long without something to stimulate her senses. She still liked to cause trouble but she was more cautious now, reserved and tedious. Their disabilities didn't worry Raven, they lived in a world that could help them. She worried if they could cope with it, if they would be bitter because they couldn't see or walk right. If it would affect their happiness. She wanted them to have full lives. But her body was waning from the relentless surprises that threatened to knock her down. Even Malcolm's presence was threatening to knock her down.

"You look like shit," he remarked.

"Tegan's having trouble sleeping," she admitted. "Figuring out that it's night and not day, differentiating types of light" she yawned. "Your face looks better."

He rubbed his fuzzy jaw. "Yeah." He glanced around the room, "No Loki?"

She knew this was coming. "I asked him to keep his distance for now. Can't take the drama. Besides we're going to visit his family in a few days, he's probably fussing on his end."

"His family?" He nodded in acceptance. "Sounds nice."

"I'm kinda scared shitless," she admitted before her mouth stayed shut. "He's dad can be such a dick and where he comes from disabilities... they don't..."

"They're not the best thing to have."

"Yeah, I could careless but-"

Across the room with Liam in his arms he muttered, "You do care. You care because they'll say a bunch of bullshit to them and it'll break your heart." He said it so compassionately she wanted to cry. "It's gonna break your heart because they'll judge them for it."

Her breath caught, he shouldn't have come. Raven ducked her face away. "Right. So did you have dinner already?"

He smiled softly, "I was gonna order out when you called."

"Well," she went to the fridge, "there's some lasagne leftovers." She pulled out the tray with a single hand, "Enough for two."

Malcolm took the dish and put it in the oven after uncovering it. "You know that you don't have to be strong all the time."

Raven smiled sadly, "You know that's not true." She took a step back. "I shouldn't be doing this to you. I got you beat up, told you to go to hell and now I've got you babysitting."

"You're right but, I don't mind," he shrugged setting the oven up to pre-heat. "Besides it's my fault that I got beat up. That's what you get for cheating on a crazy girl." He gave her a friendly wink. "And I love these kids."

They stood parallel as the oven warmed rocking the child in their arms. It was about time for them to sleep. It felt all too familiar, the late nights alone. Rocking babies to asleep. Speaking volumes in silence. Raven forgot how unlike the old days this was, she forgot how blurry this was, how loaded. The pregnant pause, ever since he entered the room. Even when they put the twins to bed there was a pause. When they sat down to eat, there was silence. As they did the dishes, it persisted.

Until he broke it.

"I'm so sorry Raven," was his choked utterance. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it back." His eyes were a rainforest after fresh rain shiny with dews. "I'm so sorry. I wished I had never seen her, that I could pull my eyes out and take it back. Believe me," he begged.

What am I doing? What am I doing? She stared into those eyes holding her heart in her throat. "Was it really only one time?" Her tone was a ghost whisper. "One kiss, a fuck and hanging out? Was that it?" He nodded. "Tell me why. I need you to tell me why. Why you kissed her, then fucked her and then hung out with her. Why you turned off your phone for that."

Malcolm licked his dry lips. "I kissed her because I wanted to, I could have carried it further but I didn't. I thought of you and stopped. When I fucked her I was drunk, she had been hounding me, dancing around the fact we kissed. I was mad because we were fighting about something. I slept with her because I wanted to get off."

"And the last time?"

He rubbed his face, "When Loki came back into the picture and your family I was feeling stressed. So many things were happening, you came back beaten and bruised. And... we had just found out how you might never have anymore kids, and you had these bruises on your stomach." His breath was hot. "And you played it off like it was nothing. You just shrugged it off like it was a cold, and you didn't want to talk about it, so I couldn't talk about it. How... afraid I was. For you. How overwhelmed I felt and how you could take all of this and keep going without breaking a sweat or tear. You can so hard sometimes, frankly, it makes me shit myself thinking about how you got that way.

"Me and Jess started talking and when the twins birthday came around, I decided that you didn't need me there. I felt like an outsider and I didn't have the patience to put up with it. So I faked a project and turned my phone off. I hung out in my flat for a bit then me and Jess hung out for the other two days." He hung his head, "If I had known, I would have come running and you know that... Please say something Raven." He lifted his head and saw Raven had tears in her eyes. "Raven?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I?" He replied. "Everything went so fast and I couldn't find the words." He wasn't lying, he was completely sincere and it made Raven shrink under her skin.

She sniffled, "Why do I love you so damn much?" She froze realizing she said it aloud. She put a hand on her mouth, "Oh shit."

"Raven," he reached his hand out and she stood planted. "Say that again." She shook her head. "I love you too. I don't want to call it even, I don't deserve it. But I just want you to know that." He took a step closer and kept his hands to himself. "I meant what I said on the phone Raven."

Something in Raven's armor broke and she latched onto Malcolm. She kissed him tugging on those lips wrapping her hands around his neck, pulling him close. He moaned instantly when they touched, skin on fire he grabbed her, pawing at the body he missed so much. He broke the kiss and began a trail of kisses down her neck to her transplant scar that peeped from her blouse. She gasped, heart racing and pulled him back for a scorning kiss. His fingers were like pinpricks of fire, running up and down her spine. Along the wings branded in her back that made her want to sprout wings and fly. She was lost under his hands, drowning in fire until the cool rush of her tile countertop on her lower back broke the fever dream.

Wake up.

She pulled away, he had her on her back, at his mercy. "We shouldn't," she panted. "We shouldn't." She didn't fully forgive him yet but her body cried for his touch. Cried for release.

He was breathless. "I know... It's too soon," he held her face, hands so warm. "It's too soon."

"It won't mean anything," she muttered. "It'll make things worse. Complicated." His thumb brushed along her lip. "It'll make a mess of things." She opened her mouth and sucked on his thumb, swirling her tongue around the tip. The distant taste of lasagne under his nail.

"I know," he was standing between her legs. "I gotta a lot to make up for." There were no predators here, as her chest seemed to swell like a singing robin.

"So much," she cooed. He lowered himself, his warmth a blanket from the cold. "So much, and so do I."

He kissed her tongue darting into her mouth, gentle hands kneading her breasts through her clothes. She moaned and her legs lifted wrapping around his waist, locking by the ankle. She rolled her hips instinctively and there was delightful friction. He opened her blouse and with wicked grace she arched undoing her bra for him. He gave a hitched breath running his hand along the scar etched in her skin, bowing his head to kiss it from the bottom to the tip. She sighed reaching for his shirt pulling it halfway off before he did the rest. She sat up planting butterfly kisses along his chest running her nails along the flesh making his groan. He bent her head back and kissed her, her hands wandered dangerously, brushing over his boiling erection.

Malcolm returned the favor by darting his fingers in her stretchy pants rubbing her through her panties. She laid there eyes smokey from lust, staring at him through heavy lids. He moved his hand slowly and she rocked his hands with his hands. Then she let out this moan and he winced.

"Please," he begged in her ear. His fingers dancing over her pants waist. "Please."

She nodded and without any other invitation he took her pants off caressing her thighs and knees as he undressed her before he undressed himself. But Raven sat up ready to ease off the table but Malcolm lowered himself to her knees and her arousal peaked. With coy nudge he parted her legs tasting her like a parched man. Raven bit her lip from moaning, she propped herself on her hands. It felt like years had passed since sex had been this intense for her. His tongue ravished her and the sounds he made was making the hair on her skin rise.

"Malcolm!" She moaned. "Oh Malcolm, don't stop. Please. Oh God, don't stop. Don't stop. Don't-" She gave a strangled cry, shuddering, fully aware that Malcolm was holding her thighs steady lapping her up. "Mal-" She groaned when he nipped her quivering bud, with his teeth. He never did that before. She stuck a fist in her mouth. She nearly fell off the table trying to stay steady.

As she caught her breath he took a condom from his wallet taking his sweet time putting it on. Malcolm cradled the back of her head with one hand, gripping hair tight kissing her neck. With his other had he guided himself in and it was dawn on the brink of the world's horizon. She moaned savoring each thrust. Each time he moaned and held her face to see the raw passion in her eyes. He stole her breath with kisses holding her gaze as their breaths strangled one another.

"Harder," she begged. "Please harder."

He complied holding her tight and hitting her hard. She mewled like a docile cat trying to meet his thrusts. She bit his lip tugging it as he pulled out and in. Then he stopped.

"What?"

He didn't answer he simply pulled out, taking her with him. Gently he turned her over on her stomach and threw himself back inside her. Raven yelped at the sudden spark hanging onto the counter edges as he pulled her hips back to his. Flesh slapped and he teased her by filing her to the brink and grinding against her.

"Malcolm," she panted. "Oh Malcolm, do that again."

He chuckled into her neck. "Say my name again and I will." He had never done this before. But she loved it.

"Malcolm." He pulled out to the tip and shoved it back in, grinding erotically once skin was to skin. She whined in relief and rolled onto him clenching her walls which made his grip her hips.

"Jesus Christ. Rav-" She did it again. "Oh! Raven!" She did clenched. "Fuck."

Heat was blinding and Raven wanted to see his face. She wanted to see him. "Stop," and he did without question. Raven, dripping wet stood up and he nearly salivated at the sight. Ready, hot, all for him.

"Jesus Christ you're gorgeous," he panted.

"I want to see you," she crooned. "Floor. Now. On your back."

He did just as he was told, licking his lips as Raven lowered herself onto him. The feeling was incredible intense and she was sensitive to the touch. She ground her hips pinching her breasts as he lifted her up an inch each try so he could meet her thrusts.

"Oh fuck," he breathed. "Fuck."

"Say my name," Raven purred. "Say my name." She clenched her walls despite how close she was. His face contorted in tight passion. Mouth agape in a silent gasp. "Say. It."

"Raven. Raven. Raven," he sang. "Raven. Raven. Raven."

Heat was reaching her boiling point. She leaned over rolling desperately. "Make me come. Make me come. Oh God please make me come."

Malcolm took her hips and bucked into her. His thrusts were as hurried as her pants. Their eyes met glassy with passion and glowered when they came crumbling on top each other in ragged wheezes. Too tired to move they laid there for a moment. Cuddling in sweat. He nuzzled her face shifting it to give her a sloppy kiss.

"I love you," he muttered. It didn't scare her to hear him say it.

"I love you too." She kissed him hiding the tears that wanted to fall. "Wanna stay for breakfast?"

"And this girl has the power of the Tesseract? The lover of the God of Mischief?"

"Yes my lords. She thought she wiped us all out during our first assault... we underestimated her my lords."

"And how did you escape, Wraith?"

"My leader Geis had released me, knowing that she was going to kill us all. She had used his mind to pinpoint the location of my brothers and killed them all. Geis had removed me from his mind so I could escape. The mortals were too distracted by her to sense my escape."

"And you come to us the Dark Elves with what proposition? You wants us to attack Asgard?" There was a laugh. "For the whore of a prince of the court!"

"She is mortal my lords, and it would be a much easier task than to steal the Tesseract from the vault. This girl is weak, a single strike and she would be yours."

"And yet her power is strong."

"If I may make a suggestion, my lords... The mortal's power weakens her, and in Asgard would be her lover, her children... with them under threat -"

"She would not use her power, you say?"

"She had only used her power on my men to protect her children... A mother would sacrifice herself for her children, would she not?"

The Dark Elf nodded, "They often do. And how do you propose, Wraith, Creature of Stealth, how we are to infiltrate Asgard and steal this mortal? I wish not to have my men slaughtered without any merit, or in vain."

"I know a way my lord... The God of Mischief's mind is full of secrets, and I have seen them."


	28. Chapter 28

Sorry about the slight hiatus. I had some exams to finish up. As always review and critic, with every useful comment you give, each of my stories will get better. Shout out to ZabuzasGirl, my most faithful reviewer.

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_**Chapter 28**_

Raven told no one about her and Malcolm. She kept her mouth shut, not even Rachel or Kelsey, who in their own right should have known. Raven loved Malcolm, despite his folly she wanted them to have a chance, and so did he. The entire time Kelsey was away they were locked in their own world, they took care of the twins. Having sex with Malcolm had not the smartest thing, she didn't quite forgive him and she wasn't sure if getting involved with him was the best choice. She adored him for how happy he could make her yet was hurt that their communication skills were subpar.

She had no obligation to anyone or anything, except her own happiness. She wanted to start again when she came back from Asgard, she didn't quite know she was going to go about it. She hadn't told anyone and they all were waiting for her to give the word to take her stuff to her father's house. Loki was going to ask what she wanted soon enough. In her heart, the pit of her soul she would always love Loki, to the end of her days she would always love that man. Malcolm had to accept that, if they were getting back together. He was the father of her children, her first love, her best friend. Loki wouldn't be going anywhere no matter whom she chose, and Raven would want it that way. But would the level of love they had for each other change?

"You don't have to make a decision now," Malcolm had told her when he finally left. "You know, that don't you?"

He didn't want to compete with Loki and Raven understood that. "I know," she smoothed his hair, "I know."

"You need to let me know when you get back from Asgard, alright?" He reminded her with light urgency. "The minute you know, and get to a phone let me know." He embraced her, holding her tight. "Promise?"

"The minute I know, I'll call."

His hand went on the door knob, "If you choose him that's alright, you know?" Raven folded her arms watching him intently, as he kept his eyes on the door. "I just want you to be happy Raven. You deserve to be happy."

"Why do you have to be such a nice guy?" Raven asked him. "After everything?"

"I think," he turned around giving his best kissed, cruelly keeping his hands to himself. "That you deserve a little kindness, after all these years." He held her face. "God," he ran his thumbs under her eyes, "I never noticed how sad your eyes are, even when your happy. I can't possibly know what you need Raven, I will never fully understand how terrible your life has been, or how the hell you keep getting up to spit in its face. I can only hope that whomever you choose will make you happy." With that he left.

Malcolm was okay if the few days they had was nothing but burning bridges. He didn't mind making them a purge, for something new. He knew that Loki wanted to be a family, and understood the sentiment, the want. But he also wanted her.

Sometimes Raven believed, in the darker corners of her mind, that Loki wanted them together because of the twins. What other thing could make him forgive her for all the trouble she caused? She cut her teeth on his heart, lied to him, kept him from his children and informally had his role replaced. Seeing the twins could wipe all that away.

Why did she love all the bad boys?

She wanted Loki too. All that history, the familiarity, the wonderful person he was under all that ice. More deserving of love than any man in the world but Malcolm's presence was clouding that devotion. The light, effortless and uncomplicated love that was Malcolm, she never had anything like it in her life. All the loves she had came with some bad. Cowboy made her a wild child. He-the-nameless from college made her a hot mess. Loki was everything she never should have touched. Every boy she got involved with kindled the bad girl under her skin. Wanted that morbid little girl in leather and lace, the wild child that would light a city on fire.

Malcolm wanted the sweet, gentle Raven. The Raven that sung lullabies, pushed the couch back and danced when she couldn't go out, who didn't have self-destructive tendencies. Who didn't have to be a genius. She could be an orphan, a little nobody. With Loki, it was because of Tony they met. They never would have met if not for him. Someone like Malcolm would have found her either way.

But who did she want? The man or the God?

Only I would have this dilemma. Only I could be in the realm of gods and wanting to be in a pub having fish and chips, only me. Only I could be in a spot like this.

Raven tried not to glare at anyone who glanced at her twins for a second longer than they should. Liam with his braces, waddling somewhat, Tegan with gaping eyes, touching whatever her hands could reach, seeing with her fingers. Raven felt the stares of them all, judging and pitying, it made her skin crawl and itch but she held her head high. Her children were wonderful, they were going to be brilliant and were perfect.

"I figured you would be here."

Raven said nothing as Loki sat beside her, the twins were rolling about the grass of the royal gardens. They were all dressed in Asgard garb and she could give less of a damn if the twins got theirs dirty, they wanted to play in the dirty and they will.

"They were getting cranky with everyone wanting to see them," Raven stretched. "Hogun was the only one either of them liked. They tormented everyone else."

"Oh I heard, Liam gave Lady Sif quite a bite," he chuckled.

"I wonder who told him to do that?" She glanced suspiciously at Loki. "Tegan stop!" She rose and picked up Tegan who had been about to stick her hand in a rose bush. "When she's two we need to get her a walking cane."

"A cane?"

"It's a tool to help her feel obstructions so she won't bump into them," she explained. "Two's the standard age to get one, they can hold it better at that age."

"I see," Loki petted Tegan who turned her ear to his voice. "She's quite perceptive isn't she?" He took her into his arms.

"Of course she is," Raven declared. "She's amazing," she kissed Tegan on her head with a big smack. "And," she knelt down to welcome Liam who ran into her arms, "so is this little guy here!"

Loki smiled, "What else can you expect from such a mother?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Raven chided. "He's not nearly as cute as you isn't he?" She cooed to Liam. "Oh no, you clearly got some good looks from me."

"I thought you said he looked just like me?"

"He has your eyes, and he scowls like you but he still cuter than you," she teased. "Aren't you my handsome boy?"

Loki rolled his eyes, "Mockery will get you nowhere."

Loki watched as Raven took Liam over to a bush of flowers that caught his attention. She was a beauty in the red gown he made for her, it held every curve and shined with the class befitting a lady. Beneath her in his opinion. She held their son in her arms finally away from all other distractions. She lowered a branch covered in blooms to see. His big blue eyes gawked at the otherworldly flowers, he touched the petals reporting their texture to Raven. She nodded her head and adding to his investigation.

He would ask Odin to give her the fruit, if not for love, for Liam and Tegan. Loki could feel the magic in his daughter, the bursting power nestled in a bud. Frigga would hear his plea, she was moved at how fragile mortals were and would be swayed by a mother's plight. Liam and Tegan deserved to have their mother to live through the centuries with them, the mere decades of a mortal's life would pass in a season to them. They would be wracked with grief for eons.

He would be wracked with grief for eons.

To watch that glorious woman turn to dust before his very eyes. The woman he loved, grow old and wither while he remained the same. Loki couldn't bare it, he would not. His children needed their mother, who accepted them wholly Jotun or not. He thought back to those home movies she gave him, how close they three of them were, how she knew what each cry meant, comforted them and made them laugh. She was the best thing for them. They would wilt without her constant shower of love.

Tegan's magic often cried for her mother when he first held her. He sensed her internal yells for her mother unaccustomed to his own imprint. Magically children were far more sensitive to feeling, and often left imprint on their mothers who's own magic would reciprocate the bond. While Raven had only a fledging of magic in her the bond was there. Liam was far more protective of Raven than his sister, his imprint flared during unwanted separation. He had a deeper bond than his sister. Loki figured from the fact he was wary of strangers and rarely left her arms of his own free will, and the distress of childbirth.

"What's with that face?" Raven called to him. "Don't tell me your going to be one of those dads."

"What?" He saw Liam holding a flower in his tiny fist.

"That their little boys shouldn't be playing with flowers."

"Not at all," he replied as Liam proceed to dissect the flower the strips. "A little investigation never hurt."

She chuckled at Liam who seemed surprise at his destruction. "All gone!" Raven summed up. She saw his pensive face, "Okay Loki, what is it? And if you saw nothing -"

"How would you like to extend your visit?"

"Excuse me?"

Tegan patted his clothes trying anxiously to tear it apart. "You wanted time to think over what you think you should do for yourself and the children. Why not do it here?" He was trying making the deal sound irresistible.

"It's hard to think of you as menacing with a baby in your arms," she joked. He said nothing and Raven sighed, "Loki, I hardly have enough diapers for a extended trip."

"I doubt Thor would mind running an errand for you. Nor I."

She rubbed her head, "God," she chuckled. "You just want to keep me around don't you?" Her tone was light but her eyes were troubled.

His eyes grew dark, "Raven, what truly bothers you?"

Her eyes went to Tegan who fussed from the sudden tone. "Aw, come here sweetie. You take Liam," she instructed switching the children. "What is it?" She crooned as Tegan hugged her neck.

"I'm waiting."

She scowled, "Fine. I was hoping on getting some alone time... to think about my life. Incase you haven't forgot, I have some big questions to answer, some that you might be interested in."

"Such as?"

"Where am I going to live? What kind of job should I apply for? If I'm going to be working woman or am I going to get a sitter, or send them to a nursery or kindergarten? Am I going to separate them and send Tegan to a school for blind kids? Or am I going to enlist them in a school that has a group for blind kids so they can stay together? Questions like that!"

Loki frowned not hearing the outright question that no doubt lingered between the lines. "I see."

She cradled Tegan. "I need to think Loki, about them first and me later."

Her selflessness would have been admirable if it didn't exclude him. His presence in the twins' life was clear, but with her was yet to be determined. He took a step close to her, "Perhaps you should answer the hardest question first? Surely it would make the rest simpler?"

"Don't talk down to me," she spat softly. "It makes you disgustingly ugly."

Loki's back became unconsciously straighter as if he had been struck. "Am I not entitled to some inclination of what your decision will be?" His eyes glowered, "Or am I to suffer for your amusement?"

"Well, I'm sorry if I hate hasty decisions," she retorted. "But I hate to make a choice-"

"That you'll regret," he finished for her. "Of course." He set Liam down to calm his growing protests. "Then how about I give you plenty time to think, then?"

Gone in a puff Raven shook her head staring at Liam, "If you think I'm letting you get any his lip you are out of you mind. There's only so much sass I can take."

"Am I interrupting?"

Raven froze seeing Frigga in all her grace and glory walking up to her. "I believed Loki was here with you a moment ago?"

Raven nodded. "He left."

Frigga ignored her tired stare and knelt before Liam who immediately went to Raven. They wanted to have a private meeting for the children due to the irregularity of their relationship. She had seen them at a distance but had yet to approach them.

"He's so bashful," Frigga smiled at Liam who was not swayed. "He reminds me a great deal of Loki. At that age."

"I can imagine but this one," she bounced Tegan who had turned her ear to the sound of Frigga's voice, "is the mischief maker... Did Loki explain about her being blind?"

"Yes." Tegan reached out for the new voice. "Is she trying to find me?"

"You could say she sees with her hands," Raven walked closer guiding Liam along by the hand. "She would touch your face and try to commit it to memory. Do you mind?"

"Of course not," she smiled at the girl who threw her hands out to be received. Frigga took her grandchild and she immediately began running her fingertips along her grandmother's face. Her nose, her cheeks, her shoulders, her neck. "Loki tells me there are education systems for her on Midgard."

"Oh yeah," Raven said picking up Liam. "They had a language in which they read by touch, called Braille, they learn to write in this code and they learn how to live independently with their blindness. It's no different from any other school otherwise." She stared at Frigga who cooed in Tegan's face, "I was going to bring you to see them after they simmered down for a bit. They got cranky with all the attention."

"I heard how Liam bit Lady Sif," she giggled at the thought.

Raven blushed in light embarrassment at her son's tantrum traveling through the palace so quickly. And Loki wanted her to relax here? Hah.

"I don't know who to blame for that temper of his," Raven bounced Liam who cowered from Frigga. "I think he's just very shy and gets frightened easily."

"Does he?"

"Oh yeah. He's gentle as a dove. Can't stand any yelling, or hurting anyone. He either runs to me or cries his eyes out thinking he's done wrong."

Frigga found this greatly bemusing. "Who is the eldest?" She wondered believing that it was Liam.

"Tegan, and she doesn't let anyone forget. Me first this and that, all the time. She topples over Liam like a sack." Raven laughed, "She still pushes him around even though she can't see. It's a bit more premeditated and planned out, though."

"Seems like Liam takes after you more than Loki," Frigga reached out for the boy who withstand the touch with great caution. "He has a gentle spirit."

Raven couldn't hold back her snort, "You think I have a gentle spirit?"

"You love my son do you not? A great patience is needed with Loki, and a gentleness come with that." Raven knew what she meant but held her tongue as not to offend the woman. "He has told me, as did Thor about your situation with the Tesseract and how you wanted to protect Loki from punishment." She bit her lip as Frigga went on. "Thor told me that you hid from us for so long to protect your children from ridicule, knowing how my people have dealt with Jotun in the past. You are young and acted as a mother, you are forgiven for that... By all of us."

Raven was speechless and held onto Liam tight. She took a seat on a stone bench in the garden and Frigga joined her.

"What I wish to ask you Raven, why won't you renew your courtship with Loki?"

Her first instinct was to bark that it was none of her damn business. But this was no condensation of her choices, it was cordial assistance. Raven sat her son on her knee letting him lean back into her chest. She stroked his head, "I'm trying not to rush into something blind. We can see what happens when I do." She gestured with her eyes to Liam who stared at Frigga's dress.

"What truly worries you Raven?" She took her hand with a tenderness that slipped under her skin she could have gasped. "I can assure you that whatever you tell me will not reach no other ears but mine."

Raven had always liked Frigga. She the celestial figure of what you thought mothers should be. She often imagined her mother like Frigga when she was a child. It made her feel exposed. "I really shouldn't..."

"Raven, I wish to help you child, even if your happiness does not lie in a future with my son."

The wall cracked and Raven took a sharp breath. The air was cool as she spoke. "Promise you won't tell him?" Frigga's eyes said it all. "I haven't forgiven myself for what I've done. I don't see why he wants me after all I've put him through. I don't know if the love I had for him was founded on some naïve notion that I could handle him.

"I was afraid that while my heart could love him, my mind was begging me to stop." Her voice choked, "I've learned the hard way that just because you love someone doesn't mean it's mean to be... Honestly I think he can do better, and that's not some self-pitying sentiment, he can do better than me. Someone not as broken as me. Someone stronger in their mind than me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm fit for anyone to love. Sure I can love my children, that's nothing, unquestionable. But to let someone in, and keep them there," her teary eyes met with Frigga's, "it takes so much out of me I can't tell you. To let someone see the darkest parts of me and still want me... I can't think of it.

"Loki's a great man, if people gave him the chance. And sometimes I wonder what he sees in me, because I see more cracks in me than my own reflection." She wiped her eyes, "Sorry. I've said too much. God, I'm a mess." Liam tilted his head up and Raven gave him a reassuring kiss, "Don't worry you, I'm fine. Mama loves you very much, so very very much."

Frigga touched her shoulder, "Raven, my child. It sounds as though you love my son immensely. Why don't you tell him these things yourself?" The air had gradually become colder. "It seems that your heart has spoken long ago."

"Loki always says the right thing," Raven chuckled darkly. "Exactly what I need to hear, but is it what I should hear? I know I'm not making any sense but-"

"I believe," Frigga interjected, "that the pain your mind uses to guide you is clouding the judgement of your heart. I cannot advise you what choice to make, but I will simply suggest you tell what you have told me, to Loki." Raven resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It would only confuse the queen that was a bit like Thor when it came to catching on Midgardian etiquette. "You are a bizarre woman Raven Stark, but I truly believe that you and Loki would be a fine match, despite your transgressions, and no other man in any of the realms would love you more."

Raven bowed her head. "I'll try and not make him wait too much," she vowed. "To give him my answer."

"That is fine," she ushered Raven to her feet. "Now come, Odin has probably grown restless waiting for us."

"I'm warning you, Liam is going to go for that eyepatch." She wiped her eyes. "He loves shiny things. He's like a crow."

Ignoring the chill down her spine, a tell-tale sign in her younger days, she followed Frigga as they chatted about the twins. Never once did they look back to a figure behind the tree. That materialized the moment they were a safe distance away. Loki, with an apathetic mask yet tightly locked eyes. He watched as Raven vanished indoors and as Liam hung over her shoulder trying to see everything he passed. And to think he thought it was her damn pride that hindered her choice.

It was her shame.

Watching Raven had new meaning and context. Being around her was different. Overhearing her and Frigga's conversation had been impulse, he was curious but he had never expected it to take such a turn. For his mother to speak highly of him within reason and to know at a glance, as he did, that Raven still loved him. To hear Raven admit it had been a thrill, to hear it in her voice. But her confession had taken him off guard, that she of all people felt unworthy of him and doubted herself to let him love her because of her own skewed sense of self-worth.

The Tesseract had brought back painful memories. They no doubt were making her question everything she held dear, how she saw herself, how she felt about herself. Loki wanted to curse his failure of not seeing it earlier and he would not wait for Raven to decide when he had to hear it. If she did. Knowing her, she would take it to her grave and leave. She would bear it and never utter a word. Loki would not let Raven Stark escape him ever again. Not while he breathed.

After the welcoming feast they had for the twins, when they were getting ready for bed he went to her. The twins were fast asleep in cribs in her room, she insisted they be near her. Loki appeared and Raven who was reading by candlelit leapt nearly dropping her book.

"Jesus Loki!" She hissed. "What the hell?"

She slept in Midgardian clothes that framed her more curvy body in the dim light. She stared up at him catching her breath.

"I heard what you told her," he deadpanned.

Raven who had paused to hold her heart tensed. "Don't scare someone twice in a row who has heart problems." She lowered her gaze daring not to meet his eyes.

"I heard every word," he came closer and she stood up, as if to face him.

"Loki, please-"

"Why couldn't you just tell me, you foolish girl?" There was no scold in his tone, eyes dangerously tender. "Why?"

"I don't why I told Frigga," she confessed witlessly. "I just broke down and-" She stopped herself. "Okay. So now what? After you've heard my confession? That was none of your business."

Loki took a step closer to her, "I wish for you to let me court you properly, with other prospects in the future." He touched her cheek, "I will not lose you again." Raven held the hand on her face. "I love you Raven Stark, not merely for you mind but your heart. No one in the Nine has cared for me as you have, has protected and defended me as you have. I could ask for no better woman to be mine and the mother of my children.

"Your pregnancy may have been an accident but I would thank the All-Father himself for it being you." He came closer, they were inches apart. "How can I love anyone other than you? You have climbed from my bed into my heart and I plan to keep you there." Adoration was the simplest thing in his voice, unfiltered and shameless.

Breaths from Loki, Raven's mind went briefly miles and worlds away to Malcolm. Scruffy Malcolm who found her in snow and brought sunshine in her life. Then in a flash she was back in Asgard millimeters from Loki who was tearing down her walls like a house of cards. She lifted her eyes to his and he held her arms. She couldn't do this. Fall into his arms like she did Malcolm, she was not seventeen anymore. She shouldn't have let herself crumble at Malcolm who had generous enough to give her an out. Loki did not have the same kindness as Malcolm.

"I don't deserve you," was her broken mutter.

"Yes you do. And don't you dare say otherwise," his breath raw.

"Or what?" She challenged hoping to put him off.

He grabbed her with feigned aggression and kissed her. She was eighteen again bursting to the seams. It was like a drought had been quenched, he groaned wanting nothing more than to slither inside her and show her how much he loved her. Burrow inside her person and remain there for an eternity. She was so sweet against him, a little bird in his palm. He pressed her against him and the shivery moan she shoved down his throat wanted him to worship her until his dying breath.

"Loki," she gasped.

"Say it," he begged. "Say it."

She withdrew putting her hand on his chest, tears were in her eyes and she shook her head, "I can't... Not now. Not like this." Not after what I did with Malcolm. Not when I can still see him as if he was here. She took a step back. "I'm not eighteen any more Loki."

"Raven..."

"Please, Loki." She pleaded, "We have to talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" He repeated, unsure at what she was getting at.

"Tomorrow, we'll talk and figure this out. I swear."

She reached out as if to soothe the slight rejection, but he vanished. She didn't cry. She crawled into bed and blew out her candle. She was not eighteen any more, she had to be responsible and had a good man waiting for an answer he was entitled to have first. That good man did not deserve to be betrayed, not while she could still feel his warms hands all over her. The kisses of the sun that melted the blanket of snow Loki tried to bury her in. She couldn't use Loki like Malcolm who could stomach having one last romp, who could walk away. Loki was more determined and relentless, and he believed in playing dirty. Malcolm played dirty by playing by your rules.

Neither of them deserved this.

But by tomorrow it would be all over and she could finally get some sleep.

"When do we attack?"

"At dawn. We find the woman and take her, but we have to distract the guards within and outside the palace. She must be drawn away. Kill the children if she resists."

"What of the princes?"

"Engage them. They must not know of our plan until it is too late. My men know of the diversion target, until one attains the mortal we proceed with that plan in mind. There will be gross casualties but the mortal who has the power of the Tesseract will make up for this loss."

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Anyways, I have been studying this fic with the critique I've received and honestly, I have been my worst enemy over the past few weeks. Anyways I have been going through a rough patch with this story. No hates a faulty plot more than I do, and I do appreciate the critique you all give me.

I have been tinkering with an plot with Raven (Iron Man 3 adjustments involved) meeting Tony as a teenager (god bless the year span they give in that movie). Are you guys interested? I love such angst filled plots (I might even have a better sequel for that plot, *with Loki* coughnocoughpromisescough.

Also, do you guys want my tumblr? For those who want to talk to me. Who knows, I might even chat with one of you (open minded ones) as beta readers to help me avoid these faulty plot points, lol.

There will a poll on my profile. Plz vote. Got more to say? PM me.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Chapter 29**_

"_It's an attack!"_

"_How did they get inside the palace?"_

"_No time for questions, get the women and children to safety!" _

"_What do they want? There's no way they knew this would work!" _

"_Wraith! There's a Wraith in the palace! He's fighting for the Dark Elves!" _

"_It's a distraction! They're after Lady Raven!"_

"_Where is she? Find her!" _

"_The Princess is missing!" _

"_All-Father help us." _

Desolation was everywhere. An modest army of Dark Elves had entered the palace, there was no time for elaborate defenses or offenses, just enough time to get some safety. The Queen, Jane, some of those from court and the children. It had been a medley of screams and battle cries. Jane had been crying that Astrid had gone to wake up Raven and neither of them came back. Thor was a hopeful figure among the destruction. Loki had faith that Raven had taken Astrid to safety, with her children, she was not as helpless as the others.

But then news had spread that Raven was the secret target.

His hope faded slightly.

"Has any news been found about them?" Thor asked Sif.

"None. Loki and Heimdall searches for them while the others help the wounded." Her eyes went to the sky. "All-Father give us strength."

Astrid opened her eyes. It was quiet. Was it over? Raven told her to hide with Liam and Tegan until it was safe, I'll come for you, she had said, If I'm too slow at least wait until it's really quiet. Liam and Tegan had been crying for most of the ordeal but there was so much noise around them, and the thick blanket they hid under, the world didn't take notice. She had came in to wake up Raven, she was never used to how early Asgardians rose. She had hopped in her bed to rouse the woman and they had rolled about the sheets for a while laughing and chatting. There was a siren and all Astrid felt was fear.

Raven had not waited for anyone to tell them what was happening. She knew. She had taken her and the twins, stuffing them in one basket, to find somewhere to hide. Raven said she knew a place that would keep her safe, a tight little space that only she could crawl in and out of, Astrid didn't want to believe that Raven was going to leave her. She whispered the directions in her ear right before that man appeared, he was not a Dark Elf, the culprit of the attack. Raven said he was Wraith, right before she gave her the basket and told her to run. _Remember what I told you? You go there right now? You go there and don't stop, you don't look at anything that's going on around you. You go there and stay there until someone finds or until it's quiet. Go._

I'm scared Raven.

_Well thank God that you are, it'll keep you sharp. Now go._

Don't make me.

_Listen to me and go! _

But...

_Listen to me Astrid, _the Wraith was coming to them, he had seen where they were crouching. _I need you to give Loki a message for me, can you do that for me sweetie? _

I can.

_I want you to tell Loki, that... I love him and that I'm sorry I couldn't give him an answer. And that he better keep Liam as sweet as I last saw him. Got that? _

Yes.

_Now go!_

Astrid did what she was told and ran. She found the tiny crawl space and bundled together with twins. She waited what seemed like days until silence came. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to see Raven, to let her find her but she never came. Taking a chance she came out and saw no Dark Elves, twins in arms she decided to find her father or mother. She didn't look at the carnage around her, she walked blindly until Hogun found her.

"Princess Astrid," he knelt down and spied in the basket. "Are you hurt?" She shook her head. "Where is Lady Raven?"

"I don't know," she sniffled fearing the worst. "Can you take me to my father?"

"Of course," he scooped her up so her bare feet would not tread in the blood on the ground. "Were you hiding?"

"Raven told me of a place to hide," she said wispy. "She told me to stay there until someone found me or until it was quiet."

"That was very wise of her."

"Maybe she found Mother?" Her hope was hollow but Hogun didn't not comment.

Thor face lit up when she saw Astrid, Jane was beside him tears of worry in her eyes. Upon seeing Astrid she ran to her child hugging her but then she saw the basket in Hogun's hand. Her joy fell and she covered her mouth, the very second Loki appeared. She released Astrid and took the basket, the twins began to wail squeezed together in the basket. She stared back Thor who was conflicted at all the scenarios thatcould have lead to this outcome. He turned to Loki who seemed slack seeing his children without Raven, he was covered with sprays of blood which restrained him from holding them. Hogun relayed what Astrid had reported as she held on to her mother. Her face was buried in her mother's gown and did not see the stares over her head, if she had she surely would have cried. Then it came back to her, and tears began to fall. Her promise.

"Uncle Loki," she pulled away from Jane. "Raven told me..." Her eyes swelled up realizing the gravity of the message she had to deliver. "She said..." She wiped her eyes. "She said to tell you...that..." She broke down in sobs.

Thor held his daughter's shoulders, rubbing her back. She lifted her head finding it easier to face her father with the message than Loki who's eyes had began to glow in furiously.

"She told me, to tell Uncle Loki... That she loved him, and that she's sorry she couldn't give him an answer and that he's supposed to keep Liam sweet."

Thor hung his head, he knew a goodbye when he heard one. It had now dawned on Astrid. She threw her arms around her father who held her close. Thor turned his head to Jane who was crying also, then to Loki who had become ashen. A storm of emotions spun on his face, twisting, contorting. The silent emoting radiated a heinous blizzard off him like a drought. Thor instinctively backed away as a warrior but then took a step forward as a brother.

Loki disappeared before Thor took another step. The action was a blow to Thor's gut. In the distance you heard a thunderous roar, of a broken, raging animal. Astrid flinched but Thor made no move to follow his brother as his cries of horrendous grief. He had no words, no actions, to soothe such a hurt.

They had been searching for Raven, Heimdall had been searching the realm for her, they suspected that she had used the Tesseract at some point. She was to stubborn to be killed. She would never let anything tear her away from Liam and Tegan. But there was no trace of her anywhere. And there was word of the Dark Elves setting fire to Asgardians. They were beginning to assume the worst when Astrid had delivered the message and it was clear... She was gone.

It was unfathomable.

Jane held the twins whose cries rose in crescendo. They wailed loudly feeling their father's grief. She was at lost at what to do. Raven had protected her daughter saving her life. Now her children were no doubt motherless. She would take care of them, she decided, Raven saved my baby, I'll look over hers. She patted Astrid's head knowing that Thor wanted to go to Loki who needed him more.

"Come one sweetie, let's go clean up your cousins."

Astrid lifted her head reluctantly. "Okay," she saw the pain in her mother's eyes and dare not question her.

Thor went to Loki who was by the Bifrost, the most deserted place in Asgard. He was statue-like but Thor could see the rage quaking in his brother's frame. His hand was clenched around something, Thor narrowed his eyes to see a white gold chain and a polka-dotted piece of a fabric stained with blood. He knew something had happened, he knew.

"Brother," Thor began. He had no idea what to say and kept his mouth shut. His brother had lost the woman he loved, he had no conception of the man's pain.

Loki turned to face him, if the etched expression of pain and fury was not shocking enough, his eyes had become red. Jotun red, rimmed with angry ice. He wanted blood all those who had not escaped had been killed, and he clearly had killed the one who had been in possession of the items in his hands.

"Her blood was on his hands and his weapons." He was a shell of primitive sensations. "They left her to burn, for a ritual... They were interrupted and left her there."

Thor released a heavy sigh, he could have dealt with this better if Raven hadn't suffered. He thought about Stark who had hugged his daughter goodbye before she left and who kissed Pepper on the cheek. He couldn't imagine anyone telling him that Astrid had died, now he had to tell a fellow father he had failed to protect his daughter. Thor felt like failure, less than a man. He was a hero and he could not save the woman he may have someday called sister. That sweet girl that tugged on his cape as a child in jest, that sat on his shoulders to reach a book on a high shelf. Who had been present for his wedding and the birth of his own child.

Stark would be devastated. He would hate him.

Loki was broken. He may never be the same.

"I was going to ask Odin to give her the fruit," Loki stared at Raven's necklace. "She loved me Brother. She said she felt unworthy of me."

The words hurt Thor. He was getting a taste of how deeply they cared for each other. The love that would never be. Thor had feared those days before Jane took the fruit. He fretted that her frail body would be injured by some strange turn of events. He had horrors about her fading from him. It never struck him that Loki would have such horrors also.

"Brother, I cannot begin to understand -"

"No you can't!" Snapped Loki. "You cannot possibly begin to understand! I couldn't protect her! The one thing I cared about in all the realms and she's gone! The one woman I loved and she's gone." The flame died out and Loki held his face. "And she suffered for what I burdened her with," he said bitter. "And she thought she was unworthy of me."

"Brother Raven wouldn't want you to talk this way."

"And Raven is not here!" He bellowed. "Heimdall has searched the realm for her, the Dark Elves realm, all of the Nine and she's gone! She is nothing but ashes!" His voice cracked thinking of the mother of his children as the dirt under his boots.

"Liam and Tegan, are still here," offered Thor amiably.

"She asked me to keep him sweet," he snarled at the word. "She knew that she was going to die... She knew... And she makes such a request for him."

"She wants them happy Loki. What mother would wish otherwise?" Thor held his brother's shoulder. "She wants you all to continue together. Can you not honor her wish?"

"That is not the question!" He barked shrugging him off. "... When shall we tell Stark?" Thor had not expected Loki to want to come with him. "I owe the man an explanation why his eldest child is dead, and to look him in the eye as I destroy him. He entrusted his daughter to me until she came home and I failed him."

Thor's mind went to the others, Tatiana, Bucky, Jamal, Van. Especially Van. There were so many that would be heartbroken at the news, so many that loved Raven. Their family would never be the same. Not ever. Raven was the child they all knew. She wormed her way into their hearts and never quite left. She cared for their children, played with them, babysat them. She was so integrated in their lives.

How were they to move on from this?

Pepper screamed when the words fell from Loki's lips. She screamed and fell in Thor's arms and welcomed her, she sobbed into his chest body rattling. Tony stared blankly at Loki, the glowing of his arc reactor the only indication he was alive. He held his hair and winced, Pepper's sobs hurt, the pain of hearing Raven hurt, the sensation of his heart breaking hurt, everything hurt. Seeing her necklace, that silly horseshoe pendant he had bought Vivian all those years ago, in Loki's hands, hurt the worst. The very epitome of Raven, stained with blood, her blood. The silent symbol that cemented her state. She would have never let that thing be taken away from her. Tony had seen her crawl about on fours searching for it when the clasp had snapped. For hours she sank her nails in mud and grass until she found it. She coveted that thing like it was her soul. Even the twins knew better than to yank on it.

He thought about how he hugged her before she left. The conversation was lost to him but he remembered her face. Her laughing at something, her smile, bouncing Liam in her arms, rolling her eyes at him. The freckles on her face from the good old American sunshine. The light kiss on his cheek before she walked away.

_I'll stick around for awhile when I come back Dad. Promise. Geez I thought that parents wanted their kids gone? _

That was the last thing she had told him. He had asked her to stay in New York for awhile. He didn't say that he loved her. How proud he was of her. How he loved being her father. What a wonderful person she was. How sorry he was for not being their from the start. None of that, and he would never get another chance.

He didn't want to cry but the tears came out his eyes anyways. He wanted to lunge at Loki but their twin agony reflected and he threw a vase across the room. They had bought a bouquet of tulips at Raven's insistence, to brighten up the room, now they were an ugly eye sore that made Tony sick to his core. They reminded him of Raven, tiny and feeble, a dirty bouquet as a late father's day present clenched in her fist. How she huffed at the lack of flowers in the house. _Why can't we ever have flowers in the house? Do have allergies or something? _She never did like his décor, she loved flowers and paintings. Her room was like smashed in jigsaw piece. She was the black sheep of the family.

She was gone.

Thor held Pepper who had raised her head just to see what Tony had done, she left Thor's arms and held Tony knowing that he needed now more than ever. His arms locked around her and his shoulders shook with mute tears. It was like she had lost a child she had carried. Pepper and Tony held on like joint anchors. Her stomach ached and she wept in his shoulder. Raven never called her Mom but she did acknowledge her as one of her mothers. _I'm glad I got you Pepper, I really am. _

Thor and Loki stayed as they cried. This was their punishment for letting Tony Stark down. A friend down. For failing him and letting his daughter die, his first born. Loki wanted to drown himself in their pain, for it was his also. He let Raven die, he should have known that it was about her. Who else would dare attack Asgard but for her? Her power. The one he burdened her with because of his foolish slights. He failed her but he would not fail their children.

Not after Raven asked him take care of them.

_Keep him sweet._

* * *

__Looki, lookie! I have decided to treat you all to a chapter! I have finally finished my exams and my summer begins!

Anyways, review, review! Critique, I do try to make each chapter better with the helpful feedback. And don't forget to check out my polls, I seriously need to know your opinion. I value all my followers' and loyal reviewers' opinions.

Any predictions for the next chapter? I'm curious.

XOXOX Anotherscribe


	30. Chapter 30

_**Chapter 30**_

"Young female found in the river. Weak pulse. Is suffering from various stabs wounds and lacerations on the head and face, second degree burns, left leg is suffering from fourth degree burns. Possible amputation may be needed."

There was a call about a dead body in a lake. A group of kids called 911 reporting a puddle of blood rising from the bottom. It was a chilly night so the kid that went to investigate the source of blood, nearly caught hypothermia when he pulled the body to the bank. Morbid curiousity. He hadn't looked at the body until he had pulled it out. The kids were probably going to need therapy.

The EMTs were a bit shellshocked that the girl was even breathing. The kid had knocked some life back into her with his movie-style CPR but her condition was grim. The girl was young and battered. Her clothes were gone save for her underwear. Her body was a plastic prop from an old horror movie, drenched and dripping, swollen and burnt. What stood out was the charred leg, black and shriveled like a gothic prune. It was utterly unsalvageable from her lower calf to her foot, dead flesh connected to the butchered upper calf.

It was like Freddy and Jason had taken turns with her.

"How is she even breathing?"

"She's barely breathing," one of the EMTs corrected.

"Was this some gang thing? Most of her clothes are gone. Maybe she was raped?"

"In this area, I'll believe anything... Goddammit we have to get rid of this leg. Nothing can save it now."

"Thank God there weren't any sharks there, she would have lost more than her leg."

"Yeah, thank God for small mercies." The woman below them moaned. "Hang in there honey, we're almost there."

"I think she's trying to say something. What is it? Can you tell us your name?"

Her dim brown eyes were fluttering. Somewhere in a dance between life and death, trying to process the pain her body was fighting. Her head rolled left to right. Was she hurting somewhere internally? Did she know who did this to her? Her eyes struggling to balance the blood running onto her eyelids settled on their faces. She blinked sending bloody tears down her cheeks. She was in agony, if she were a dog someone would have put a bullet in her head. She trembled stammering over words, wincing with each tug her face endured to speak.

"I... I... I... Don't... Want... To... Die...Today."

No name. No accuser. A plea. Save me. Save me.

The EMTs exchanged a look. "We won't let you," one of them said. "But you have to hang for us okay?"

"I... Will..."

Her eyes glowed. Her body was broken, massacred, charred yet her eyes were as bright as a newborn's. If she died it would be her body's folly.

"Atta girl. She's a tough cookie."

She had caused quite a stir when they brought her in. A perverse welcoming party. A team of people swarmed her. Someone for the lacerations. Someone for her leg. Someone for her arm. Someone for her stab wounds. Someone for the burns.

"What do we register her as?"

"Jane Doe number three," someone wrote it down on a clipboard. "Let's hope she wakes up to tell us otherwise."

"Doctor?"

"This girl, has not only been stabbed, she's been burned, or set on fire, slashed up with a heart condition. That second scar on her chest was surgical. If it's not we have a psycho doctor on the loose. Along with brain swelling. If she wakes up at all, with her memory intact, it'll be a goddamn miracle."

"And if she doesn't survive the night?"

"I wouldn't be surprise either. It'll probably be for the best. Whoever did this to her, wanted her dead."

"She told the EMTs that she didn't want to die."

"Who would?"

"It has been a week since the only daughter of billionaire, superhero, Tony Stark was declared dead. Today many friends and associates have gathered to pay tribute to Raven Stark who died tragically under circumstances the Starks wish to keep private. It is rumored that the elusive Avengers are in attendance among other close family friends. The Starks have politely asked that the memorial service not be a subject of the media, yet many supporters have been given permission to send their regards to the Starks.

"As you can see, so many people have sent bouquets and laid roses out for the famed superhero's daughter. While Mr. Stark was not available for comment he sends his thanks to all whom have sent their condolences.

"Raven Stark was known by the music industry for her cello concerts and compositions. She graduated Julliard at twenty years old and was twenty-three when she was declared dead. Many musicians have gathered in respect for their fallen fellow musician."

Nurse Erica tutted at the television screen in the hospital room, "Isn't that a shame? So young."

She stared at the comatose patient beside her, Jane Doe No.3, who had yet to wake up from her amputation surgery a week ago. She was tasked with redoing her bandages as the girl clung onto life. She had been almost declared D.O.A. at the hospital, she had severe second degree burns on her hands and some minor ones on her body, her left foot had been mangled by a knife and open flame. She had a deep slash across her face, from the corner of her forehead across her nose bridge to her jawline, there were staples in the back of her head and on her right temple. There was another slice above her lip that would no doubt leave a permanent scar. Though compared to everything it was easy to overlook. Her right shoulder had been dislocated and broken with an stab wound right between the shoulder blade. Not only that she had been stabbed in her stomach and once in the chest. Her heart transplant scar had been grisly mimicked beside her original one, from where the stab mark in the chest had began. The trace was somewhat shallow, another small mercy.

The undergarments she had were drenched and stained with blood. How she got away and fell into a river was a mystery. Luckily in Alaska that was always chilly, the waters bought the Jane Doe some time. Hopefully she didn't have much brain damage. They couldn't take her off life support long enough to do other tests. Her face was so swollen from a beating it would be pointless trying to ID her, inquiries were being made but so far, she was a nobody. A lost soul that may die nameless in this bed.

Erica didn't want to believe it. If this girl had survived so much, had the will and energy to beg for survival, she wouldn't die here. Not like this. She had been vaguely conscious before they put her under for surgery. She was strong but no one wanted to get attached to her, too hopeful. The odds were piled against her and some thought it would be mercy if she died.

But she could be a daughter, a sister maybe a mother, heavens knows they were having kids so young nowadays. Someone, somewhere could be looking for her, waiting for her, missing her. No one so strong was alone in the world, Erica liked to think the girl was holding on for someone. She treated a young mother who had been raped repeatedly to protect her daughter. Her body held on for weeks until she knew her daughter was safe and taken care of, then she let go. Who are you holding on for Jane Doe? Who do you want to live for?

As the world faded there was a song in her head. A song that made her want to dance. Twirl like a ballerina until her feet bled from her bliss.

She walked along the snow, not quite sure where she was going. She had just woken up here, in a boundless winter wonderland. Was this real? Or was it a dream? The snow was falling and the ice crunched under her feet, but she was not cold. Shouldn't I be cold? Still she walked toward the horizon following the song that called to her like a siren of the sea.

Where am I going anyhow? Doesn't feel like I'm going anywhere?

_Don't go. _

What? Who's there? A tiny voice called to her. Well it had to be a voice, because it spoke words but it was no means an ordinary voice. She stopped the song dangerously begging for her to come. Ignore the voice and come. But something in her skin made her stop, it made her head spilt in pain but it was important. Very important.

Who are you? What do you want with me? The song made the pain ease and she wanted else than to submerge herself in the sweet numbness.

_You promised. _A new voice said. It sounded so sad that she burst into tears.

What did I promise? Tell me! Tell me! What did I promise? I can't remember, oh for the love of God tell me! Tell me!

The sadness tore at her veins and made her want to peel her skin away as tribute. Anything to take the sadness out the tiny voices calling to her blindly. They made her hurt, but they were hurting and if she went to the song she was hurting them beyond belief. She turned to the voices, hoping to see them but, she was alone.

_Don't go! Don't go! _Went the little voice, _Don't leave me alone. Don't leave me alone. I'm scared! I'm scared! I want you! I want you! I want you!_

_Please! Please! _Went the sadder voice. _Please! Don't leave me! Don't leave me! Don't leave me!_

Forgetting the song she ran toward the voices. With each step there was pain. God the pain ate her alive. It dragged her to the snow and she felt her heart pounding in her chest, the weight of a hammer on a drum against her ribs. Her skin ached and burned, it was so hot. So hot. So hot.

Her body crumbled into the snow. She was on fire yet there were no flames. The snow melted against the heat. Her hands held the peak of the heat, lifting them to her face her heart had a pang of fear seeing their blue aura. Balls of swirling blue light were creeping up her arms, swallowing her like a parasite. It was tearing her apart in slow motion. She was helpless as it spilt each fibre of her body, each follicle of hair. Burning the ashes away.

Then there was a rip. A cruel band-aid tug.

Some had punched the undo button and she was there again. The blue light was gone leaving her drenched in blood, shredded, faceless. A copy of herself made up of the blue light stood above her observing the pile of flesh of blood it had tore itself from. The copy was apathetic as it began to dissolve, just as it had devoured her. Swept away as dust, becoming nothing leaving her as a quivering mesh.

**Wake up.**

Her eyes slowly opened and immediately hands were helping her. Bright lights were burning her eyes and someone was pulling something out her mouth. She was choking. Her brain was fuzzy and she was so stiff, stiff and achy. What was going on? What was going on? Someone was helping her up and she was coughing for air, people in white coats and scrubs swarmed her bed. Why was everything so bright? So bright. She tried to move herself but her hands felt funny, they were bandaged up. Her heart leaped, what had happened to her? She felt her leg move but sometime was wrong. I can't feel my left leg. Why isn't it moving?

Hands were trying to stop her but she managed to pull enough blanket away to see. She heard her own heart skip on the heart monitor, skip the fly into erratic beating. Her leg was gone. Her left leg that she knew she had before, was nothing but an ugly stump and she had no idea why.

It sank in.

I don't know why my leg is gone. I don't know what happened to me. I don't know who I am.

She screamed. Shock, horror and grief fueled her. She howled at the sight of missing leg, disgusted at the stump that was the only remnant of her leg. Someone was talking to her but all she could do was cry. The world faded. Her dream faded. What had happened to her? She didn't understand where she was or who she was.

"Are you saying she woke up?" Nurse Erica was bewildered.

"We all thought she was going to give out but her eyes popped open. But then she starting screaming her head off when she saw her leg."

"Can you blame her? She passed out with a leg and woke up without one. Does anyone know who she is yet?" Nurse Erica wanted to glance at the girl, she had been watching over her.

"She's gone into shock. Poor thing hasn't said a word after we had to sedate her. She just sits there like a china doll on a shelf, she barely eats a thing."

"Oh God. How long has it been?" Erica had a knot of worry in her chest.

"About three days, today would be four. I really hope we don't have to transfer her to the psych ward. I don't think she could bear it."

"Me neither. Listen, how about I carry in her lunch? You have to go pick up your son from school don't you?" She took the tray into her hands.

"You mean it? Thanks Erica, she scares me sometimes. Such dark eyes, she looks right through me." The nurse gave a shudder. "It feels like she would eat me, if I came too close."

"Probably just nerves," Erica shrugged.

Jane Doe No.3 indeed sat like a perched doll on a shelf. Her face was so pale, eyes pitch black in defeat, her scars were out in the open. Lurid to onlookers. The swelling around her head and face was going down. Under all those stitches was the ghost of a beauty, with the few beams of light in the room you could spy the constellation of freckles on her face. In a few days her facial stitches could come off, she was quite self-conscious of them. She rarely made eye contact unless to scare you off.

"I brought your lunch," she pulled the tray up. Her hands were useless in their bandages, it would take nearly a mouth for her burns to heal. She needed help with nearly everything. "Did the doctors explain the extent of your injuries?" No response, no eye contact. "Do you have any family? Someone we could call? You must feel so alone here."

She lifted her head, an imprint of a fist on her cheek. She stared at her body, starting from her hands to her toe and began to cry. She cried like a bird with a broken wing, she tried to wipe her eyes with her forearm but the tears came like a cascade. Erica pushed the food aside and rubbed her good shoulder, she whispered gentle soothings to her until her tears stopped.

"I can't remember anything," she confessed in hiccuping sniffles. "My name. Where I live. Where the hell I am. I don't know how I got like this! Or who did it to me!"

Erica remained calm, "You don't know where you are?" The Jane Doe shook her head. "Can't even guess?" She shook her head. "And you can't remember getting these injuries, not a single one?"

"No."

"Nor anything that happened before this. Like say five days ago?"

"I can't." Her big brown eyes lit up with life and fear. "I can't. Where am I?"

"Alaska," Erica supplied. "Is that anything to you?"

"No."

"Do you remember a lake? We found you in a lake. Or a fire? You have a few burns on your body."

"No."

Erica patted her wrist, "Well, you don't worry about that. You're safe now and we're going to make sure you're okay."

"That blow to the side of her head did a lot more that slice her temple up. She had a hairline fracture on the side of her head. In fact the MRI shows three fractures on her skull. One of each side and one on the top of her head."

"And it gave her amnesia?" Erica wondered.

"Retrograde amnesia," the doctor corrected. "And with all the blows her head took it's plausible. And you said she had no idea she was in Alaska?" Erica nodded. "We need to call the police, and put her face out there. Maybe once the swelling goes down a bit. We have Swallows questioning her to see what she can remember. He had someone who faked amnesia once. If someone was really trying to murder her maybe she can remember her killer."

"And until then?" Erica asked.

"We make sure she doesn't hurt herself. That's our job isn't it?"

Van never understood how death could tear you apart. He never grasped the weight it threw on you. How Raven could keep mourning her mother, years after the woman was dead. How something you didn't see could affect you so much. He understood now. And he wanted so much to stop time and turn it back.

Before Raven had left she had stopped in his room to tell him goodbye. She wanted a hug goodbye, like how he used to do when he much younger. He didn't want to give her anything and didn't even look at her when she left. Now Van wanted to hug her so tight that she would never leave him again. He would tell her he was sorry for being a jerk, but it would never be.

His dad had cried. Van had saw him crying late one night after the memorial service drinking straight from the bottle tears running down his face. His mom had kept to herself mostly but he knew obviously that she would cry. Moms are supposed to cry, not dads. They were supposed to be rocks and yet his father, a superhero had been crying in the dark unable to sleep. Van wasn't disturbed by it, it awakened his own grief that made him want to hug his father and cry with him. But he didn't have the guts. Tony had been stoic during the service only flinching when those Irish bagpipes chimed. Pepper had been teary eyed holding his hand like the sound was going to blow her away.

It didn't sink him for Van until he saw his father cry. How bad it was. How horrible Raven's death was, no one said how she died, only that she's gone because of a siege in Asgard. He overheard that she had protected the twins and Astrid. A part of him was beginning to hate Astrid for not taking care of herself. So much for being Asgardian. It made him realize how brave his sister was, human and fearless, fragile with a hero's prowess. She had died a hero as much as she never wanted to be one.

Uncle Bruce held it together the best. Second after Auntie Natasha who effortlessly carried the heartbroken Tatiana who covered her mouth to stifle her tears. Uncle Clint's eyes had betrayed him at the end. Uncle Steve had this look on his face that Van had never seen before, this angry face and ancient stare. Even when held hugged Auntie Kate and Bucky there was contained aggression. Auntie Jane had offered to take in the twins until they were ready to take them in, she brought them to the funeral. They had cried as if they knew their mother was gone. But of course babies never knew anything. Mom had hugged them so tight when she saw them, she kissed them and rocked them. Dad was not in the mood to hold any of them but he gave them a pat each and a tender kiss.

Loki and Thor were taut faced phantoms throughout the whole service. Van was unable to stomach keeping his eye on them. They were the darkness before a monster leapt out and killed you. They had searched for Raven, high and low. Only they knew what really happened. He was going to ask them about, but not today. Not for a long time.

A lot of her friends had came. It was a pretty full service, Van had no idea his weird sister had so many friends. Most of them cried, while her roommate from England played a piece on her violin along with some other friends of Raven's. Her favorite song. Nothing else matters, played by a string quartet. Tony had clenched his jaw seeing a thirteen year old Raven twirling on her toes to the haunting tune by Apocalyptica. She knew all the words and would hum it day and night.

A few of her friends gave pretty cool eulogies. They talked about good times. How good a person she was, but they didn't make it all good. Marshall Helm had said something that Van remembered made his father glare at him through his shades.

_We don't have to worry so much about her now. Her mother has got her now, and they have all the time in the world to talk and catch up. _

Van didn't like it but he tried to imagine his sister being somewhere in the sky with her mom. Her French mom, her real mom. She had missed her mom so much but was it really nicer their with her than with them? If she could see them, then did she not see their pain? How much they needed her? Van cried when he was in bed in the middle of the night. He hoped his sister could see that he was sorry for not hugging her.

That he missed her.

That he loved her.

That he wanted to turn back time.

* * *

Hello my lovelies! Summer is here and I live! I am trying to make up for holding out on you guys!

I'm such a sucker for angst. So fell free to rant in the reviews, tell me what you think and give any critique you think I need to hear. It'll make my next story better *wink wink* Oh and please vote on this poll I have on my profile. (I'm so allergic to tech functions it's appalling) It should be about the topic for my next story. (If I got it to work this time)

XOXO Anotherscribe


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